Author's note: PopcornKernel here! AHHH GUYS THIS IS SO EXCITING! Stu and I are so excited to bring you this collab story, and I really hope you all enjoy it! We will be taking turns writing the chapters and I've been honored with writing the very first one! Please leave us feedback, we thrive off of it and we'll make sure to bring you what you all hope for in a great fanfic. Thanks for reading, guys!

I Fry A Cheerleader

CALLIOPE

My name is Calliope. You don't need to know my last name, I probably won't live long enough for us to be more than just acquaintances.

And I only say that because there's four giant pterodactyls chasing me right now.

Well...since I'm going to die anyway, I might as well tell you the events of what lead up to these giant freaks taking to the skies and planning my unfortunate demise.

You better swear to me, though, that you'll put it in your next big novel. I want to be remembered somehow. Yeah, I can see it now....the girl who was eaten by giant trampy buzzards.

Being a freshman at Happy Trails High School was probably the worst year of my life. I wasn't picked on or anything. Heck, I wasn't even part of the Freshman initiation process where apparently most Freshman's had their heads dunked in the bathroom toilets with the water dyed red for....gross and obvious reasons to freak them out. No doubt it worked, though.

No, instead I hated school because I could never make out what was written down in my textbooks or what the teacher had written on the whiteboard. We all hear of kids with dyslexia, who confuse their numbers on their math homework or switch a few words around while writing their essays. But MY dyslexia...it was almost as if the words would come to life. They would constantly shift, dodging in and out amongst each other, almost as if this was some really hilarious scenario to watch an Asian girl squint even harder than she has to to read a freaking sentence.

Then there was the sitting. Why does everyone have to SIT in class? Teachers grade us on class participation, shouldn't that mean getting up and interacting with things? I could never sit still long enough to pay enough attention to a lecture. I won't lie, it's almost as annoying as the bad English my mother tries to converse with me in. I don't know why, but I was constantly fidgeting in my seat or drawing on paper to keep my brain busy. It seemed to work but because of it, the teachers were never a fan of me.

There is one solace that I cling to while imprisoned inside the red bricked school for six and a half long hours, and that was in my bestest best friend for life, Alexander. I liked calling him Xander for short, but most people called him Alex instead. He is the one boy who will ever want to shop with you, the one boy who will actually listen to what you have to say.

In other words, just another one of the girls.

It's a shame we'll never have any kids, because they would be gorgeous. Ah, but that really has nothing to do with my current situation.

I was on my way to room 209, where Xander would be released from his English class. It was easy to spot him as he was always the tallest in his classes. On top of that though, he was just a good looking guy. Short, dark brown hair, a well-structured face, and blue-green eyes. He was almost always wearing jeans and some kind of tight fitted shirt. It was a huge contrast to me: medium length black hair, a round face (it's an Asian thing), and blue eyes. My mother said my eyes were a gift from my father but honestly, it just looked weird. People have told me before that I look intimidating since most Asians have dark brown eyes.

"OhhhmaiGod, I like, toootally love Aphrodite. The Goddess of Love would be my first choice. I just hope that no one calls dibs on her. I won't do an essay on, like, ANYBODY else."

I watched as Xander rolled his eyes over to her, giving her a skeptical look.

"You would like Aphrodite, Raechel."

I smiled as he shrugged the cheerleader off of his arm, walking over to where I was leaning on one of the support beams. Raechel sneered at me as she walked by, making a point to look at me from my toes to my face. You know, the kind of look that says "your clothes aren't from Abercrombie, so therefore you're poor." I glared at her until she was out of my sight, just in case she looked back at me. Of course, she didn't. I turned my attention back to Xander and gave him my best 'EW' face.

"So tell me, WHY do you hang out with her again? I should just punch her for good measure."

Xander set his giant backpack down next to my feet, rummaging around to make room for the pieces of paper he had in his hand before shoving them in, "Calliope, you already have two strikes against you this quarter. That's probably not a good idea. And I don't know,they just kind of find me. Like...like they're vultures and I'm the unfortunate baby buffalo thats head was ripped off by a crocodile in the Nile river."

I scrunched my face, an amused smile on my face, "Wow, that's pretty terrible. At least you're a pretty, headless baby buffalo."

He zipped up his backpack and tossed it onto his back. Literally tossed...and hit one of the hottest guys in school, Taylor Adams.

"Ow!"

Xander whirled around to look at him, his face lighting up to the brightest shade of red you can think of, "O-Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you?"

Taylor rubbed the back of his head while I tried to suppress my laughter with a binder in front of my face. He managed a small smile and shook his head.

"Nah, it's no problem my friend. You've got a good swinging arm there!"

Typical jocks. You hit him hard enough, they want to recruit you. If it's not hard enough, they set a flaming bag of dog poop on your front porch. Taylor walked away with Xander staring after him in a trance. I sighed, pushing him off to our next class, P.E., "Alright, alright, you're going to be late if you don't move it."

Xander and I walked out to the track field, using the small amount of time we had between classes just to talk. I know what you're thinking, what's a misfit like me doing with such a popular guy like Xander? The truth is, our mothers have been lifelong friends. They were nearly inseparable and even WORK together in the same building. Xander's mom was having a hard time finding work and my mom just happens to own her own masseuse business. So naturally, Xander's mom started working as a receptionist for my mother's job. Because of it, though, we would move a lot. If I was kicked out of school we would have to move and, without fail, Xander and his mother would follow. Our mom's were surprisingly tolerable of the fact that we moved at least twice a year, but I wasn't about to complain about that.

