"The truth is out there." ~ The X-Files

For a moment, Alex wasn't sure where she was. She blinked, trying to put everything into focus. From the ceiling she was certain that she was at work. The DEO? Why was she at the DEO? The last thing she remembered...Alex realized she wasn't sure what the last thing she remembered. Slowly, she sat up and groaned. She hurt. She hurt everywhere, but especially her head.

Sitting up, she realized that she couldn't be at the DEO. It was a bedroom, but at the same time, she knew that the room she was in had been an office. It looked exactly like the DEO and it was definitely supposed to be an office, but someone had gone to great lengths to make it appear as a bedroom, a well used one at that. The normally clear glass walls had been painted to afford some privacy. There were nightstands on either side of the bed, the one she was staring at had a picture of her and Kara, but it looked old and distressed. She picked it up and stared at it. She loved this picture. They were both smiling and happy, even though she couldn't bring up the exact memory, she knew that it was a favorite.

What was going on?

Setting the picture back into its place, she realized that she was cold because she really wasn't wearing much besides matching black camisole and underwear. There was what appeared to be a wardrobe off to the right and a mirror top dresser to the left of the bed. She got to her feet, nearly fell, and decided to sit on the left side of the bed for few minutes instead. Whatever was going on, she was not sure of her own legs or weight.

Alex felt like she was hungover and had the flu all at the same time. She held her head and just focused on breathing. What the hell had happened? Where was she? It was troubling her that she didn't know what the last thing she remembered was and was pushing herself. She'd thought about calling out, but she didn't know exactly where she was or what was going on and if she was being held captive, then she didn't want to have them hurrying in there. Though, if she was being held, it was the oddest prison she'd ever seen the inside of.

Again, she tried to stand and her body was a little more tolerant of it. She still held onto the side of the bed as she moved towards where she was hoping clothes and some shoes would be. She shifted to the left suddenly as she felt like she was going to fall, Alex's hands fell onto the dresser top in order to help support her weight. She huffed out a breath as she struggled to stay upright.

What was wrong with her?

Her head snapped up and she stared back at herself in it. It was then that she realized that like the nightstand, the dresser mirror was adorned with distressed pictures. The ones of her and Kara or the ones with her parents, they all seemed odd but okay. It was the pictures of her and Maxwell Lord looking far too close that sent her head spinning and Alex couldn't keep herself up. Her legs gave out underneath her and she crumpled to the floor.

It didn't make sense.

Something was wrong.

As she looked around, she kept thinking that it looked like she was in the DEO, but that wasn't possible. Everything was wrong. Nothing felt right. Alex tried to come to grips with what was possibly going on. She needed to figure it out because nothing made sense. Was she sick? Was this all a dream? Nightmare? Hallucination? Something like the Black Mercy? This wasn't some kind of idyllic life for her, so she scratched the actual Black Mercy off of the list. Some kind of torture? Was someone trying to get information out of her? Some kind of alien tech? It didn't make sense to her that she was captured and then someone had set up the room like it was.

Breathe.

You have to get out.

Alex decided that she just needed to get out of that room and to figure out what was going on. There were only so many clues (or further confusion) she was going to get out of that room. First, though, she needed to get dressed. She pulled open the drawers and yanked out a set of clothes. She'd tried to ignore that half of the drawers were filled with men's clothing, she hadn't missed the Lord Technology shirts. It took her longer than normal for her to get dressed, but she tried to not let that get in the way of what she'd decided was her mission. Acquiring shows had taken a bit longer, but she'd finally found a pair of running shoes under the bed that looked like they were hers.

Before she could get up off of the floor, the door was opened. Alex didn't have enough time to move, but it didn't seem like she had to from the reaction she got. It was Maxwell Lord, dressed a lot more casually than Alex was used to see him. He seemed completely masked in concern and worry as he moved towards her. "You're awake," he whispered. "What are you doing on the floor?"

Pushing herself back, she kept her eyes on him. "What have you done, Max?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked and stood there just staring down at her. "I've been doing what you did for me last month. I've been making sure that you made it through the fever."

"What fever?"

"Alex, let me help you up onto the bed and we can talk about this," Max said and took another step towards her.

"No!" Alex shouted at him. "I want to know where I am! I want to know what's going on!"

Max sighed. "Sweetheart, I don't think the fever's broken yet… Please, just let me help you back into bed."

"Tell me what I want to know!"

"We're at the DEO facility outside of National City, Alex," Max told her gently as he crouched down. "You know that. It was your idea for us to come here."

