Salve veritate (Saving the truth)
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"Optimists are just pessimists in denial..."OK. He hadn't meant it like that, but her optimism was truly getting to him. In all truthfulness, what exactly was there to be 'cheery' about? In the past few months AVALANCHE discovered the real purpose of ShinRa, Sephiroth was on the loose, a close comrade and a friend died, and now the world was on the brink of destruction from Meteor. It was just another tragic event after another. He felt the weight of the entire Planet's pain crushing him, drowning him in the pool of sorrow that all the innocent citizens created...and he hated it. There was no one to pull him out, no one to save him from his position as a leader.
He took on a role that he didn't even want. What crazy notion drove Tifa and Aeris to declare HIM the leader of Avalanche when all he has been was just a failure for his entire life.
Looking up at the sky, Cloud Strife realized that the weather was going to get worse. He could even smell the rain in the air as the puffy black clouds loomed over the planes like ashes and smoke over a crisp burning town. That mental image alone caused him to momentarily lose his thoughts as old memories came flooding back like a deluge after a storm. It was so hot that night. The humidity mingled with the heat of the flames caused a sensation that was indescribable. Even to this today, Cloud still remembered the pungent smell surrounding him with each step he took into the abyss of the nightmare. Some memories were forever drilled within the recess of his mind, and this was one of them.
With a sigh, he carefully set his sword aside as he stood up from the metal ground of the Highwind. He walked to the front of the airship and gripped his gloved hands tightly on the railings. He watched the small waves crash against each other from the turbulence of the weather. The calm before the storm had ended and he was afraid that things were just going to get even complicated from here on to the end.
The blonde felt drops of rain trickling down his skin before the sky erupted into a cold shower. He closed his eyes, relaxing as harsh icy shards made contact with his skin...and he savored the simple moment.
"Cloud? It's raining pretty hard. Maybe you should come in, kid?" Cid called from the cockpit.
"No. I'm fine!" he yelled back. This could be the last time he will ever feel the rain. It's funny how one starts to appreciate something so trivial as rain only when possibility of dying is right around the corner.
"You can get sick." This time it was another voice. A feminine voice that was marked with concern.
Cloud knew exactly who it was. "That's OK. All I have to do is 'believe' that everything will be fine and I will recover in no time," he replied sarcastically. He shook his head and emitted a dry chuckle. "As long as I 'believe' and think positively, everything will be fine, right?" he mocked.
Tifa was taken back by his words. He had never spoken to her in that tone of voice before. It was so...cold and cynical. Her glossy eyes reflected hurt and Cloud caught a glimpse of it when he turned around.
"That's not funny..." she whispered.
"No, but I like how you make light of all the tragic situations," he countered. He immediately regretted the sentence as the words left his mouth. It was phrased completely wrong and was just plain cruel. "Tifa, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
He never got a chance to finish. A slap across the face refrained him from speaking. He could feel all her anger and pain seeping into him in that single action. When he looked up, he could see his childhood friend breathing heavily as she fought the urge to let her tears spill.
"How dare you say that! Do you think I'm just some inconsiderate insignificant being that has no feelings or emotions at all? Why do you think I'm in this fight to save the Planet?" she cried out with her voice rising in a rapid crescendo. At this point, she couldn't even tell who was standing in front of her. That man was NOT Cloud Strife. She knew Cloud could be distant at times, but NEVER would he say something so bitter to her. After all the times they fought together and the deaths they barely escaped from, she'd think she was worth MORE than someone who 'makes light of tragic situations.'
"TIFA, NO! Of course you're not like that! I swear I did not mean to say it like that. You're-"
"Right. I'm just a pessimist in denial," she concluded for him, repeating the same words he said to her earlier. She straightened herself up, hoping that the rigid posture would prevent her from collapsing into an emotional whirlwind. She stepped out from the dark corner that was shielding her from the rain and walked to the front where Cloud was standing before. She could feel the Ex-Soldier's eyes burning into her soul as he stood behind her. She didn't want to face him...not now.
Her body was soaked from head to toe. The black clouds that were floating like tendrils were a perfect complement to the ominous rage burning inside her. A rush of powerful wind knocked strands of silky raven hair from it's tight bind, which whipped around her porcelain face that now appeared so fragile. She tried to find something to focus on to prevent her from crying. The only thing she could settle on were the waves crashing beneath the airship for everything else was shrouded in fog, much like her heart.
She was surprised to find that in a matter of only seconds, the entire atmosphere around her became colorless. Only black and gray adorned the nature around her as the rain showered upon her with no mercy. The railings were frigid and so was the liquid cascading over her body, but the sense never registered. She couldn't feel anything but her own confusion devouring her.
Seconds felt like hours and hours felt like an eternity before she spoke to no one in particular. "I don't see the point in going on. If we're all going to die, might as well end our lives here where it'll be quick and easy."
