7/24/2014 6:30 pm
Dear diary,
Shannon called me a bitch twice. I swear hearing it the first time made me feel numb, like getting a bruise and it slowly goes away, the second made me feel like a bullett went through me. I don't know why, I mean I've been called a bitch, ass, motherfucker by other people, but when Shannon called me a bitch, it really hit home. I feel that she just added the cherrry to a worst ice cream ever. I mean I barrely see Alex, I don't want to see my dad but I do want to see him get better, I have to clean the dam house and what does she do? Go on her phone and play games! Her boyfriend is helping me clean, so is her friend that is living with us for July, and Shannon just sits there. I am so pissed. I don't even think about forgiving her. This will take a lot more than 'I'm sorry'. I feel like I want to die. Just take the whole thing away. I don't want to feel this pain. I just want to end it. I know better to actaully do it, but for right now out of all the options it's making it's way up to option a. So far it's at option U. I don't know what else I can do. I just want to cut myself and cry. I want to black out from the world. Go into a coma something has to be better than this feeling inside of me. It feels like an ache getting bigger and bigger and suddenly I can't help it anymore. I can't take tums or alieve. I can only help by crying, which doesn't help that much. I told Ms. Killian about my siblings and how they were so great. Now I think I was just living a fantasy, living my own world because I woke up from that dream and found out what my sister really was, a rude, stupid, mean, bitch. I can't forgive her, not after this. I hope to keep this from everybody. I feel as though the only way to get rid of this ache is to make a bigger pain. I can't just kill myself. I feel like cutting is the only way. I told my mom to get me a counselor and now I guess she waited to long to listen to me. I needed a counselor a long time ago. I just don't think a counselor can help with this. I just want Shannon to go away. She has caused to many problems and I can't wait till she leaves. It may mean more chores for me, but I already have to do them all. Shannon is a useless sister. I can never have a true relationship with a bitch and I'm happy I realized now. OK, so hurting myself is now at option p. Pain is the only thing I can think of. My mom isn't answering my text, I don't want to tell dad, I mean who am I supposed to turn to? Chaney? He is more blood related to Shannon then he is me. He will thinkI should give it a while, but honestly I am sick of her and I have been for a while. Mom just texted me and said Shannon, her, and I would have private chat. I don't who Shannon thinks she is, but you never have a reason to call someone a bitch.