The Brotherhood
He stared into the flames, mesmerized by their graceful dance, and watched the sparks soar into the blackness and disappear. It had been far too long since he had been here at the cabin. This was a place where Duncan MacLeod could always come to find solace. It was his own holy ground, where he could be alone and think about his long life. Try to get his head together and get in touch with himself again. Where for a time, he was safely out of the game and all it entailed.
There were so many memories here. Times that he and Tessa had spent together. All too brief moments of pleasure, wrapped up in each other's arms, all the stresses of life in Seacouver abandoned and only each other to think about. He and Richie had bonded here, and spent endless hours by this same fire. Richie never tired of listening to stories of the many adventures that encompassed the life of Duncan MacLeod. He was so entranced by them, so wide-eyed and eager to hear every detail. Duncan enjoyed sharing with such an enthusiastic listener as Richie. It was hard to believe he was gone now. Harder still to believe that it was Duncan's own sword that had extinguished that promising flame that was Richie's life. That thought, even after all these years, brought the pain back, fresh and raw as an open wound. He had worked through it and got to a place that he could accept that it was an accident. That he was tricked into taking Richie's head. It was never meant to happen. But it had, and he had faced the demons and put the guilt behind him now. Still, the pain never really went away. It was always there, no doubt, it always would be. He would learn to live with that, like he learned to live with so many truths along the long, sometimes painful course of his life.
And there was Connor. Connor MacLeod. His true brother, as Connor had called him on that fateful night when he had given his life to Duncan so that together, they could defeat Jacob Kell. Duncan wasn't prepared for that night, he couldn't imagine taking the head of the man who had been his salvation, and had shown him and taught him how he would live this life of immortality. Before Connor found him, he had no idea what he was, what had happened to him. He was so alone, cast out by his father as something evil and to be feared. He spent years wandering alone until Connor found him. He was still shaken by the realization that he had taken his head that night. Connor was tired, he was tired of life. He had lost the fire, the defining characteristic that drives every immortal to take up arms against their fellow immortals, fight to the death and claim the victorious quickening. Duncan was the last soul he loved on this earth since he had lost his precious daughter Rachel, and he offered up his quickening to Duncan, to give him the strength he would need to defeat Kell. He wanted the monster to pay for the sin of destroying a woman as gentle and full of humanity as the lovely Rachel. Yes, she more than equalled the life of a man of god in his mind. He had passed the torch to Duncan, and entrusted that revenge to the man he called his one true brother.
Duncan poured himself another cup of steaming coffee. It was a late September evening, and the air was cold and held the promise of snow. He drew in a deep full breath, feeling the cold, crisp air fill his lungs, and watched the ghostly wisps of condensed air he exhaled rise above him and vanish into the night. It was so quiet, so still, he could almost hear his own thoughts as though he were speaking them aloud. It was a moonless night, but a blanket of stars provided enough light to cast vague shadows across the rugged. tree-lined terrain that sloped down to the lake.
It was then that he saw it, just as the familiar sensation washed over him.. A figure was moving through the shadows and it possessed a long life line. Instinct took over, and Duncan's hand found his sword, and rested lightly on It's intricately carved handle, muscles tensed, and ready to face this immortal in ancient combat.. As it drew closer to him he could make out the pale trenchcoat, Nikes, and that unmistakable steady gait, hands in pockets, posture straight, and those deep set blue eyes, that seemed to bore into the soul.
Duncan's taut and aggressive stance relaxed into submission as his eyes focused on the man who stopped and stood in front of him, that cheeky, grinning expression on his face.
"Connor?" his words, just above a whisper, were uttered in disbelief. "It can't be you. It's not possible!"
"He,he,he! Connors trademark laugh was like a soothing tonic to him. Well, Duncan, are you going to offer me a cup of that coffee or do you have something stronger? You look like you could use it, my friend!
Duncan just stood there, trying to take in this strange moment, and comprehend what was happening. His face suddenly broke into a huge grin and before he even realized it, he was taking Connor in his arms in the greeting that they had always shared.
