Hi, all! This is my first-ever published story. I´m working on a few others but I have no idea when they will be ready for public viewing. If you have any suggestions on how I might improve my writing, please feel free to drop me a line-this is my first story, after all.
So time for the disclaimer: I do not own The Nanny, nor any of its characters. I am just a huge fan who thought they deserve even more stories despite six awesome seasons! The Nanny and all the characters were created by and belong to Fran Drescher and Peter Marc Jacobson.
This was inspired by the season six episode "The Baby Shower."
Also, I decided to write it as though Fran had already given birth, though not after the finale.
"Oh, please Miss Babcock!"
"Nanny Fine, I really have no desire to-"
"But Niles and I need to do the grocery shopping for my parents´anniversary party! And I promised Val she wouldn´t go to this hair and nail appointment alone waaaa!" Everyone had experienced Fran´s moodiness and sensitivity during her pregnancy, but this must have been post-partum depression. "Please please please please plea-"
"Alright! Enough already!"
"Oh, thank-you, Miss Babcock! Max and Gracie will take care of the babies. Niles, let´s go!" Niles came into the living room. Fran took his hand in hers and dashed them both to the door, evidentally in a rush; Niles´s face containing the slightest sliver of a smile. C.C. barely had time to give him an air-kiss good-bye. C.C. plopped down on the couch and let out a big sigh. Then the doorbell rang. C.C., out of habit, did not get up to answer it. This wasn't her house, after all. It rang again. Whoever it was must seriously be impatient. And why wasn´t Niles answering the door?-Oh, yeah. "Well," C.C. thought. It seemed there was no one but herself to answer the door. She got up and walked towards it, mumbling about the no-good abscent butler and the lazy big-haired absent former nanny. Ding-dong! "I´m coming already!" C.C. yelled right before she opened the door to a Valerie Toriello in much need of a hair appointment. "Miss Babcock, I´m ready to go now." C.C. sighed. "Alright. Let´s go." Nanny Fine had cancelled on her own best friend, leaving C.C. to clean up the pieces.
...
They finally arrived in Queens after a long and sordid subway ride, with Val being a chatterbox. C.C. preferred to ride silently, and found it annoying that a certain someone would not take a hint. Howeever, and she would die before admitting it, there was a part of her that found Val´s prescence and care-free chatter pleasant. They stepped out into the sunlight and turned the corner to arrive at The Chatterbox, Val´s preferred beauty parlour. C.C. thought "salon" was no way to describe this place. Hell, it looked more like a pink bathroom where a little girl might be plaing dress-up. They headed up to the desk, where Val said "Val Toriello, Hair and mani-pedi for two." C.C. looked around at the horrific hair trends in the room. "No hair for me, thanks."
...
They were seated in comfortablae seats under the big cupular hair dryers, waiting for their nails and Val´s hair to dry.
"Excuse me? Could you hand me that magazine over there?" Val asked a woman sitting to her right. "My nails are still wet." "Thanks," she said, as the woman handed her a People. Val leaned on her hand in oder to read comfortably. "Eh-" C.C. began to stay, but then shrugged instead. Val then picked up a mirror to examine her face. "Aw, Miss Babcock, I leaned on my wet nails and got it all over my face. Ugh. You know, next time you gotta remind me to use flesh-coloured nail polish."
A brunnette woman in a ponytail and colorful short long-sleeved dress came around in a rolling chair. "Want me to tell you your fortune? I can have your tea leaves read," she asked Val and C.C. in a Queens accent.
"Aw, I only had a Sanko," was Val´s response. "That´s okay, I can read that, too." Libby said. "Since when are you a psychic, Libby?" Val asked her.
"Since when do you need to know my business?"
"Sorry, Libby. I just didn´t know."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"No! will you please read my fortune?"
Examining Val´s soda, she read "I see, the letter F."
Val gasped excitedly. "As in Pharmacist?"
C.C. snorted. "Pharmacist begins with a P."
"Yeah, but his ame is Fred and that begins with an F. Doesn´t it?" she asked C.C. "The other day, when Fran and I were at the pharmacy buying tweezers, Fred kept staring at me. I thought it might be because I had a Q-tip stuck in my ear, but maybe it was love!"
"I predict that the two of you will soon share a happy life together," Libby finished, attempting to add a mysterious tone to her voice.
"Fred the pharmacist, why does that sound so familiar..." C.C. wondered. "Oh, that´s right. I went on a date with him last year so that he wouldm´t tell people I was buying Vagisil-illl." she stuttered, realizing she had said that aloud.