"This isn't the DEO-"

"Sweethe-"

"Don't call me that!" Alex yelled. It was freaking her out. Whatever was going on, it was twisted and Alex wanted out of it. She wanted to wake up if it was a nightmare, at this point, she wondered if it could honestly be anything else.

"Okay," Max breathed. "Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"

That was a problem. She didn't know for sure what the last thing she remembered. The confusion was even more frustrating as she searched her own memory for answers. "I-"

"You don't know," he whispered. A beat passed. "It's the fever, Alex."

"Where's Kara? I want to talk to Kara!" She didn't need to wait for his response to know that that had struck something in him. It wasn't anger or disdain, but grief. The look on his face at Kara's name was enough to make her want to throw up. "What?"

"Alex, please just let me get you back into bed."

The fact that he wasn't answering her questions was scaring her. "Tell me!"

"I don't know what year you think it is-"

"Two thousand sixteen," spilled out of her mouth without Alex thinking about it.

Max sighed and covered his downturned face for a moment. He was silent and he seemed to be thinking about a response. "Swee-Alex," he said as he looked directly at her again. "If you think it's two thousand and sixteen, then you probably think I'm about the worst person in the world…" He looked incredibly heartbroken. "It's been eight years, Alex, and the world isn't anywhere near what you remember it to be…"

"We're in the DEO?"

"Please, let me put you in bed and then I'll explain everything? I promise," Max offered.

Alex tried to get up, but she wasn't quite as strong as she had wanted herself to be. "Okay," she finally gave up.

Surprisingly, Max was gentle with her. He scooped her up and gently set her back into the left side of the bed and then removed her shoes. "You weren't wearing much because of the fever," he explained. "It's been going around."

"What is it?"

"We've been trying to work on a vaccine for it, but we haven't gotten far."

"You said you'd explain."

"Right." Max moved to set her shoes under the bed before reaching out and pulling open the bedside table drawer and removing a small journal from inside. He handed it to her. "I don't know how far back you write, but then at least it's not just me telling you everything." He moved to sit closer to her, perched on the edge of the bed. Alex was reluctant to let him touch her, but she allowed it after a moment. He sighed. "Not as hot as you've been, but it's probably burning off the scrubber."

"Scrubber?"

"It's something we have to take, normally twice a day, but your body's been burning it off faster than normal," Max explained. He stopped and then tapped the journal. "Read it. I'm certain you've made an entry about the scrubber, but the environment outside is practically unlivable. Toxins make their way into here even with all of the systems we have rigged up." He seemed to be able to see the question in her face. "I know you probably want to get right down to it. Cliff notes version of the last eight years?"

Alex gave him a nod.

"The Fort Rozz escapees managed to released Myriad on the planet," Lord explained. "I'm not even sure how it happened. The world ended six years ago. It ended the day that the DEO fell. The day that Henshaw died. The day that Kara died-"

"What?" Alex breathed out a shorten sob. She covered her mouth and told herself that she couldn't cry. This couldn't be real. It wasn't real. She wasn't going to live in a world where her sister didn't exist.

"We hid here and we brought people with us," Lord continued. "Smart people. We aren't the only colony still alive, but I think we're likely the ones that are best off." He was quiet for a long time. "I'm sure it's unimaginable to you right now, but we fell in love, Alex. We got married, if that is even something that's official after the world ends," he said as he reached out and ran a finger along the ring on her finger that she hadn't realized was there until he pointed it out. It was then that she realized that he had one too. "We have a daughter. We've been happy. We've been trying to fight this fever. We've been trying to figure out if there's a scientific solution to reversing Myriad."

Alex felt like she couldn't breathe.

Kara was dead.

J'onn was dead.

Her mother was likely dead.

The world had ended.

She married Max.

They had a daughter.

"I-" Alex tried to get something out. She couldn't. It wouldn't come.

"It's okay," Max said gently. "Look at your journal. I'm going to go get you another dose of the scrubber and something that will hopefully ease the fever. Please, just rest…"

How could she just lose eight years?

There had to be something else.

Her fingers moved over the textured cover of the journal before pulling back the elastic band that kept it closed. Opening the cover, she immediately recognized her own handwriting. It could be a forgery, Alex thought. The first entry in the journal was for 2018 and as Alex just skimmed the page, she couldn't help but think about how it did sound like her. The words were hers.

God, the words were hers.

There were tears that had stained the pages here and there and had even blurred words, but they were still readable. Alex just couldn't believe it and it scared her to think about what she was going to find reading it. Wouldn't that make this all real?

Kara.

She had to know, though.