"Connor, what the hell is happening here? I need some answers!" said Duncan.
"Don't try to understand it, Duncan. Just live in this moment. Think of it as a gift to you. To us both. It's our chance to talk about our lives, our pasts, what has brought us to this point in time, and where you go from here."
Duncan produced a flask of brandy from his backpack , poured himself a generous portion, and one for Connor. He handed him the tin cup, and they banged them together and stared at each other for a few moments, the fire reflecting in both of their eyes. They tossed the liquor down in unison. Duncan sorely needed the brandy to steady his racing heart. Seeing Connor Macleod was probably the last thing he ever expected to happen here and now. "It's so damned good to see you Connor. Do you know how many times I've wished that I could have one last chance to see you, to talk to you? I must be dreaming, but this has got to be the most vivid dream I've ever had!"
"You're not dreaming Duncan." Said Connor. "I'm real, I'm here . Believe it."
Duncan had a million questions racing through his overloaded mind. "But, why now Connor, and how the hell can you possibly be here, talking to me like this when I..."
"When you took my head a few years back?" Connor finished his sentence. "Let's just say that the gods are giving us a gift and I don't know about you, but I'm not going to look this gift horse in the mouth!"
"You're right Connor, but you're always right. You have to be right don't you, that's what's so damned annoying about you!" Duncan teased.
"Of course, it would take a lot more than losing my head to change that Duncan! You know it!"
"So what's next Connor?" said Duncan. "Do I expect a visit from every immortal whose head I've ever taken? Some I'd love to see again, others, well let's just say I could go another 400 years without laying eyes on them." He took a long draft from the brandy.
"I couldn't answer that one my friend. Connor replied. "I bet I can guess who you'd want to see though. Young Richie Ryan."
Duncan's brown eyes grew suddenly serious as he stared into the flames. "What I wouldn't give to see him, to tell him...God what the hell would I tell him?"
"It was an accident Duncan and you know that. Ahriman used you, he used Richie, you didn't know that it was Richie. You were confused and disoriented. I don't need to tell you this though. You've been through the pain and the guilt. That year in the monastery helped you to come to terms with what happened. Richie would understand, he knew you loved him, he knew what you were facing. He just didn't know that he had a part to play in it"
"I have come to terms with it Connor. Well, I've had to haven't I? What else could I do? Spend the rest of my life beating myself up about it? No, like all good immortals, I have to move on, put the past where it belongs, in the past. Can't change it. I could have a lot of years ahead of me and I can't spend them dwelling on past mistakes and what might have been. Then again, I could lose my head tomorrow! Nothing is written in stone for us, is it Connor."
"No Duncan. Just like mortals, we don't know what the future holds for us. We just know that it might stretch very far in front of us, or it might be very short"
"Like Tessa's." Duncan stated flatly, with an edge of anger in his voice.
"Like Tessa's." Connor quietly echoed his words. He could see the pain that still coursed through Duncan's soul. Living without Tessa wasn't any easier now than it had been when he first lost her many years back.. Duncan stood and paced before the fire, the glow illuminating his handsome features, now hardened with a mixture of bitter anger and soul destroying grief.
"Tessa was an incredible woman Duncan. I only knew her briefly, but it wasn't difficult to see why you loved her so much. She was made for you , the perfect woman to deal with your life and all the crap that goes along with it! Sometimes I think that Tessa was born too late. She had that ethereal old world quality about her. It was the first thing I noticed about her when we met the night that Slan Quince found you. And another thing I noticed, she was pretty easy on the eyes too! Which just proves once again what I've always said about you."
Despite his dark mood, this comment drew a broad grin from Duncan . "Oh, and what's that Connor, as if I didn't know what you're going to say!"
"That you always get all the good women! Can't for the life of me understand why though. So you've got the face and body that makes women weak at the knees. I more than make up for that with my keen intelligence and wit!"
Duncan was laughing now, a brilliant smile on his face, his long muscular body, relaxing. "Connor, we had some good times together didn't we?" God, when I think of some of the things we got up to! A night in a certain pub in Ireland comes to mind. Seems to me you did pretty well for yourself with the women that night!."
