Caught Between Man And Beast

by Nadja Lee

When love becomes lust, trust becomes fear….what is left in Rogue's heart?

Caught Between Man And Beast                            By Nadja Lee                                     10/11/01

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

Timeline: After the movie                                                                 

Universe: Movie

Romance: Logan/Rogue, slight Scott/Rogue

Summary: When love becomes lust, trust becomes fear….what is left in a young woman's heart?

Archiving: Want, ASK, take,  have.

Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@usa.net

Rating: R Disturbing elements

For Sorcieré. HA. Outdark this one *EG*

Thanks so much to Sorcieré for the Beta and kind suggestions.

Thanks a ton to Joanne for the grammar check.

Warning: This story is VERY dark. It deals with rape and its consequences. Don't read if this disturbs you or you're underage (below 18 or 21).

Part 1:

My room is dark but through the curtains the moonlight shines in. I finish brushing my hair and go to bed. As I'm almost asleep I hear the sound of my door opening. I sit up in bed and see the shape of a man entering. He moves closer and my heart beat wildly in my chest.

"Logan?" I ask into the quiet room.

I get no reply but the man keeps coming closer. I begin to get scared. Who is he? I draw the sheet
closer up around my body.

The moonlight falls on the man's face and I sigh in relief. It's Logan. Though I've got friends at school no one will ever mean as much to me as Logan. He was the man who found me, rescued me, gave me hope for a brighter future.

"You scared me, sugah. What's wrong? Did you have another nightmare? Want to talk about it?" I ask him worried. Sometimes when he has nightmares he comes to me. He doesn't tell me about them but somehow seeing me helps him. He always has that hunted, almost far away look in his eyes after a nightmare and I just wish I could make it all go away.

He doesn't reply just moves closer to me. I make room for him on the bed. Why won't he talk to me? Say something. It must have been a very bad dream.

"Ah still can't get over how the Professor helped me to control ma powers. Ah'm so happy," I say, more just to break the silence than anything else and smile to try and cheer him up.

Though I'm now able to touch again, for which I'm more happy than words can describe, I still haven't touched the man, the person, who I long to touch more than anything. Logan. For the last weeks he has been drifting away from me. When I've asked him about it he has either denied it or told me he was dangerous for me. I could never believe him a danger to me. Never.

Logan is now all the way over to me and sits by my bedside. I look worriedly at him and wonder if I
should take his hand in mine.

"Sugah, you sure you're alright? You look…different," I ask concerned.

His eyes looks…wild, his hair is messy and his mouth is covered in a snarl. He looks more like a beast than a man but I'm not afraid. I know he'll never hurt me. He practically gave his life for me at the statue. He's my champion, my protector…the man I love. He'll never hurt me.

Logan reaches for me and before I know what's happening he has me pinned hard against the bed and under him.

"Logan! What're you doing?!" I try to keep the panic out of my voice but don't quite succeed. Again he doesn't reply but he bends down and claim my mouth with his own. I try to avoid his lips but he forcefully turns my head back towards him. The kiss is nothing like I have dreamed my first kiss with Logan should be; it hard, brutal and when he pulls back I tastes blood on my lip.

"Logan…. Logan, please," I beg but the look in his eyes is without mercy, only filled with lust, with
desire.

"Don't!" I scream but too late as he tears my night grown in pieces.

He lies heavily over me and no matter how much I try to move him he doesn't move an inch. My powers…I could kill him…

But before I get to think things through I feel something hard against my inner thighs and flick in
repulsion. Whoever this man is, he isn't Logan. Not my Logan. Not the man I love. That is my last conscious thought as I fight a losing battle to avoid his hands, mouth and cock and fail at all three.

Then time seems to stand still, the world seems to end and I escape to a place in my mind to keep from dying.

Finally when it's all over…there is merciful blackness.

Part 2:

"Rogue! Good God. What happened?" someone says and I blink and look up into Scott's shaded eyes. He bends over me on the bed and instinctively I try to move away from him. He reaches for me.

"NO! Leave me alone," I cry but he doesn't listen. He lifts me up into his arms and carries me out the room. As I look over his shoulder I see the bed is soaked in blood; my blood.

"Shhhh. I'll never hurt you. I'll never allow anyone to hurt you. Ever again," Scott whispers softly as I hide my face by his shoulder. I feel so…. I don't know what I feel. Right now I just feel numb.

He reaches sickbay and gently puts me in a bed. First now do I begin to feel pain. My stomach hurts, my abdomen feels like it's been torn in two and I generally feel as weak as a kitten. I don't want to think; to acknowledge what has happened. I wish it'd all just go away.

"I'll get Jean," he promises but I catch hold of his arm. "No. No one is to know," I whisper. I can't bear the thought of their pity…the shame. He nods in understand.

"I'll stay with you then," he promises and moves away to warm some water and get a clean white hospital growl.

"I need to remove the rest of your clothes so I can wash you," Scot says softly as he comes with a washing cloth.

"Ah…Ah'll do it myself," I insist. I can't have his hands on me too. I try to take the cloth from him but I drop it. I'm too weak to even hold it. He picks it up and soaks it in warm water again.

"I'll not touch you more than I have to and I'll be quick and gentle," he promises and begins to wash my arms. I close my eyes and wish him and this entire
night far away.

"I know what you're going through. It'll get better. It might seem like the end of the world now but…. you'll live. Somehow," he says softly.

"How do you know?" I ask pained. I can't see how I can move on. I still love Logan that's the hard part, the insane part. I don't want to know this; to know I can love a man who has done this to me…for how can I? Doesn't that make me as sick as him? Just as twisted, just as insane? No, no, no! This is NOT happening! Please God, say this is not happening. Logan can't have done this to me; he just can't. For if he did….then I'll be truly sick since I still…. since I still love him.

