Aubrey was hyper-aware of her friend Chloe's left hand on her back, as her right held up her hair. She couldn't help but wonder what her friend was thinking of her now. They'd known each other for a year and a half, but you couldn't trust these a ca-bitches. Aubry doubted any one of the Bellas would like her if they knew what went on in her head sometimes, but Chloe's hand was still there, rubbing slow circles, even though she'd been spewing chunks for the past five minutes.
"I'm more drunk than you . . . and I'm about to puke any second," Chloe said as Aubrey took a shuttering breath, "if you keep this up . . ."
Aubrey heaved again.
"S-sorry," She sat back on her heels, taking deep breaths as Chloe reached to flush the toilet, "I-I think I'm good now."
"O-okay," Chloe stuttered as she began to retch too, "Go- go clean yourself up."
Aubrey left the stall, but didn't dream of leaving her friend. She washed up a bit in the sink, but then returned to keep Chloe's hair back as she emptied the excess alcohol from her stomach. Chloe vomited for a much shorter amount of time than Aubrey. Embarrassingly so.
Chloe then turned on the hot water handle on one of the sinks all the way, and waited for it to run warm enough. Then she made Aubrey wash her face and rinse her mouth, then wetted some paper towels and gave them to her to clean off her shirt. Then did the same for herself.
"You look horrible. Let's get you out of here."
Aubrey just nodded.
Back at her dorm, Chloe made Aubrey change into some of her clothes. Aubrey was quiet the whole time, and Chloe couldn't help but be slightly nervous that there was something amiss. The two girls glanced awkwardly at each other as Chloe invited Aubrey to sit down on her bed. Her roommate was gone, her classes had finished on Thursday, and she'd left for the holidays this morning, not bothering to stay for parties tonight, so they had the room to themselves.
Aubrey looked around as Chloe rummaged around in a drawer. The dorm was typically decorated with posters and furnished with Ikea products. Aubrey noticed that Chloe had a floor to ceiling CD rack, almost full, by her desk.
"Here," Chloe held out an unopened tooth brush along with her own, "Should we go– uh, freshen up?" She smirked at Aubrey as though she'd made a big joke, but Aubrey smirked back.
"Sure."
As they made their way to the bathrooms on Chloe's floor, she tried to make small talk.
"So, that was impressive."
"Uhh . . . what was . . .?"
"Oh, um, never mind. Some party, right?"
"Yeah, I guess it was nice."
"I totally thought you were gonna get laid by that one frat guy, what happened?" Chloe nudged Aubrey with her elbow.
"Well . . ." Aubrey looked uncomfortable, she thought Chloe could've guessed why she wasn't having hot, slightly drunk sex right now.
"Relax, I'm just kidding."
No one ever kidded about Aubrey's . . . vomiting tendency.
On the walk back to the dorm, Chloe asked Aubrey if she'd like to spend the night with her.
"I mean, like a sleepover. It'd be fun! My roommate is gone anyway. And, assuming you're all packed to leave tomorrow . . . We could do our nails and talk about boys. It'd be like high school!"
At the mention of going home tomorrow, Aubrey's stomach threatened to betray her again, but she held it back. Chloe noticed something cross her face though.
"O-or not, if you don't want to," She was somewhat disappointed, she'd had her hopes up, but her friend looked upset.
"No, no . . . That'd be fun."
Aubrey offered a genuine smile which Chloe returned almost before it was given.
Back in her room, Chloe was eager to please her guest.
"You want anything? I can make tea, or we have some pop in here . . ." She said, rummaging through a mini fridge, "Ooh, I always like to have applesauce."
She pulled out an individual applesauce container, and looked expectantly at Aubrey.
Aubrey just shrugged.
"Well . . . will pop make your tummy feel better?"
Aubrey almost laughed at the use of "tummy", but didn't. She shook her head, "I don't think so."
"Okay, well, I know it does for some people. Tea it is." Chloe pulled out an electric teapot, plugged it in and switched it on. Then she joined Aubrey on her bed with her applesauce, sitting cross legged, facing Aubrey as she leaned against the wall in the middle of the bed.
After a second, Chloe abruptly broke the silence, "I meat that you're puking was impressive," She said sheepishly, "I was just kidding though. You didn't even have that much to drink, so I was surprised that . . . that happened."
Aubrey was incredibly nervous, but she strangely didn't feel like blowing chunks. She twisted her hands in her lap, looking down at them. Chloe was quiet, giving her friend time to think. Then the teapot went off.
Chloe got off the bed, and got cups for them. As she opened the tea bags, Aubrey began to talk.
"That guy I was dancing with, he mentioned being excited to visit his family and he asked me if I was too."
Chloe stayed intent on her task, stirring the teabags around, giving Aubrey time to talk.
