Hidden Message
"Nay? Coffee? Please?" Naya who is perfectly content with Heather wrapped in her arms, groans. She doesn't reply. Instead, she pulls Heather impossibly closer and nuzzles her face into the crook of Heather's neck.
"Your nose is freezing." Heather gasps when said nose touched her skin. In response, Naya pressed her nose closer to her and began breathing through her mouth. Heather giggles. "You're adorable. But we have to get up. I don't want Ryan's voice to rip my ears off before I have time to listen to Christmas songs."
"Mmmm." Naya hums, too comfortable to move. Heather smiles, her eyes closed. She gives it a few minutes before turning around in her best friend's arms. Naya had never been a morning person but Heather always found incredibly amusing to wake her up.
Looking at the digital clock behind Naya, the blonde sighs. Time to get up. Like now.
So she presses her lips unto Naya's ice cold nose and smiles when it scrunches up. That would prompt her to move from sleepy to less sleepy. But it isn't enough to wake her up. So Heather moves to the next step. She rubs her hand against Naya's sides where she's most ticklish. Naya groans like she always does. But there's also the smile that always told Heather that she won't be grumpy like she normally is when it's the alarm clock that wakes her up with its "loud, fucking siren" noise (Naya's exact words).
For the last step, Heather almost regretfully pulls away from Naya's arms.
"Heather…" Naya says, her voice hoarse with sleep. She grasps Heather's one arm, trying to keep her in place.
"Come on, sleepy head." She says, gently. And then she bends down and kisses Naya's cheek. That would appease her for when Heather gets up and walks to the kitchen despite her protests.
Naya, for her part, misses her warmth almost instantly and her eyes open. Heather is already out the door. The brunette remains in bed for five more minutes, smiling at how perfect everything is just like it always is when she wakes up to Heather's scent.
It's almost perfect. Except for the fact that Heather has this boyfriend.
But Naya still smiles. Because last night, Heather was in her arms not his. The thought makes up for a lot of things, especially the fact that she's awake at six in the morning on a Monday no less.
Naya drags herself out of the warmth that is Heather's bed and proceeded to follow the blonde. She can already smell the eggs and bacon and her stomach grumbles in approval.
Ashley is on the couch watching some fashion show. She looks up and smiles at Naya.
"'Morning, Ash." Naya says.
"'Morning. Get your ass in the kitchen. I want my coffee." Ashley demanded but there's a playful smirk that Naya returns easily.
"Yes, boss." She says waving her hand as she went.
The sight of Heather cooking breakfast with an apron will never get old for Naya. She leans on the doorframe watching as the blonde moved like she's dancing. She finishes with the eggs and sets the steaming pan in the sink and begins washing it as she hums a tune.
Naya hugs her from behind and Heather doesn't complain. Instead, she leans back to her best friend, perfectly content.
"Naya! Coffee!" Ashley breaks the moment and Naya almost wanted to go to the living room and slap the back of her head. But then Heather giggles and that's all it takes for her annoyance to dissipate.
Everybody knows that Naya makes the best coffee. Some days like this, she wishes that she doesn't know how to even touch a cup. But she doesn't complain since she's basically a freeloader in Heather and Ashley's apartment.
An hour later, Heather and Naya are well fed and awake and dressed for work. Ashley left right after breakfast. Right when they entered the car, Heather's phone rang and Naya feels the dread.
"Taylor!" The blonde sounded genuinely happy and the smile on her face makes Naya feel sick. She thought that she had dealt with this. Then why, why does it still hurt when she said his name?
Suddenly, the perfect morning haze dissipates and she comes crashing down to reality. Naya taps Heather's shoulder and waves goodbye. Brown eyes are carefully guarded and Heather instantly knows that something's wrong. However, Naya turned away too fast as the girl tries to open the car door, completely forgetting that it was locked.
"I'm okay. I'm about to head to work. You?" Heather manages to grab Naya's arm stopping her from stepping out of the car. Naya doesn't turn around.
"Mmhmm. Yes, I'm eating well. In fact, I might be eating a little too much." Heather chuckles about something Taylor said while at the same time, she tugs Naya's arm. She turns to shoot Heather a smile that's about as real as Santana's boobs and Heather sees right through it.
"Hey listen. I'm going to be late. I'm sorry. But stay safe, okay?" Heather pauses, tightening her grip on Naya's arm when she felt her pull away. "Yeah, okay. Bye. I love you."
Naya closes her eyes when she hears Heather say it. She takes in a deep breath.
Get a hold of yourself, Rivera. She's your bestfriend. Act like one. She thinks to herself.
"What are you doing?" Naya thought she heard fear somewhere but she quickly brushes it off; it was too much to hope for. She already had her fair share of disappointments and hell if she lets this one be another one.
So she turns and swallows the heartbreak. She smiles.
"I was going to just take my car."
"Why?"
"Err, you were talking to him and I didn't want to be rude." There's a flash of disappointment in blue eyes and Naya thinks she's just being delusional. It was gone and instead Heather surprises her by throwing her head back and laughing.
"Since when was that ever an issue between us?" Since I fell in love with you. Naya giggles instead and Heather reaches over to pull her in her arms. Naya doesn't respond.