"You went on a date with MY Fred?"
"Val, it was-"
"How was it?" Val gushed. This was not the reaction C.C. would have expected, but then again, this was Val Toriello. C.C. remembered that Fred had been awkward, dull, stupid, and, above all, weird. Val could have him, for all she cared. "It didn´t work out for us, but he´d be perfect for you."
Val seemed happy with that. "Aw, you really think so?"
"Yes, yes" was C.C.´s curt reply. Well, It may all be a load of crap and hokus-pokus, but the fortune teller had made Val happy. What would she have in store for her? "Do me! Do me!" C.C. said excitedly, handing Libby her teacup.
"I see you very happy, with three new kids," Libby began. Make that one new kid. And uh-oh. I see the man of your life with a sexy brunette."
"I'll be changing my hair?" C.C. asked, puzzled.
Libby shook her head. "It ain't you." she said plainly.
"But if it's not me, who is it?"
"It´s a stunning and adorable brunnette with liquid onyx-amber eyes. I see them in bed together, arms wrapped around each other," the Queens girl said with exaggerated hand movements.
C.C. was crushed. So Niles was two-timing her with an adorable brunnette? the bastard! Of course, C.C. knew she wasn't adorable. But surely she was beautiful.., surely? It was always the same. the guys she dated just lost interest in her and found someone else within the week, or even while still with her. C.C. could not remember the last time she had gotten out a relationship by her own choice.
...
Twenty minutes later, a cheerful Val and a depressed C.C. were walked into a café to have lunch. After ordering, C.C. excused herself to go to the restroom. He's not really leaving me, is he? This is the longest relationship I've been in, and it'll be too awkward if we get out of it. Oh, why did I ever give that no-good rubber maid so much power over me? She shook these thoughts away. There was no way this Libby could be a true psychic.
When she returned to the table, she found Val sitting at a table with a dorky-looking man. Where have I seen him before? "Miss Babcock! Miss Babcock! This is Fred the pharmacist! We´re dating now!" Fred offered C.C. his hand for a handshake. "Hello, C.C. Babcock!" He said in his too-loud voice. "How´s that yeast infection?"
"Shh! Really, Fred." C.C. attempted to hide her flustered look by pushing her hair behind her ears.
Fred turned his attention over to Val. "I knew she was the one from the moment that I saw her in the pharmacy, a Q-tip in her ear, stading by the Metamucil display. You know, those orange-flavoured laxatives you use, C.C. Babcock?"
"SHHHH!" Now C.C. remembered their "date" clearly. He had been overly loud, a dimwit, and all he had talked about was brands of cough drops and a very vivid description of bleeding pustules.
The psychic idiot was right about Val! Is she rigt about me, too? She shook these thoughts away. Who wouldn't have predicted that dumb and dumber would eventually find each other?
...
Later that day, C.C. was back at the mansion, alone in the office. Niles and Fran had not returned yet, which means there was no one to visit her in the office, and no Fran to relieve Max of his parenting duties so that he could return to his day job.
"We're baaaack!" called a familiar and nasal voice.
"Hello, darnling," Max greeted his wife. "The twins missed you so. I missed you. Please, never leave us alone again!"
"I'm sorry, sweetie. Muua! (she kissed him audibly) I'll take over now. Hi, babies! Missed your mommy?"
"Oh, Niles?" Max said. "Could you get a head start on dinner, please? I'm afraid after having taken care of the children for so long, I'll be retiring early."
"Oh, course, Sir." Niles shook his head. The man had been a father five times, and yet he had never learned to share that responsibility. He was just grateful that today that responsibility didn't fall on him.
Maxwell entered the office. "I'm sorry, C.C. I had to take care of the babies while botht Fran and Niles were out together. And I'm afrain we'll probably be closing shop early, as well. Good Heavens! C.C., are you alright?" For a man who never noticed annything, Max had been unusually percetptive to C.C.´s red eyes and her face streaked with long-dried tears.
"You know, Maxwell, I believe that is the first time ou have ever asked me about my feelings."
"Yes, well, I just spent an entire afternoon alone with the babies. Grace left me to meet some friends. I've been crying all afternoon."
C.C. sighed. "I think Niles might have found someone else."
"Oh, C.C., what makes you say that?" C.C. lowered her gaze, embarasssed by her coming answer. "a psychic," she whispered. "A psychic?? Really, C.C. That is not like you at all. And frankly, I find it quite worrisome that my business partner and the woman I trust with my finances believes in such nonesense."