Cloud's keen eyes widened in alert. He noticed that she was leaning dangerously over the railings and the first scenario that came to him was that she was going to commit suicide by jumping off the Highwind. "Tifa, what the hell are you saying?" He couldn't control the fear in his voice as he roughly grabbed arms and pulled her against his chest. Her resistance caused them both to land on the metal ground. Cloud winced in pain as he felt his head slam against a protruding nail that stuck out like a sore thumb.
"Let me go!" Tifa tried to escape from his grasp but he quickly held on to her as he jumped up, ignoring the hot pain pounding in his head.
"Let you go so you can jump off and die?" Cloud retaliated. Just the thought of losing her was enough to make his heart churn.
"Who said I was going to jump off," she snapped. His eyes were locked on her face the entire time. She surprised him by extending a leg and kicking him in the shin, which made him fall one knee. "DON'T touch me..." She emphasized each word slowly as she backed away from him once more.
No, he was not going to accept this. Standing up, he advanced forward and tried to wrap his arms around her again. God, she looked so lost. It killed him to think that he was the one who was responsible for crushing her spirit and chaste essence that she had spent her entire life building up.
She pushed his arms away. Right now, his poisonous touch disgusted her. "What do you want from me?"
"How about the truth, Lockheart? I want the truth!" he replied with force. Again, he didn't mean to sound so demanding, but his emotions were in control tonight, not him.
"What are you talking about? What truth?"
"I want to know what you're truly thinking and most importantly, what you're truly feeling." He took a step with each word spoken until he cornered her against the railing. She had no where else to go but down below, but he was going to see himself dead before he'd let that happen. "You say that I'm cold...and wish I could open up more to you...and to the others...and I try, damnit, I honestly try! Tifa, don't be a hypocrite. Do the same."
"A hypocrite?" she questioned. She lightly scoffed and turned her head, avoiding his gaze.
"Look at me!" he said sternly. Cupping her face with his hands, he forced her to look straight into his eyes. "Yes, you heard me right. A hypocrite. You're always hiding your real emotions. Your cheery optimistic face is nothing but a damn façade! That's why I hate your optimism so much!" He could feel himself breaking inside as he uttered each word. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to know. After seven years, he had finally reached the pinnacle and the formidable barrier that he created to guard his heart was finally shattering before him.
This was it. Tifa could feel herself slightly trembling beneath his weight. Anxiety and fear were bottling up inside her and she was afraid that any minute, it would explode, revealing all her deepest secrets...ones that she only kept to herself, ones that had been locked up in her heart for so long, almost too long. "And what about Aeris, huh? You didn't seem to mind her optimism...her bright outlook on life and the future." She said the only that came to mind--the only thing that delayed the inevitable.
"Tifa...Aeris is DEAD!" He couldn't help but choke on the last word. "Dead...dead dead dead dead DEAD!" He took a deep breath before continuing. His eyes were stinging with salty tears, but he had to let everything out. Tonight was the moment of truth. "Just...please...no more optimism, no more false hope, no more hiding, no more LIES. Understand that we're mortals and no amount of 'positive words and encouragement' can prevent our deaths. We live in a cruel and twisted world...just stop pretending that it's all perfect and nice like a fairy-tale dream because it ISN'T!" His voice was cracking and his eyes continued to burn, but his emotions prevented him from ceasing. The rain crashed down harder and the angry heavens thundered loudly with streaks of lightening bolts flashing off in all directions. "You realize that we could all die when we fight Sephiroth, don't you? Please tell me that you at least thought about not making out of the fight alive...that Sephiroth will prevail and Meteor will destroy us all."
"Yes...Cloud...I have..."
To his surprise, she spoke rather softly, a distinct contrast with his harshness.
She slowly forced herself up from leaning backwards. Cloud shifted back a little so she was left standing, but closed in on the space between them, not allowing her to escape or out of his sight. He needed her so much...
"You want the truth? Fine...I'll tell you the truth." This time, she willingly looked into his eyes with her wine orbs piercing HIS very soul as she prepared to make her confession...one that was straight from her heart. "Cloud, I am scared to DEATH to even think of losing everything we have been fighting for. I'm weak...I need some positive mentality to keep me going throughout the day and to keep my nightmares dormant at night. I need false hope to reassure me that everything will be OK when my world starts crumbling around me. I need to believe that there WILL be a tomorrow so I can live another day with the people I love. I need to hide behind the 'happy' demeanor I created because I don't know who I am without it. I need the lies because sometimes I can't accept the truth."
An awkward silence followed afterwards. Tifa didn't know whether or continue or not...but she felt as if she had spoken to her heart's content. She could feel the walls of her bastion coming to an abrupt end, destroyed by her deep and passionate emotions. She felt numb, and for the first time, she felt true fear. The brunette was finally stripped of the happy-go-lucky mask that she had worn for far too long. Nothing surrounded her now...except for Cloud's arms and the possibility that they will be welcomed by Death soon.