"You know what's rude? The fact that I'm hugging you and you aren't hugging back." Heather says. On her defense, Heather's freaking essence made it impossible for any thought or action to make an actual sense in Naya's mind. However, she snaps out of it. She returns the hug, tightening her hold until Heather laughs again.
"Are you trying to kill me?" Naya lets her go and she fakes a horrified gasp.
"I would never do that." Heather slaps her arm.
Naya can't help it. She stares at Heather as the other drives and sings to a song Naya can't hear. Her heart aches at the beauty in front of her and she understands how someone can be so near yet so far. It's her own fault, she thinks. At first, she decided to stay away from the blonde before she got into deep shit. But Heather wouldn't let her and pretty soon, she decided "to hell with it." She promised herself that she's not going to ask for anything more than the blonde was offering and if it's only until the bestest friends there is, then she would be perfectly happy. But it's times like this that she wishes with everything she has.
Heather notices her staring and she blushes in embarrassment.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Nay."
"I just…" Naya almost hates her pounding heart. "I…" Damn it. How hard can it be? "I… You're beautiful." Naya wants to kick herself. Heather blushes though and giggles.
"Look who's talking."
"I know right?" Naya says, in an attempt to hide her current inner dilemma.
"This is why I love you." Her heart stops beating. She's torn between crying and laughing. Crying because she knows that Heather doesn't mean it in the way Naya wants her to. Laughing because she said it like it was so natural and yet Naya can't say it without choking. Naya chooses to smile.
"I love you too." And Naya knows when Heather turns to wink at her, that the blonde has no idea just how much Naya meant it.
"Hello?" Dianna answers the phone. It was a little late and she wanted nothing more than to hit the sack. She and Lea just came from work. The smaller girl had fallen asleep while Dianna drove and the blonde had taken it upon herself to carry her to her bed. Lea fell asleep again as soon as Dianna took her heels off.
For a moment she doesn't hear anything from the other line and she thought that maybe Naya had pocket-dialed her. But then she hears the faint sounds of sniffling.
"Naya?"
"Di…" Uh-oh.
"Hold on, okay? I'll be there in 15." Her statement is immediately followed by a whimper.
"Thanks." Dianna hangs up and sighs as she runs a hand through her short blonde hair.
She really did want to sleep. But Naya's almost like her sister and she just can't bear to leave her like this. So she rummages in her bag for a pen and paper to leave a note just in case Lea wakes up and she's not there.
She sticks the note on Lea's phone knowing that it's the first thing she'll grab when she wakes up. Lea is snoring lightly which rarely happens. Dianna loves every moment of it though. She does no effort to restrain herself as she bends over to the sleeping Lea and kisses her cheek. She smiles when the sleeping girl's nose scrunches.
"Bye." She whispers. She stands up and gets ready to leave. But before she could, Lea's hand shoots out almost as soon as she turns away and heads to the door. Her grasp on Dianna's wrist is weak but when hazel eyes meet brown ones, she hears the question that Lea doesn't need to voice out.
"Hey Lee. Naya's broken again."
"Heather?" Lea croaks out.
"Probably. God knows she's the only person who can put Naya in such a state. Seriously. That woman needs to stop being blind." Lea chuckles softly and Dianna smiles at her. "So anyway, I promised I'm going to be at hers in a few minutes, so I gotta go and play Superman, okay?" Dianna doesn't miss the way Lea's eyes drop.
"Hey." Dianna says as she crouches down to meet Lea's eyes.
"Hi." Lea says in reply, a smile tugging on her lips.
"I'll be back by morning, okay?" This time, the other girl stays quiet. Her smile fades slowly and her eyes cloud with uncertainty. Dianna attempts to comfort her by placing a gentle hand on her warm cheek. That seems to help Lea decide.
"Can I come with?" She asks so softly that Dianna almost misses it. But she does and her answering smile is so bright that Lea can't help but return it.
"Well, you better drag your skinny butt out of bed. I am so not carrying you again." Lea chuckles. She throws the cover off her and she manages to stand up although she's wobbly. It's okay though. Dianna's there to catch her.
"Thanks, my Lady." She says and Dianna replies by tightening her hold on around Lea's waist.
The silence in the car is content as Lea does her best to keep herself from sleeping. Dianna's scent is comforting and really it's not helping her current battle with her eyelids. Lea reaches over to take her hand form the wheel and the girl complies willingly. Dianna can figure out how to drive with one hand.
"Keep your eyes open Lee-Lee. We're almost there. And then you can crash in Naya's guestroom while we go fatten ourselves with ice cream."
"Di, you never get fat." Lea says flatly to which Dianna laughs heartily.
"Well, I'm sorry for that."
They pull up on Naya's driveway and it kinda scares the both of them when the normally lit up house is dark.
"Di…"
"I know."
Lea forgets the sleep because even though Naya's closer to Dianna, the girl is still one of her close friends. She'd witnessed these moments with Dianna for a couple of times and those times are enough to make her say she was actually scared that Naya might break in her lady's arms.
"Grab the ice cream and lock the car. I'm gonna go see if Nay's still alive." Lea nods her head.
Dianna doesn't even bother knocking. She barges in knowing that the door will be open for her. She's met with darkness. Her heart pounds as she worries.
"Nay?" She calls out, hoping for a response. The silence answers her back.