"Well I'd better head to swim class now. It's just about that ti-" Xander's voice faltered and his expression turned sour. He wasn't looking at me anymore and instead was looking at something approaching behind me. I turned just in time to see an ugly, misshapen mass of a girl tromping towards us. She wore the color guard uniform, flag in hand and an ugly, crooked toothed smile. She smelled a little like the cup of milk your little brother would leave out over night. She had dirty blonde hair, a fat face covered in acne, and beady, dark brown eyes that almost looked black.

I would've puked right there if it weren't for the fact that I was wearing my favorite hoodie sweatshirt. She walked right up to me, her stomach fat nearly knocking me into Xander as she leaned down to stare me right in the eyes.

"Well well, what have we here? The bastard child of an Asian prostitute."

Wow, really? Was that even NECESSARY? Needless to say, I was a little miffed. Okay, so "little" is me being a bit too generous.

I wanted to KILL this heifer.

Before I could even lift my hand to sock her between the eyes, Xander stepped in between us. That made me even madder, but I wasn't about to hit my best friend.

"Um, Gertrude. Don't you have a herd to lead?" he gave the sweetest smile he could muster, a hand triumphantly on his hip.

"Or to EAT?" I quipped in from behind him, which must have looked ridiculous since he was about 7 inches taller than me.

Gertrude just laughed, or maybe it was a snort, and set her flag down on the ground, "Do you wanna go, Pony Boy? I'll hit you so hard, your ancestors will be dizzy."

"Nice stolen line there, retard. Don't you have a comeback that doesn't come from a Disney movie?"

Yeah okay so I liked Mulan. I'm sure you're not surprised.

Gertrude was about to leap onto my poor friend until the P.E. teacher, Mr. Rigby, came out of the locker rooms.

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE! Track team, meet at the far end of the field in five minutes! We'll be practicing on hurdles today, so make sure to warm up and stretch out those leg muscles!" He looked over at Gertrude, "Color guard, we'll be taking the field today. Tell Mrs. Hollister that our schedules were changed today."

Gertrude sent a wicked look his way but nodded, "Yes, sir."

She threw one last evil look at both Xander and me before waddling off to the side of the track field. I was still seeing red by the time Xander looked back at me. Every fiber of my being felt like it was on fire, I couldn't see or think straight. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up into Xander's concerned face.

"Hey Cal, don't let that dinosaur get to you. She's been after you from day one, you think you'd be used to it by now."

I shrugged his hand off of my shoulder, still furious, "Don't you have a class to get to?"

He sighed, but he knew I was right. He picked up his backpack and started off towards his class, but not before saying a "Xanderific" piece of advice.

"If she bothers you anymore, just let me know. We'll get her, don't you worry about that."

I begrudgingly got ready for my track class, taking all the time I needed to get my gym shorts and t-shirt on. I hated our track outfits, they were so ugly. Most of all I hated showing my legs, but the best part was the running. I loved the wind against my face and in my hair...the feeling of flying. Freedom. It was the best feeling in the world to think I was flying. I made my way out of the locker room and to the other side of the field like the teacher instructed. Gertrude and her ugly friends decided to meet up with me again, and this time I was completely alone.

"Mr. Rigby had to run an errand real quick, and left us in charge. Which means we have about seven minutes to be friends."

One of the girls on her left came up to me but before I could get away, she grabbed me by the hair and yanked me over to Gertrude.

"OW what the hell?! Let go of me, you stupid hippo!"

She smirked at me and held me in front of Gertrude. I tried to pry the girl's hands off of my head but her hands seemed to grip me like talons. I struggled against her but no matter what I did, she wouldn't let go.

"What do you want to do with her, Gerty? Maybe throw her into oncoming traffic?"

Gertrude looked me up and down, smiling at what she saw. She leaned in close and...what the...was she smelling me? WHY WAS SHE SMELLING ME?

"Let GO of me!" I yelled, now hitting the cheerleader's hand that was holding me. Gertrude smiled and I could swear for a second that I saw her face waver. Like...it wasn't really her face, but an illusion.

"We've finally found you, half-blood. And you're going to taste absolutely delicious."

Now I had no idea what this chick was talking about, but all this talk about a half-blood and tasting delicious...it REALLY pissed me off. I could feel the sensation in my body again, the tingling feeling you get when your arm or leg falls asleep. It was all over my body. It didn't hurt, but it was starting to become uncomfortable. So I did the one thing I've been wanting to do for the last ten minutes.

I punched Gertrude right in the nose.

But I didn't just punch her. I sent a static shock so strong that I could actually HEAR it as I hit her. I didn't think anything of it until I smelled burning....hair? Holy crap, that's totally the smell that lingers after my mother blow dried her hair. I looked from my hand and then at Gertrude, a little scared now. Did I just burn her by accident somehow? I looked at her as she was sitting up and my eyes went wide.

Half of her face was melted off. OFF. There was another face there, but it was NOT Gertrude's.

"What the hell...?"

"GET HER!" Gertrude screamed, pointing with what looked like a hand covered in feathers.

I didn't have time to think. I just ran.

I ran straight to the pool area to find my best friend.