May 2018

I don't know what the exact date is. I don't know a lot of things. Max handed this to me and just told me to write whatever I was thinking. There's so much I've been thinking and I don't think that there will ever be enough pages to fill them. They spin out of control and I just can't even put them all to words. Max said I haven't said anything in days. What left is there to say? Everything has been taken. They've won. I never thought I'd ever say that. I always thought that between the DEO and Kara that we'd track down every alien criminal that had escaped Fort Rozz when it crashed here all those years ago. We were so wrong.

Non and Myriad have taken it all. They destroyed nearly the entire human race, or at least we have to hope that there are others out there. Communications are down everywhere. All we can really do is huddle in the shelters that we have and hopefully survive. At this point, I don't want to. Max keeps saying that things are going to be okay. He's trying to keep me hopeful and I just can't. He wants me to believe that my mom is out there and I just can't. I saw Non kill Kara, she died in my arms. My little sister. It still doesn't feel real. I was supposed to protect her. I promised. All the promises that I made to my parents, to people, to myself...and I couldn't keep any of them. J'onn died protecting me. Too many people died because of me. I don't even know why or how I'm still alive. I don't want to go on, but there's no way that I will end it myself. I don't think I could and it seems like such a selfish thing to do, there are people still alive...and maybe I could still help someone...even if it's a single person. This can't be the end of everything.

June 2018

It's not safe. Nowhere is safe. If the toxins don't kill us, then the remaining Kryptonians will. Max thinks he's developed something that may help combat what we're feeling. It's like a sickness, but it's because of the environmentals. He wants me to help him with it, but I don't even want to leave my corner of what's left of the world. Everywhere I go, it reminds me of something that I lost and can't get back. Kara. J'onn. My mom. The DEO. Our mission...and all I can think is that if we had more time then maybe things would have ended differently. If we had understood Myriad earlier… If we'd found a way to combat it. If we'd been united, as human beings.

July 2018

It's slowly killing us. I'm being selfish. I have to help Max. It's hard. I don't know if I can really do it or if I can even help. What if it's all for nothing? What if there's no way to stop these symptoms? It's gotten so bad, though.

She found another wallet sized picture and she just held it with a shaking hand. It was her, Kara, and J'onn. The picture itself was damaged, but she didn't remember when it was taken. Kara was dressed as Kara Danvers, which didn't happen often when the three of them were together. There was also the strange fact that they'd gotten him to take the picture and that he was smiling.

Wake up, she told herself.

Max returned with a syringe and Alex wasn't sure what to think about it. Did she take it? She felt sick and he seemed to think this would take care of things. Would it? Or was it what was responsible for how she felt?

"How do I know-"

"Alex, if I wanted to poison you, then I wouldn't be telling you that it's going to make you feel better," Max told her. "Which this will. I swear. Just give it five minutes." She didn't resist when he injected her and just hoped that he was telling the truth. "You're reading…"

What could she say?

She looked up at him. From everything that she'd observed with him and how he'd acted, he didn't seem to be lying. At least she didn't think he was lying. Alex was certain that she could be wrong, especially if she was really running a fever. It was all so much, though. "I-"

"You don't believe any of it?"

Alex shook her head, her eyes never leaving him.

"That's my girl," he muttered with a smile. Max shoved his hands down into his pockets and looked away from her. "I shouldn't be surprised." He looked back over at her. "After all, we didn't start things on the best of terms, did we?"

"Well, I think it went off the rails in the middle."

Max smirked at that. "I will admit it, and only to you, I do make mistakes."

This wasn't the Maxwell Lord that she remembered. As she stared at him, she realized that she already felt better. She felt stronger. She rubbed her forehead for a moment and closed her eyes. There was just so much to take in and to accept or to reject. Did she reject it? If she did and this was reality? Alex didn't know what she could really do at this point. She wanted to wake up, for this to all be some kind of twisted nightmare.

"Tell me what you're thinking?"

"That this is all wrong," Alex whispered and then opened her eyes to find him looking quite disappointed.

Max sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know this has to be hard." He was quiet for a moment. "I was yelling and throwing stuff last month. The fever sucks. I had forgotten chunks...and I thought that I was imprisoned like all those years ago and I was so mad at you." He shrugged. "It's so weird...and so sobering coming out of it and realizing where you were and where you are now and how opposite my feelings for you are…"

"Max-"

"Kara's death has always haunted you, Alex," he brought up. "You've never gotten over it and I'm certain that you never will." He reached out and pushed a piece of stray hair back behind her ear. "J'onn gets brought up here and there, but Kara kills you the most. I think that when she died that day...that a large portion of you died with her. I just always hope that we're enough for you."