"Naya?" She tries again. This time she hears a sniff. She turns her head to the direction and she sees Naya come towards her. She's in a tight black dress and she looked absolutely breathtaking except her makeup is running with her tears.
"Oh, NayNay." She hears Lea say beside her. The smaller girl pushes Dianna into action and pretty soon, Naya's in her arms, sobbing her heart out. And Lea thinks that no matter how many times she sees this, it will never fail to scare her. After all, it's not every day that you witness a strong person to fall apart.
"She… She…"
"Shh. It's okay. Cry it out." Lea doesn't need to be told what to do. She goes straight to the kitchen and grabs three bowls. Looks like she's not going to get much sleep tonight. And honestly right now, she could care less.
It takes half an hour but eventually Naya's sobs turn into quiet tears and though she's far from okay, Dianna and Lea are relieved.
"Hey. Sorry I'm crashing this party." Lea says as soon as the three of them is settled in the couch. Naya's head is on Dianna's lap and Lea is on the floor so she's in Naya's eye level.
"It's okay. Actually, thank you. To both of you." Naya attempts a smile and it comes out a little too sad but Dianna and Lea doesn't mind. Because then, at least she's trying.
Naya sits up when Lea hands her her ice cream. Dianna enthusiastically jumps up and grabs the remote.
"Rugrats!" She exclaims. Naya giggles and Lea looks at her softly and she blushes. "You guys are mean."
"And you're addicted." Lea says.
"It's not my fault Reptar's cute." Lea shakes her head but smiles at how adorable Dianna's being.
Two hours later and more than a couple refills of ice cream, Naya is back on Dianna's lap and Lea is still on the floor, leaning against her lady's legs. It's 12am when Naya decides to talk.
"Yesterday marks that day three years ago when Heather first walked in the set. Yesterday marks that day when we became friends. Yesterday marks that day when I fell in love with her." Dianna mutes Rugrats. Lea doesn't turn but she reaches behind her to take Naya's cold hand in hers.
They knew, of course. Actually, almost everybody knew except for the one person that matters. It wasn't hard to see when Naya looked at Heather like she's the only person she sees. It wasn't hard to see when Naya looks longingly at Heather when the blonde goes off to answer Taylor's call.
"I told her to keep yesterday free and she agreed. I was going to tell her." Dianna flinches. "I waited for her. She was already three hours late but I kept waiting for her until I couldn't anymore. And then she texted me. Taylor came for a surprise visit."
"And that's when you called me." Dianna continues for her. Naya takes in a shaky breath attempting to push back the tears as she nods. She's so tired of sobbing her eyes out that it takes only a bit of willpower not to breakdown. Instead, she grips Lea's hand and is grateful when the brunette squeezes back.
"I was going to tell her. I was going to tell her just how much I actually love her."
"I'm so sorry, Nay." Dianna says as she feels the heartbreak. It may not even a half of what Naya must feeling and that makes the blonde hurt a little more.
"Not as much as I am."
"But you'll still love her." Lea says, gently. She wasn't accusing her. She's simply stating a fact. Naya closes her eyes.
"Yes. I'll still love her." And then she breaks and the shaking turns into convulsions. "Oh God. Oh God. I love her. What have I done?"
"Shh, Nay." Lea says as she turns to face her. "You didn't do anything bad. In fact, what you're doing is something true and pure and brave. You hear me, Rivera? You didn't do anything wrong. And we're proud of you. We're proud that you had the courage to tell us and the courage to almost tell her." A sob escapes Naya and Lea looks about ready to cry her own eyes out.
"Hey. Listen, it'll be okay. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but you have to hold on. We're here and you're not in this alone. But you have to believe that everything's going to be okay. Because it will be. I swear on Reptar's head that it will be." Naya sniffs, letting a smile show. Dianna is quick to return it.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because Naya, you love her don't you? And I know that you're completely and truly in love with her. Have faith in that."
Another hour later, Naya falls into a dreamless sleep. But she looks much better than she did three hours ago and that's enough for them. Now, Dianna and Lea are snuggled up in the guestroom.
"Lady D?" Lea whispers. Dianna squeezes Lea's waist in reply. "I love you." Green eyes open. When the smaller girl turns in her arms, she notices the sparkle in Dianna's eyes and she breathes a sigh of relief.
"I'm in love with you." Lea says just in case Dianna doesn't get it. This time, the blonde smiles softly at her.
"Lee-lee, you should know by now that I love you too." In response, the girl snuggles into Dianna's warmth.
"I know. I just… It scares me you know? Not being able to tell the person you love. I mean, what if you die tomorrow? I'll never get to tell you and I'll regret that forever." Lea feels her lady press her further into her to which she complies willingly.
"Sleep. Don't worry about Naya. She's strong. And Heather's not dumb." She sighs contentedly as she lets her eyelids fall.
"You'll be here when I wake up?"
"Promise."
"Rivera."
"Agron. Colfer." Naya greets her two friends with the bravest smile she can put on but as usual they see right through it.
"What's with the nerves?" Dianna asks, a grin on her face that let's Naya know that she knows exactly what's about to happen.
"It's a secret." She banters back, riding along. Chris observes the exchange and scowls.
"Helloooo? Who'd be nice enough to enlighten me?" He says. Naya giggles.
