A/N – Set just after New Moon but doesn't stick strictly to the plot of Eclipse. Just a little bit of fun as Edward and Bella brush up on things they didn't know about each other.

Sorry not got any dead pets (thank god) to dedicate this little bit of fun too. So it'll just have to be dedicated to anyone who chooses to read it. So all my writers love to you then.

Disclaimer –I don't own Twilight, Forks, or the characters, although I'm not sure how you could own a time of day no matter how romantic a time it is?!

Q- What does the term customer service position mean to you Edward? A- Erm, waitressing?

Lets see if he thinks the same at the end?

The Customer Service Position

Bella and her mother were sat up on Bella's bed, Edward having being surprised by Renee's sudden arrival (on the wrong day) was sat out in the pitch darkness on Charlie's roof. Bella had cooked a slightly awkward dinner for both her parents in the little peeling kitchen and now Renee was up for sleeping in Bella's room with her and having 'girl time'. Unfortunately this meant Edward couldn't cuddle up with her on the bed and watch his love sleep, to have his precious moment shattered by someone Bella loved was only tolerable at best. He had intended to stay close partly because he couldn't bare to be away from Bella and partly because Bella's sleep talking might cause a problem if her mother were to wake up and hear her mumbling about her hottie, ice-cold, sexy, solid vampire boyfriend that made her moan his name quietly when she got to 'the good part' of her usual dreams. Jasper and Emmett meanwhile had bets on weather Renee would talk in her sleep like Bella. Carlisle insisted it wasn't a genetic thing so there was no reason for Renee to talk about anything amusing while she slept. The Cullen boys weren't having any of this though.

Bella sat on her bed painfully aware that Edward was within hearing distance since her mother had that look. She used to love that look, it was the sign that Bella could talk to her mother about anything like friends. Consequently the birds and bee's lesson had gone over rather well for Bella clear and non-judgemental. She felt safe then but now she merely felt embarrassed, originally she'd asked about how two different species would end up doing it but now her busy bee was outside and now it was a justified question (not that her mother knew that).

"Now then Bella, have you and Edward being having sex? I want to know as much as you want to tell me, so I can just make sure things are going ok. You are using protection aren't you?"

"Mom!"

"Well are you or aren't you? It's ok if you are so long as you are using protection that is. I did wonder if you wanted to go on the pill and obviously you wouldn't ask your father to sign for that for you but we can do that while I'm here if you like. he. Don't tell your father any of this though he won't be able to cope and he's rather into the idea of scaring Edward off than being supportive of you. But I'm your mother so you can talk to me. You used to talk to me about everything?" Renee finished making Bella feel a little guilty. Bella merely sighed and stared at her mother. Clearly Renee wasn't going to believe the truth, that sexually speaking, her and Edward hadn't done very much at all together. She obviously couldn't even touch on why or that sometimes she was a little frustrated by his over care.

Sometimes Bella was too horny to find it cute the way he fussed and since Edward's big eyes, and Edward's gentle cold lips, and Edward's hard solid body were the cause of such feelings, she sometimes wished Edward would help a little more with the remedy. But Bella could never complain or let him know how she felt sometimes because she would rather all the frustration in the world than see him feel inadequate or guilty when all he was doing was caring for her safety. Bella couldn't help a deep sigh escaping her as she sat thinking about him. It wasn't until a moment later when she realised how pathetic she must look that Bella decided to have a little fun and see if she could make her mother uncomfortable as well.

"Of course we aren't having sex mother. I'm saving myself for marriage.' Renee looked a little confused and rather skeptical, she never saved herself for marriage, (something Charlie regularly liked to try and forget about the moment his daughter had reached the same age as he and Renee were).

'Just like Gran did!" Bella finished with a smirk, Renee shoved at her daughter now and tried to scowl.

"That isn't funny Bella! And don't let your father find out. Or I'll never hear the end of it."

"Yes well, I told you before, you don't have to worry."

"Of course I have to worry, your my baby girl and you have this handsome wealthy boyfriend that you spend all your time with. I know how he looks at you, I saw it in the hospital and he seems to be driving your father a little bit loopy. You do realise why he put that fish out on the wall don't you?"

"I know mom.' Edward found it hilarious and wanted to put his own Mountain Lion's head out to compare.

'And I know dad doesn't like Edward too much sometimes but he wouldn't like any boy a brought home and he promises to be nice to Edward for my sake so I don't let it bother me."

"I know your father really doesn't like Edward. But he does rather like Jacob."

