AN ~ Dedicated to Blu Wynd Faerie, whose latest Spider-man fic inspired me to do another one! "Days of Pretending" is awesome :-) I really love it! I'm really anticipating what's going to happen next! well, enjoy ;-)
"Just Fine."
-dutchtulips-
***
It was an abyss, that's really what it was. Her pain and longing for him wasn't just a small part of her life, but a vast, gigantic abyss, an empty, bottomless blackness that caved in on her should she dwell on it too long. But what made it even worse was that it was in her heart. It was a dark well - murky, lonely, and endless.
Mary Jane Watson sighed once more, sitting at the counter at the Moondance. She stared into her chipped coffee cup, swirled the contents around, and then took a swig out of it. M.J. was nearing the end of her shift and, taking a much needed time-out from the constant headache which was this job of hers seemed to be just what the doctor ordered. Granted, however, she was still there, still sitting in her stained waitress uniform, elbow propped up on the counter in the same cheap café.
The free time to just be had Mary Jane's thoughts running through her head, thoughts of things that she really didn't want to dwell on, for the belief that the waterworks would start up, but for M.J., there really was nothing else to think about.
Heaven knew, Mary Jane was willing to sell her soul to Satan himself if it would allow her to have Peter Parker in her arms in return. It frustrated her that it had come to that. It was all because of that stupid, hurtful day in the cemetary. That awful moment when he'd turned her away, and just walked off without another look back. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't supposed to be this way at all. Peter was loving and kind - not a heartbreaker. He was thoughtful and considerate - not uncaring. By all means, shouldn't they be together - as they belonged - right now?
Damn.
He was all she had to think about. He was the only thing in life now that she had to cling to. But that was what had Mary Jane confused as it was as possible to be. Surely he had to know. He had to. Peter, who was always there, Peter, who was always willing to give to her but never expected anything in return, Peter, who always knew how to make her feel better about everything. . .and the most cherished thing in her thoughts. He was the only one thing, the only person, who occupied every thought, every feeling Mary Jane had nowadays.
Or - was it two?
It was the kiss, the kiss that gave her the answer. Because the passion was the same, and Peter Parker's lips felt the same way Spider-man's had when they were pressed to hers, because the same tingle from her toes to her scalp electrified Mary Jane's whole body during that kiss. He'd broken her heart though, and walked away as if it were no big deal. . .
Except, of course, it was. She knew. In retrospect, M.J. was quite surprised with herself that she hadn't figured out sooner. The both of them had always popped up at unexpected times, right when she needed them near her most. . .
She'd been dying for a chance to see Spider-man again, only this time of the knowledge of who was underneath that scarlet mask of his. She knew he'd been around Manhattan at least, if not in her neck of the woods, as the newspapers had been buzzing about it. But M.J. wanted to be close to him again, to be able to stand in front of him and feel and know Peter Parker was inside of that suit. A sigh escaped her. It was too hard to put into words what exactly she knew she would feel. It was always too hard to put into words. It was love, for Heaven's sake.
Mary Jane set her coffee mug, rather heavily, to the counter, creating a loud chink from the earthenware hitting the wooden countertop. It jarred her from her thoughts, and the redhead blinked a few times to get out of her daydream, and glanced at the clock on the back wall. Inwardly she breathed a sigh of relief; only ten more minutes and her shift was over.
Oh, Peter, she thought dreamily, twirling her forefinger around the rim of her cup, What did I do wrong? What did we do wrong? Why does it have to be like this? Can't you see where we belong? Can't you see everything that should be between us? Why won't you let us have everything that should be?
She sighed again, rather shakily, as a number of tears began to pool up in her eyes, those eyes that were usually so full of sparkle and wonder, which now all they bore was the desire to cry.
I kiss you and I feel you pull away
It hurts me when I see you hesitate
Mistakes I've made, wish I could take them back
Say it's not too late to hear you
A teardrop rolled off of Mary Jane's nose and dropped into her coffee mug, and hastily she brought up her arm and used the heel of her hand to wipe her eyes. Pushing away her cup, M.J. slowly stood from the stool she was perched on, brushed through to the back of the restaurant, and swung on her trenchcoat. Quickly, she punched her card at the timeclock, replaced it, and breezed out of the Moondance as fast as her feet would carry her.
The nighttime sky was cloudy overhead, blocking out the silvery moon. Mary Jane quickened her pace as a brisk wind cut through her, and wrapped her coat tighter around her lithe body. She momentarily stopped at the curb to look for a taxi, but no avail, and so, clutching her purse close to herself, decided to start off towards the subway.
The redhead had just turned the corner when she saw a dark-clad man onrushing her. At first, Mary Jane thought he was going to mug her, but then realized he was just running away from a robbery; he was holding tightly onto a bag that presumably had money inside, and he was retreating from a nearby market.