"Sorry, Chris. I was… umm…" Chris raises an eyebrow at the now stuttering and nervous Latina. Dianna rolls her eyes and punches her shoulder.
"What NayNay is trying, and failing, to say here is that she's going to confess her undying and eternallove for a certain Heather Morris whether Morris likes it or not." Naya's redder than an apple especially when Chris gasps dramatically and claps his hand together and then jumps into Naya's arms.
"Oh, I'm so glad for you! Finally! I was wondering if my gaydar's failing me but apparently not."
"Good luck girl though I'm sure you don't need it." Amber who suddenly materializes beside Dianna says with a knowing smile. Naya's mouth drops open and then she scowls.
"You know?"
"Of course I know. Gossip's my thang!" Naya shakes her head. "And you're not really that subtle, you know. I think everybody knows." Amber laughs at Naya's priceless face before the girl shakes her head, a small smile tugging on her lips.
"Except the person that matters."
"Yes, but you're about to do something about that now, right? Don't you dare, chicken out or I swear to God, I'm never going to let you hear the end of it." Lea, who suddenly materialized beside Dianna, says. Naya, who's now in Amber's arms, face palms.
"Who else heard?"
"Just us." Lea replies. "My lady doesn't have such a quiet and secretive voice you know." Dianna blushes but the smaller girl kisses her cheeks. Amber rolls her eyes, Chris' eyes are shining, and Naya smiles, genuinely happy for the two of them.
It's been a month since Heather ditched her and the blonde had profusely apologized the next day. Of course, Naya can never resist her and she ended up letting Heather take her out for dinner and movies. It wasn't a date though but for Naya it was enough.
"Hey! Why are we hugging my Nay?" Speaking of the devil, Naya thinks. Heather bounds and Amber abruptly steps away from the brunette and lets the taller girl hug Naya the only way they know how. They fit perfectly, Naya marvels at the thought, her heart immediately responding to the girl's scent. Dianna is snickering at her and Chris looks like a fan boy. But she ceases to care. She's where she belongs.
"Hey." She says, all teeth and it as to be the cutest thing Naya has ever seen. She returns the smile full force, momentarily forgetting everyone else.
"Hey back. I have something to tell you. After our scene." Heather looks immediately excited. She loves surprises. Especially good ones and especially when Ryan had firmly kept the scene a secret from her.
"Okay, but I have to tell you guys something first. Actually, I'd like everyone to meet at the set. Like now."
"Geez, demanding much?" Naya chuckles.
"Oh you know you like it."
"I don't. I love it."
"Okay, okay. Mellow down you two. Heather, we texted everybody and they'll be there in five. So let's go?" Lea says. Heather laughs at how fast information gets around. Naya's too busy melting to the wonderful sound to care about anything else.
Yep, later. Whatever happens, she's going to tell her.
Five minutes later, just as Lea said, everybody's waiting for the fidgeting Heather to speak up. Naya raises an eyebrow but smiles when Heather shoots her a look, asking for confidence. Heather takes a deep breath.
"I'm getting married." Heather says bluntly. She raises her left hand and sure enough a simple diamond ring is shining.
It takes the room a minute to process the unexpected information. And then suddenly Heather is engulfed into hugs. Amber is first to reach her. The woman doesn't say anything but she pulls her into a hug. If she had known better, Heather would have thought twice as to why the normally loud girl was being so quiet. If she had taken the time to study each of her friends' faces, she would have noticed the way how Dianna automatically reached out for Naya, how Lea looked like she was going to cry for the same girl, or how Chris pushed Amber to Heather so he can grip Naya's shaking shoulders in an attempt to pacify the heartbreak. She would have noticed how Naya looked so much older in the span of a minute or how her eyes showed complete and utter heartbreak. She would have noticed how the smile died and faded into nothing. She would have noticed how Naya seemed to stop breathing.
But Heather is lost in the dozens and dozens of "I'm happy for you" and "Congratulations." She might have felt an empty feeling inside her but she shrugs it off. After all, she's getting married. She's supposed to be happy.
"Nay? Hold on in there. Let's get out of here, okay? Naya?" Naya felt unstable, immobilized by the pain alone. She's sick to her stomach and the heartbreak is too much for her to handle. She's being ripped apart from the inside and she can't do anything to stop it.
"Oh, God." She manages to choke out through it all. It felt someone decided to just take her beating and light it up. She vaguely registers Dianna and Chris supporting her out. She can't feel anything beyond the unimaginable agony. The tears don't take any effort. They fall on their own as if every part of her is grieving.
She just lost her.
Life ceases to make sense and just like that, with only one sentence, her entire being falls apart. The morning seemed like a distant memory. The way Heather held her seemed unreal as if she was dreaming and now she's being snapped awake in the most horrible way possible. Her heart staggers as if it forgot how to beat.
As if everything crashed down on her, she snaps out of her shock and she races to the toilet. Her breakfast pushes out of her, ripping her insides apart as it did. Dianna's instantly there, holding her hair back and rubbing her back.
"She…" Naya tries and fails to form a sentence. She's drowning in her tears and breathing is becoming an issue. Chris comes with a towel and a bottle of water. They help her through the physical pain without a word. Chris keeps her hydrated and Dianna's cleaning her up. Naya almost swallows the mouthwash but Dianna's there walk her through the process. It's as if she forgot how to function.