" Ooooohh, How could I forget! I still remember that hangover! I think I recall begging you to take my head, just to stop it from aching!" said Connor, And wasn't it shortly after that, that you met the lovely Kate "
Duncan's smile suddenly faded at the mention of her name. "Kate" he said her name as though it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "One of my most regrettable mistakes and one I've spent centuries trying to forget ."
"Ah yes, the impetuousness of youth!" said Connor.
"The way I remember it, you had a lot to do with what happened on our wedding night. Your advice to me left the distinct impression that you didn't think it would be wrong to give Kate a little push into immortality." Duncan reminded him.
"I gave you something to think about, that's true." Connor replied " But the decision was ultimately yours Duncan. I told you how much Heather hated growing old while I stayed the same. You had the chance to spare Kate that pain, and let's face it, she had to know what you were. Do you think she was just going to think you had great genes? That's why you weren't aging?
"Well, it doesn't matter now does it Connor. I made a mistake that night. Kate, or Faith, that's what she calls herself now, spent lifetimes bitter and angry, blaming me for stealing her chance to have a normal life. You know how it played out, her involvement with Kell, her single-minded determination to destroy me."
"But you and she came to an understanding after you killed Kell, didn't you? Asked Connor.
"Yes. We did. Let's just say, there's a certain level of forgiveness there, but she and I will never reconcile. There's been too much pain, too much bitterness .She's not the same woman I fell in love with and that's down to me isn't it? She doesn't want to trust. She doesn't know how to trust anyone. I don't see her often, but we keep in touch from time to time."
And there was Anne Lindsay. You came close to finding happiness with a woman again, didn't you Duncan." Said Connor.
Duncan smiled softly at the mention of the dark-haired doctor with whom he had a brief relationship. "Yes, I thought maybe Anne was the woman who could fill the space that Tessa left so empty in my life." Again, I should have told her about my immortality. She's an intelligent woman, strong and independent and she knew that there was something important that I just wasn't sharing with her. She deserved to know, especially when it started to so directly affect her life when Kalas surfaced again. Then, before I really had a chance to tell her, I died right in front of her. That's just what Kalas wanted to happen ! I should have told her then, Richie begged me to and I wouldn't listen. I told him I couldn't take another Tessa. So off I went to Paris and I left Anne in pain, feeling guilty because the last time we were together, she'd given me an ultimatum. Either I come clean about myself, or that was it. I walked away from her, just like that, just walked away!"
"But Duncan, you did contact her, and you told her about everything" said Connor.
"Yes, it took Ceirdwyn to get through to this thick Highland skull of mine and make me realize that I should give Anne a chance if I loved her. That maybe she would understand. It wasn't easy for her. She didn't take it quite the way Tessa did. She wanted to know why and how this could be possible, the doctor in her I guess. I told her to accept it. Just don't try to understand why. It didn't work. She just couldn't handle it. It went against everything she stood for. She couldn't accept the killing, the wanting to kill. And then there was the baby. Connor, I came so close to being a father. She wanted me to raise her child with her, be a father to the child. Do you know what that meant to me, to have fatherhood within my reach?" It was a little girl, Connor." Said Duncan, with obvious pain and regret in his voice.
"I know". Said Connor. " I know it's something you've always longed for."
"You had Rachel. You know how it felt to raise her, be a father to her. I wanted that. I still do. But I know how risky it is to bring an innocent child so close to the dangers we live our lives with. I think that scared Anne. Her child was her priority and I can understand that. Maybe if things hadn't happened the way they did so soon after she arrived in Paris, thanks to that bastard Kristov, we might still be together. She got thrown right into the deep end before she even left the airport that day. Then shortly after that, Daimler showed up and Anne witnessed the fight and the quickening. My God, the son of a bitch nearly killed her and her baby. He would have if I hadn't got there when I did! It was too much for her and she made the decision to go back to America. It broke my heart, but I respected her wishes. I didn't try to change her mind. I let her go and with her went what might be the last chance for me to raise a child that would think of me as her father." Duncan's' pain was obvious.