"I don't know what to think," she whispered. There were so many entries that she hadn't read yet. The journal was almost entirely filled. "What to say."

"I know," he said with a sigh. "We're going to have to go on the tour, but only if you feel better."

"The tour?"

"Of the building," Max said matter of factly. "I think that's the only way you're going to remember. It'll probably jog memories."

What kind, though.

Alex didn't know if this was going to be a good thing or not, all she knew was that the truth was out there. It was a truth that she needed to find and either she'd be satisfied or devastated. "I think I feel up for that."

"You're still running a fever, but you should be okay."

"Is it contagious?"

Max seemed to go back and forth with that question as he tilted his head slightly to the left and then to the right and back again. "Yes, technically, but we're all packed on top of each other and the ventilation system is shared. There's no elaborate scrubbing or filters in between rooms. So, we just try not to spread it person to person if we can help it. You've had it for days, though, so really you should be at the end of it."

Alex didn't know what to think of that. All she knew was that he was giving her the opportunity to leave the room and she was willing to take it. "Okay," she responded. She moved to get out of bed, but Max stopped her. She was about to argue, but he grabbed a pair of ugg-type boots out from under the bed. This confused her even more because as she looked around, all of this stuff wouldn't have been at the DEO. How did they get it? All every moment seemed to bring was new questions. She allowed for Lord to help her put the boots on. He then insisted on helping her to her feet and she was certain that he was testing to see how stable she was.

The building was busy, but all Alex could see was how much destruction had befallen the DEO facility that was often like a second home to her. People passed her and smiled and greeted them, but Alex didn't remember any of them. He'd even taken her to the lab and showed her some of their work, but she couldn't even get a familiar feeling. It all just felt more confusing.

"Alex?"

"...I don't remember."

She didn't know whether to feel relieved, happy, sad, or frustrated. Did she believe that this place was true? That everything Max was saying was real? Or could he still be behind this? From what she'd seen, it looked like a community that had been built over time. It was still hard for her to think it was all true. "I don't understand how you get supplies...furniture...equipment-"

"There are certain people that have repeatedly gone out there, we give them a higher dosage of scrubber every time, but they seem to be more tolerant of the toxins," Max told her. "Lucky for us, the Kryptonians don't need vehicles, so us finding a vehicle with gas isn't a problem."

It was still too much...and so much time.

"Mommy!"

It wasn't until she noticed Max's face that she realized that that was her cue. She was the mommy. She turned to see a little girl coming towards them, a bright smile on her face. She was tiny and all Alex could think was how much she reminded her of Kara. Her sister had been so much older when she'd arrived on Earth, but this little girl...she reminded her so much of Kara. Big blue eyes, the smile, the long blonde hair that seemed to curl just at the end. She was dressed in a pink shirt with flower accents around the collar and jean leggings. The little girl flung herself at Alex's legs before she could really process how to approach the child.

She noticed in the peripheral vision that Max was crouching down and Alex felt like she should do it as well, even though the child was still clinging to her. Tears fell from Alex's eyes. "Hi," Alex said to the little girl as her heart broke and melted at the same time.

"Are you feeling better, Mommy?" the little girl questioned.

"River, remember we talked about how Mommy was sick like I was?" Max said gently. "So, she's a little confused and doesn't remember."

"I remember," the little girl said brightly with a nod.

"I'm feeling better," Alex told her as she brushed the long blonde hair back over the girl's shoulder. "Thank you."

"Do you remember me?"

"River-" Max started.

"No, it's okay," Alex told him. After all, if this was their child, she wouldn't like to lie to her even if she was small. She looked at River, running her hand along her arm. She smiled and tried not to think about how much River looked and reminded her of Kara, who was apparently gone. "I don't right now, but I'm sure it's going to come back. I still don't feel quite myself."

Silence.

She could see that Max was going to say something, but then the little girl surprised them both as she held out her hand. Alex reached out and held onto it, not sure what they were doing at first. All she knew was that if this was really her reality, her life...then there needed to be no secrets.

"Hi," River said. "I'm River Kara Danvers, it's nice to meet you."

"Alex Danvers," she said in turn automatically as they shook.

It hit her.

River Kara Danvers.

Max's hands held onto her shoulders and then helped her to her feet and he kept an arm securely wrapped around her. She was glad that he was holding onto her because this was just so much to take in. "School, River," he prompted.

"Bye Mommy and Daddy," River said as she waved at them before heading down the hall.

