Carol saw Therese, it was a moment stuck in time. The room lingered; glasses half raised, words half said, smiles not yet turned down. A tunnel of people between them, Carol could still see every detail of Therese, as though she was an oil painting for her to admire alone.
Carol smiled reservedly, surely the moment meant something. Therese was here after all. But Carol left something of herself, for the sake of sanity. Inside though; inside she exploded. Her entirety was gun powder and fireworks. Therese walked toward her and step after step; kaboom.
And then, when she was but a feet away, Carol rose from the table and excused herself, her gaze frozen on the woman before her. Carol braced, straightened her dress and inhaled deeply. Therese stood, waiting, both wanting and not wanting. Therese remained composed but her insides twisted further with each step Carol took to lessen the space.
When they met finally, no words were said. Neither woman knew what to say, and it clear now that no words were needed. Therese closed her eyes and sighed, she could feel the breath of the older woman on her skin. Seconds later, she opened them, interrupted by the feel of Carol's hand brushing against her hip, motioning her to follow.
Therese watched as Carol hailed a taxi and sat inside, never turning to Therese. It was the closing of the eyes, Carol thought, confident now that Therese would follow.
As the taxi toured New York City, the two women sat inches apart, a cacophony of heavy breathing and anticipation. Carol, seeing Therese's hand flat on the leather, flattened her own hand next to it. Her finger, barely touching the outline of Therese's hand, caused both women to shiver inside, electricity pulsing through their veins. They sat like this through what seemed like the ages. All exhales and imagination.
They arrived at Carol's apartment. It was much more demure than Carol's previous abode, but sophistication came in the form of rugs, lampshades and fine china. Therese could imagine Carol swept across the rug, watching with amusement as Therese studied records, concentrating upon which record would capture the mood. Carol watched as Therese flirted her finger across the record player, lost at thought.
At last Carol said, "play something, won't you?"
"Alright", said Therese.
Therese opened the hood of the player and noticed the record within. She paused, it was the record she had given Carol for Christmas. Therese wondered how many times it had been played and in what mood. Had Carol been listening and crying herself to sleep like she had done? But it didn't matter now. Now the mood was suspenseful and full of restrained excitement of what was to come. The melody filled the air, low and sweet.
"I thanked you didn't I? For the record?" asked Carol.
Therese smiled, "yes."
Carol proceeded to pour two drinks, doing so out of nervousness and not wanting to look at Therese. Looking and not touching killed her. Carol's earlier confidence had dwindled. Not because of anything said or done but because this was her true nature; one only found when Therese had entered her life. Confident, scared, excited, restrained; she was a perfect jumble of the human condition. She was alive.
"Sometimes I forget to thank people" said Carol. "I always think of it of course, but it's usually rather too late." Carol walked the floor and handed Therese the drink. "Thank you", said Therese, smiling nervously. Therese knew that now was the perfect time to say 'it's never too late, Carol', but she couldn't bring herself to say it. Therese felt like she had in their first meeting; small, wide eyed and vulnerable and she hated herself for it. But of course that is what Carol so loved about her.
"Shall I give you the tour?" asked Carol.
"I would like that."
"It seems so silly, of course, using the word tour. This place is far too primitive for that."
Therese laughed to put Carol at ease, "sometimes, I guess, there are things there are no words for."
Carol turned to her, impressed. "I almost forgot how wise you are." Carol smiled, "so beautiful and wise."
Therese blushed. The two women stared at each other, silently urging the other to break the tension. "Well", said Carol, at last "on with the thing there are no words for." Carol stared at Therese for just a moment more, but it was knowing. Both women knew that what they had, no word could describe; a contradictory mixture of desire and frailty.
Carol turned down the hall and Therese followed. They entered a room, large and bare, a double bed in one corner and a wardrobe in the other. "This is... the second bedroom", said Carol, "I'm afraid it's a fright now but I'm sure with a woman's touch..." Carol let the words linger in the air, aware of their meaning. Therese blushed. Carol smiled wickedly and walked to the adjacent bedroom. It was larger and decorated with luxurious throws and charcoal paintings. Therese, noticing the curtains, walked over and pressed them against her body, as if wearing a dress.
Carol laughed, "you and curtains, I swore in Waterloo, I would wake to find them in your suitcase." Therese joined Carol in laughter but stopped when she saw Carol's smile fade.
Therese, remembered then, the significance. It was the town in which they first made love.
"Therese I..." Carol stopped and sighed. "Well", she continued, turning from Therese,
"I guess I don't quite know how you can ever forgive me but believe me when I tell you that what we had was extraordinary." Carol turned and stared at Therese, "what we have is extraordinary. And I know you've moved on and you will find another, maybe you already have, but..." Carol paused, as if just realising the possibility. "Have you?" Carol looked to Therese, in some sort of composed despair.
Therese looked down at her hands and kneaded her palms, "no, I guess I've had opportunities, but I couldn't bring myself to..."
"And Richard?"
"He found a girl. He's happy."
"And you?"
Therese looked up from her hands. "I'm here."
Carol's eyes transitioned from hope to desire. She searched Therese and could see in her eyes a matching will. She walked to Therese, determined to end the charade. The two women stood in front of each other, their heavy breathing piercing each other's body. Therese leaned up and cupped Carol's face with her hands. She placed a soft kiss on her lips. "And I love you" she whispered.
Carol's breath caught, as if it had consumed Therese's words whole. "Well," she smiled, a tear forming, "that's that."