"Not for dating, if I brought Jacob home from a date, he'd suddenly have an irrational dislike towards him. Dad only likes Jacob because we're only friends."

"I don't know. Billy's as good as family for Charlie." Bella knew what her mother was getting at but she wasn't going to entertain any such notion, particularly if Edward was no doubt still listening. Bella couldn't hope that any talk of Jacob might get Edward to leave.

"Then that makes me and Jacob as good as family and that's just strange."

"He's a handsome boy though isn't he? Big brown eyes of his, like his grandfather's. Charlie says he's grown tall too and apparently he doesn't seem to know what a shirt's for walking around with his gleaming chest on show. Billy was never the looker his dad was. Old Mr Black used to get all the ladies gawping at him in the summer."

"Mum, Jacob's granddad is old enough to be your dad, and Jacob's my age, wash your mouth out."

"I'm just saying, Jacob's a nice second choice for Edward isn't he? I know that's always being in the back of your father's mind."

"He's close to Harry as well but I'm quiet sure he wouldn't be able to cope if I brought his eldest home from a date." Bella grumbled. Bella was not blind to Jacob's attractive body or his cute face, or the fact that for a while they'd being such good close friends but now things were different and Bella had her Edward again.

"Well I suppose. That might finish him off, or he'd be so happy your not out with some randy boy he'd be ok about it. Hard to tell with your father. HE never did talk much about how he really felt about things. Was half the problem before."

"I know mum. But he's happier these days, well sort of. I think his dislike of Edward takes his mind of all kinds of things that used to bother him for no reason."

"So tell me about Jacob? You used to talk about him all the time."

"We're friends that's all. It was never anything more than that. Besides, I'm happy with Edward so I'm not going to mess that up for anything."

"Hmm, I see. Jacob doesn't like Edward much either. So what dose Edward think of Jacob then?" Renee wondered, Bella had to think for a moment and then suddenly came out with.

"Regardless of what Edward really thinks of Jacob, he's still my friend so Edward keeps his perfect little mouth shut around me if he knows what's good for him."

"Oh, right. Well so long as you don't let him stop you from seeing your friend just because he gets jealous of other boys."

"Mum."

"So do you love Edward then?"

"Yes, very much."

"Hmm, and you insist your not having sex with him?"

"No we aren't. Your not going to talk to him are you? Only you've got that look."

"You don't want me talking to your beloved Edward?"

"Of course you can, I just rather you kept it off any topics that are, you know..."

"I just want to know he's taking good care of you that's all?"

"He takes the best of care of me. And I know he loves me too before you ask."

"Hmm, well I'll believe you. And I'm still going to talk to him tomorrow. He's coming over isn't he with his sister? Alice?"

"Yeah, you'll like Alice."

"Your father likes her. He's all gooey about her. It's quiet pathetic really, he rings me up to tell me about your grounding and she wonders in through the back door says hello and up to see you when your supposed to be grounded, no visits, no nothing."

"She just has a way and he's a push over. Alice is the sweetest thing you've ever met."

"He said she's some sort of shopping fairy."

"She is, kind of. You'll meet her tomorrow properly."

"And they're father Bella... I mean wow."

"Mother, go to bed." Bella snapped quietly.

"Will we get to see him as well tomorrow?"

"He'll be at work. Beside's Esme's unbelievably territorial over him so don't you go gawping or anything daft like that. You'll embarrass me."

"I bet she is. But no I won't."

"I mean it mum, it's rude to stare and I don't think he's that wow."

"Aww Bella."

"Come on. Time for bed. Go have a cold shower or something."

"Fine, fine, but he's my age, I can look can't I?"

"No, you can't. And don't do anything really embarrassing like drool. He's a nice man. And his stitches are really neat."

"Fine I'm going. I love you sweetie but when you start complimenting men because they can do neat stitches in your skin I've gotta draw the line." Renee grumbled getting up and grabbed her wash bag in a bundle.

The following day Edward managed to get Bella away from her mother for a little while. Alice was threatening to make wedding day comments and even arrived with three bridal magazines' to be casually reading but Bella insisted Alice was sensitive towards Charlie and not let on about her plans. Telling Charlie she intended to marry Edward within the next five years was going to require some tact. Telling Charlie she intended to marry Edward within the next 6 months was dam near impossible.

Edward and Bella were sat outside Charlie's house in her truck, supposedly getting some cd's for Renee and were enjoying the chance to sit close together and talk. They were enjoying the quiet moment together since they're evening time had being noticeably cut into. Edward was stroking Bella's hands with his arm around her shoulders when he finally asked something he'd being wondering about all day.