"I- I was just caught off guard . . . When- when I'm really nervous, or have, like, heightened emotions–" Aubrey gulped, "stressed! When I'm stressed, mostly . . . It's– it's my reflex . . . to barf." She looked up as Chloe handed a hot cup to her. There was nothing in the blue eyes she found that seemed to judge her, and she was glad she'd told Chloe about this thing that had weighed on her for so long.
"So . . . You don't want to go see your family?" Chloe settled herself next to Aubrey with her tea, looking worriedly at her.
Aubrey wanted to say, 'What, you're not even weirded out that I start projectile vomiting when I'm stressed?' but she didn't, she just let something shift inside her. Something to do the the way she looked at Chloe.
"I– Not really. They're . . . really pressuring."
Chloe was silent for awhile, sipping her tea, so Aubrey did the same.
Then, "I once tried to run away from home."
"Well, who doesn't?" Aubrey had no idea where Chloe's comment came form.
"I was nine. It was because I got a B minus in an advanced spelling class."
"Wow, was it because of your parents, or . . .?" She couldn't think of another reason someone would stress about something like that, especially at that age, and she felt stupid asking that question, it didn't seem socially acceptable anyway.
"No . . . My parents didn't care. It was me. I thought I was stupid, it seemed like my parents were lying to me by saying a B minus was good in an advanced class, I thought I'd bring shame onto the family, and be put back in the regular class. I was going to live in the streets and not go to school, then it wouldn't matter if I was stupid."
Aubrey just looked at her. Chloe didn't know if she should say something else, but Aubrey spoke before she could decide.
"Wow."
They looked at each other for a moment, Chloe could see the compassion in Aubrey's eyes, and Aubrey thought that maybe the same something had just shifted in Chloe regarding her that had shifted in her regarding Chloe a few minutes ago.
"I cried so hard I threw up after my mom and dad found me in an alley five blocks away," Chloe finished.
Aubrey wanted to hug her, but she didn't know if she should. She settled for patting Chloe on the knee, "So, what made you realize that you're not dumb?"
Chloe smiled as if to say, 'so you think I'm smart?' "Well . . . my parents were great, but it was my first real boyfriend in high school that really loosened me up."
Aubrey choked on some tea, and Chloe's face burst into smiles and blushes.
"Oh, shut up! I didn't mean it like that!"
Aubrey just laughed.
"Anyway, you were saying . . ." She prompted after their giggles had died away.
"Yeah, he was so in love with me. He taught me how to treat myself. We taught each other how to treat ourselves, actually," She didn't elaborate, but Aubrey thought she knew what Chloe meant. She sighed, "I wish I'd had that."
Chloe's head turned to study her face then, but Aubrey didn't look up from her tea, and let her eyes fill, not knowing her friend was looking at her so intently. After a second of hesitation, Chloe reached out and laid her hand on Aubrey's back, causing the latter, to look up, and their eyes to meet.
Aubrey took a deep breath. Chloe looked at her, waiting for her to talk.
"My family puts the same kind of pressure on me that you used put on yourself," she looked down, unable to look Chloe in the eye, "So . . . I don't want to leave tomorrow."
Chloe's face flashed with Aubrey's pain, and she slid her hand further around her shoulder, pulling Aubrey closer.
"My dad is the worst. H-he says things like 'if you're not at one hundred precent, then you're nothing' and 'if at first you don't succeed, pack your bags'. Absolutely nothing is good enough for him. My sister takes after him. She's always been there," a tear escaped her eye at this point, but she kept talking, "acting like I'm less than her, like she's better."
She was truly crying now, and Chloe made a sympathetic pout, rubbing Aubrey's arm with the had that was wrapped around her shoulders.
"And my mom doesn't help, she . . . s-she just–drinks–" the word burst from Aubrey's throat like it had to fight to get it out, "to deal with them. She has to drink to deal with them." She sighed out, resigned to the tears coming faster and harder.
"Let it out," Chloe laid her head briefly on Aubrey's shoulder, glancing up at her face. When she lifted her head was when Aubrey lost it. She took the corresponding spot on Chloe's shoulder to the one that had just been occupied on hers, and sobbed.
"A-a-and, I'm getting a C in one of my classes. I'll never live it down." Aubrey choked out eventually.
Then, Chloe cried a little too, because she couldn't stand the thought of that pressure being on someone she cared for, but Aubrey didn't notice.
After a while, Aubrey became aware that she was snuggling Chloe like a small child clinging onto her mother, and there was a wet spot on her shirt. As her crying subsided, she began to feel slightly awkward, but didn't have the motivation to move. The strange thing was that Chloe didn't seem to want her to. She let out a deep breath that ruffled blonde fly aways, and patted Aubrey's arm again.
"Feels good, doesn't it?"