Her head pounded and she felt sick. Did she believe this? She watched the little girl go and just felt like this couldn't be right. Kara couldn't be gone. J'onn couldn't be gone. This couldn't be how it was. They couldn't have failed. She couldn't have lost eight years.

"Alex?"

Alex whispered, "We named her-"

"I couldn't argue with the names you chose and River Lord doesn't have the same ring to it as River Danvers," he said.

"We named her after Kara?"

"And River Song...or River Tam...or both...I think, technically both," Lord told her and turned her around and guided her back towards the way that they'd come.

Alex wasn't sure what to think about having a daughter. "She looks like-"

"You always said that that's because of your mother. The blonde hair and blue eyes."

She just nodded. "That's right."

"Let's get you back to bed, okay?"

Alex didn't argue and they just walked. "How many people are here?"

"In this colony? Twenty-three," he responded. "Seven of those are children under twelve."

"I don't remember."

"You should," Max admitted. "Sometimes it takes longer in different people. We've only ever had one person who made it through the fever that didn't have any of their past memories when they finally made it to the other side."

"You could die from it?"

"We used to have more than forty-five people crammed into this base when we first got down here. It was bad and hygiene wasn't the best. It spread quickly and we didn't have enough supplies. We didn't have scrubbers at first and then it took some tweaking for it to really work right."

"Did the entire facility stand?" Alex questioned and came to a halt. The DEO facility outside of National City that she worked at had a few buildings above ground and then there was the facility underground. She'd gotten the tour, but they hadn't gone anywhere near the entire facility, she'd realized. Alex knew that facility and now she was trying to go over it in her head. There was something-

"What are you talking about? You got the tour."

"The entire tour?"

"We didn't go to the surface-"

"That wasn't the entire facility, Max..." Alex's words were cut off as her head spun, pain overtook her, and she saw flashes of something that she couldn't quite grasp. She tried to focus, but her head only hurt more. Max held tight to her until he finally scooped her up. The moment she relaxed, it all slipped away but so did the pain.

"I'm going to get you back to bed," he told her and he sounded and looked so worried. The way his face wrinkled when he had it crunched up in worry had Alex amazed from the angle she was looking up at him from. She was exhausted and felt like passing out. "You need rest. This was too much. This was selfish-"

"Max, just stop talking, please?" Alex whispered exhaustedly as her eyes closed and her head rolled towards his chest.

"Alex!"

Someone shouting her name brought her around. Alex blinked wildly and tried to figure out where they were. It was dark and she couldn't see who the voice belonged to. Her head was pounding and as she sat up, it only got worse.

"Alex! Alex, that's you, right? You're not some kind of twisted hallucination?"

That voice.

Maxwell Lord.

Alex turned her head in the direction of the voice, squinting through the dark and then slowly moved towards it. "Max?"

"Oh, thank God!"

She still couldn't see him, but she found herself running into a barrier. Bars. Her fingers twisted around them and she tried to adjust to the dark. "Max?"

His fingers covered hers a moment later and he could see him staring back at her through the dark. "I know I'm not your favorite person-"

"That's accurate."

She could see his smirk in response. "I'm just glad to see a familiar face in this nightmare."

"Where-"

Alex didn't know what pulled her out of the dream. Was it the pain or the sounds of people out in the hall? Alex woke to find that she was all alone in the bedroom and she was grateful for the privacy. Sitting up, Alex didn't know what to think of...well, everything. Pressing the heels of her palms against her eyes, she let the tears fall. The confusion and frustration was too much.

She didn't remember anything.

She didn't remember this life.

It was hard for her to accept this, but what if this was her life? What if this was all she had? She was just glad that so far, Max hadn't come back. Alex wiped the tears away and snuffed for a moment as she looked around. It certainly felt real. If this was some elaborate set up, it was good. Too good. Why would someone go to all that trouble?

Max-

But she didn't think he'd do it. Sure, he'd made Bizarro and Alex had imprisoned him temporarily in the DEO, but what real reason would he have to do this to her? If he really wanted he could have taken her and played whatever mind game he wanted...he didn't need to go to all of these lengths, but there was something that kept bothering her. Could it be the fever or whatever the toxins did? Or was it something else? Alex felt better, like she wasn't feverish and that the scrubber was doing what it was supposed to.

Turning her head, she stared at the journal on the nightstand. Grabbing it, she turned to the page she'd left off of.

July 2018

I've been working with Max. A lot more than I've ever wanted to. The work is good, though. It keeps me occupied. It keeps me thinking about life because that's what these scrubbers will mean. Max's original design is good, but it's not perfect. There are flaws, which he hates that I point out, but they're there. At least he doesn't have a problem taking help.

