AN: I wanted to say a special thanks to Liarsenic for betaing this for me and to Sunshine2006578.
I lie back on my bed, and my head sinks into my cloth-covered pillow. I stare blankly at the pale white wall before me, across the room. The music from my ipod blasts into my ears, filling the one sense that has never been under appreciated (by me at least).
I'm not completely convinced of my reasons for feeling sick or for wishing that, for a moment of tonight, I were someone else. My wish I know will never come true, but it never killed anybody to hope. Unless your one of those audacious people who hope themselves into oblivious non-existence, with nothing but what they hoped for.
I stare at the wall some more, until it bores me to (almost) death, before my eyes drift to my chest. I watch the rise and then the fall of it, but this quickly proves to be pointless. I tear my attention away from my chest and focus it on my ipod. I'm sure that I'm alive, but for some unknown reason I feel dead, to put it bluntly. It almost feels as though half of me is being tugged in and the other half tugged out.
I take a few deep breaths and pinch myself on the arm for good measure. I try several different sleeping positions. My back; nope no good. My stomach; no good either. I feel as though I could puke up all my guts and possibly a kidney (if that were even physically possible). After many failed attempts to sleep, I toss and turn until I lay on my beloved side.
The pain in my body subsides, but the restlessness doesn't. I look beside me at the fast asleep blond and I study his leather-clad form; gorgeous as always. Staring at him ('him' being the infamous Mello), I realize that my hope is crashing into the edges of the universe and not coming back to me. It still rests un-peacefully in the back of my mind.
Maybe I'm exaggerating, but this night is never going to end is it?