Mary Jane, terrified, pressed her body against a cold glass window of the building bordering the sidewalk where she'd been walking, held her breath, and tried to remain perfectly still so that he wouldn't notice her.
It worked. The robber rushed right on past as if she wasn't even there. But then agan, he probably hadn't taken the time to notice, anyways. After he'd passed, M.J. turned her head and watched him retreat. But he wasn't alone for long, and the next thing she knew, someone had yelled out, "Spider-man!"
Mary Jane backed up against the bricks again, although it was for a different reason this time.
A flash of red and blue suddenly swung into view, taking down the robber with such a speed, skill, and accuracy that the redhead could only imagine. Spider-man's opponent gave a feeble attempt to fight back, but the wallcrawler's skillfully executed kick sent him to the ground, his limbs splayed in all directions.
Spider-man took the money bag from the thief's grasp, swung across the street to the market, where the proprietor was currently standing at the entrance, and returned the cash. He was just about to fire a web line and fling himself out of sight once again when something happened that Mary Jane hadn't bargained on.
For the very briefest of moments, his opaque eyes swiveled in her direction.
M.J.'s breath caught in her throat as they made eye contact. But no sooner than she had looked up, he had taken flight, courtesy of his ever-famous gossamer webs.
This was the chance she had been waiting for. Mary Jane's piercing eyes found the agile figure swinging about the concrete jungle and, gluing her gaze to him she took off down the street, running faster than she could ever remember.
Please just let me reach you, Peter, she pleaded inside of her head.
Speak your heart and I will listen
Don't know if I'll find what's missing
I'll take you all the way
Close your eyes and think forever
If you believe we go together
I'll take you all the way
Since it was nighttime, Spider-man was much harder to pinpoint, and almost impossible because he moved so fast. But Mary Jane raced after him as rapidly as her feet could carry her, somehow never losing sight of the majestic man. Except that M.J. knew she wasn't this great of an athlete, to be able to keep up with Spider-man, which had the thought pounding inside of her head as to how she was managing to keep up.
And then it dawned her. It had to be the answer. Spider-man knew she was following him.
The thought gave Mary Jane a boost of stamina, and she summoned a burst of speed from nowhere. A she bolted through the streets, chasing the love of her life, memories from the many weeks ago hammered into her ears.
"Has he mentioned me?"
"Yeah. Once, he - he asked me what I thought of you."
"Well, what did you say?"
"I, uh, I said. . .Spider-man. . .I said, the great thing about M.J. is when your looking into her eyes, and she looking back into yours. . .everything feels, not quite normal, because you feel. . .stronger. . .and weaker. You feel excited, and at the same time. . .terrified. The truth is, you don't know what you feel. Except you know the kind of man you want to be. It's as if you've reached. . .the unreachable. . .and you weren't ready for it."
The knot pulled tighter in Mary Jane's stomach, and she darted around the corner, never tearing her eyes away from Spider-man as he pulled himself along overhead by his webbing.
Sifting through the memories we have known
Looking back at places we have gone
Let's not leave behind what so few have found
Love ain't always easy, so
She grasped at her side, feeling the stitch that was growing there. At last her energy was starting to wear thin, which made her wonder how in the world Peter managed to do it. But she couldn't stop! Mary Jane was closing in on him now, she couldn't let herself lose sight of him, she couldn't let him swing off into the night and get away from her.
But she stopped. She had to. Mary Jane's lungs were aching from lack of oxygen and the stitch in her side was growing more painful by the second. Her breath was ragged and uneven, but still she summoned a tiny last bit of strength to attempt to call out to him.
"P. . .P. . .Pet - er. . ." M.J. breathed, barely able to say as much as that.
There was no response. She didn't expect there to be. She looked back up in hopes Spider-man might still be in view, but he wasn't. She hadn't expected him to be. But then something happened.
Something she hadn't expected.
Mary Jane felt a thin sliver of something snag round her waist, and then a resistance on the other end hauled her upwards, and she sailed through the cool breeze for a moment. At last she was snatched from the air, and the redhead wrapped her arms and legs up around Spider-man's shoulders and torso, resting her face in his warm neck.
She didn't know where they were going, or when they would get there, or even why Peter had gathered her up from the street in the first place. But deep down inside, Mary Jane really didn't care.
After a few minutes, Mary Jane felt her arms slide away from Spider-man's body, and she let go of him. Opening her eyes she hadn't realized until just then that she'd had closed, M.J. found herself sitting atop the arch of a magnificent bridge with a tranquil view of the harbor and the city beyond in front of her and the celestial bodies twinkling down at her from above.
