A/N: this is going to be a series of significant days in Pam's life, written in first person as if it's a stream of thought or narration. Please let me know what you think of it, and if you think any of the show's episodes should be some of those 'critical days.' I have some in mind, but I'd like reader input. Enjoy!
I play with my fingernails as we arrive in the parking lot; I've been really eager for this day to come. I glance at Roy, and he gives me a soft smile, trying to assure me everything will go smoothly. It was a big risk moving out here to be with Roy, away from family and friends and the life that I knew, but he has a steady job here, and when an opportunity presents itself, you just have to take it. At least that's what my mom says.
My mom has always encouraged me to follow my heart, but sometimes I think I don't follow it the way she wants me to. When I first started dating Roy about five years ago, she asked if I really wanted to be seen with the 'dumb jock' type. I tried to explain that there was more to him than that—in art class junior year, he had shown me his softer side when he attempted to paint my portrait of me. The art teacher wasn't impressed with his effort, but I was, and I still have the painting stored away. But even though she knew his reputation, my mom didn't want to press the matter, and so she let it drop and just told me those words: 'just follow your heart, Pam.'
Now, my heart had led me to Scranton, to be with Roy and to take this office position at the place where he worked. I've worked as a secretary before, but I feel like this will be different. It will be fun working with him, just like in high school: we'll get to see each other everyday, have lunch together… except now when he drives me home, he will be home too. I bite my lip as I think about this, and Roy mistakes this action as nervousness. He always does, and you'd think after five years, he'd figure out that I'm excited, not nervous.
"Don't worry, Pammy," he says to me. "It's answering phones and sending out faxes, how hard can it be?"
I want to tell him I'm not worried, but I don't want to make a fuss. Instead, I reply, "Yeah.." and he continues.
"The only one you should look out for is the boss, Michael. He's.. I dunno, kind of a jerk sometimes."
"Oh.." I sigh, wondering if Roy is accurate in his description of my new boss. I guess I'll find out. We get out of the car and I kiss him sweetly before we part ways, him to the warehouse and myself to the main building. I hold the door open for a taller man with glasses and a tan suit who is also walking in, but he stops abruptly at the doorway.
"No. Please go first. You look harmless, but the statistics say that seven out of ten assaults are from the rear."
I raise an eyebrow at him as he takes the door and holds it open. I am curious about where someone even gets these statistics from but decide not to engage him, so instead I enter and walk over to the building directory to scan the company names and see where I should go.
"What are you looking for?" the tall man asks me as he presses the button for the elevator.
"Oh, um, Dunder-Mifflin?" I reply questioningly.
The elevator doors open and the man tells me to get in, "I am Dwight Schrute, their newest, and soon to be their top salesman. I started only four months ago and I already have the largest client base of everyone in sales."
I step in apprehensively and sigh, wondering how I'm going to be able to work with this strange man. I decide to be cordial and introduce myself, "I'm Pam.. Beesly, and I'm starting today.." He stares at me and I elaborate, "I'm.. the new receptionist.." I end my sentence on an upward tone like a question, wondering if he has heard anything about my position. He of course, has.
"Yes.. you're replacing Jessica. She decided her children were more important to her than this company.." He shakes his head in disapproval and I quickly step out of the elevator as soon as the doors open to our floor. I pray that his desk is far away from reception. He watches me judgmentally as he steps out, and I can't help but shrink back in fear. Finally, he motions to me with his arm, "Follow me. Our office is this way. Michael Scott, the regional manager, will be excited to meet you."
Dwight walks fast and deliberate, and my short legs struggle to keep up as we walk through the doors of Dunder-Mifflin. I take a deep breath as we enter the main room, and then gasp as I see a horrifying sight: there are two men in the middle of the room, one is on all fours and braying like a donkey, and the other one is standing behind him doing pelvic thrusts. The rest of the office seems to take no notice.