Lea comes in half an hour later, exhausted from trying to distract Heather from the fact that her best friend did not even congratulate her. She had told her that Naya had to answer an important call. Heather understood. When she entered her trailer, her first reaction was to run away from it.
Naya's there, in Chris' arms and Dianna looks almost devastated as she is. Lea can't see her face but Naya's shoulder are shaking horribly. Dianna looks up to her. Her hazel eyes tear and the smaller girl rushes to her side. She laces their fingers together, offering the comfort that can't reach Naya. They're all aching for her but they also know that what they are feeling doesn't even come close to the real thing.
"Goddammit." Naya whispers with such intensity.
"Shhh…" Chris says, trying to pacify the uncontrollable quakes wracking her body.
"This hurts." She Pulls away from Chris' neck to look at Dianna. "Di, this fucking hurts." The blonde grips Lea's hands, needing something to ground her to her reality, needing the reassurance that she's never going to go through anything like Naya's pain. Lea squeezes back, understanding. With the strength that was given to her, Dianna reaches her other hand to Naya's. She doesn't say anything because she knows that words can do nothing. Words seems inadequate and the Latina gives up on trying to describe what she's feeling.
Her head is throbbing from crying and before she knows it, she can barely register Chris' warmth or Dianna's hand or Lea's silent comfort. All that she knows is she's falling into an abyss. She passes out.
"I'd like to know just how you were able to deal with that." Chris says as soon as they pull a blanket on Naya. "It's like someone died."
"This is the worst we've ever seen her." Lea says, her arm wrapped protectively around Dianna. "She died, Chris. Her heart stopped beating when Heather…"
"I know." And the he gazes at Naya who's face looked anything but peaceful.
"Actually, we don't. And hopefully, I'll die without knowing." Dianna says and really, they can't argue with that.
A knock on the trailer door startles the hell out of the three friends and Chris narrows his eyes at the door having a pretty good idea as to who exactly is on the other side.
"Lee? Where's Heather?" he asks.
"She's supposed to be shooting a scene. But…"
"Oh dear." Without the word, Dianna squeezes Lea's thigh and moves toward the door. She opens it just enough to make her body visible. Heather looks unsure and a little hurt but it was nothing like how Naya's hurting.
"Hey, Heath."
"Hey. Is – Is Naya there?"
"Yeah." Dianna says but doesn't move out of the way.
"Uh, can I see her?" The hazel-eyed blonde sighs and steps out and closes the door behind her. Heather looks like a kicked puppy.
"Not now, Hemo."
"What did I do?" The way Dianna's eyes grew would have been comical. And then she remembers that Heather isn't dumb.
"You know what you did. Please don't play dumb because you aren't. She can't handle anymore, Heather. And you know that. And I don't think I can handle letting her shatter in my arms again and again." Dianna sees a flash of distress in Heather's stormy blue. "She needs time to glue herself back. Don't worry. She'll be there by the time you guys shoot the scene." And with that, Dianna retreats back to her trailer, not wanting to witness another heart break. She'd witnessed more than her fair share and frankly, it kills her every single time.
Lea understands the look on Dianna's face and she rushes over to take the slightly taller girl in her arms.
"I'm not going anywhere." She whispers to her. Dianna closes her eyes and holds the brunette tighter.
Chris stands up, making his way out.
"Where are you going?"
"Heather's in pain too you know. Maybe not as much as all this is hurting Naya. Maybe more. We're they're friends. I can't leave Hemo alone. Naya wouldn't want that. Even now." He gazes at Naya who seems restless in her sleep. Dianna and Lea nod their heads.
Two hours later, Ryan texts them and tells them to get Naya's butt to makeup. Almost regretfully, they rouse her. It almost makes them cry how her eyes were suddenly on guard and lifeless. But they don't say anything as they help her to look like a human being who didn't get her heart ripped and stamped on. The makeup artist doesn't say anything about her puffy eyes. She just offers her a pat on the back and works to make her look breathtaking even if she already is.
Heather watches Naya go about and she would approach her but Dianna's seems glued to her side. Chris had talked to her earlier and right now she doesn't know what to think. She doesn't know what to feel or if she has any right at all to feel. Naya's purposefully ignoring her and whenever she was about to come closer, her eyes would tear and Dianna and the makeup artist would subtly glare at her. Well actually Dianna looked at her apologetically and is silently begging her to stay away for now.
"Hey."
"Hey." Naya responds to Dianna weakly. She offers a smile but even that hurt too much.
"Are you sure you can do this? I can ask Ryan to just leave it till tomorrow." Naya shakes her head.
"I want to get this over with while I still have the courage." Dianna doesn't push it.
Inside, Naya is a wreck. She has no idea how she's going to do it but she knows that she has to because this is the only chance that she's ever going to allow herself to let Heather see but she's been hiding since they met. She can feel her hands shake and she knows that she can't do anything about it.
Finally it was time. It was more painful now. Naya's so close to her and she doesn't know if she can handle it. She takes Heather – Brittany's hand a leads her to a chair. She stands in front of her and the turmoil in Naya has never been so strong. She can bail. Dianna's just there and she knows that the girl will take care of it. On the other hand, she can do this and finally, finally reveal her heart.