"Well, she said Val would start dating a pharmacist named Fred-" Maxwell raised his eyebrows- "Nanny Fine ditched Val to go do God-knows-what with Niles and so she dumped her on me! Anyways and not one hour later, she does! The Psychic told me Niles was going to end up in bed all wrapped up with a stunningly adorable brunnette with liquid onyx eyes."
"Sounds like my Fran." Max said, admiring his wife in his head.
"Oh, my God!" they both exclaimed.
...
C.C. and Max sat side-by-side in the kitchen, eating ice cream directly out of the carton. They had alwasy seen Fran and the Fines eating ice cream when they were upset, so thy figured it was the logical thing to do.
"I just don't understand! Why would he leave me for her?"
"C.C., that´s my wife you are talking about." warned Maxwell. He continued: "What I don't undertand is why she wold leave me for him! Ow!"
"Sorry, Maxwell." CC had elbowed him in the ribs. "This is ridiculous, C.C. I mean, this was just some loony in Queens talking! We shouldn't take her seriously."
"You're right, Maxwell. I don't know what I was thinking."
At that moment, Fran waltz herself through the kitchen, searching for Niles. "Niles! Would ya come and stay with me at my parents´place tonight? Since we need to get a head start in the morning." C.C. looked about to cry while Max sat with his mouth agape; both had spoonsfuls of ice-cream suspended in front of them.
"Certainly, Fran," They heard Niles say from the living room.
Max came to his senses. "Ah, darling. What's with this?"
"Oh, Niles is going to help me prepare my parents´anniversary party. It´s going to be a surprise."
"And won't they notice something is up when you both show up over there and spend the night?"
"Not really. They'll be visiting my sister until tomorrow night. We'll have the house to ourselves."
Max´s jaw dropped and his heart fell. "Well, darling, how about I come with you?"
"Oh, thank-you, sweetie, but there's really no need. Besides, I'm going to need someone to watch the twins all day tomorrow. And don't you and C.C. have that investors' dinner tonight?"
"Oh, but darling, don't you want to come with me?"Max knew it would be risky having Fran present at any business event, but he certainly didn't want her spending the night with another man!
"Oh, honey! You actually want me at one of your backers´dinners?" Fran squealed in delight. "But I can't. I really want this anniversary to be special for my parents. Especially since Ma almost left Daddy and all." She kissed his cheek. "Love ya, honey. Bye bye!" And she and Niles, holding overnight bags, walked right out the door. After staring after them for a long time, Max turned around and looked at the only peorson who could share his pain right now. C.C. was staring at the opposite end of the living room, looking both livid and upset beyond comfort.
...
"Maxwell! Hurry up and get the key out already!" They were both dressed very elegantly-he in a tux and she in the blue shimmery dress she had worn when she and Niles had danced together a few years before after Chandler had uncerimoniously ditched her in a letter-one delivered to her workplace instead of her home, no less. She hoped that maybe Niles would remember that night which in a way had been their first date. The dinner had gone well because they had managed to round up some funds for their new play, however, not as much as they would have liked and certainly not as much as they would have normally been able to do had their minds not been preoccupied and anxious to leave.
Max found the key and inserted it in the door to Sylvia Rosenberg's and Morty Fine's apartment in Flushing, Queens. They tiptoed into the dark living room. Having been here before, Max knew and had explained to C.C. on the way over that the Fine's apartment had only two bedrooms: the master one, and the one Fran and her sister Nadine had shared growing up. They supposed Fran would be sleeping in her old bed and Niles would have been given the pull-out couch in the living room. Max made felt his way along the walls and made it into Fran's old bedroom. Meanwhile, C.C. had managed to locate the sofa bed in the pitch-darkness, and sure enough, there were two bulks in the bed under the covers. She was fuming until she realized that one of those bulks was merely a pillow. She relaxed. So Niles hadn´t been cheating on her! She smiled and crawled into bed with her man.
...
Meanwhile, Max had walked into Fran's old room. To his dismay, he saw that the two beds had been pushed together. But upon closer examination, he saw that only one person lay asleep on the bed. He felt this's person's fluffy hair and smiled. So Fran had not been having an affair with Niles! How ridiculous of him to have doubted her! He took off his jacked and his shoes and climbed into bed with her. He wrapped his arms around his wife´s post-pregnancy stomach, surprised to find it rather sturdy. He entwined his legs with hers, and felt with his bare feet that they were hairy. Did Fran have hirsutism? She was never this hairy around him. He supposed she usually shaved her legs before going to bed with him. He moved his hands higher towards Fran´s chest, and-something was definately wrong here!
