Author's note: Hello, Interloper here. This was originally part of a collection of One-shots posted by ZygardeFusion. I recommend checking that out if you have the time. I just figured I'd post mine here as well since it relates to my stories. Hope you enjoy it if you haven't seen it already.
Back in the Day...
The Countryside…
I was watchin' the my little grandsquids while my son and his little lady were out on their anniversary. They're some of the cutest li'l squiddo's you've ever seen, but they don't get along all the time. For instance, here, fight'n fer some reason.
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"No, it's mine!"
"MIIIIIIIIIIINE!"
"Now, hold on you two!" I broke them apart. "What's this fightin' about!"
"She keeps trying to take my Cap of Legend!" Little Otis Shouted.
"He haddid long! I wanna turn!" My Sweet Sarah shouted. "Tellim ta share, Gwampa!"
I took the hat from both of them.
"HEY!" They both cried in unison.
"First of all, this is MY cap, where'd ya get it?" I crossed my arms.
They both fell silent. I decided to pick them up, sit down, and set them in my lap. I put the cap on and looked to my little sea angels.
"Ya know how I got this?" I asked.
"This gonna be a war story?" Otis asked.
"Yeeesss." I nodded my head.
"Can we juss get a spanking?" Sarah hoped.
"No." I replied, shaking my head. "Now, let me tell ya how I got this cap…"
*Flashback…*
It was back in the day during my days as a fighter in the Great Turf War. I wasn't the bearded old squid you see before you, I was young, hot, and could walk without a cane!
"Wha's wiss your voice?"
This is my story-telling voice.
"You gonna talk about yourself the whole time?"
It's a story about me, so yes. Now, I was one of the lead members of the Southeastern Resistance Squerilla Splatoon…
We were rough, we were tough, and we hit hard, we-
"Gramps, dis stowy is bowing…"
I'm setting it up, Sarah. Now, despite being some of the best you could ask for, we were up against a foe so fearsome, so ruthless, so intelligent, that we were always on the ropes…and my particular squad gave him a heaping helping of trouble…
Two years into the war…
I was just in an uphill battle. Not unusual for us, but my entire squad was wiped out. I was captured, my men, or what remained of them, were being dragged into the fort along with me. I had lost my entire squad, including my own commanding officer…I was the only survivor, awaiting an unknown fate…
I was dragged into the fort, where the commanding officer, my greatest rival, Colonel Octolangelo, that artist's descendant himself, was gazing upon me triumphantly.
"Gerald Ligo, as I live and breathe…" The slimy Octarian smirked. "I must say, I'm impressed. You fought down to the last Squid. I believe I'll compose a Kazoo symphony in your honor. Gertrude, my Kazoo?"
"Here you go, sir." His admittedly beautiful assistant handed it to him.
"Thank you, Gertrude."
"My pleasure, sir."
He then started playing me a sad song on that horrible instrument. To this day, I'm not sure if he was taunting me, or if that was just the only instrument he could play…no hands and all…either way, I was something beyond furious, but I was held at gunpoint. I couldn't do anything…
"Den you gotta hat?"
Girl, he had me captured as a Prisoner of War! Why in Cod's name would he give me a hat?
"…Honor?"
…No, sweetheart…he did not give me a hat.
"Aawww…"
Anyhow…after about a minute, he was finished.
"Alright, take him in." He ordered. "I want to see what he knows…"
But before they could do anything, one of his guards burst into ink!
"That's sad…"
No, Otis, that's a good thing because it was the Legendary Squidbeak Splatoon, launching a surprise attack! I was saved!
I dove down to avoid the crossfire. Several Octos got splatted as Octolangelo's guard took him back into the fort. Shots came from every direction I crawled around enemy puddles of ink until I was stopped by someone stepping in front of me…I looked up to meet the unknown soldier's gaze…
"Howdy there!" The friendly squid tipped his hat to me. "Craig Cuttlefish. Looks like yer in a bit of a pickle."
"Sure am!" I nodded my head.
"Need a Weapon? A Bamboozler, Bucket, Crank-splatterer?"
"I'm a Brushketeer."
A soldier then handed me a brush and I joined their fight. I fought hard to avenge my men. I just kept going until reaching the gate of the main building where Octolangelo's lackey was wielding a brush herself.
"Hello there, my name is Gertrude Cificap." She introduced herself as she walked forward. "I serve the Octolangelos. I tend to the manor, help them through their day, splat any foolish squids who try to harm them, and I make the tea…"
"Did she really say that?"
She really said that…
"Den you beat her!"
Weeeeeell…If by beat her you mean she smacked my brush away in a blink of an eye, then yes…I beat her…
"But weren't you amazing with a brush?"
I was, but she was a classic type. Trained in proper Brush-based martial arts. You see those squiddos runnin' around with the Brushes, slappin' them around at their opponents?
"Yeah!"
That would've gotten' ya laughed at and splatted back then…
I ran back and was able to grab my brush, but she was hot on my tail and I couldn't turn around to fight back. Then shots came her way as Cuttlefish fired at her.
"Looks like a real splaternacker yer in now." He correctly pointed out. "How'bout I lend ya a hand?"
"Sounds good to me!" I readily agreed and we both prepared to fight her together.
"And you won, wight?"
Weeeeeell…
"What is this lady?!" I shouted as she kept us on the ropes.
"This is just nuts!" Cuttlefish shouted in agreement as she kept dodging his blasts.
After a good few minutes of getting chased around, the fight finally stopped when she Superjumped into the air onto an airship that just took off.
"Sorry, Ligo!" Octolangelo fake-apologized. "But I have a flight to catch! A technical loss, but a drop in the bucket compared to our ultimate conquest!"
They flew up too high for us to get to them, so all we could do was collect the fallen and pay our respects. I had to pay respects to my Captain in particular…I'd prepared the burial and all and stood in salute before Cuttlefish came over with his hermit crab friend.
"I knew the man…" He told me. "Not very well, mind you, but enough to miss 'em…"
"Yeah…" I sighed. "He was a good Cap'n…no replacin' him…"
"No replacin' anyone…" He said, grabbing his cap and putting it on me. "But we all try to do our own thing. Our own way."
"R-right." I gave him a fellow-Captain's salute.
I then buried my comrades and left to find the others. I found them and led my Splatoon through many battles. I knew I would cross paths with Octolangelo again. I would…by getting captured again and being held prisoner for the last three months of the war…
"Haha! Fail!"
Present-ish Day…
"That ain't funny!" I told her. "I was tortured for information. He gave me The Spoons!"
"I'm sowwy…" Sarah apologized.
"Oh, that's alright, little Seashell…" I immediately forgave her. "Yer young. Ya don't know war...keep that innocence as long as ya can."
"Can we get ice cream, Grandpa?" Otis asked.
"Why, sure we can." I agreed, setting them down. "Let's getcha some!"
Well, I don't think they learned any sort of lesson or anything, nor did they care about war or complicated history, but they're young. I'll just let 'em stay that way. To them, I'm just an old man ramblin', but to me…huh…
…Guess I was just ramblin'…