"She's doing well now though, living in the house you renovated for her. And the child, Mary is thriving isn't she." Said Connor.
"Yes, Anne is happier than she's ever been and Mary is an angel. I was there when she gave birth to her. Anne loves the house and it's a perfect place to raise a child. Lots of room to run and play. We see each other now and then. Mary is a beautiful child, the image of Anne. Anne is very much in love with a good man, a doctor as well, and they're planning to marry someday.
"Anne wasn't the only person who I should have told about my immortality but didn't. At least it didn't cost her her life." Said Duncan as he threw back his head and looked up into the stars.
"Charlie DeSalvo". Said Connor.
"Yeah, Charlie." Duncan's voice was tinged with regret and tears. "Charlie knew something was up with me. I thought that maybe if he didn't know about me, he'd be safe from any fallout, but it just doesn't always work that way. So much happened that he was witness to that I couldn't or wouldn't explain to him. He was always trying to get me to open up. He thought I was with some secret undercover government organization fighting international crime or something like that! God, the things that he saw! I died in front of him too! Took a bullet in the heart from Horton. Charlie was nearly killed during that confrontation as well. When he asked me to explain, I just told him I'd tell him someday. Well, I did that alright. After Andrew Cord took a knife to him. He died in my arms Connor, but I told him about Cord. I spared that bastard's life because he was Joe Dawson's friend and I told him to leave Charlie alone. Should have known not to trust the son of a bitch! It cost Charlie his life. If I had told him what Cord was, that he had no chance in hell of killing him, Charlie would still be here.
"You don't know that for sure Duncan. Maybe Charlie was bent on revenge and it wouldn't have made any difference to him. He lost the woman he loved. Maybe nothing would have stopped him from trying to kill Cord." Listen, we have to lighten the mood here Duncan. Tell me, What about that long, tall dark and gorgeous number with the penchant for thieving? Have you seen her lately?"
Duncan's smile returned with a vengeance. "Amanda" he said her name with obvious delight. "Oh yes. She slips in and out of my life like she always has!:
"And your bed as well, I've no doubt!" Connor laughed
"She's been know to warm my bed occasionally, when she drops in! We've always been very compatible that way Connor!" Duncan replied.
"I thought that maybe you two would settle down together. That maybe someday she'd make an honest man of you." Connor teased.
Duncan shook his head. "No. What Amanda and I have is special Connor. We love each other, we always have and that won't change. But settle down together? No. It wouldn't work. Amanda has to keep moving. She gets bored easily. She couldn't settle down for long. No. Our relationship is just fine the way it is, for both of us. We have always known that and I don't see it ever changing. There was a time when I was totally frustrated by her. I wanted more commitment from her but in time, I realized that it just wasn't going to happen and I accepted her as she is. Annoying, selfish, vain, inconsiderate, unreliable, beautiful, desirable and uniquely Amanda!"
"And immortal." Stated Connor. "I know how you feel about mortal love Duncan. That it's the only kind you truly desire. You're drawn to it in a way that you never could be to love with an immortal woman. I understand it, believe me."
Duncan smiled as he pictured Tessa's beautiful face. "I wish I could feel differently Connor, I honestly do. It's not ever going to happen though. Not for me. Maybe it would be easier for me that way, but then, I never do anything the easy way do I!"
Connor looked at Duncan for what seemed a long while, not speaking and then he smiled warmly. "You've done well with the challenges this life has thrown at you Duncan. I'm very proud of you."
"I've only done what I had to Connor. Same as you, same as countless others." Duncan replied.
"My times running out Duncan. I have to leave now, but I'm grateful for this time we've spent together. "
The two men stood. "Connor, will I.."
"I don't know Duncan."
Duncan's brown eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he took Connors' hand in a firm grasp. "I'm sorry." he said softly
"Sorry?" Connor questioned. "For what?" For doing what I asked of you? What I all but forced you into? No Duncan. I'm the one who's sorry. And you know, I'd do it again if I had to. Everything that ever passed between us was leading us to that moment in time. I believe it was meant to be that way. And now, a part of me is with you forever. With you Duncan, my one true brother.