At that same moment, the person in bed stirred, and jumped up in the bed when he realized some stranger had been feeling him up and down. "What in the bloody hell-?!" He reached over to the bedside table and clicked the lamp on.
"Niles!" Max exclaimed, realized who he had climbed into bed with.
"Mister Sheffiedl! I may be your butler but I, sir, am no house boy!"
"Pipe down, Niles, will you? I thought you were Fran."
"You couldn´t be away from her one night so you came to take her in he own childhood bedroom? And would it kill you to clip your toenails?" One glance around the room indicated that this was indeed still a very juvenile room.
"Well, I though-well never mind what I thought! What are you doing in here?"
"We switched bedrooms. Mrs. Sheffield had a fight with her sister over the telephone and decided she did not want to sleep in a room that reminded her so much of Nadine."
"Oh. That explains it."
"Now, sir, will you please get out of my bed?"
Max stood up. "I uh, I better get Miss Babcock out of the living room then."
Niles got up as well, pulling on his pajama trousers. "C.C. is here?"
"Yes. She-,I-, we-oh, never mind; it´s silly." The men walked out of the teenaged-girl bedroom and into the living room and turned on the light. Upon doing that, both Miss Fine and Miss Babcock woke up and turned to look towards the source of the light. "What in the-Niles? Maxwell?" They turned to look at the voice that came from the bed they were both sleeping on.
"Aaaaaaahhh!" They screamed. Fran started hitting C.C. with a pillow, yelling "What are you doing in my bed, you crazy lady? I´m a married woman!"
"Ow! Ow! For your information," C.C. grabbed her own pillow and used it as both a shield and to hit Fran back with, "I had no idea I was getting in bed with you! You are the last person I would ever want to share anything with!" More general "Ow!"s came from both women, and the men at the end of the room shook out of their daze and went to pull the fiesty females apart.
"Now, calm down! This has all been a misunderstanding," said Max.
"And what misunderstanding would that be, mister!" asked his wife.
"Well, the thing is, well, you see..." when Max realized how foolish it all sounded, he felt too abashed to say it. "Well, we thought you and Niles, might have maybe kinda sorta been having an affair."
Fran and Niles looked at each other. "An affair? Us?" Didn't these two idiots know how lucky and happy they were to be with them? Didn't they know that they would be careful not to screw anything up?
"Believe me, if Niles and I wanted to hook up, it would have happened long ago. I mean, how many times were we all alone in the house on Saturday nights watching racy movies? I mean," she said, catching Max's glare. "I mean romantic movies."
Niles said, "honestly, why this doubt all of a sudden?" Both Fran and Niles had telepathically agreed not to mention their one brief fling three years earlier.
"Well, we can explain that. C.C.?" Max looked down at his friend and businesspartner, obviously hoping she would be the one to explain it all.
She decided to pout and turn her face downwards, avoiding meeting anyone´s eyes. "Well, you see, I had to accompany Val to her hair and nail appointment, and this psychic Libby came up to us-"
"Libby´s a psychic now?" Fran interrupted. "Oy, the crazy thing that girl has done. And let me look at your nails!" She grabbed one of C.C.´s hands. "I see you didn´t use the hair appointment." C.C.´s fingernails had been done up in a pale violet and the inedex finger of each hand had a flower painted on-a far cry from her usual French tips.
"Mrs. Sheffiled, do let her go on." Niles was in immensely curious about the rest of C.C.'s story. Nail appointments with Val? Psychics? Ending up in bed with Fran, the woman she had openly hated for the past six years?
C.C. cleared her throat. "She read our fortunes and said that Val would meet a pharmacist named Fred. And not one hour later, she does and they are instantly a couple!" (Val´s got a boyfriend? I´ll have to ask her tomorrow at the anniversary dinner Fran muttered) "And when Libby read my fortune," C.C. began to turn red. "she said that the man in my life would end up in bed with an adorable and stunning brunette with liquid onyx-amber eyes."
"We thought that was you, Fran," Max said to his wife.
"Your psychic thinks I'm stunning?" Fran asked C.C., obviously flattered. Max intejected "Well, see there there was nothing to worry about. My wife was not having an affair, and Niles ended up in bed with...me." He thought for a second. "You're psychic thinks I'm adorable?"
