A/N: I was trying my hand at a whole different fandom.
I got the idea from the facts on a Not So Boring History tumblr page and from the article on Cracked called: 17 Most Hilarious True Stories Left Out Of History Class.
Blake's phone vibrated and he looked at the message he got from Dean. He had to reread the message and looked at it again.
"Ooh," his classmate Moses said. Blake hated that guy even though he normally didn't hate anyone.
The teacher had her arms crossed. Blake was sure that Mrs. Waters hated him for some reason; maybe it was his hair or she hated white guys. It probably explained why she allowed Moses to sit behind him, even though he expressed desire to stay away from him.
"Is this important to the lesson?" Mrs. Waters demanded.
Blake looked at the message, "well. My cousin has sent me a message that has something to do with George Washington."
"Care to read it to the class?" Mrs. Waters asked.
"You can, since you're the teacher," Blake said and handed his phone over to the teacher.
She took the phone and looked at it. "Blake's cousin sent him this message, 'George Washington's inspirational words before crossing the Delaware were: 'Shift that fat ass, Harry. But slowly, or you'll swamp the damned boat.'" She looked at Blake as some of the students started cracking up.
"My mom and his mom were really good friends," Blake said as Mrs. Waters handed him the phone back.
"Put it away," Mrs. Waters ordered.
"I think she said…" Seth started and noticed Dean looking at his cell phone. He sounded offended as he said, "You're not listening."
"I heard you. Blake is ranting and raving about how he thinks his history teacher hates him," Dean explained.
Roman looked confused, "why would she hate Blake?"
"Ever hated someone for no reason?" Dean said, "I have."
"So…what's going on with Blake?" Roman asked.
"He's bored with his history class. He swears—" Dean started.
Seth interrupted, "he hates cussing."
"I wasn't finished," Dean said. "He feels like he learned that stuff last year."
"He knows that they purposely leave stuff out, right?" Roman stated.
Dean shrugged, "I think so. Sometimes he watches documentaries on Netflix and says that he didn't know that."
Seth nodded, "That's true." He looked like he was thinking something over. "Hey, give me your phone." Dean did as he was told.
Blake looked at the message that he was sure Seth sent him.
When you do something stupid, just remember that Roman emperor Caligula waged war on Poseidon. He sent him army to the beach and told them to start stabbing the water.
Blake showed the message to Dylan and Alex.
"Well, that's reassuring," Dylan said.
Blake shrugged. "I kind of find it funny.
"How stupid can someone be to stab water?" Alex said.
"What are you doing?" Cesaro asked as he and Neville noticed how Dean, Seth, and Roman were huddled together.
"Trying to think of historic events to tell my cousin," Dean said.
"I got one," Cesaro said.
Dean held his phone out to Cesaro, who took it. "My cousin's name is Blake." Cesaro started typing.
Neville stated, "You know, in England during the 1880's, the word 'pants' was considered a 'dirty word.'"
"That's so stupid," Dean replied.
Cesaro handed Dean's cell phone back to him and he looked at his cell phone.
Blake looked at his cell phone.
The Swiss invaded Lichtenstein…three times.
The first time it was in 1985, when during an artillery mission, several rockets the Swiss launched changed trajectory and landed in a forest in Lichtenstein.
Next time it was in 1992. Due to a simple mistake, like forgetting the city of Triesenberg was not on Swiss territory, Swiss military crossed the border to set up an observatory post there.
15 years later the Swiss army marched into the foreign country and was a mile in, when they realize what country they were in.
Either the Swiss army gets really bored of being neutral or this may be the slowest country invasion ever.
"How does a country accidentally invade another country three times?" Blake asked Alex, showing him the message.
"They're either very bored or stupid," Alex said, shrugging.
Blake looked at Dylan and showed him the message. Dylan shrugged, "I'm going with actually trying to invade the country by making it look like an accident."
"Now you're just purposely disagreeing with Alex, because you're mad at him," Blake said.
"Damn right," Dylan said and Alex rolled his eyes.
Neville was typing out a message when Dolph walked up to the little group. "What's going on?"
"Just trying to teach my cousin some interesting history," Dean said to him.
"History," Dolph repeated and nodded. "I always hated history. I always thought I didn't learn anything new in that class."
"Join the club," Dean replied.
"Do you mind if I send him something after Neville gets done?" Dolph asked.
"Go ahead," Dean said.
The entire Victorian era was named after Queen Victoria. When her husband Albert died in 1861, she went into mourning, donning black frocks until her own death many years later and expected her nation to do so too. She avoided public appearances and rarely set foot in London in the following years. Her seclusion earned her the name, "Widow of Windsor."
Her somber reign cast a dark pall across Britain and her influence was so great that the entire period was fraught with creepiness. Ironically, since Victoria disliked black funerals so much, London was festooned in purple and white when she died.
Blake looked at the phone then showed Dylan and Alex. "Why are people texting me this stuff?"
Dylan replied, in a sort of sarcastic way, "Because they want you to learn things."
Blake looked at the messages, wondering if it was overboard for trying to teach him something.
A yellowish picture of a woman tattoos on her arms and chest was sent to him. Blake showed it to Dylan and Alex, who shrugged.
A message was sent to him.
This woman is Maud Wagner. She was a contortionist and aerialist from the circus. She's also the first female tattoo artist in 1910 when she brought tattoo artistry inland. Her daughter Lotteva started tattooing when she was only nine and went on to be a tattoo artist herself.
Blake showed the message to Dylan and Alex.
"They sure as hell don't teach us shit like that in school," Alex said.
Dylan looked at the picture of Maud again, "she's cute."
Blake looked at the picture, "I guess." She just seemed like an ordinary woman to him.
Alex shrugged, "she's okay."
A message got sent to Blake.
The Austrian fleet immediately surrenders after a kettle of soup is shot. In 1784, Austria, which controlled the South Netherlands, wanted to conquer the free country of Northern Netherlands too. They sent out three warships, since the North Netherlands were neutral in any conflict, the Austrian Emperor thought they would easily.
A small Dutch ship that was anchored there, fired a shot towards the Austrians. The ship was unharmed, but the shot luckily hit a kettle of soup that was on deck. The soup covered Austrians were scared shitless and surrendered to the Dutch.
This was the only causality of the 'Kettle War': One soup kettle and presumably all the soup held within.
"That poor kettle," Alex replied.
"That poor soup," Dylan said.
"I guess," Blake said.
Alex crossed his arms, "I think they decide to take out the interesting bits of history because they're not 'important enough'."
"Learning about World War 2 for two years is?" Blake replied.
"Yeah," Dylan said.
"It's so stupid," Blake responded.
"I know it is," Dylan said.
"I hope Blake learned something new." Dean said to Roman and Seth.
"What if he knew that stuff?" Seth asked.
Dean looked at his phone. Blake didn't even respond back, "I think he would've replied back about the things we texted him."
"That's true," Roman said. "I hope he enjoyed the things we taught him, either way."
A/N: I hated history. I had the same teacher for two years. All we did was relearn the same shit sophomore year for junior year.
I didn't even Maud Wagner existed till I came across her on Not So Boring History. I didn't know the Kettle War existed or the Swiss accidentally invading Lichtenstein three times.
I hope I kind of taught you guys something new. If not, I hope I entertained you, sort of.