Ten Years Gone
"Then as it was, then again it will be,
An' though the course may change sometimes,
Rivers always reach the sea."
Cool gusts of night air, glittering with stars and light poles brush against Dean's skin. His breaths slow to match the pulses in the air, vibrating in his ears. The constant crashing of waves soothes him. It's hard to take his mind off of the twisting, spinning thoughts, but they do a decent job.
Asphalt stretches on forever, flowing with the tired stints of grass and shrubs that dot the landscape. It curves to the left and the right, never ending, sparkling lights following and guiding the Impala on its journey.
Why was he doing this again?
Because he had to. There wasn't any other choice. Never had been
Swirling colors bloom, screaming in slashes of light. Noise tries to reach out and grasp at the frayed edges of consciousness but they keep fading to smoke before they can take hold. Waves push and pull, stretching his soul to the point of splitting, tearing, breaking.
"Dean!"
"Jesus! Sam!" Horns blare from behind him and to his left, his feet hitting the gas and break at the same time as his hands jerk along the steering wheel. His body and arms spasm to the left and right before straightening out the car.
Dean slows down and drives off of the main road, stopping thirty feet into a dirt road. He catches his breath before he replies. "Jesus, Cas! What do you think you are doing?" Breaths still come out hard and fast, his adrenaline pumping with no proper outlet.
Castiel stares at him and murmurs, "You were about to crash. You wouldn't be useful to anyone in a heap of twisted, burning metal."
Dean paused, point, but still, he's pissed. "Maybe you could be a little more careful next time. You almost caused a freakin' accident." An outlet was nice, despite how little of this was Cas' fault.
Castiel leans closer, breaking that personal space rule Dean thought he had down, "Falling asleep at the wheel and dreaming about Sam isn't doing anyone any good-"
"Shut the Hell up." Dean pushed himself back against the door, trying to put as much space between him and Cas as possible. Sometimes he forgot that Cas knew him inside and out. Castiel just blinked at him and obeyed his wishes, leaning back over to his side of the bench seat.
Running a hand through his hair, Dean took a deep breath and leaned back. He did need some sleep. He wasn't used to having to stop so often to get some rest. Not that he often let others touch his baby, but there had always been that option before. He missed having that. He missed being able to stop driving, eat some apple pie while still making good time and then taking a little nap. He missed…
He missed Sam.
"Dean, you are justified in what you had to-"
"Cas," Dean cut in, not wanting to hear it. Any of it. "Just go, okay?" He sniffed and glanced at Cas, seeing the concern written there. "Don't worry, I'll crash before I drive again."
Castiel raised his eyebrows at that terminology but he was gone before Dean could explain.
Laying his head in his hands, he murmured. "Jesus, Cas. Sleep, man, I will sleep, okay?."
"Changes fill my time, baby, that's alright with me
In the midst I think of you, and how it used to be."