Forward By Sheogorath

This book is the writings of all us Daedra's for your petty mortal entertainment. So read, please, we put a lot of effort into it. Cheese! I need Cheese! Delicious cheese that I can throw and eat! Today is horrible! It's not raining! Let me throw cheese at you! Why are you running? Do you not like cheese!? You monster! Cheese is love, cheese is life, cheese is god! Maybe I can have a tea party with Pelagius. Yeah, there's an idea! He was interesting with that power-mad mother of his. I like him. Hmmm…. Who am I writing to anyway? Yourself and anyone who wants to read this crap. WHAT!? This isn't trash, this is a masterpiece! Dude, it's literally just writing by you, and the rest of the Daedric Princes. Oh. Yes, "oh". Well anyway, Pelagius and I are going to have a tea party. With cheese! Lots and lots of Beautiful CHEESE! Now read this book, mortal, and enjoy! Oh, and do it with cheese! Sheogorath commands you!

Entry One: Clavicus Vile

Not sure what was going through that my head, but I am sooooo dead when the others find out. Worst bargain I've ever down in my life! But that little khajiit was soooo hot! I just asked her for her virginity and I got it. But then I had to make the others write this. The only one that was happy about it was Nocturnal and Shegorath. I am so dead. If only she could have been hideous like the rest of her kind and not a virgin. Once they're done with me, I'm probably going to end up without my "important bits". LAY IT ON ME ALREADY!JEEZ!

Entry Two: Mephala

So Clavicus is the one behind this, eh? Should've known. Only that piece of work could do something like this. Oh well, this is just an excellent chance to lie to that handsome devil, Mehrunes Dagon, and get him riled up enough to get to sleep with me. Heh, and then kill him. heh, heh! How do I come up with these excellent ideas? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love being me.

Entry Three: Hermaeus Mora

I do not care much for this, but I may as well as point out that, my champion seems to have a wicked sense of she dies, the battle for her soul will be excellent. Or maybe not… I have heard that Shor has left his throne empty. Hmm… I have never heard that he had specified gender, just that he preferred to be male when dealing with Nords who thought that men were the superior gender. Which is incorrect, the genders are equals. Though I have seen quite a bit of mortal women be actually smarter than their male, I wonder if my champion is Him. If so, well then. I think we can all agree that we all win.

Editor's note: Would it kill you to stop being so damned hypothetical !?

Entry Four: Malacath

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahah! I knew that little khajiit had a sense of humour! I just never knew how strong it was! Lying to Clavicus about her virginity and then tricking him into making this a reality. Mephala better be proud! I know I am! I just wish orcs were like her. Smart, evil, and clever. Ah, what a truly brutal combination…. Why, oh, why do I have to deal with dumb brutes all the time….

Entry Five: Nocturnal

This is kinda nice to show the mortals, how we think. Perhaps this will make them see us in a different light. I know the thieves guild would probably like it. This year I think I will show myself to more than just my children!

Entry Six: Hircine

Hey, there are mortals reading this thing, right? Right. Then allow me to indulge your pathetic mortal forms with my epic awesomeness:

There. May my epicness be in the back of your mind forever.

Editor's note: Sorry about that! Hircine thinks only of himself and nothing of the children. so, in other words, this image has been removed for your own state of mind. Your welcome.

Entry Seven: Mehrunes Dagon

I am going to kill the next person to call me "meh". I hate it when people call me that! My name is to install fear, not laughter! I was the one to kill the emperor and his heirs, remember? I'm the one behind the oblivion crisis.

Editor's note: Yeah, we remember. We just prefer to ignore it, and you should learn to do that too…..MEH.

Entry Eight: Merida

Oh, how I do hate the undead. They are so icky, with their rotting flesh and stinky breath. It's almost as bad as the day Alduin was born. Now That was a terrible day. It was so nice when that goddess gave mortals the power to speak dragon.

Entry Nine: Namira

I wonder if I could transmit a nasty disease with this 's worth a shot. OOOHHH… I could try out that thing I've always wanted to try. Yes. Yes!

Editor's note: Dude, Peryite is writing in this book to, in fact, he's right after you. So, of course, we've got some sort of spell on it that prevents people like you and him transmitting your nastiness.

Entry Ten: Peryite

Man, I love making things messed up for mortals. Like here, my newest creation causes your foot to basically rot off, so I call it Rot-foot.

Editor's Note: Ugh, dude. That is very unoriginal. I mean, I'd expect it of maybe Malacath, but you? I thought you were better than this, and don't mind me going to the nearest shrine

Entry Eleven: Sanguine

Sooo…. Who wants a drink? I have plenty. Guaranteed to make even the Dragonborn? Okay then. You're losing out. You know what I'm gonna just drink myself silly. I am very lonely.

Editor's note: Clearly.

Entry Twelve: Vaermina

Ooohhh…. I had the most delightful dream last night. I had this dream where I was tearing Mehrunes limb from limb. Aaahh… if only the dream had been real….

Entry Thirteen: Jyggalag

So…. I get my own entry? Sweet. You know it's rather difficult being stuck in the mind of a deranged psychopath. I mean, I'm just the voice of reason in sheogorath's mind. Which, Is not a very pleasant place to be at all. I mean, okay imagine That you're in a deep dark hole surrounded by the souls of the people driven insane by Vaermina, and their all clawing at you, trying to get you to take off your pants, but instead, you conjure up gorgeous women made from cheese. Got that? Now imagine that a thousand times worse.

Entry Fourteen: Boethiah

Hmm… I wonder if I stole something really precious and then gave it to Nocturnal If she would like me better?

Entry Fifteen: Azura

Ah, the twilight was very beautiful last night...

Entry Sixteen: Molag Bal

Why am I even doing this? I mean I could be doing so much more. Like, punishing that stupid Harkon. Which, I think I'll go back to right now.

Editor's note: Yeah, he was a bit of an idiot, but the reason your writing this is for the entertainment of mortals. As well as the entertainment of the author. Wait… what the hell I am talking about!? Oh, dear gods, don't tell me Sheograth rubbing off on me...

Hi! I have no idea when I wrote this other than that I found it in what I call "my little pile of strangeness". it is meant to be entertaining as well as being perhaps a little insulting.