"Max, honey, will you excuse me and Miss Babcock a moment? You, too, Niles." Grumbling, the men headed awkwardly back to the same bedroom they were in to give the girls some privacy.
"Miss Babcock, why would you think I was trying to steal your man? And more importantly, how could you believe it from Libby? The meshugga used to steal cars!"She eyed her and asked seriously, "Miss Babcock, are you still pinning for Maxwell?"
C.C. looked at Fran. "Noooo. I just thought you were trying to steal my man-again! And can you blame me? I know the man for fourteen years and got nothing, while you managed to sweep him off his feet in one day! And you can't take Niles away from me! I know everyone thought we hated each other, but that was the only way I could have a relationship that lasted that long." She frowned. "Hmm, when you really get to know me I am not a well woman. Anyway, Niles is the only one who has seen me at my worst and has not been frightened away by it. I don't think I could find someone else like that. And besides, with him I am completely, and totally, and multiply satisfied." She whispered sultrily to Fran in a voice low enough so that the boys would not overhear.
"Reeally?" said Fran, an enormous grin appearing on her face.
"That is the joy of bein with a man who lives to serve others, girlfriend!" Both squealed and cackled raccously. The bedroom door opened and Max and Niles stepped out, curious as to why these two were laughing so joyously together, especially when they had rarely shared civil moments before.
"What the devil is going on here?" Max inquired.
"Nothing, sweetie," his wife answered. "How about you and me just go to bed now? Niles and I have my parents' 'surprise' anniversary party to cook for and set up tomorrow. Goodnight, you two!" She waved at Niles and C.C.
...
Inside her childhood bedroom, Fran took Max by the hand and led him to bed. "Sweetie, do you really think I waited around give years for you to just give it up for one little fling a year later? I swear that nothing is going on between Niles and me. We are just really good friends. Besides, I love you. I thought I had made that clear, Mistah!" She jokingly knocked him over the head.
"Fran, I don't know what came over me. I promise that I will trust you from now on." He kissed her sweetly. "Come on, darling. Let's go to sleep."
"Or..." Fran said mischieviously.
"What?"
"Well, I wouldn't want to do too much with those two in the other room, but help fulfill a teenage girl's fantasy? I always wished I could have a boy to kiss in my bed while my parents were away. The closest I got was me and Val practicing making-outttt..." Max was looking at her in shock. "Making out exactly what colours our eyes were. And you know what? Mine really are liquid amber-onyx. Now let's get in bed, you sexy brunette."
...
Niles walked over to his girlfriend, who was still seated on the sofa bed, partially under the covers. It was funny how he and Maxwell had frantically sprang apart when they both ended up lying down together while these other two had not gotten up off the bed until just now, and they despised each other. Niles wondered how he could have a best friend who hated his girlfriend and how his girlfriend hated his best friend. His girlfriend. He smiled at the word. The beautiful heiress was wearing the same shimmery blue dress she had on the day he came as her date to the award show, after Chandler had broken up with her and hadn't had the guts to do it in person nor the sensitivity to not do it while she was at work.
C.C. still looked a little embarassed about what had happened earlier, but there was no hidding that she was happy to see him. "Well, you finally proved that you're bonkers, witch. C.C., do you not know how much I care about you? About how happy you make me? You know I'm miserable when I'm not with you. I put on five kilos the last time you were away."
"I know. I'm sorry. I let my insecurities get the best of me, I guess. I was just really scared that you would leave me, Niles. And that everything would go back to like it was before, with us just hating eacher and sending death wishes each way. And everyone likes Nanny Fine more than me! And who can blame them, I guess?"
"C.C..." Niles said, turning off the light and climbing into bed with her. "I. love. you." Then he took her face in his hands and kissed her on her full mouth. C.C. grinned and giggled like a schoolgirl. "Let's go to sleep, Butler Boy."
After they snuggled into a comfortable position and were about to doze off, C.C. said "I love you, too."
Niles stared at her. "What did you say?"
"You heard me," she said, smiling conspiratorially.
Niles looked at her in bewilderment. "You've never said that to me before. I wondered if you really did feel the same way for me as I did for you, or if I was just some sort of boy-toy safety harness until someone better came along."
"Well, you were foolish for doubting me. And boy-toy harness, yesss, I like the sound of that."
Niles kissed her forehead. "Trollop." She kicked him gently.
"Bell-boy."