Two years ago, I would have just thrown Max into the DEO containment cell for touching me, but today he touched my arm and I know it was out of concern. I apparently went quiet and he said I looked really sad. I was thinking about my mom and my dad and how if they were there that they could have helped so much, that they would have seen something that I was missing. That we were missing. Maxwell Lord went from a man who was just a necessary person to be able to control and access when needed for DEO purposes to someone that I found myself caring about. It was clear even back then that he had taken interest. My feelings are so conflicting. I still can't believe that no one else, none of my family is left out there. Do I really want to start something now? Is there even a future? A real one? I don't know.

She looked down at the small wallet sized picture that had been tucked between the pages. Her thumb caressed the distressed photo slightly as she tried to bring to the surface what she knew was there, something fighting to get through.

Kara.

The locket.

Kara had given her a locket.

Her hand went instantly up to her chest and she searched for the chain.

Nothing.

Panic immediately set in. If the world had ended and Kara was gone, that would have been something that she would have fought to keep. It would have been something that she would have fought to get back if it was left somewhere else.

Alex pushed back the covers and found that Max must have stripped her down again. She sighed, getting dressed again was going to be a task especially since she really didn't know where everything was. Right now, clothes could wait. She pulled open the bedside drawer, there wasn't much in there to shuffle through.

No locket.

She pushed herself off of the bed and moved over to the dresser and started to go through every drawer. She moved clothing from side to side and front to back before going through every layer of clothing in the drawer. She also checked for false bottoms.

Nothing.

Moving slowly towards the wardrobe, she opened it and frowned immediately upon seeing the amount of brightly colored clothing choices. She realized that between the dresser drawers and the wardrobe that there was not a single item that was hers that was black except for undergarments. Obviously she didn't have a hand in choosing this or this was what wardrobe looked like when the world ended.

No locket either.

Alex looked around the room, trying to think of where else she might have kept it. She looked up and reached up as she elevated herself up on her tiptoes to feel the top of the wardrobe, but there wasn't anything there. She got down on her stomach and looked under the bed, but there was only shoes. Getting up, she moved to Max's bedside table, but there was nothing in there except for a pen, flashlight, and a watch.

"What are you looking for?"

"Crap!" Alex exclaimed as she held her chest and tried to catch her breath and calm her heart that was now speeding. She turned to him. "You scared me!"

He just smirked. "Sorry, next time I'll make more noise while I watch you go through my bedside drawer. What are you looking for?"

"A locket."

"Locket?"

"Kara gave it to me," Alex explained. "We both had one."

He didn't look like he knew what she was talking about.

"I wouldn't have just left it-"

"Not everything made it here, Alex," he told her gently.

"But I would have been wearing it," she insisted as she placed her hand over her chest where the locket would have hung under her shirt.

"Alex-"

She turned her back to him. "I know that everything you say is in that journal and there's a community out there...and we're supposed to be married and-"

"Ah!" Lord suddenly cried out.

When Alex spun around him on one knee, holding onto the door of the wardrobe with one hand and his other hand was up to his head. "Max!" she shouted out as she moved to his side. "What's wrong? What can I do?"

"Just need to lay down," he got out, but he kept cringing and squeezing his eyes shut.

Alex helped him to his feet and helped him to the bed. She watched as he laid down and rolled onto his side so that he was facing her side of the bed. Alex moved to remove his shoes, like he'd done for her before and dropped them under the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand from his shoulder and down his arm. When he stopped cringing so much and his hand covered hers, she stared at their hands and stilled. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah...sometimes I get these flashes from the past and this like extreme migraine."

"Does everyone?"

"No."

Alex thought about that for a long moment. "What if I never remember?" she questioned as she stared at the wall. She still didn't want to believe.

"Then we'll start over," Max responded gently. "We built this place, Alex. I promised you that there would be a future and I'm going to keep that promise. It's just something you and I have to keep working at...the work will help, I promise. It's helped you through so much already."

"Kara and J'onn's deaths?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "It was hard for you to accept even when it happened right in front of you. You didn't want to go on."

She knew that that was the truth. She was struggling right now. "My mom-"

"We never found her," he whispered and his hand was running along her arm now. "But that doesn't mean she's not out there, Alex. Most places only have a primitive morse code going."

"Look at where we are," she whispered as tears formed in her eyes.