She chooses the latter. She can see that Heather's also about to bolt so she offers her a small smile after all, you can't just stop caring for someone. The blonde looks relieved and she can't help but return the smile. Brad is starting to play.
And Heather's heart is set on fire.
For you… There'll be no more crying.
She's bare. And her heart's on the line.
For you… The sun will be shining.
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's all right. I know it's right.
It never felt wrong to Naya. None of it. And she didn't regret anything. Not her feelings, not their friendship. And certainly not the part that she gave her heart. The only thing that she did regret is that she didn't tell her soon enough. Then maybe, maybe Heather would have said yes to her.
Heather doesn't fight the smile. God has laid a hand. But then Santana turns serious and vulnerable and she gets it. It's not Santana. It's Naya.
And the songbirds are singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before.
She looks away as she say it, unable to let Heather see just how true and real it is. And then she remembers that she decided to do this. So she lifts her head to look straight into Heather's eyes. The blonde is in tears, a small smile tugging on her lips. Heather is tempted to mouth I love you too but the way Naya's looking at her… It's scaring her. So she chooses to stay put and listen and hope that Naya's not saying what she thinks she's saying.
And I wish you all the love in the world
She takes a step forward. She needs Heather to hear this crystal clear. Her voice comes out stronger louder. She tries to minimize the impact and to keep herself in control by keeping her hands clasped together but it fights her. The words come out and her body responds with the weight of it all.
But most of all I wish it from myself.
Naya's hands fist over her heart in a subconscious attempt to rip it out – to stop the pain. Heather is struck and her mind becomes unsure. She lets a small, nervous smile out but Naya can't find it in herself to return it.
And the song birds keep singing like they know the score.
Her knees buckle from the weight of what she's doing but she picks herself up.
And I love you, I love you, I love you…
Like never before.
She looks at her almost desperate and she can see that Heather finally gets it. The smile on the blonde's lips falls suddenly.
Like never before.
A weight is lifted from Naya's shoulders and it causes her to smile the smile of someone who just risked it all.
"Beautiful." The words tumble out of Heather's mouth before she can stop it and she can see how Naya's sob got stuck in her throat. She takes a second to compose herself as she wipes a tear that has managed to escape.
"Okay, so why couldn't sing that to me in front of everyone? Now that Artie and I aren't together." Brittany says.
"No, not yet. I'm not ready for that type of public announcement." Heather would have winced at the dripping sarcasm and she almost cries when Naya reverts back to Santana.
"Naya!" She says after the scene. She calls after the brunette who's already speeding out. That makes Heather sob helplessly.
The scene only had two takes. By the end of the second take, Naya's about to break and she can only thank God when Ryan finally tells them that they're free to go. Before Heather can say anything, Naya's already bolting out the set. But she does hear the blonde call after her. It makes everything worse.
It scares her. She's not ready for what Heather has to say.
A couple of days later, Naya's still in her bed. Getting up when she has to go to the bathroom. She hasn't eaten properly and the only she's been able to do properly was to brush her teeth. That day paralyzed her. It got her lost. And now she can't find her way back to living the life she lived before she met Heather.
She had cut herself off from the world. She hasn't opened her laptop since two days ago. Her phone is buried somewhere in the mess at the foot of her bed. It's probably dead by now and Naya can't find it in herself to care. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that one Dianna Agron would barge into her house and into her room on third day.
"RIVERA! Open the goddamn door!" Naya would have dropped the box of chocolates she was munching on if it weren't for the fact she really liked Cadbury. She chooses to ignore the obviously fuming Agron at the other side of the door. She continues to watch Grey's Anatomy and curses Owen under her breath.
"Naya. I'm serious. If you don't open the fucking door, I will burn it down along with the rest of your house. Now, open it." The venom in her words got Naya to set down her box of chocolates and pad quietly to the door. She doesn't want to open it. She's in a state where she doesn't want anyone to see. Her hand rests on the door knob as she leans her head to door.
"Hey, Di." She says loud enough to she can hear. But her voice was hoarse and weak and she doubted if it was enough to appease the blonde. She paid a lot for this house.
"Ryan wants your head." Dianna says as she releases a sigh of relief.
"Yeah? I can give it to him." Naya says, half-serious and that scares the hell out of Dianna.
"Okay, Naya. Open the door. It's not funny anymore. Open the door, please."
"No." Dianna bites her lip.
"Why not?" Naya sighs and her body slides down to the floor her back leaning against the door.
"Di, I'm not the Naya you know. Shit, I'm not even the person I know."
"I know that. Isn't that why I'm here?"
"What can you possibly do? Don't get me wrong. I love you and all but I think I'm too far gone." Dianna slides down on the other side and Naya can almost feel the warmth the blonde is trying to offer.
"Let's see. You're crazy. You like scaring people when they least expect it which you probably picked up from me. You can't live without coffee which would explain how you can make one like magic. You love the way Grey's Anatomy can make you cry and at the same time you hate it. You were an underdog when you were young but that didn't stop you from being who you are."
"What's the point of all this?" Dianna ignores her.
"You believe in fairy tales and happy endings. You believe in how you can write your own story and turn everything in the way you want it no matter how impossible it may seem. You adore kids."
"Di…" Naya says with a sigh. On the other side, the blonde picks herself up from the floor and knocks gently.
