Disclaimer: Whoever believes I own Young Justice and DC comics or that I get any profit from my fanfiction, please raise your hands. Now whoever raised their hands, my answer to them is: "No, I most certainly do not!"

Genre: Pure, unadulterated crack

Note: I know the story gets kind of OOC towards the end, but it was so much fun to write!

Kiss, Don't Tell

"Why did you kiss me?!"

Like a screeching microphone, Artemis' shrill tone of voice drove Dick into a full-body flinch.

"You know I have a boyfriend!" she said, her volume building with every word. "What kind of guy takes advantage of his friend's dead girlfriend?"

At the moment, he didn't have an answer for that, but Artemis didn't stop to wait for one either.

"You, you… are you feeling horny today or something? If so, go make out with someone who isn't dying or in a serious relationship!"

Externally, Nightwing was calm and composed. Internally, his thoughts were bouncing around at Wally West speed as he tried to compose a believable explanation.

"It was CPR. I was trying to make your death more convincing. Don't get your spandex in a twist about it."

Her mouth hung open with furious disbelief.

"Bull crap! I had a knife wound! What does that have anything to do with CPR?"

"Well, Kaldur's 'knife' is electrically charged," Dick said calmly. "If it had gone through your body, you probably would have experienced cardiac arrest along with internal bleeding…"

"Are you still trying to bull shit me?"

Dick shrugged, only adding fuel to the bonfire of her rage.

"Really Nightwing? Even if you were doing CPR, you didn't even do it right! You didn't pinch my nose, and the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation part was not necessary. Especially when the person you're doing it to isn't dead."

"So what do you want me to say?"

Seeing her befuddled frown, Nightwing clarified himself. "If you don't want me to 'bull shit' you, what do you want me to say? Better yet, what do you think I'm going to say?"

In exasperation, she threw her hands in the air. "I don't know! If you haven't noticed already, I'm not a Martian," she pointed to her temples, "so I can't read minds."

He sighed. "I was really counting on you blacking out right then… You should have said something if you were awake."

This resulted in Artemis presenting her friend with her signature "yeah right, this is totally MY fault" face, an expression she had perfected during her relationship with Wally.

"I couldn't move! And even if I could have, I wouldn't have been able to do anything because that would have blown the whole operation, and you know that!"

Artemis' crossed arms, firm stance, and tight lips stood in harsh contrast to Dick's out of character slouch and the guilty way his eyes focused on the ground. They remained in a body-language face off until Artemis allowed herself to soften just a smidgen in hope that she could coax the truth out of Nightwing.

"I don't know what the hell you were thinking, but at least give me an explanation that I can believe. You just made out with my dead face. I deserve your honesty."

He thought about it for a second while radiating a new sense of coolness, the kind of aura he gave off when he tried to talk his way out of something or he was cooking up a particularly merciless prank. If Artemis hadn't known him better, she would have thought he was mocking her intelligence.

He shrugged, a movement that indicated he was ready to tell the truth.

"Guess I wanted to see what it felt like."

Artemis' face became absolutely devoid of expression.

"If you keep lying to me, I'm going to tell Wally."

"That's the truth."

Artemis continued to look blankly at him.

"Okay, so maybe that isn't all of the truth…"

Her emotionless stare morphed into a glare. "Then please, Nightwing, do tell."

In a very un-Nightwingish gesture, he covered his face with one hand. "God, Arty. It's really embarrassing."

"See if I care. Spill it."

With her steady, attractive boyfriend still in mind, Artemis could objectively recognize Nightwing looked really, really cute when he was extremely uncomfortable. He kept shifting his weight from one foot to the other and rubbing the back of his neck.

"I…I had this huge crush on you back when I was fourteen. And…well, I knew I was out of your league, but that didn't stop me from…um…imagining things."

Artemis didn't say anything, but she hoped and prayed Nightwing would decide not to go into the details of his teenage fantasies. Especially if she was a subject in them.

"I don't think I have feelings for you now, but you were kind of my first serious crush. So, I guess it still meant something to me, and I acted without thinking."

He looked down at the shorter girl guiltily.

"I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

Artemis continued to stand there with her arms folded across her chest.

"Sorry for kissing me or sorry for not telling me how you felt?"

He hadn't expected that kind of response, so he let his guard down for a millisecond. Just long enough for Artemis to get a gleam in her eye and a smirk on her lips.

"Want to give it another try?"

"Give what another try?"

She sighed as if the answer was obvious.

"Kissing me. But when I'm actually awake. I might think about forgiving you, but first we got to flush that stupid old crush out of your system."

"Um…" Okay, he REALLY hadn't expected that.

"Urg." Since his tight bodysuit didn't leave her with anything to pull on, she snuck her hand behind his head and forced him down to her eye level. "Just come on and let's get this over with already."

Her fingers tightened around the hairs at the nape of his neck, and he winced at her touch. "I don't know if this is a good idea…"

Then she kissed him, in a movement so brash and powerful that Dick could only describe it as a shot straight through the heart. He could feel her calloused fingers entwined in his hair, her lips still cold from her temporary comatose.

After a long second of surprise, she purposely lingered to give him time to respond, and he did his best to answer her. Her chilled skin gradually warmed under his touch.

Too soon for Dick's tastes, Artemis pulled away from him with the same determined expression she had donned when she had dived in for the kiss. Dick was impressed. Was she really unaffected by that? If so, she was a first in Dick Grayson's black book of kisses that counted for something.

"Keep this just between us, okay?"

"Wait," behind his mask, his eyebrows lowered in confusion, "you aren't planning on telling Wally about this?"

"Yes," she said, and he could hear the unspoken 'Yeah, duh!' in her voice. "Not unless you give me reason to. I love him, and he loves me, and that's what matters. I don't want to be the reason he hates his best friend. Or the reason you're still pathetically fantasizing about your first crush because you didn't have the guts to go for it."

Without further ado, she turned away from him, striding towards the rendezvous spot where they had decided to meet Wally and Kadur. He watched her ponytail sway as she walked, following the movements of her toned back and mulling over the insanity that had just taken place.

"So… what did you think?" He had never asked a girl to rate his kissing ability, but then again, he had never met another girl quite like Artemis.

"You're really bad at kissing dead girls. Not going to lie."

"How about live ones?"

"I'll give you an 8.5 out of 10."

She didn't have to turn around to know that Nightwing's posture had straightened, and he probably had a ridiculous look on his face.

"But just to warn you, Wally always gets a 100 out of 10 in my book, so don't start getting ideas, squirt. You're out of my league."

As they approached the warehouse, Artemis took a detour to change out of her green uniform. Dick went to lean against a pile of shipping boxes.

He quickly checked from side to side to make sure no one was looking, and then touched a button on his left arm brace. A picture popped up, and he grinned wistfully.

"I always knew I was."

Didn't stop me from falling in love with you.