"Because I still live. I may not ever live as I once did but I still breathe, I still get up every morning.
I'm taking each day at a time and that's the only way to do this," he explains. In shock I open my eyes and sees he is watching my belly now. I begin to shake all over.

"Don't. Close your eyes," he says and puts a hand over my eyes. My shaking slowly stops.

"Where you…" I begin softly.

"Yes. As a young boy I was raped. I do know what you're going through. I do know," he whispers pained.
I don't know what to say to that. I feel…. relieved to know I'm not alone. I don't feel so wrong…so dirty now.

"You can open your eyes now," Scott says and as I do I see he has finished washing me. He must have talked with me to keep my mind occupied. I want to say thanks but no word comes over my lips. He smiles kind of sadly.

"I know," he says and helps the white growl over my head and puts the linen around my body.

"Rogue, I need to know…. who did this?" his voice his filled with suppressed anger and an intense hate. I shouldn't tell him; a part of me wants to tell him yet another doesn't.

"L…Logan," I whisper and as it's out I want to take it back. No, not Logan. He would never do this to me. Never.

"Stay here. You'll be safe here," Scott promises and leaves sickbay.

"Scott! Scott, don't! Scott!" I yell after him but it's too late. No, it can't have been Logan. Logan loves me, Logan loves me…

"Logan loves me, Logan loves me…" my chanting is reflected against the walls and unnoticed tears runs down my cheeks as I pull my knees up under me and slowly rock back and forth.

Part 3:

"Get up, you bastard!" Scott demands and tears the sheet off Logan's sleeping body. Logan wakes at once and pops his claws.

"What are you doing in my room, One-Eye?" Logan growls.

"Settling a score," Scott answers, his voice dangerously low.

"Is this about Jean?" Logan asks tiredly.

"No. This is about Rogue. About tonight. About how you broke her," Scott says angrily.

"What? I was nowhere near Rogue! You're out of your mind," Logan protests.

"Look at yourself," Scott demands and Logan turns towards his mirror. His entire body is covered in blood. Rogue's blood.

"Oh, dear God," Logan whispers in horror.

"Save your prayers. He can't help you now," Scott says hatefully.

"You don't understand. It wasn't me," Logan protests and feels like he's to be sick. Just the thought that he harmed the woman he loves so much…it's killing him.

"Spare me," Scot spats and his hands move to his visor. Past and present runs into one for Scott; hate and revenge is all he sees.

"Just…tell Marie I love her," Logan whispers brokenly and redraws his claws. He can't bear the thought of continuing living with the knowledge of what he has done. He was supposed to be her champion, her saviour. For her he should be only Logan; a man. Not Wolverine; not a beast. Never a beast. For her it should have been possible. He had wanted it to be true so badly for he had wanted her so, loved her so. He would rather die than harm her, he would kill anyone who dared
to ham her…now he was forced to admit that the greatest threat to the woman he loved more than life itself…was himself. He had done her more harm with his love than anyone person had ever done with their hate. He didn't deserve to live when the woman he loved was scared forever because of him. He had no reason to live, nothing to hold on to. He had nothing left but pain,
regret and shame.

Then a red beam left Scott's eyes and there was nothing left to be said.

Part 4:

"Here you are, Rogue. I've looked all over for you," Scott said as he later that night finally found Rogue out on the balcony to the sickbay of the Mansion. She stood by the edge looking down.

"Is he…"

"Yes."

Rogue turned to him and tears were in her eyes.

"I can't live without him," she sniffed.

"He wasn't worth your love," Scott said softly.

"It wasn't him. It was the beast. Not a man. It was a beast!" she sounded almost hysterical.

"Let's go back," Scott said kindly and reached for her. She shook her head.

"I can't." She moved closer to the edge.

"Marie?" Scott asked softly, slowly reaching for her.

She turned around and suddenly she smiled, in her eyes shinned agony, tears and a beginning madness.

"Logan? I knew you would come. I knew you wouldn't let
that beast harm me again," she said happily and reached for him.

Scott frowned slightly but then smiled sadly at her
and took her offered hand. She pulled him over to
stand at the edge.

"Do you love me?" she asked softly. Scott stroked a loose hair behind her ear.

"Always. Always," he said softly and tears fell down his cheeks. So young, so broken…so like him.

"Ah'm not afraid now that you're here," she whispered and squeezed his hand tight.

"I'll never leave you" Scott promised. "For…I love you."

"And Ah you," she whispered and smiled at him.

Scott looked over the edge. This was for the best. To end it all tonight. No more pain, no more hiding, no more shame…. freedom at last. For him and for her. Here and now, all the pain could disappear, all the nightmares would end, all the wounds would stop hurting…tonight he could finally find peace.

All the pain in his childhood, all the pain in his heart, tonight it could all end. All he had to do was
take one small step with Rogue.

He looked closely at Rogue. Her eyes seemed strangely out of focus yet happy; insane. An insane and false happiness she found here tonight. If she took this step tonight she'll always be happy. If he denied her this…she would feel what he had felt all his life; the pain, the nightmares, the insecurity and worse of all the shame and hiding.

This was her decision and he felt he had no right to deny her this. Enough people had told him what he could and couldn't do; he had sworn never to do the same to others. She had the right to choose and she had chosen. And so had he. Death couldn't be any worse than the life he had lead even if then he went to Hell. Death was freedom…oblivion. It had to be for if it wasn't then there was no peace on Earth, not even in death.

Rogue turned to look at him and he smiled kinda sadly and squeezed her hand tight. For the first time in his life he wouldn't be alone. Never alone, never afraid, never ashamed…never ever again.

Then she took a step forward; out into nothingness…. And he didn't let go.

The End