Shattered Mirrors Ch1. (The Girl)
**********(Donnie POV)***********
A chill surrounded him within the darkness; he crept forward, knowing all too well what it meant, what he would experience once again.
Taking a breath, he shivered, he didn't want to continue the path he took, he didn't want to witness it, he didn't want this to keep happening.
He could feel the cold cement ground of the sewers underneath his feet, he could smell the grimy water that flowed by, among aromas he have learned to ignore.
Touching the wall, feeling the hard surface with his fingertips, it felt uninviting, shaking his head he removed his hand feeling awkward and lonely, wishing someone else was with him, to witness this to tell him this was just a dream, but was it really?
Looking forward to the speck of light that was in the distance, which was beckoning him to come towards it, calling to him to touch it, to feel it, to enter within it, only so he can watch the play that was waiting for him, before performing once again.
Deep down, he wondered, could he wait it out where he was? Would it go away if he did?
Behind him the darkness grew blacker, if that was even possible, denser and thick like it tried to choke the air out of him, his very life force.
Baring it no more, he went forward, he fell for the trap yet again, walking towards the light to watch it unfold like every night…
There he was in the middle of the sewers far from home, to far he remembered, or was it a memory? He should never have been there, he should have never wandered off, he should have listened to his father…
Donnie stood there, with sad eyes, watching her, the red hair girl, the one that cries, the one that is always running, the girl he wanted to help…
(Her… always her…)
Huddling in the corner, with her back facing towards him, she sobbed loudly, shivering uncontrollably, not by the cold, or the darkness that surrounded her, she shivers for she is alone, waiting for him…
So much he wanted to help her, so much Donnie wanted to go to her, yet he couldn't interact only observe the event as it unfolded in front of his eyes.
No matter how much he wanted to see her smile…
The young redhead child only around 9, didn't move a muscle, staying where she was crying her heart out, she was wearing a white shirt and pants, filthy from her falling and scrambling through the sewers, she was running from them, she was always running…
Watching in vain, the urge within him build up, he wanted to tell her it will be ok, she was not alone…
Yet he could not, biting his lower lip, he could feel the tears falling from his eyes trailing down his cheek, he didn't want to watch anymore, he didn't want his heart broken by her sorrows, for this wasn't the worse part that was to come.
Sighing, closing his eyes, he knew he just had to wait, sitting on the ground, he did so, not pleased with this, wishing he would wake up from this nightmare.
Suddenly, out of the shadows, a young turtle emerged curious and cautious, as he approached the crying girl, his purple bandana was unmistakable, it was him, a younger version, that was around six.
*******(Younger Donnie POV)*****
As the younger turtle approached her, he felt sorry for this poor girl he has never seen before, wondering why she would even be there, where did she come from?
Every step he took, fear swelled within, considering she was human, and humans can't be trusted… he has been warned many times, humans can be dangerous and would harm him if they ever caught sight of him…
Yet, how could something that could harm him, be so sad, so vulnerable, a kid just like him?
She didn't seem she would hurt him; she wasn't as scary as his father made humans out to be.
Taking his chance, mustering his courage, which wasn't much for he wasn't Leo or close to Raph, he wanted to see if she was ok, wouldn't it be wrong of him to ignore her?
Reaching out gently touching her shoulder, to his dismay, only to have her scream, shuddering more, pressing her body against the wall, making herself smaller, he retreated his hand quickly jumping to her shrieks as it ran shivers down his spine.
Donatello, held his hand, looking at her, did she think, he was a monster that would hurt her? If so she never looked at him, so how could she know if he was or not?
Taking a breath, he desperately tried to steady his voice, not showing his own fear, "Are you ok?"
The girl only answered him with silence, whimpering to herself, licking his lips, he attempted again, "My… my n..name is Donatello… what's yours?"
Still, she sobbed, not looking at him, not showing any acknowledgment he was even there, making him wonder if he should even stay longer, there might be more humans around, her mom or dad could be looking for her.
Either way, he needed to get home, maybe he should tell his father, though he would get into trouble for wandering around the sewers on his own, he had to talk to him, he might know how to help her.