"You are...Tifa Lockheart and you're not weak...you don't need to build up lies and false hope to achieve what you want. The truth hurts...God, it hurts so much but it'll only make you stronger...and that's what you need. Strength drawn from experience, not lies created by the mind." He slid his arms down until they rested around her waist. To his relief, she did not object. It was as if she was mesmerized by the simplicity of his move. In all the months she traveled with AVALANCHE, she never felt more protected than now, being secured in Cloud's arms. Sometimes actions speak louder than words ever could.
"Are you telling me this from experience?"
Cloud nodded. His thoughts re-winded back to the day he first joined ShinRa. "When I first learned that I did not get accepted into SOLDIERS, I tried to be optimistic to the point where I deluded myself into thinking that I was Zack. I wish I accepted the truth earlier. It could have saved me years of pain and confusion. I was like you. I was hiding behind someone I didn't know. I was living a lie that was conjured by my mind. For years, I was not the Cloud you knew...until you pieced back my real memories in the Lifestream."
Yes, perhaps she was a hypocrite. Living the life of a stranger that SHE created to protect herself from pain. Who was she kidding? She was no optimist. No optimists would cry themselves to sleep at night or tell lies to lessen the gravity of a situation. Somehow, that thought made her feel useless. She felt like a drone with no substance. Was she only meant to exist for other people to leech spirit from her until she had nothing left to give?
As if reading her mind, Cloud quickly answered, "I'm sorry if I made you feel worthless. You're anything BUT that. It's just that...I can't control my emotions tonight...knowing that we could all perish tomorrow."
"Then tell me, Cloud. Tell me how you really feel." She wanted to know. She needed to know.
This time, she could feel HIM trembling. He bit his lower lip hard as he summoned all his strength to keep his composure. "Tifa, I am scared...just like you...but I fear losing you the most. I have no family left...you're my only family, my only reason to keep fighting." In that instant, Cloud did something he hadn't done in over ten years.
He cried.
He was always taught that crying was a sign of weakness. He didn't shed a single tear when his town was destroyed, he didn't shed a single tear when he ended innocent lives by destroying reactors throughout Midgar, hell, he didn't even shed a single tear when Aeris' life was so wrongly taken from her.
But for Tifa, he'd shed a thousand tears.
Not being able to hold in her own tears anymore, Tifa finally let them go. Sometimes letting go could be the hardest thing to do, or the easiest.
For the first time in years, Tifa found her true self. If she were to die tomorrow, she could rest happy knowing that she died as Tifa Lockheart, not as someone who she wanted to be.
But right now, she didn't want to think about tomorrow. She couldn't ask for anything more than what she had now. They were both soaked, two individual souls roaming through the dark rain only to be brought together as one by honesty. It was a pure and perfect present caught between the sorrows of the past and the mysteries of the future.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Cloud would have been ashamed to cry, but he could care less if the entire Planet watched him right now. If it represented weakness then so be it. He knew deep down that it represented him--it represented a human, a mortal...for it was part of human nature to hate and to love, and right now, he only felt the latter towards the female.
"I'm sorry to interrupt but we've landed..." Cid spoke from the cockpit as he watched the two AVALANCHE members share an intimate moment. He really hated to destroy the scene in front of him, but he had no choice. "Um...everyone is gone...they're saying their final good-byes...just in case...you know. Just wanted you to know. I'll see ya later, kid...maybe..." With that, the almighty captain of the Highwind disappeared.
Cloud and Tifa knew this could be the very last time they will ever see Cid...or the rest of AVALANCHE. Good-byes are never easy, but they had to accept them for they were part of life.
"Let's head down, shall we?" Tifa whispered with a small smile as the first sign of the night came into view. A bright moon highlighted the black sky with billions of stars glimmering like diamonds to enhance the almost too perfect heaven. The rain was now gone and the gray fog dispersed as well, bringing light colors back to the atmosphere around them.
"Yeah...it looks like all we have are each other in the end..." Cloud replied back as he wiped the final tear that fell from Tifa's eyes. "I don't care if they don't come back. I don't blame them if they want to spend their last moments with the ones they love...but I'll keep on fighting, because I'll be fighting with you."
"Me too Cloud...although I miss them already. I guess I can't revert back to the optimist and hope things will be OK, huh? There are some things I must accept...no matter how much I don't want to."
Cloud shyly took one of hand and held it gently. With their fingers interlocked, they both made their way out of the Highwind.
"Hm...you're something else now, Tifa." His statement was simple.
"What?"
"You're a realist."
Author's Notes: I guess I wanted to take a different Cloud/Tifa approach and do something that I haven't seen done before. Hope it turned out OK. As always, thanks so much for reading and please leave a comment or critique!