"Bella, what did you mean about Harry's eldest? I don't want to get into a row about Jacob. But your mother had a strange thought in her mind when you mentioned that. I assumed you had a point that I kind of missed."

"Oh, Harry's eldest is Leah. He has a boy too, a few years younger than Jacob."

"But you meant Leah?"

"Well she was..."

"You don't want to talk about Jacob. You haven't seen him lately, only you didn't exactly...err."

"I'm not about to tell my mother that me and Jacob aren't exactly...he still won't speak to me. I hope she doesn't expect to see him, I can't think what he'll do in that situation. I just...he used to...why does he have...to..it's not fair! I don't like seeing him this upset."

"Bella shush. Come on don't get upset about him. He's not worth it." Edward soothed and continued stroking Bella's hands after giving her a soft kiss on the forehead.

"I just wish..." Bella breathed out trying to fight against Edward's calming influence but instead of getting angry about Jacob and Edward she found herself relaxing into his chest.

"How about we talk about something else Bella?"

"Ok." Bella mumbled now defeated.

"How about you tell me what bothers your mother so much about your grandmother? Is she dead now?"

"Yeah. I thought you might stay until I fell asleep. Sorry about that with Carlisle. But, well...you know."

"It's ok, you handled it rather well. And you don't think he's all that wow. Is that because i'm the better looking one? Hmm?"

"Perhaps."

"Only perhaps, we'll see about that." Edward insisted leaning down to give Bella a soft kiss on the lips. Bella wanted to press on but from her angle she could never get much leverage so settled for curling up in his arms more.

"Ok perhaps more than just perhaps."

"Hmm." Edward replied with his soft tones vibrating up Bella's back form his chest. Bella started to mutter in her mind, 'dam dazzling vampire boyfriend of mine'.

"Your mother was only teasing Bella and your right, Esme is unbelievably territorial, you should see her when other women look at him, our kind of women." Edward had being enduring the lusty female minds from all corners when he entered a room with his father.

"Like Carlisle would ever stray anyway." Bella laughed.

"Yes, he's too scared and too in love with her to do anything, like Emmett. But I couldn't make sense of why your mother was so ticked off about you making a comment about your grandmother like that. You do realise she thinks we're going at it every chance we get? She doesn't believe you when you said we...err...didn't."

"Well if you didn't look so dam appealing all the time, she wouldn't simply assume I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you. If you were more hideous looking she'd believe me when I say she has nothing to worry about like that." Bella insisted trying to look playful firm against Edward who was merely attempting to dazzle her by absently licking his bottom lip slightly. Bella's heart skipped a beat and she could of growled at him herself.

'Dam dazzling, sexy vampire boyfriend of mine.'

"So it's my fault your mother doesn't believe you." Edward continued, breaking Bella from her spell. Regaining her composure again Bella tried to make her playful point again.

"Yes! You and your dam appealing body." She insisted but Edward had a quick retort, fortunately though he let himself get distracted from the pretend argument.

"If youweren't so dam appetising I wouldn't have to...hmm.' Edward sighed slightly as he gazed down in to Bella's big dark eyes.

'Bella you are so very beautiful, you know that don't you?" Edward insisted but Bella was having non of it. Edward could convince her she was pretty but not beautiful.

"Edward, your teasing me." Edward merely rolled his eyes and gave her a crooked smile.

"You have no idea what you do to me Bella."

"Hmm, well I best sit up again, wouldn't want to tempt you too much." Bella insisted playfully sitting up away from edward's cold chest. Edward had her back against his chest in an instant, one hand around her middle as he quickly resumed his gentle caressing attack on Bella's hand and kissed her lightly on the head.

"I'm never going to hurt you, I love to just sit close like this with you far too much to ever let myself slip. So your not going anywhere little lady. We've not being missed yet by anyone so you can't use that as an excuse to tease either."

"I love to just sit quietly with you as well." Bella sighed back and let herself soak up his scent for a moment or two. They sat there breathing in the scent of each other they loved so much until Edward started up his choice of topic again.

"Now about your grandmother?" Bella smiled to herself at this. This could be interesting for them both.

"Ah well, she was...err, well lets say she was in a 'customer service position." Bella started turning to face Edward again.

"A customer service position?"