And with those words, he was gone, leaving Duncan staring into the dark, empty night, his final words echoing through the cold, crisp air that surrounded him.
What the hell just happened? Duncan spoke the words aloud. Had he been dreaming? Was Connor just here speaking to him? Was he losing his mind now after more than 400 years? Did it matter? He felt good, relaxed and at peace. Whatever had just happened, it had been good for his soul. It had left him feeling like there was closure between himself and Connor. Like he had done what was necessary that night and with no doubt in his mind that it was what Connor wanted. Together, they had been victorious. Kell was defeated. Kate was free from his hold on her and hopefully she would shake off some of the bitterness and hate that had gripped her heart for such a long time.
He would always miss him. Connor was his oldest friend, his connection with the young warrior he had once been, his link to a life and world that was now nothing more than crumbling ruins in the majestic highlands of Scotland. Like Connor said himself, he would always be with Duncan now, part of all the complexities that made him the man he was. As his mother had called him so many long years ago, Duncan MacLeod of the clan MacLeod.
He stared into the flames, mesmerized by their graceful dance, and watched the sparks soar into the blackness and disappear. It had been far too long since he had been here at the cabin. This was a place where Duncan MacLeod could always come to find solace. It was his own holy ground, where he could be alone and think about his long life. Try to get his head together and get in touch with himself again. Where for a time, he was safely out of the game and all it entailed.
There were so many memories here. Times that he and Tessa had spent together. All too brief moments of pleasure, wrapped up in each other's arms, all the stresses of life in Seacouver abandoned and only each other to think about. He and Richie had bonded here, and spent endless hours by this same fire. Richie never tired of listening to stories of the many adventures that encompassed the life of Duncan MacLeod. He was so entranced by them, so wide-eyed and eager to hear every detail. Duncan enjoyed sharing with such an enthusiastic listener as Richie. It was hard to believe he was gone now. Harder still to believe that it was Duncan's own sword that had extinguished that promising flame that was Richie's life. That thought, even after all these years, brought the pain back, fresh and raw as an open wound. He had worked through it and got to a place that he could accept that it was an accident. That he was tricked into taking Richie's head. It was never meant to happen. But it had, and he had faced the demons and put the guilt behind him now. Still, the pain never really went away. It was always there, no doubt, it always would be. He would learn to live with that, like he learned to live with so many truths along the long, sometimes painful course of his life.
And there was Connor. Connor MacLeod. His true brother, as Connor had called him on that fateful night when he had given his life to Duncan so that together, they could defeat Jacob Kell. Duncan wasn't prepared for that night, he couldn't imagine taking the head of the man who had been his salvation, and had shown him and taught him how he would live this life of immortality. Before Connor found him, he had no idea what he was, what had happened to him. He was so alone, cast out by his father as something evil and to be feared. He spent years wandering alone until Connor found him. He was still shaken by the realization that he had taken his head that night. Connor was tired, he was tired of life. He had lost the fire, the defining characteristic that drives every immortal to take up arms against their fellow immortals, fight to the death and claim the victorious quickening. Duncan was the last soul he loved on this earth since he had lost his precious daughter Rachel, and he offered up his quickening to Duncan, to give him the strength he would need to defeat Kell. He wanted the monster to pay for the sin of destroying a woman as gentle and full of humanity as the lovely Rachel. Yes, she more than equalled the life of a man of god in his mind. He had passed the torch to Duncan, and entrusted that revenge to the man he called his one true brother.
Duncan poured himself another cup of steaming coffee. It was a late September evening, and the air was cold and held the promise of snow. He drew in a deep full breath, feeling the cold, crisp air fill his lungs, and watched the ghostly wisps of condensed air he exhaled rise above him and vanish into the night. It was so quiet, so still, he could almost hear his own thoughts as though he were speaking them aloud. It was a moonless night, but a blanket of stars provided enough light to cast vague shadows across the rugged. tree-lined terrain that sloped down to the lake.
