CHAPTER 1:
A puppy-eye look
(or how to make Moony do everything)
„Oh, come on Moony, don't be a wanker! Do I have to beg you on my knees or what?" Sirius growled, now clearly annoyed by the careless hand gesture which Remus, so rudely, had used to convey his disagreement with Sirius' suggestion.
It was a lazy Sunday morning and the boys were resting in the Gryffindor Commons. James was perched on the couch, moving a figure on the chess board with casual flick of his wand. The tiny black queen lifted her skirt a bit and with a mighty swing of the sword she decapitated the frightened white king, which Wormtail accompanied by a mouse-like squeak. "Merlin's saggy balls, Prongs, did you ever hear of a little thing called a friendly game?" Wormtail protested, slamming a fist on the table and knocking down the figures. "Chill, Wormy. It's not my fault you're a sore loser. Or that I happen to be perfectly perfect in everything I do." James snickered turning his attention to the other two boys and their conversation. "So, Pads, any luck convincing our darlin' wolfy to go with you?" he asked.
"Yeah, right. He acts like I suggested him to take a moonlit stroll with a date." Sirius barked, throwing a gold-scarlet Gryffindor pillow on the pale boy, who dodged it successfully and offered the young Black a not-so-nice one finger salute. Sirius ignored it, continuing with his monologue. "It's just a god damn double date, Remus. Look, Helen finally agreed to go out with me when I said she could bring a friend. And her bloody friend likes you. It's quite simple really – I need to get laid pronto and you need to help me with that."
Remus shifted in his seat uncomfortably, praying to Merlin none of his friends noticed it. The bloody irony of Sirius' words made his heart pick up speed and he felt a faint flush of color rising in his cheeks. It was fucking hard being Remus Lupin, and no, it had nothing to the with the fact he was a teenage werewolf, that he suffered an excruciating pain every month and that he had no future ahead of him like all the normal kids did. It also had nothing to do with the fact he was, wait for it - a bisexual werewolf (like things haven't been bloody complicating already). Sure, his friends knew everything about that and loved him and supported him nonetheless, but it was a darn messy life. It was a life of constant prejudice, constant fear, constant awareness, constant pain and constant heartache.
Remus often wondered was he actually a joke of the universe. A joke of someone up there who thought that making Remus Lupin's life a living hell was fucking hilarious. Oh look at that poor werewolfy boy, people just don't hate him enough…let's make him cheer for both teams, it'll be ridiculous to see how he handles that. Oh, but wait, let's make him fall in love with his best friend too, a best friend who is straight as a ruler and happens to be the biggest playboy in the entire school. Wohoooo!
And that was the main reason why it had been so hard being Remus Lupin for the past 3 years. It was hard spending a whole day with someone without being able to tell him how you feel, it was hard talking to him when all you wanted was snog him senseless, it was hard sitting next to him and not be able to touch him, it was hard imagining, thinking, watching, hoping, breathing Sirus Black. Fucking gorgeous Sirius Black with his smooth raven-black hair and his fathomless grey eyes, his sweet lips and his toned body. It was bloody excruciating playing this pretend-game, convincing himself to care just in a friendly way, and it was god damn painful living this life of heart-breaking agony.
This was why Sirius' suggestion bit his heart like a ravaged dog (again with the irony eh?). First of all, the insensitive idiot wanted to hop in a sack with yet another girl. Ok, nothing unusual there, he was after all, an infamous Hogwarts Casanova but no matter how hard Remus tried every single one of Sirius' love escapades left the young werewolf feeling like crap. A feeling he had grown used to during all these years of his unfortunate infatuation. But this time, fool of a Sirius Black wanted his assistance in the whole disgusting thing. He wanted Remus to entertain whats-her-name's friend while Sirius and the said girl were…well, he didn't want to go there.
"Save your breath, Padfoot. I'm not going to do it. Last time you dragged Wormtail with you on the double date and he ended up being poisoned. Spent the next three days in the loo hugging the toilet." Remus answered finally finding his casual voice and chasing away the hot sensation in his cheeks.