"Michael!" Dwight cries out as he joins the two men, helping the one off the floor. I stare at the man getting up and can't help but think, this ass is my new boss. Dwight pats him on the back as the other one explains their actions to him.
"Me and Michael Snot here were acting out a little show we saw over the weekend. It involved a woman, a strap-on, and a donkey—"
"I saw a similar show over the weekend on my farm," Dwight commented, trying to fit in with the two of them.
"Ugh, gross. No one wants to hear about your farm animal love triangles, Dwight," the ass comments as he brushes himself off. I am now regretting taking this opportunity, because this is the last situation I expected it to be. I stand there, paralyzed with fear, knowing I can't possibly turn and walk out now. They spot me standing near the reception desk and walk over.
"Mikey likey," he gives me a suggestive look as I try to maintain control of my gag reflex. "Who's this, Dwight?"
"This is Pam, the new receptionist," he answers obediently as the man who was doing pelvic thrusts pushes past me.
"I have to go out on a sales call, and I sales call, I mean mid-afternoon brewski! Smell ya later!"
My new boss, who Roy grossly underestimated, chuckles and waves, and then comments to me, "That Todd Packer, always good for some laughs!" Being too scared to do anything else, I nod, and he puts his arm around me and leads me to the reception desk. "Now Pam, I am Michael Scott, regional manager of this orifice, which means you can look at me as.. your dad. You can come tell me anything, because, I want us to be friends. Maybe even more someday.."
He trails off and I stare at the carpet, the only safe place I feel I can look. I can think of at least four things wrong with what he has just said to me, and so to try and stop the harassment I quietly say, "I'm dating Roy Anderson, one of your warehouse workers.."
"Oh right, Roy.. Roy is a great guy. Really hard worker—oh, that's what she said!"
"What?" I look up at him with wide eyes and I think about how this has to be a nightmare. How did this man become a manager, and what kind of luck do I have for him to be my boss? I need someone to pinch me.
"That's—that's what she said," he says again, this time more ashamed. I tilt my head to the side and wonder if I actually made him embarrassed of his behavior. I don't think I've ever made someone feel embarrassed, and so I am pleased with myself that I have the potential to make him feel guilty; he's probably the one man who needs it most. "Um, anyway, this is your desk," he tells me as he walks me around to where I'll be sitting and answering phones all day. "I'll give you a chance to meet everyone later; we'll be having a meet-and-greet in the conference room after lunch... Until then, make yourself at home."
Michael leaves, followed eagerly by Dwight, who I now sense is his lap dog, and I hang up my coat and purse, making sure to get the candy jar I brought from home out, and plop down in my chair. I let out a deep sigh and process the last five minutes, which seem to have been the longest of my life. The phone rings and I jump a bit, startled by it. I look around and then realize that this is my job, and so I answer, hesitating a bit so I don't mess up the name, "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam… Mom, I told you to wait to call until I got settled in…"
…
I am sitting on a chair on top of the conference room table, surrounded by my new coworkers, and I am infuriated. Roy blew me off at lunch. My first day on the job, and he blows me off at lunch to hang out with his warehouse buddies. I thought we'd be spending more time together and really be able to bond, but he excuses himself by saying, 'I'll get to see you all the time at home Pammy.' What nerve. I made sacrifices to be here with him, and he doesn't even seem to realize it. I hope he figures it out soon and apologizes.
Until then, I have decided to give him to cold shoulder, which means getting a ride home from a woman in accounting who I found out lives near me. Her name is Angela, and today I ended up eating lunch with her and another woman named Phyllis, who seems to be quite gentle comparatively. While Angela doesn't seem to approve of my 'sinful lifestyle' by living with my boyfriend, she seems like a good Christian woman who would help me out even if I was a leper, so she is glad to give me a ride home whenever I need it. I asked her if Michael is always the way he is, and all she could do was give me a stern look, implying the affirmative to my question.
