Hi. I don't own any of this shit. Though I wish I did. The horrible things I'd do to the Doctor if I owned him ... =] mmmmm 3
Creeping aside ... This is set immediately after he leaves Donna and Wilfred Says goodbye. This is my version of what happens when he's standing there wet from the rain. I guess it's kinda AU, but this is how it SHOULD have happened, damnit!
Wet from the rain, the Doctor stood and simply stared sadly at the console of the TARDIS. His hands were in his pockets and his hearts were heavy. He was alone again. He had lost everyone.
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
Forever, they had told him. But one by one they were gone. The tragedy of it all was that none of it was by choice. Each of them laid themselves on the line for him, for his cause. And he lost them. And in his infinite loneliness, he hated himself.
He was the lonely God, with nothing but cold, dead stars to keep him company.
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you, dear
Cause I wish you were here
He lay in his bed, for lack of anything else to do, though he was as far from sleep as a person can be. He thought about all his companions, and missed them. But there was one he couldn't shake from view.
Rose.
He left her there, with the other version of him. It was the right thing to do, there was no other option. Rose healed him, she could heal the other Doctor as well. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt. Oh, Rassilion, did it hurt. He wanted to be selfish. He wanted to keep her. She had stolen both his hearts. But he couldn't. He was left with the burning image of her kissing the wrong Doctor to haunt him forever.
I'll watch the night turn light blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
He was still wearing his clothes, even his Chucks, as he lay in bed staring absently at the ceiling. Oh, he could still smell her scent on his shirt. He'd hugged her good and long, loathing letting go, and she still lingered on him. The memories of her were overwhelming. Her blonde hair whipping as they ran, her infectious laugh and smile, her enthusiasm. The way she would look at him, her eyes adoring, and the way she would throw her arms around him with reckless abandon. They had gone to the end of the Earth and back together, been through so much.
The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
His face solemn, he drew his left hand over the palm and fingers of his right. He remembered her small hand and how it fit so beautifully in his, like they were made to fold to together in such a way. From that very first night when he grabbed that perfect hand and said, "Run!" he knew Rose Tyler was different.
Two incarnations, and that hand still fit his. Funny, that.
I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
He couldn't sleep. He was cold. His hearts were aching. Part of him wanted to slip into a deep sleep, and never wake up, to stay safe in a dream world where Rose was still with him, and he was still happy. The other part of him didn't want to sleep for that same reason, knowing he would have to wake up without her.
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist deep in thought because when
I think of you I don't feel so alone
He closed his eyes, and let lose a painful sigh. If only he could pretend ….
Here in his room, with her scent on her shirt, he could, just barely. His fantasy was flimsy, at best, but it lessened his pain, even just a little. He imagined her, soft and warm beside him. His hand curled slightly into the comforter, imagining her hand beneath his.
I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone
As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight...)
I'll think of you tonight
Oh, Rose. His beautiful Rose.
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
He rolled on his side, a tear sliding down his cheek. He couldn't do this. He had to push the pain down, keep going. No matter how much he wanted to lie down and never feel again, he couldn't. She wasn't with him, but she was safe and happy. It was all he could ask for.
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear:
"Oh darling I wish you were here"
He'd never forget her. He couldn't, for as long as he lived, as long as his hearts beat. "Oh, my Rose," he whispered. "I wish you were here."
"What if I was?" a soft voice asked quietly.
He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. He could hear her voice as clearly as if she was there. He groaned softly.
"You won't even look at me?" Her voice shook with the slightest of tremors.
The Doctor froze. She sounded …. real. He pushed himself up and slowly turned his head to look at the door. There she stood, framed in the half-light spilling into his room from the hallway, her bottom lip between her teeth.
"Rose ….." His voice shook worse than hers. He was on the verge of tears. "Rose, you can't be, it's not possible …"
"Yes, Doctor, it is. The universe hadn't closed off yet. I used the dimension cannon one last time before it did. Looks like the TARDIS saw me coming and brought me here." The smallest of smiles appeared on her lips. "Right smart girl you have here, Doctor." Her smile faded to a look of apprehension.
"But … your family. The human me …. Rose, why?"
"The other you, he told me what would happen to Donna. Doctor, I'm sorry, she was the best." He bit back tears as she continued. "He told me to use the cannon. He told me he loved me, but you needed me more. And it's true, Doctor. He knew it, he knew I'd never love him like I love you."
The Doctor pushed himself to his feet and walked towards her. He stopped, and slowly raised his eyes to hers, terrified of what she might say next. "Rose," he whispered, relishing her name even as he said it. "What about you mother? Pete?"
"They understand," she told him bluntly. She looked like she was holding back her own tears. "I belong with you. And they knew that. I love you, I always have. I told you once I'd be with you forever, and I meant it. I'm sick of the universe pulling us apart, Doctor, and I mean it this time. I'm never gonna leave ya."
He stared at her. The more he looked at her beautiful face and her bright eyes, the more he felt his walls crumbling. He couldn't stand to space between them anymore. She was just inches away, and it was miles too far. "Oh, Rose," he cried, his voice strangled. He reached out and pulled her close, crushing her body to his. His final wall fell, and with it came a cascade of tears. "Oh, Rose, my Rose ….."
"Doctor, I'm here, I'm here," she whispered, holding him as tight as she could. Tears slid down her cheeks. She ran her fingers through his fabulous hair as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, soothing him. "It's alright, it's alright…."
After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled back to look at her, his eyes red and puffy. He lifted his hands to hold her face between them, capturing her eyes with his. "Rose, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For everything." He closed his eyes tight and leaned his forehead against hers. "I've had so many chances to say it, and I never did. Oh, Rose Tyler. I love you. With all my hearts, with all my being. I love you."
"Doctor …." She whispered. She ran her hands down his chest, fisted them in his jacket, before sliding them up to the back of his neck. "My Doctor." She pulled his face down to hers and crashed her lips to his.
His arms came around her once more, holding her close. She was the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted, her lips soft and warm on his. He was overwhelmed and dizzy, and he never wanted it to end. Rose, his Rose was finally, truly his. He kissed her like it would kill him to stop. To him, it felt like it would.
Finally they had to come up for air, gasping as they still clutched to one another. He brushed her hair from her face. "I've waited so long for that," he whispered as he pressed a kissed to her forehead.
"Me too," she smiled as she fought down a yawn.
"Are you tired?" he asked gently.
She shook her head sleepily.
With a gentle chuckle, he pulled back slowly, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Let's get you some rest, Tyler."
She looked at him, her eyes pleading the same thing his hearts were. He had to ask her. "Stay with me tonight?" he whispered, one hand holding hers and the other resting against her cheek. "Please? I'm … I'm not sure I could bear to be away from you …."
She nodded. "Please." He led her to his bed, and sat down. She pulled her jacket off and joined him. They crawled under the covers, ignoring the fact that they were fully clothed, caring only about the fact they were together again.
He pulled her into his arms again as soon as he could as they laid back. She snuggled against him, burying her face in his chest. He kissed her head again, smiling to himself. "Rose?"
"Mmm?" she responded sleepily.
"I love you."
"I love you, too, Doctor," she whispered back. "I'm glad to be home."
He closed his eyes. His cold hearts had never felt so warm, his desperate loneliness never so far away. "My Rose."
"My Doctor."
He smiled to himself and could sleep at last.