"Oh yeeah, I remember. It was that McGregor chick wasn't it? She thought Wormy was a dull little bugger and slipped him mandrake seeds in the drink. Interesting way of ending a boring date, don't you think?" James laughed clapping Peter lightly on the shoulders.
"Very funny, Prongs. And our dear caring friend over there," Peter started shooting a murderous glare in Sirius' direction "…was too busy shagging in the bathroom, too busy to help me!"
"Hey, you should have screamed louder." Sirius defended running a hand through his hair which made Remus cross his legs as subtly as he could in an attempt not to show how much exactly his body appreciated this innocent little habit. Nothing coming from Sirius Black was innocent though. Not in Remus' mind at least. Oh, no, Remus' mind was dirty, dirty and not so safe place to be when he was around Sirius. The lycanthrope shook his head trying to concentrate on Sirius' words. Words that came from that soft mouth of his, a mouth that Remus wanted to touch, to kiss, to…
"….besides Moony is not that daft to ask a girl does she 'like to knit'. Seriously Pete, haven't you learned anything by watching James and me, huh?" Remus' ears once again enjoyed the melodic sound of his favourite baritone though this time he actually focused on the meaning of the spoken words.
"Being modest again aren't we?" he teased. "Don't listen to them Pete, they think they're god's gift to women but I'm willing to bet Devil had to do something with making these two."
James made a short, amused noise in the back of his throat then nodded enthusiastically. "That'd explain why the Bones sisters called me devious the other day."
"I think they said tedious, mate." Sirius corrected, ducking down as another pillow missed him by a couple of inches. "Also you have a really lousy aim, I wonder why McGonagal keeps you on the quddich team." James' protest came in the form of pretty eloquent words that would undoubtedly make any respective mother out there cover the ears of her children in an attempt to protect their innocent little minds.
"Oh, it's a mystery." Remus smiled innocently stealing another glance at the dark-eyed boy. Sirius did an excellent job of ignoring his loud friend and turned his attention to the young werewolf again. "Come on, Moony. Be a friend. Do it for me, pleaseeeee." He made his best puppy-eye face which could melt the heart of an ice queen, and Remus was far from that. The boy could feel his legs turning to jelly but then he reminded himself that helping Sirius would just make his misery even worse. And not to mention this sick jealously he felt. And it was god damn hard keeping his wolf at bay when it was jealous, or turned on, or pretty much every fucking thing Sirius made him feel.
"No." he said firmly. "I won't do it." Sirius shot him a hurtful look and Remus suddenly found his insistence faltering. Why did this boy have such an effect on him that his own heart decided to ally itself with his body and turn against his common sense. This wasn't supposed to be happening, not to him. Merlin, not to him and not with Sirius. Why was it this bloody hard to say no to him? "Screw you, Padfoot." He finally muttered. "Fine. Fine I'll do it." Sirius jumped happily and clapped Remus lightly on the shoulder. "Yes! Thank you Moony, I owe you one!"
It took a few moments for Remus to regain his composure, to stop feeling that burning sensation Sirius' hand had left on his shoulders. The wolf inside him growled and pulled hard on his chains. It wanted more, it wanted to touch, to taste, to feel, to smell more. Just more. But that small conscious part of Remus' mind, a part that wasn't blinded by the affection told him off, told him no, told him to sit down. Finally, a weak smile crept up Remus' features. "You owe me more than that, Sirius." He sighed ignoring the curious look James threw in his direction. "So, when is this date happening?"
"Next Saturday." James replied before Sirius. "But beware, Moony my mate. The wanker didn't tell you who Helen's friend is." He snickered all too deviously for Remus to appreciate it. "Tell him, Pads. Tell him!"
Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat before he shot James an annoyed glare. "Oh, bugger off Prongs." The raven-haired boy opened his mouth to say something, but closed them quickly obviously not finding suitable words. Remus knew him far too well to know that this kind of behavior, this a-fish-caught-on-dry-land kind meant that Sirius tried to say something bad as delicately as he could. Which usually didn't succeed, seeing as he was as delicate as an elephant in the porcelain shop. Oh, Remus knew something unpleasant was about to escape his friend's lips. "Erm, well, it's…it's Pricilla. Not much of a looker, yes, but, but…she has a good personality I'm sure." And Remus was right. Pricilla Higginson was a 6th year Hufflepuff girl though to call her a girl was to twist the word to encompass such a being. She looked like a mixture of a hippogriff and a cave troll as James had said on one occasion, and she smelled like cabbage and cats as Remus' keen sense of smell could easily confirm as true. But before he could answer Sirius continued to talk. "But Moony, hey, I can ask Helen to bring a bloke, er a guy friend instead, if that works better for you. Erm, I'm not sure who do you fancy more at the moment." Remus' eyes darkened a bit at this remark which James mistook as a reaction to a date choice and laughed whole-heartedly.
"Smooth." James commented which earned him one pretty rude gesture from Sirius accompanied by the word 'Git. Remus though noticed that Sirius wasn't looking at James but at him with a combination of worry and care visible in his eyes. Oh, Remus knew this look well – it was are-you-ok-moony kind of a look. A kind that made his stomach tie itself into a knot, the way it always did when Sirius watched him like that or got too close to him or touched him in oh-so-frustratingly-friendly manner.
Not that the look wasn't justified and out of place. Remus didn't appreciate the fact James and Sirius often joked with his sexuality, yes he knew it was all well-intentioned but sometimes they just didn't get it. They didn't get that he could not just look at the girl or the boy and say well-I-decided-to-like-boobs-today-and-cocks-tomorrow or that he couldn't just choose to, oh I don't know, like blokes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays and birds on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Sundays. And he definitely couldn't and didn't choose to fall in love with his best friend. It wasn't his choice, it was fate to blame really, not Remus. It just didn't work that way. "Look, I don't work like a remote control, Sirius." He frowned not looking at him.
"Promote troll? What's that?" Wormtail asked curiously. Remus rolled his eyes. It was really infuriating sometimes how little his friends knew about muggle world. Not that he currently had any wish, or intention to explain them how did muggle technology work and what actually "the promote troll" was. With his luck it would only make James and Sirius decide to experiment with electricity. And that was a scary thought.
"Never mind. I'm just not programmed to like girls at one moment and boys in the next. It's not something I plan ok? I can't command my feelings." Sirius was obviously relieved that Remus' voice didn't hold any sign of anger and he gave a small understanding smile. You know those drop dead-gorgeous-heart stopping smiles? Yeah, that kind. "Sorry, Moons, didn't mean it like that. Do..do you want -"
Remus shook his head interrupting him. He was too hopelessly in love with Sirius Black to deny him anything. Even if the boy asked him to jump from a bloody tower he was convinced he would do it in a heartbeat. And that thought was even scarier than the one including James, Sirius and electricity. "It's ok. Pricilla is a nice girl actually, I patrolled with her a few times. I'll do it for you, you twit." He surrendered with a smile. "And it's not very fair from you to judge a person based just on their looks."
"What about smells?" James asked innocently making Sirius and Peter laugh.
Remus had long ago given up the effort of trying to get a prospect of 'good manners' in their thick heads. Any further comment, he knew, would be a wasted effort and so he joined his friends, bursting into laughter. "Then she would be condemned to a life-time in Askaban. Ughhh." Sirius shivered slightly before smiling to Remus. Just for him, especially for him, Remus caught himself wishing. "Alright then, it's settled. Thanks so much mate. I'll think of you when I make Helen scream."
"Argh, that's disgusting, Sirius." Wormtail squeaked making all four of them laugh again.
Disgusting? Remus cared to object. It was slightly different in his fantasies though. In his fantasies it was Remus who made Sirius scream, and moan, and cry in pleasure. It was him who was the reason for Sirius' joy…him and not some girl. Remus blinked. He should probably stop looking at Sirius now, he should stop tracing the line of his jaw with his eyes, watching his lips move as he laughed, watching, staring….Remus bit his lip and cursed himself. He was mad for doing this, mad for imagining Sirius, mad for even thinking he would ever scream Remus' name, mad for thinking he could control this, mad, mad…just mad about Sirius Fucking Black.