"You're a weepy drunk mostly but there are times especially when Heather is involved that you turn into a sappy drunk." The door cracks open at 'Heather'. Naya looks awful. Her white tank top is smeared with chocolate and her hair is a nest or a shrub. Her eyes are dead but puffy and that's how Dianna knows that she's been crying. She seems so thin, her shoulders sagging in the way a person who just gave up everything and yet didn't get anything in return would look like.
Dianna pushes open the door.
"There's a lot of things about you that I don't know. And there's only one person who knows you more than anybody. And you're in love with that person and you're hurting right now because of her and because of you too. After all, if you hadn't fallen in love with her, you would be able to hug her and say congratulations when she announced that she's getting married to Sidney – I mean Taylor. But you can't help it because you guys are soulmates." Tears. Again. But Dianna goes on and each word stabs her through.
"You're in love with Heather Morris. You love her in a way that nobody else can."
Naya wipes her tears afterward, almost angry. She leaves the door open as she proceeds to throw her chocolate. She picks up her clothes one by one. She opens the curtains and pushes the window open letting the sun and the air hit her. It feels good, Naya decides. And though it still hurts it helps that she knows that someone can lift her pathetic ass off the ground. She finds her phone under her bed and plugs it. She takes a shower.
The hot water is way too hot but Naya doesn't mind. It's nothing. Her body is being sterilized and afterwards, the ice cold water feels good as it hits her heated skin. It almost felt like a bucket of cold water is being doused on her. Dianna knocks on the door and Naya steps out of the shower just as she starts thinking how it feels like to drown.
Naya doesn't say anything aside from a thank you which makes Dianna roll her eyes but smiles. She had 46 missed calls. 10 of them from Dianna. 36 from Heather. She had 22 text messages. All from Heather. Naya doesn't bother opening them. She deletes everything.
Naya drives the both of them to set. And though she's dreading it, Lea's instantly outside the car with a smile that tells her that she's also there for her. That helps Naya open the car door and step out.
"Finally get your heart on track?" Lea asks. Naya smiles.
"Not really. But my head's at least out of my ass."
"Good to hear." A hand slips into Lea's hand and she turns, a bright smile on her face. "My lady." Dianna blushes and smiles back.
Heather surprisingly is not on set. Ryan did yell his head off and Naya accepted it. After that, they shot the scenes that she missed and though it was a damn ton of scenes, Naya didn't mind. At least, she was doing something other than trying to kill herself with sugar or crying her eyes out over Callie and Arizona.
She almost forgot about her heart. Almost.
Heather arrives on her last scene and Naya doesn't know. The scene is pretty short and easy. Naya just needs to wait by the lockers in the deserted hallway. Ryan hasn't completely told her why and she wisely chooses to shut up and just follow the man says before he decided to really rip her head off.
She must be tired, Naya thinks. She's delusional because right now, she thinks she's seeing Heather come toward her, her pale face paler than normal yet determined. Naya laughs bitterly inside. Heather's out planning her wedding with Taylor's mom. There is no way that the blonde can be here. So she closes her eyes waiting for Ryan to yell "cut!". When she opens her eyes Heather isn't in the hallway anymore and she smiles sadly. Of course.
And then she nearly dies when she faces front and Heather's eyes consume hers. Words (if there were any), flew right out the window and she is struck speechless. She now becomes aware of the eerily quiet set and she looks around.
It's just the two of them.
Heather is standing in front of her, biting her lip the way she does when she's nervous.
"I'm getting married."
The memory brings strength to Naya and it surges in her veins. She gathers herself. Heather grimaces when brown eyes turn lifeless and guarded. Naya strides away from her, ready to bolt out the set and already thinking about the ice cream in Dianna and Lea's refrigerator. Heather catches her just in time. Cold hands are tight around Naya's wrist.
"Let go." Naya hisses without turning around to face Heather. She tugs on her arm but Heather refuses to budge.
"Nay…"
"Don't call me that!" The hand on her wrist tightens. Maybe it hurts but Naya knows no pain greater than the feeling of how she's being crushed inside.
"Please." Heather's voice breaks and she tugs on Naya's wrist, trying to get the girl to look at her.
"No!"
"Let me – …"
"No, Heather." The name burns her throat. And she turns around pissed at how much the blonde can hurt her in just a few words. Her eyes are on fire and she notices that Heather's are too. She notices the bags under her eyes and her chapped lips. She might have cared for a split second. Or not.
"I am NOT going to let you do anything. You've done enough. I don't need you to hurt me again. There are no words to be said. I think you made it pretty clear three days ago. I can't take it, Heather. I just can't." Heather's hand loosens for not more than a second. But that was enough for Naya to pull her wrist free. All she was able to take was two steps. Heather grabs for her and this time, Naya finds herself in the warmth that she had missed, the same warmth she has come to despise. Heather arms are around her waist and Naya puts up a struggle.
"LET GO!"
"No." Heather whispers to her ear and as much as Naya hates it, she shivers. She tries pushing on heather's abs. She tries punching her shoulders. She makes a grab for Heather's neck but the blonde only pushes her own neck forward as willing to let herself be strangled.
"Heather. Let go. You have no right to do this!" Naya almost yells to her ear. But her arms only tighten around her. Slowly, the pain is becoming too much to bear.