"Yeah and well, she was apparently very good at it. So like you do, she became a manager of other customer service people and did very well for herself." Bella explained and was clearly carefully choosing her words. Edward looked at her closely though, Bella never spoke quiet like this, she was open and honest and only held back when she was particularly upset about something Jacob had done and didn't want to cause an argument with him.

"I thought you said she ran a bed and breakfast? That's how you got the extra money coming to you, for when your turn 21. You said it was a trust fund for after college?"

"Well yes. Yes she did run a kind of bed and breakfast. Me and my cousin's got a share of her will. She left me enough to set up with a small house, not furnished, but a base at least. That's what my cousin spent her's on in the end. Mum doesn't really approve, she didn't want me to take the money when gran offered it before she died. So gran made sure it wouldn't be until I was 21 so it would be completely my decision and my mum wouldn't have a say in the matter. I don't mind, I think I will take it. It's only money after all, and I loved my grandmother, she wanted me to have it so I don't need to focus on where it came from."

"Have I missed something here Bella? Why wouldn't your mother like her mother leaving you money, did she want it?"

"No it wasn't that. She got a little herself, she spent it on having the air conditioning replaced. I got more but that was just her way. Grandmother didn't like the tax man much. Didn't want mum getting it and being taxed and then me getting what was left and that getting taxed and then my kid finally getting it and getting taxed again."

"Your child Bella?" Edward wondered, this had being a topic Edward often wanted to bring up. he was sure Bella would want children in her life at some point, all three of the Cullen wives would jump at the chance to have there own child but Bella didn't seem to mind in the same way giving up that opportunity in order to be with Edward.

"Just an expression Edward. Gran sold up just before she died and past as much over as a gift early."

"Sounds like your Gran was quiet the business women?"

"She was. Hard as nails my Gran in her own way."

"I still feel like I've missed something Bella."

"No you haven't, your just perfect Edward. Don't mind my mother, she just worries about my err, safety. Treat her like you do Esme and it'll be fine. I don't think she's even that intimidated by you, you know. She thinks your adorable."

"Well I'm not sure about being adorable but I have being trying not to accidentally spook her like I do Charlie. But alright if you say so. I'll drop it."

"I do."

"I love hearing you say that."

"I do, I do, I do, I do." Bella repeated and then turned her body around to feel Edward's chest against her's and his gentle lips kissing her. Edward was so absorbed in Bella's soft lips in return he couldn't be bothered with Charlie's thoughts as he came over and banged on the top of the truck. Bella suitably jumped and looked sheepish and got out the truck quickly. Edward meanwhile dropped down quiet casually and strolled into the house with his arm on the middle of Bella's back and refused to be flustered after his kiss.

Later that evening when Edward was back at home with his family Edward tried asking Alice for help as to what Bella had meant about her grandmother. Emmett and Jasper however were sat close by, fighting it out on the playstation and listening to Edward's explanation of what Bella had said and Renee had though. Even Esme had sniggered at Renee's concerns about Edward's sex life but Alice was being very patient with her confused brother and as quiet as she possibly could in her mind until Jasper suddenly burst out in a fit off giggles.

"She's a hooker Edward!" He spat out. Emmett and Alice were sniggering away partly from Jasper's mirth but at Edward's surprised face.

"NO she said, she..."

"Management position in a bed and breakfast doing a customer service position. She's a hooker, or well a madam. That money's what she made pimping out her girls Edward!" Jasper insisted giving up on his game the moment Emmett's booming chuckles had accidentally crushed yet another controller.

"Your dating the granddaughter of a whore! Ha ha you dumb ass."

"Oh your face Edward!" Alice squealed.

"Don't you say that, no she's not Bella's...she's..."

"Edward, we love you but you can't live in denial." Jasper insisted trying to sooth Edward into reality again.

"She's, she's...oh my god your right she's a flaming..." Edward covered his mouth in surprise as Emmett and Jasper rolled over into a bigger fit of giggles. Edward couldn't take the laughing at him any more and quickly dashed out the house to think this through. His virgin, pure, perfect girlfriend had such sordid individuals in her family. It just wouldn't match up in his head. Two hours later Carlisle was sent out to calm him down and help him sooth his understanding that it had no baring on Bella, who was after all, just the same sweet wonderful girl that she was yesterday.

It took a while for Edward to agree. His Bella was perfect for him in every way even sexual naivety. Carlisle had to reassure Edward several times before he went back to Bella's house for breakfast while the rest of the Cullen family sat having a good old giggle in Carlisle's office at what Edward had 'discovered' about Bella's family.