Turning away, Donatello started to take his leave, only to be stopped by a cold hand grabbing his.
Frozen in place, he shivered, noticing how cold it felt, like a corpse, well, that's what he was told a dead person felt like.
Heart pounding in terror, he didn't want to turn around, what if she was the monster?
He has never seen her face only her backside, she might be a zombie or a vampire that Mikey is always going on about, not that he believed such things were real… well he hope they weren't.
Gulping, he dared, slowly he turned around, finding she was no such thing, she was no monster, her green eyes made contact with his, they were full of terror and uncertainty, not towards him, but something else.
They begged him for help, begged him not to judge her, he shook on the hidden message behind them, fearing to find out more, but more than anything, he was terrified of what he might have done… allowing a human to see him.
"Please don't leave me alone…," the young girl whimpered in a low, needy distant voice, holding onto his hand tightly, begging him to stay, her eyes tamed him, making him to surrender to them, making him to leave his fears behind.
Nodding, he came to her, sitting beside her, as she continued to hold his hand shaking like a leaf, crying into his shoulders, all the while he stroked her hair to comfort her.
***********(Donnie POV)************
Sighing watching the younger version of himself consoling the girl, talking to her, Donnie couldn't take it, as he rose to his feet, walking away, he knew what was to happen next, he knew he would really never know who she really was, only that they were after her.
Wandering down the sewers, he could still hear her sobs, followed by screams, from both her and his younger self.
They arrived, the man and the…. alligator that was as big as a house, compare to him, back then and even the height he was now.
The alligator that was a mutant just like him, one he never met until that day, a mutant that broke his younger version's arm.
The alligator that he feared more than anything, that threatened him to never to tell anyone what he saw, or even daring to mention her, as well if he ever dared to go near her again, the alligator made a promise to him, that he will not resist in killing him next time around.
"August…," Donnie whispered as the dream started to fade away.
August, the name the girl claimed to go by… yet the man and Alligator kept calling her April instead…
Jerking his eyes wide open, Donnie laid there in his cold, empty bed, only wishing it had a warm body, her body to comfort him from the dream that never goes away.
Whimpering within the darkness of his room, no one responded to his pleas.
Slowly he rose getting out of his bed, as he took his time to reach his door, all to just stand there staring at it, with his hand hovered over the handle shaking.
(I can do it… maybe I shouldn't?...)
His anxiety was getting to him again, closing his eyes, he counted to ten backwards, as he hit one he turned the knob revealing an eerie silent lair, no surprise though since it was late in the night and everyone has gone to bed.
Sluggishly and as quiet as he could, he made his way to the stairs, heading down them towards the kitchen.
Throat dry and harsh, crying for water, he needed a drink, as the dream played in his head, taunting him like it always does.
Stopping before the kitchen, he stared at it, wondering if he should ask first, shaking his head, he knew he was allowed, yet he hated this uncertainty within him, why does he keep questioning himself?
He knew why, though he could function, he was still sick, he acknowledge that, and it was hard for him at times, even the simple things like this…
(I can do this… I don't need help, I will prove them I can…)
Taking a breath he preceded into the kitchen turning on the light, though he could see in the dark well, it brought him comfort, leaning against the wall, he stared at the cupboards, which one had the cups again?
Biting his lip, he forgot yet again, wondering if he should go through them all to find what he seeks…
Sighing, he wanted to, but he couldn't, shuffling his feet, he became frustrated, then suddenly a gentle hand touched his shoulder, scaring him to death as he jumped for dear life.
"Donnie, calm down, it's me Leo… Sorry I didn't mean to startle you like that. I heard some noises and came to investigate who was up so late at night," Leo tried to calm Donnie's frantic nerves with his kind eyes, rubbing his shoulder.
Breathing through his nose, he calmed down, gulping hard, forgetting his previous problem and frustrations, "Leo… I didn't hear you…"
"I really need to learn to be more noisier next time, I still scare April too," Leo chuckled lightly giving Donnie a sweet smile that made Donnie feel better.