For a moment Mary Jane was afraid; as if the nightmare on the Queensboro Bridge with the Green Goblin was happening all over again. But her fear melted away when she felt Spider-man touch her tentatively, saying softly, "You're all right, M.J."
She immediately felt herself relax, even though she was still sitting on the narrow arch of the bridge and could slip off any minute. But with Spider-man there next to her, she knew she was safe. "Why are we here?" She whispered.
"I wanted you to see it. I hang around up here sometimes. . .to relax."
They were quiet for a long time, listening to the traffic in the distance. At last Mary Jane looked over at him, seeing her reflection in his eyepieces, as her wild red hair was being ruffled by the wind. "Look at me," she said gently.
"I am," he replied.
"No." She shook her head. "Really look at me." M.J. paused. "We're alone now. You're okay."
"Nothing's ever okay," he told her, turning his face away.
"But not everything is dangerous!" She exclaimed, reaching over and carefully putting her hand on his gloved one. "Like right now, this moment - you're relatively safe. No one can see us up here - we're just two pinpricks in the distance." Mary Jane sighed. "Sometimes everything is just. . .it's just fine! Just fine! I'm fine, you're fine. . .he's fine, she's fine. . .they're fine. . .we're all fine!"
Speak your heart and I will listen
Don't know if I'll find what's missing
I'll take you all the way
Close your eyes and think forever
If you believe we go together
I'll take you all the way
Spider-man looked back at her, a smile etched on his face underneath the mask. "I guess that's why I admire you," he said.
She chuckled wryly. "And why would that be?"
"You make everything seem better," he told her, glancing down at Mary Jane's delicate hand resting atop his.
Suddenly she leaned in a little bit, tilting her head to lay on his shoulder. Mary Jane could feel the raised web pattern against her cheek. "Well, you've got to want to see all of the good in it, and not the ugliness. And to know that there are greater things, and leave the bad alone - that's most important of all. It's taken me a long while to finally feel that inside of myself, and I'm not about to let that get away from me."
It was all Peter could do to try and not let himself grow enamored with all of the love he was feeling for Mary Jane right now. He was loving her more and more every day, even after that terrible day at the cemetary, and it really scared him. Even then, it scared him. It scared him to the point of being fearful for every little thing that happened in her life, for the fear of one of them being the one to whisk that life away - for the fear that it was Peter Parker himself who would be that 'little thing that happned in her life' that would be the one to take it from her.
He was scared. But Mary Jane was. . .fine.
Could everything be 'just fine', as she had said? Was it possible?
I'll take you all the way
I'll take you all the way
From the miles that come between us
To faith and love and where it leads us
M.J. was looking back up at him now, a peaceful passion illuminating her eyes, along with a single, burning question. "Let me," she whispered.
Peter swallowed, feeling his Adam's Apple jump up. He felt as if his teeth were cemented shut, his racing pulse preventing his voice box from functioning correctly. But then, at last, not knowing what else to do, Peter nodded meekly.
Mary Jane's soft fingers were suddenly at his neck, reaching for the hem of his scarlet mask. Very carefully, she peeled it upwards, pulling it away from his sweaty skin. She did this slowly, allowing time to draw out like a blade.
Peter blinked as his blue eyes swam into focus upon M.J., and he tilted his neck slightly to allow the mask to slip away from the crown of his head. He stared at his mask clutched in Mary Jane's hands for a long moment, unable to look anywhere else. At last, though, when he did look up, her intense eyes were staring right back.
"I wish things could be just fine in everything," she told him, her voice suddenly very quiet. "But maybe that's why we're here. To try and make things the best that they can possibly be. So everything can be just fine."
"Do you think it can be?" Peter whispered, the words tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them.
"Well, we can try, can't we, Peter? Isn't it worth the chance?" Mary Jane replied. They both knew where this conversation was really going.
A smile broke the corners of his mouth. "We can try to be fine. Just fine."
The tears were welling back up in M.J.'s eyes now, but she let them flow freely. It was suddenly as if that abyss deep within her had found a light, and it was shining a bright, blinding light.
At last.
Without another word, Mary Jane leaned closer to him and wrapped hers arms around Peter's neck, kissing him deeply and passionately. He let himself return the kiss, sealing it with the love for her he'd carried within his soul since he was six years old. Just a child - just a child who watched Sesame Street, snuck cookies from the cookie jar, and played his little boy games, barely knowing anything about life yet.
Just a child - who knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, the little girl that would grow up to be the woman who changed his life. Just a child - but a child who knew.
Then again, just like the spider.
I'll take you all the way
I'll take you all the way
From the miles that come between us
To faith and love and where it leads us
I'll take you all the way
All the way
***
el fin