Naked Eye

The thoughts of the clone in its final moments are clear to the naked eye, and yet so very hidden... [mangaverse] [possible slight spoilers]

So odd… I feel… not… a part of me. My body is here. My mind is here. Even the soul that I fear I do not have is here. But I… I am… gone. Away from this mortal plane… shattered into slivers of mute light above my head.

A circle snakes its way around me, suspending me in a chasm of light and dark, where only vague figures seem to permeate through the haze. A form there… I know it somehow… intellectually, I recognize this human… but for the life of me, I cannot feel how. An odd, dual sensation. How can one know and not know at once?

And around me, too, is a substance. Thicker than air… yet somehow I still can breathe. I know, yes, in my mind, that I should not be able to. I know why. But it is not real. Movie film, viewed through a buttonhole. Nothing more.

I understand, of course, what emotions my body should experience at each moment, a running commentary with myself. Here is confusion. Here is sadness. Here is anger. Here is determination. I know… but here is nothingness. Emptiness.

The girl… I know her too. I know I love her. And yet I do not. I know that I had and would still try to expend every fiber of my being, every ounce of my courage for her well being, and I know why I do so. But… then again… I know this… I understand this… but I do not feel this.

But there… a flash of light in front of me… the wily thoughts and half-escaped emotions that flutter elusively over my head… they are gone. Splintered and torn away. So lost. I grab. They fly away. Golden. Drowning. Where… no… if you leave… please… I… I cannot.

Purpose. I have it now. One thing. I think. I know. I feel.

Feathers. Collect them. Destroy obstacles.

There. My hand moves. I know what I need. He stands in my way. I cut him down. I take what is useful.

I watch in silent, unrelenting horror as I systematically rip out his eyeball, swallow it, and leave…

Ahhh… so good…

I know my emotions still hover around like pesky flies. I shoo them away with a mental swipe.

Another figure approaches. Intruder. Finish him. Use the magic the eye has given me.

Stop! Stop it… that's a friend…

Those feelings I once so desperately grasped for I now swat at with annoyance. The heart has been removed. My consciousness buzzes outside of me. It yells in my ears, but it is no longer within my mind.

Intruders. All of them. I ignore them for now. I underestimate them. The lesser of two evils, I think.

The large one… the black… he runs for me… but my body has the sword. My eyes are trained on him, but I see nothing. There is nothing inside me anymore.

Please… please… you have a heart…

Pesky little mosquitoes.

That's my other body. My true half, I suppose. He is the only one I recognize, possibly for the fact that my former mind and former half-of-heart were his as well. I know, for the sake of knowing, everything about him. I don't care. Truly have no feelings. But my body yearns for what it lacks.

My soul… let me… let us… go there… where it… is warm…

Oh the cries, the cries.

He explains in words I don't care to hear. I listen, all the same. His eyes are bright. I do not fear him. I cannot fear.

Or so I think.

Yes… go… go to him!

And then… he draws upon them. The lesser of two evils, I had thought. He rips them from me. No. Not from me, really. But from around my aura.

Where… do I go?

I thought I knew. I knew that I had no emotions anymore. Only purpose. It is as clear as the eyeballs in their sockets. I am not human anymore. But in that instant…

A great, searing agony. He tears his heart away again. For the last time (and I know it is my last time) I feel once more. The brilliance of happiness, the anguish, the despair, the glowing hope… everything I have ever felt, everything it is possible to feel all at once… somehow existing under my very skin… the tips of my fingers… the edges of my hair… they claw themselves out, any remnants left, and the ones already outside try to shove their way furiously back inside of me.

Oh sweet, burning, beautiful agony, claim me!

They emotions. Are silent. The creeping, the swelling, crescendo. The clarity. That had come with purpose. Is still. My heart. Is gone. My chest. Is still. There. Is Nothing. Left.

And for all. The Outside World. To See. Nothing. Of any. Consequence. Had Occurred.

I retreat. Into myself. I am me. I am none.

My goal. In hands. Mission complete. For now. Search for more. Go.

A hand. Grabs me. I speak. I turn. Delicate fingers. Fall into silence. So loud. So profound.

I… I love her… please… please don't…

I need not tell the last that remains to leave. My coherency. Gone. My battle. Over. I know. I know. I love her. I loved her. I will love her.

But there is nothing. Nothing. Left of me. In her. In me.

No choice. Obvious. Don't care.

Nothing left.

Leave.

Only Purpose.

Only

Purpose.

A/N: First Tsubasa fic, hope you enjoyed. I'm not new on FFN, just this section. Anyhoo…

I loved this scene in the manga. I actually started with the anime, but when I read that Fai turned… well… you know (in case anyone doesn't XD) I had to read this. 

I always thought the Syao clone had potential, even after the seal was removed. I hated that everyone gave up on him so fast. But such is life. So I tried to capture his last thoughts before he was completely lost.

Grammar is supposed to be like that. At first, he still has some thoughts, but as soon as Fai's little trick backfires, he separates from his emotions (as my own explanation of him). I like to think his thoughts and emotions literally were outside of him (those are the italics, his feelings that want to return to him). And, of course, the only one to get through to him after real-Syao rips out that yin/yang is his chosen… :)

Possibly might continue... if my writer's block strikes again.

Review if you want, but this was just to help with my writer's block. XD

~UA~