"Please… Let me go…" Heather dies when she hears Naya's voice waver with the weight of the desperation. She grips Naya like she's her lifeline, pulling her impossibly close.
"No…" Heather says as the girl in her arms stops fighting. "I can't." She adds as she feels Naya's hands lock on the collar of her shirt. Her body starts shaking and Heather becomes her ground like she always has been.
"Why? Why do you like hurting me?" Hot tears are flowing unstoppably. Heather's breathing hitches and she lets out a quiet whimper.
"I don't. You can't hate me more than I hate myself right now." The grip on her collar tightens.
"I can't be your bridesmaid." Naya blurts out because she really can't. She feels Heather nod and that turns whatever's left of her into ashes.
"There's no wedding, Nay."
She freezes. Her grip on her collar loosens and her hands fall to her sides. Her ears are ringing and she's almost convinced that this is all just a dream.
"Naya?" Heather says when she feels her stop breathing. She pushes herself off of Naya in panic. Instead, she grips the girl's shoulders. The shock on her face would have been comical and something they both would have laughed about for hours. But not now. Heather smiles a small smile.
"Don't." Naya says, now glaring at her.
"Don't what?"
"Don't play with me."
"I'm not." Heather takes a step forward, her hands now cupping Naya's face. "Naya, there is no wedding. I'm not getting married. The engagement is off." The disbelief is still clear in her eyes and the blonde sighs as she caresses her face. "That day when I didn't show up for our friendship anniversary, I broke up with Taylor. I was hoping that he'd understand and let me go home to you but of course, he did the exact opposite. He got furious and he started yelling insults and we ended up fighting. That's why I wasn't able to go. I'm sorry I didn't text you. I couldn't. Taylor had my phone as he tried searching for evidence that I'm cheating. I really did want to go and I regret that I wasn't able to come at all."
"But – but he proposed to you!" Naya takes a step back as if she was afraid. Heather lets her because she knows that she needs her space.
"He did. I visited my mom during the weekend. And apparently, she invited him." Heather frowns. "Of course, he'd be happy to go. Over dinner, we were talking about Glee and the cast and the storyline when suddenly, the jerk asked me to marry him. My mom was there Nay! And I know I should have said no because I really don't love him anymore but my mom was there. I couldn't disappoint her." Blue eyes turn indescribably sad and Naya takes a step forward by instinct. The girl smiles sadly at her.
"I broke it off cleanly yesterday. Taylor seemed to be in his right mind this time and he agreed. So – so now here I am."
"Why'd you break it off? It was your dream, right? To marry him and have family, have kids?" Heather shakes her head as she reaches out to tuck a stray strand of Naya's hair behind her ear. And then her hand moves to cup a tan cheek.
"You are my dream. And I had you but I was stupid and I let you go. It's the biggest mistake I've ever made. And I'm sorry for hurting you." Heather's tears fall, the regret in her eyes so clear that Naya can't find it in herself to deny it. The hand on her cheek shakes and before she knows it, Naya finds her hand covering Heather's in an instinctual attempt to comfort her.
"Do you mean it? Did you finally hear me?"
"I do. I did."
"Heather…" Her voice is laced with doubt.
"I love you, Naya. I've been in love with you since the day we met and I was stupid not to realize it any sooner. You got hurt. We both got hurt because by hurting you, I hurt myself too. I'm not perfect, Nay. You know that. And I'm most likely going to end up hurting you even when I don't want to. I can't promise you that I'll be the perfect girlfriend ever. I can't promise you that we won't fight. But I can promise you that I will give my entire life just to have you by my side. I will give my entire life just to prove to you that I love you. So much that not being able to wake up to your sleeping face for the past three days kills me. I love you and I'll say it over and over again until you believe. Until you choose to have me. Am I…" Heather's eyes drop almost as if she's about to cry. "Am I too late?"
In response, Naya brings their hands down. Heather closes her eyes to hide how much it hurt. She feels Naya's warm, steady hands around her neck and suddenly she feels herself being pulled toward her.
The feel of Naya's lips against hers is indescribable. Perfect cannot describe it. And right now, the only word that Heather can think of is right. She kisses back with fervor, responding to Naya's passion, desire, and love with the same amount and more. When tongue meets tongue, words cease to exist for the both of them. A couple of times they have to come up for air but Heather's mouth would follow her, unable to let her go.
Not now, not ever.
She's aware that it's been a few seconds of silence and that the girl in front of her is starting to worry. She squeezes her hand telling her to wait as she flashes back to every pain they had to go through apart, every drop of tear they both shed, every laugh they shared, every fight they went through, every bump, every joy. And she knows that this isn't just fate. This is her story and she's about to write a new chapter for it. One that will lead to a new beginning and eventually, to a happy ending.
Naya opens her mouth, her smile dazzling, her eyes glowing as she says, "I do."
Heather tears, the happiness too much to contain as she squeezes the hand in hers – the hand that has and will always be in hers.
A/N: Hey guys. This is my first RPF. So be nice? I know it's long so those of you who lasted to read this, thank you. Also, I will be updating If I Knew Then sometime next week. I'm sorry it's taking so long. But I can promise you guys that I'm not abandoning it. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this little something.
Tell me what you think?
Brittana and Heya,
theangel1710