Author's Notes: This is my first try at a fic using Syaoran's POV. I don't know if I got it right. This fic is inspired by CCS Volume 08. "Kuma-san" is what Sakura called the bear Syaoran left for her. Roughly, it translates to bear.
A very big thank you to Apple-chan for reminding me that Syaoran swears even when talking to himself. I guess you can consider this a Happy Birthday fic from me. I just hope it didn't suck that much.
Comments and reviews will be very much appreciated.
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I've done it. I finally gave it to her.
Well not really. If you don't count leaving it beside her and running away as giving it to her that is. It's not like I meant to do it that way. It just happened that way. Somehow, whenever I'm around her, my brain completely forgets to function and I just get this inexplicable urge to run.
I guess all the training I had as future leader of my clan is insufficient when it comes to these things. But then, I doubt that all the training in the world would prepare me for this… for one such as her.
And yet, no one can accuse me of plunging headlong into something as important as this without prior planning. I had the whole thing planned in my mind. All those times staring at the bear I made for her, gathering the courage to actually give it to her, I had the whole scene committed to memory like a well rehearsed script.
She would be seating on a bench in the park, the sunlight playing with her hair, turning it the color of honey. She would look so beautiful, so peaceful, just sitting there, seemingly waiting for me. Her eyes would light up as she feels my presence and would greet me with that cheerful smile of hers that never fails to brighten my day. I would approach her, look soulfully into her eyes and hand her the package. Of course, she would act all confused and I'd just smile at her and urge her to open her gift. She'd see the bear I've labored on painstakingly and will give a very Sakura-like sound of delight and surprise. She would lift it up and would proclaim just how kawaii she thought Kuma-san was and then will hug him to her chest. I would then ask her if she liked it and she would answer with an energetic nod, a quick thank you and another bright smile. If I felt like it, I might even tell her right then and there what I feel. She would then give her kuma-san my name. Everything would be perfect.
Except for the fact that nothing really turns out the way you want it to. Even the best laid plans experience difficulties. And if you're unlucky, things might just turn even worse than the worst scenario you can think of.
Just like what happens to me whenever I get within a couple of feet near her.
I swear, liking her is definitely not good for me. I forget years of training with just a look from those sparkling emerald eyes. She makes me melt like ice cream in the sun with the power of her smile. It feels like the world stops whenever she tells me just how much I've helped her or how nice I had been to her. And she makes me wax poetic every time I think of her.
Me? Poetic? Damn.
Oh, the woes of being in love…
Daidouji-san thinks I got it hard for her best friend. I know she thinks that of me, even though she doesn't tell me straight to my face. She's too polite for that. Something I am eternally grateful for. Even that freak Hiiragizawa thinks I got it hard too. Like Daidouji-san, he never talks to me about it. He just makes my skin crawl everytime he flashes me that knowing smile of his. Why anyone was allowed to ever smile like that is beyond me. He should be kept from smiling. He should be kept in a straight jacket. He should be banned from ever walking in the streets. He should be… I digress.
Anyway, they're wrong. Both of them. I didn't just fall hard for Sakura. I fell way harder than hard. Even deep impact would not be enough to describe this thing I feel. And there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing I can do to stop feeling, caring, wishing she was mine. And nothing I can do to make me fall out of love with her.
It doesn't help that she isn't that hard to love. I may have hated her before, but then that's all in the past. A person can change his mind you know. Not to mention that there seems to be some cosmic rule that anyone who gets to be a part of Sakura's life should fall victim to her charms.
What the hell is with that girl? What the hell is with me?
She is not perfect. Hardly anyone ever is. But people love her inspite of and sometimes even for her little imperfections. It makes her even more endearing to those around her. She is a ray of sunshine wherever she goes. She makes people smile. And she makes people want to make her smile in return.
I know that she loves Tsukishiro-san. I thought I did too for a time. Who wouldn't love someone as nice and wonderful as Tsukishiro-san? But then Yue told me that it was just the power of the moon drawing me to him. My heart belonged to someone else. And he was right. There was someone else that I loved. Only, that someone just so happened to be in-love with him too.
Sakura loved Yukito. I do not blame her. There is no reason not to love him. And unlike me, I think what she feels for him is real. It's not like the way I felt Tsukishiro-san or how she felt for that mysterious teacher. What she feels for him is just like what I feel for her. I know and yet I continue to love her. Nothing I could and would do can change that.
I have never backed down from a challenge. Sure, there were times when I hesitated, but I always found the courage to follow on through. No matter how much the odds are against me, no matter how futile everything seems, I won't give up. Especially when it is not only my pride at stake but my heart. I am determined to win.
I used to think it silly, the story of the teddy bears. Sakura and her friends seemed to believe it and somehow I found myself wanting to believe it too. When you give your loved one a teddy bear that you yourself made, and the bear is named after you, you and your loved one will be in love with each other.
Now it doesn't sound so silly anymore. It is not only time and effort that is put into making a teddy bear. All the person's hopes and dreams for his loved one are carefully woven in, along with a silent prayer that his affections will be returned.
And so I hope. I hope that one day, she'd feel even a little bit like how I feel. I hope that one day, she'll learn to love me the way I love her. I pray for the day that Kuma-san would be no more.
I pray for the day that Kuma-san will be called… Syaoran.
OWARI
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A/N: waaiii! fluff alert.. fluff alert runs around in circles ack. maybe the alert should be on top? shrugs and contines running