On top of being stood up at lunch, my boss' idea of a meet-and-greet is not like anything I've ever experienced. I thought there'd be coffee and donuts and employees gathering to introduce themselves. Instead, this is a production of horrendous proportions, which started out with Michael showing me his piss-poor version of the Blair Witch Project and is ending with me sitting here on display for the whole office to see. I rearrange my skirt, trying not to flash the larger man from accounting sitting right in front of me as Michael talks.
"Do we know why I've decided to place Pam up on the conference room table?" he asks the employees. Several shake their heads, and finally a man doing a crossword puzzle mumbles an answer.
"Because you like to haze people," he says it half as a statement and half as a question and doesn't look up from his puzzle.
"No,Stankley," Michael replies. "Because Pam is our new receptionist, which means she is the friendly face people are going to see as she walks through the door, which means she is one of the most-valued members of our family." I hear several groans from all around me and realize they are used to this man's antics. I am suddenly struck with fear that one day I too will not be disturbed by him, which is something I do not want. I try to clear the lump in my throat and wait patiently for this to be over.
"I mean, I am a big support of our support staff!" Michael tries to convince his emplyees. "And Pam is the biggest support we could have, because she gives people their first impression of our company. Reception, comes from the word receive, and that means that Pam is like the gift that people get when they visit us." I listen to my boss' kind words and am now thinking he may just be misunderstood. He seems passionate about his work and the relationships he has with people in it, and I feel guilty for perhaps judging him before I get to know him. His intentions seem good.
"And what a gift she is, eh?" he continues. "I mean, look at that rack!" Oops. Spoke too soon.
"You know what, Michael? I really don't feel comfortable here.. I don't know if this will work out—" I can feel the tears well up in my eyes as the stress of my day wears down upon me, and so I carefully get down off the table and rush to the bathroom. I had so many hopes for this day, but so far everything has turned out to be one big disappointment. I sit on the couch in the ladies' room and let the tears run down my cheeks, wanting to run away from this place and forget about it forever. I see nothing positive about staying, including being with my so-called boyfriend, and the more I think about it, the more worked-up I get.
Suddenly, I hear a knock at the door, "Pammy? Can I come in?" I exhale sharply, wondering if I even can stand the sight of Roy right now, but I eventually decide it will be good for me to talk with him, so I dry my eyes and blow my nose.
"Come in," I manage to murmur, and he enters looking concerned, yet valiant. He likes to think he's my knight in shining armor always coming to my rescue, but most of the time he's wrong about that assumption. I speculate if he'll be able to save me from this place, but the odds are not stacked in my favor. His life has been here for the last three years, and I won't be able to convince him to leave just because I had one bad day here. I could always leave him, but after all the time I've put in to the relationship, I feel like I'd be throwing away something solid and steadfast. I feel stuck, and so I wait for him to say something comforting.
"I warned you, Pammy, that guy Michael is a jerk." How comforting. An 'I-told-you-so.' I slowly shake my head as Roy continues and fails to make me feel better about my situation, "But it was only your first day, and those are always hard. You'll get used to everything, I promise. And as for lunch, I'm sorry I blew you off today, but we'll have plenty of opportunities to have lunch together. And we'll always have dinner together.. except on Thursdays, cause that's when me and the guys have our bar night."
Roy doesn't understand that he is supposed to be my comfort in an uncomfortable situation, and so I silently fume as he absent-mindedly hands me a fresh Kleenex. I don't think he'll ever be as sentimental as I am, and I feel a pang of hurt in my stomach that I've chosen someone like that for myself. But I consider that he does what he can for me, and he did say he was sorry, and so I look up at him and force a smile. In that smile, I have decided to stick with him, and stick with this job, no matter how appalling I may find it. "That's my girl," he gives me a hug and stands up from the couch, and I follow him back out into the office, where my coworkers are there to offer words of encouragement. I wonder where my life will lead me now that I've made the choice to be here, and I pray that it is somewhere I can tolerate.
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