"Yeah… Umm Leo…," Donnie looked away from Leo, ashamed at the thought to ask Leo for help, but before he could even attempt, Leo went to the middle cupboard grabbing two glasses, placing them on the counter, then entering the fridge pulling out a carton of milk pouring some in both glasses.
"Here Donnie, I know it's not warm, but it might help you sleep," Leo suggested drinking his glass with a slight moan.
Fiddling with his glass, Donnie wanted water, but milk would do too, as he too took a drink, then passed his empty glass to Leo, who put it in the sink, rinsing it.
(Leo… thank you for not making me feel incompetent… I'm lucky to have a big brother like you…)
"Thanks Leo… I should get back to sleep…," Donnie started to leave only to be stopped by Leo's hand.
"Donnie, are you ok… Are you still having nightmares?" Leo warmly smiled yet his eyes wear wearisome, even Donnie could see pass his cool gray eyes, that could hide emotions from others.
Shaking his head, assuring his big brother, he was fine, Donnie wore the best smile he could muster, hoping Leo didn't read pass it.
He couldn't tell him of his dreams, especially the one of the red hair girl with two names, he feared his brother would worry of him, assuming Donnie was not getting well after all, falling deeper than before.
He did not even dare to tell April, though he did promise to tell her everything that was going on with him, but that dream, he couldn't get himself to do so.
For in truth, he started to question it, was it really a dream or was it suppressed memories trying to come to the surface?
Then a greater fear hindered him, consuming him, throwing him in a spiral of dread and silence, could it be some form of proof he was falling more than before, after two years of being as stable as he was, was he losing his mind completely, did his last mirror finally shatter or going to?
Sure, he wasn't fully recovered after this long and he had issues, but he was better than before, he knew that much, then yet again was he really?
So much he wanted to be his old self, so much he wanted to do the things he should be able to, hell he couldn't even figure out how to test DNA on the two baby turtles that were now two years old, Willow and Luke.
No one knew if they were his or Raph's, no matter how much he tried to remember how he use to do things, he couldn't… most of his memories were locked away what April told him, though he did start to wonder if there were gone for good, never to return again.
(Please Leo don't ask me any more questions and let me go to bed… I don't want to lie anymore… It hurts too much to do that to you of all people…)
Watching Leo, Donnie waited, with a sigh, he nodded, "Ok Donnie. Just don't forget we can talk any time you want if you need an ear to listen, night little brother."
With that Donnie left for his room, not looking back, as he reached the top he looked down towards the other two doors.
At the far end was Mikey's room, which at the moment the children were with him, not knowing who the father was, the brothers took turns watching the kids, they seemed to taken a liking towards Mikey more than anyone else, other than their mother of course.
Then slowly, moving his eyes to the door before it, his heart became heavy with sadness; April was in there cuddling with Raph…
Sighing, he went to his door, he really wished she would have stayed with him that night, but he and Raph came to an agreement, for the sake of the kids and all fairness to April, they didn't fight over her, yet in some odd way shared her.
Each was allowed to show her their affections towards her, as the other by agreement, will not get or show he is jealous, in return, she showed them each her affections towards them individually; she was as fair she could be, some nights she will stay with him as for others she would stay with Raph.
As odd it may be, neither brother felt neglected this way or did either one ever got jealous of the other brother, sure times Donnie felt sad not having her, but he knew Raph felt the same when Donnie was with her, so it was balanced either way.
The reason for this, was that April couldn't decide which one she wanted to be with, or thought it was fair for her to make such a decision, considering she did promise she would make her decision, when Donnie was in full health.
Deep down, Donnie wondered if that would ever happen, would he ever become the turtle he used to be?
The past two years he approved a bit, but not much at the same time, like he was at a stalemate on the subject, in the depth of his soul, he felt like something was holding him back, yet in the end he couldn't figure it out what it could be.
Sighing again, he entered his dark room, making his way to his bed, lying down, closing his eyes, hoping the dream did not come back; wishing day would come sooner so he didn't feel so lonely.