Aubrey sighed, "Yeah. I just really don't want to go home tomorrow," tears threatened a reprise, but she held them back, "My sister thinks a cappella is stupid. She teases me constantly, a-and the Bellas are like the only thing I care about. Like, the reason I get up in the morning! Somedays I don't think I can even live with my family any more!"
With that, Aubrey sat up, a sudden burst of anger filling her chest. She reached for her now luke warm tea, Chloe's eyes on her the whole time.
After a minute of Aubry breathing hard, Chloe broke the silence, "Well, I don't know how to help you here."
"Oh! You don't need to help me! I'm not asking you to help me, I-I just . . ." Aubrey stopped, realizing she was coming of as rude, and, judging by the look on Chloe's face, offending her friend, "Sorry, I just meant that, you're already helping me by letting me cry."
Chloe's face snapped into a smile, "Any time." She winked, "Just . . . let me be your friend."
Aubrey hesitated, she realized that she and Chloe were leaning in towards each other. She nodded.
"I'll need you to fulfill a couple requirements though."
Chloe laughed, "And what are those? I didn't know you had a friendship contract, I've already been thinking of us as friends!"
Aubrey chose to ignore the last comment, but she couldn't stop the blush creeping across her cheeks. Their knees bumped, and stayed touching.
"One, you must never tell ANYONE about the events that have transpired tonight."
Chloe nodded, "Of course."
"Two, you-" Aubrey hesitated a second, composing herself, "you have to tell me that I'm pretty and that the things that I do are worth while. I had a teacher one that would tell me that–" She almost went on a rambling tangent about her middle school social studies teacher, trying to explain why she was asking for what she was asking for, but Chloe cut her off by grabbing her shoulder and slowly, gently bringing her forehead to rest on Aubrey's.
"That won't be hard, I already think those things. I've thought you were pretty since the first time I saw you freshman year, when we both auditioned for The Bellas, wearing Hollister sweatshirts and too much make up, all insecure. You're pretty, Aubrey," Her last statement sounded like an observation. Like Chloe had just noticed it.
Aubrey's breath hitched.
"No one ever tells me that."
"Really?" the end of the question was lost, however, as Chloe closed the short space between their lips, and Aubrey found herself kissing back.
After they parted, a single tear slid down Aubrey's cheek and Chloe wiped it away. The stared at each other for a second, then, "Chloe, I'm not gay."
"That's okay."
Chloe didn't move. She didn't back off, she didn't close in, but Aubrey found herself slowly, unsurely, leaning back in. When they were so close they'd have to go cross eyed to look at each other properly, Chloe whispered, "You don't have to be gay," across Aubrey's lips, and Aubrey closed the distance.
They didn't do their nails that night, but they did talk a little bit about boys the next morning.
After waking up in each other's arms, the two Bellas struggled to become awake enough to get ready to travel.
"My flight leaves in an hour!" Aubrey shrilled, as she glanced at the clock, "I'm sorry, but I can't stay for coffee."
Chloe yawned and plopped back down on the bed after having set up the electric teapot, "Do you need a ride to the airport?"
"No, I called a taxi in advance."
Everything felt strangely comfortable between them. There was no tension, in fact, less than there had been in their friendship perviously.
"Okay," Chloe half sighed, half yawned, leaning on Aubrey's knee before flopping over onto the bed. Aubrey tousled ginger locks before standing up.
"I can try to run your clothes over to you before I leave," she said, pulling the sweatpants and t-shirt of Chloe's that she'd borrowed the night before back on.
"Naw, that's okay, just return them whenever."
"Okay."
Aubrey was now by the door, and Chloe stood up to say goodbye. She reached her hands around Aubrey's neck, holding her firmly, and Aubrey returned the tightness of the embrace.
"Try to enjoy your holidays," Chloe said, closing her eyes in the hug.
"I will. You too. . . . Thanks."
"Anytime."
"Chloe?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
Chloe inhaled sharply at that, but didn't let go of Aubrey, so she continued.
"I mean, as a friend. I love you so much as a friend. I don't know what it meant last night, but I know that I love guys, I want a husband, and . . . and I like it –being with you– but I . . ." they broke apart, and locked eyes, "I don't want to hurt you, but I'm not gay."
A smile cracked across Chloe's face, "Yeah, me neither. I guess I'm bi-curious at the most. I find 'that it is what it is'," She puts air quotes around the words, "We hooked up last night, we don't have to go out. Sexuality is fluid."
Aubry nodded, gave her friend one more hug, and they parted with a kiss on the cheek.
A week later, between Christmas and New Years, Aubry got a Facebook chat message from Chloe. All it was was a link to Burno Mars's Youtube Vevo channel. The song was Just the Way You Are. A few minutes later, another message popped up, "And don't you forget it."
Aubrey waited until Chloe logged off to respond, "I'm crying."
They never talked about it again, but the little words reading "seen" under her message a day later were all Aubrey needed for closure on the subject.