Max reached across and pulled the journal to him. He rolled onto his back, sitting up to face her, he held up the journal. "Look at where we started. The fact that you're alive is a miracle." He shook his head. "I told you that if you just stayed alive...that would be enough." He framed her face with his hands, his voice so gentle and full of love. It killed Alex a little at how much he obviously loved her. "If I could grant you peace of mind-"

"This is how Kara felt," she whispered as tears fell as that revelation hit her hard. "How J'onn felt. They both lost everything-"

"You will never lose me and you will never lose River, Alex," Max promised her. "I made vows to you when we got married and I made you vows when River was born. I will never stop working to give you that future that I've promised both of you."

Alex just nodded, her head still in his hands and she was fighting so hard to keep those tears back. He let her head drop and he pulled her to his chest. She brought in a gasp as she took in this reality, she still didn't want it...but she wasn't seeing any way out of it. His arms held her tight and he dropped a kiss in her hair.

"You're safe. You're home."

But she wasn't.

Her mother.

Kara.

J'onn.

Alex couldn't think of a home or a life that didn't include the three of them and it was killing her. She hoped that the memories came back because she didn't know how she'd found the strength in the first place to go on with her life. Right now, she needed all the help she could get.

"I'm never letting go," he whispered.

The fever was officially gone.

She didn't remember anything though. Nothing that she should remember. Alex had continued to read the journal, but nothing seemed to bring her memories back. So, she'd tried to go on like how she was told her routine normally was. It all just felt odd and she felt out of place. There was something else that had concerned her, she'd woken up that morning and had gone to wash her hands and had realized something. On the inside of her left wrist was half a heart. Kara had drawn it there with a pink sharpie. It was faded a bit, but it was still there. It shouldn't still be there. It had been bothering her all day. She'd wanted to ask Max, but she'd also hoped to remember why it was still there.

"Do you think maybe I could go out on a run?" Alex asked Max as they worked in the lab together. River was at school with the other couple of kids her age. It was frustrating her not seeing the world outside for herself. She knew that it was dangerous, but she faced danger everyday working at the DEO.

"Alex, I don't know if that's a good idea, you've just gotten over the fever," he pointed out. "Your immune system might not respond well to the double dose of scrubber and you haven't regained your memories."

All valid points.

Even she could see herself as a liability.

"I just-"

Their conversation was quickly cut off by the blaring of klaxons. Alex knew that sound and she looked over at Max, waiting to see what he said the reason for it was.

"Incursion," he said and was at the wall a breath later pressing the intercom button. "Report!"

Incursion?

Alex reached down to her leg to grab her weapon, but it wasn't there. This wasn't something that she was used to. "Kryptonians?" she questioned as they waited for a response.

"It could be-"

The intercom buzzed to life and a voice shouted through it. "Section five!"

That was it.

It was enough, though, because Max was out and through the door. Alex followed without a question and tried to think of what was in section five. All she knew was that she'd never seen Max move so quickly in his life. Section five, she kept going over it in her brain.

Section five.

The greenhouse.

The nursery.

The school.

The children.

River.

Alex couldn't get the memory of meeting River out of her head and how much she reminded her of Kara and she could see her mother in her. Her chest constricted and she moved as quickly as she could. As they neared that section, everyone was falling back.

"Move kids! Move!" the teacher shouted as they were herded in the opposite direction of section five.

She immediately started to look at every little face. Every scared face. Blonde. Blue eyes. Alex looked back as the kids filed past. "River," she whispered.

"River!" Max started to shout.

"She was just here!" the teacher stated.

Max was already rounding the corner and Alex was only a couple of steps behind. There was a roar that echoed through the corridors. As they rounded the corner, Alex caught a glimpse of what was responsible, what the intruder was. "White Martian," she breathed as she reached out to touch Max's arm. All she could think about was what she knew about them. Did that mean that it was more than just the Kryptonians? Or the Fort Rozz escapees? Were they dealing with White Martians too?

"River!" Max called again.

They were practically upon the school now. The White Martian bounded off of the walls and the ceiling before bouncing up off of the floor. It was leaving marks all throughout. Alex thought it was odd that it was just seemingly running away, it wasn't like they were armed. Suddenly, the White Martian kicked at them, sending them both flying backwards.

When Alex got back to her feet, the White Martian was gone. "River?!" she shouted out.

No answer.

She was already moving down the hallway, trying to remember where the school was. Alex didn't see anyone when she looked in through the glass. She couldn't be far. They hadn't seen her- It was then as she stepped into the classroom that she realized exactly where River was. She was curled up in the corner that had all the desks jumbled together. It broke her heart. "River?" she whispered. "Are you okay?"

Max was right there, matching steps with Alex, moving the desks. Grabbing the scared girl, Alex held her close and ran her fingers through her blonde hair. "Shh...it's okay."

"I made myself small," River whispered as she looked up at her through tears.

Max was there, wrapping his arms around both of them. "You did good."

River was looking right at her. "I did what you told me to."

She made herself small.

She tried to make herself invisible.

She-

"I didn't mean to cry," River told her as her voice broke and she just looked like she was going to completely lose it.

Alex held her a little tighter. "You can cry," she told her and kissed River's forehead. "You did good. You're safe. You're safe…" It only took her a beat before Alex looked up at Max. "That White Martian is loose."

"I know, I'm going to go-"

"I should!"

"Alex, River needs you to stay with her right now," Max told her.

"I'm trained!"

"So am I."

"Since when?"

"Since this whole thing happened and I had the best teacher."

"Who?"

"You."

Alex just stared at him for a long moment. "A White Martian can-"

"I know," Max said with a huff. "It could have been anyone. It could be anyone right now." He sighed. "We've been so careful."

River reached out and grabbed his arm. "Daddy, please don't go."

"I have to keep us safe, Sweetie," Max told her gently as he reached out and caressed her cheek.

"It's gone."

"It might not be."

"It is! Just stay with me! Stay with us! Don't leave!"

Alex wondered how many times this had happened before. She couldn't even fathom being so young, being River's age and having to go through that. "Come on," Alex whispered as she stood up and held onto her daughter's hand. She looked over to Max, "You can't go into that section without a weapon and not without help."

"I can't just let it terrorize us," Max argued.

"It's in section six," Alex pointed out. "Don't the bulkheads still work?"

"We haven't had to do that in years-"

"Just for now," Alex told him. "It's all storage and labs. Everyone should be in the opposite direction. It's just until there's an armed team that can go in and-"

"You're right."

Alex just stared at him. She wanted to go so badly, but River's hand in hers kept bringing her focus back to her daughter. Her daughter. Even though River was about four or five, Alex picked her up and held her close. The girl was light enough. "Max, please."

And he didn't fight her.

They walked back towards the living quarters with their daughter. Max talked to everyone along the way, trying to figure out who was in each section. Right now, all she wanted to do was to go to their room and be thankful that they were all okay. Max, though, obviously wanted to get out there and to do a headcount. She couldn't fault him on that.

"Are you going to be okay?" Max asked her.

Alex nodded. "We'll be fine. Just be safe, okay?"

"I always am," Max said with a smile. "I have too much to live for." He hugged them both and whispered into Alex's ear. "There's a gun taped to the back of your nightstand." He kissed her forehead and then did the same to River. "Stay in there...please."

"Be careful, Daddy," River whispered.

Alex nodded again and gave him a small smile. There was something comforting in knowing that she could defend herself and River if needed.

The room was small, but there was comfort in it. Maybe it was the mementos that they did have or maybe it was just that the simplistic design gave Alex comfort in case she needed to shoot anything (there was less for them to hide behind). She set River down in the middle of the bed and sat on the edge of it. "You okay?" she asked as she brushed a strand of blonde hair behind her daughter's ear.

"I'm okay."

Alex grabbed her daughter's hands and ran her thumbs over the tops of them. "You really did good. You were brave."

"I could have been braver."

"You don't need to be."

"But there are monsters out there."

"We're not going to let them hurt you," Alex promised. "Your father and I wouldn't let anything hurt you. We would fight-"

"I know," River said.

Alex dropped her gaze and stared at the little hands in hers, as she rotated them slightly, ink on the inside of River's wrist caught her attention. She turned over the wrist that had caught her attention and just stared down at the half heart drawn in pink sharpie on the girl's wrist on her right hand. "Where did you get this?" Alex asked in a gasped breath. Her eyes couldn't leave the ink.

"You drew it there."

"Not this morning."

"Before you got sick," River told her.

"It would have washed off."

"No. I'm careful."

Her head started to spin and her heart sped up as she tried to make sense of it. It didn't make sense. It would have washed off, Alex was certain. All she could think about was Kara. She didn't know why she would have done that. Why would she have brought that reminder of Kara upon herself? Was the future self or present self that she couldn't remember really that much stronger than she was right now?

"Mommy?"

Alex huffed out the emotion that was balling up inside her. "Kara and I-"

"You said that it means stronger together," River said, she seemed so confused.

"That's what it meant to us," Alex admitted. "Because we needed each other."

"I need you."

Alex didn't know what to say to that. She just stared at River and knew that right now was the time where she needed to make her choice. She either accepted things and hoped that her memories would resurface or she'd have to allow herself to completely lose it.

"Don't you need me, Mommy?"

TBC…