It was then that he saw it, just as the familiar sensation washed over him.. A figure was moving through the shadows and it possessed a long life line. Instinct took over, and Duncan's hand found his sword, and rested lightly on It's intricately carved handle, muscles tensed, and ready to face this immortal in ancient combat.. As it drew closer to him he could make out the pale trenchcoat, Nikes, and that unmistakable steady gait, hands in pockets, posture straight, and those deep set blue eyes, that seemed to bore into the soul.
Duncan's taut and aggressive stance relaxed into submission as his eyes focused on the man who stopped and stood in front of him, that cheeky, grinning expression on his face.
"Connor?" his words, just above a whisper, were uttered in disbelief. "It can't be you. It's not possible!"
"He,he,he! Connors trademark laugh was like a soothing tonic to him. Well, Duncan, are you going to offer me a cup of that coffee or do you have something stronger? You look like you could use it, my friend!
Duncan just stood there, trying to take in this strange moment, and comprehend what was happening. His face suddenly broke into a huge grin and before he even realized it, he was taking Connor in his arms in the greeting that they had always shared.
"Connor, what the hell is happening here? I need some answers!" said Duncan.
"Don't try to understand it, Duncan. Just live in this moment. Think of it as a gift to you. To us both. It's our chance to talk about our lives, our pasts, what has brought us to this point in time, and where you go from here."
Duncan produced a flask of brandy from his backpack , poured himself a generous portion, and one for Connor. He handed him the tin cup, and they banged them together and stared at each other for a few moments, the fire reflecting in both of their eyes. They tossed the liquor down in unison. Duncan sorely needed the brandy to steady his racing heart. Seeing Connor Macleod was probably the last thing he ever expected to happen here and now. "It's so damned good to see you Connor. Do you know how many times I've wished that I could have one last chance to see you, to talk to you? I must be dreaming, but this has got to be the most vivid dream I've ever had!"
"You're not dreaming Duncan." Said Connor. "I'm real, I'm here . Believe it."
Duncan had a million questions racing through his overloaded mind. "But, why now Connor, and how the hell can you possibly be here, talking to me like this when I..."
"When you took my head a few years back?" Connor finished his sentence. "Let's just say that the gods are giving us a gift and I don't know about you, but I'm not going to look this gift horse in the mouth!"
"You're right Connor, but you're always right. You have to be right don't you, that's what's so damned annoying about you!" Duncan teased.
"Of course, it would take a lot more than losing my head to change that Duncan! You know it!"
"So what's next Connor?" said Duncan. "Do I expect a visit from every immortal whose head I've ever taken? Some I'd love to see again, others, well let's just say I could go another 400 years without laying eyes on them." He took a long draft from the brandy.
"I couldn't answer that one my friend. Connor replied. "I bet I can guess who you'd want to see though. Young Richie Ryan."
Duncan's brown eyes grew suddenly serious as he stared into the flames. "What I wouldn't give to see him, to tell him...God what the hell would I tell him?"
"It was an accident Duncan and you know that. Ahriman used you, he used Richie, you didn't know that it was Richie. You were confused and disoriented. I don't need to tell you this though. You've been through the pain and the guilt. That year in the monastery helped you to come to terms with what happened. Richie would understand, he knew you loved him, he knew what you were facing. He just didn't know that he had a part to play in it"
"I have come to terms with it Connor. Well, I've had to haven't I? What else could I do? Spend the rest of my life beating myself up about it? No, like all good immortals, I have to move on, put the past where it belongs, in the past. Can't change it. I could have a lot of years ahead of me and I can't spend them dwelling on past mistakes and what might have been. Then again, I could lose my head tomorrow! Nothing is written in stone for us, is it Connor."
"No Duncan. Just like mortals, we don't know what the future holds for us. We just know that it might stretch very far in front of us, or it might be very short"
"Like Tessa's." Duncan stated flatly, with an edge of anger in his voice.
"Like Tessa's." Connor quietly echoed his words. He could see the pain that still coursed through Duncan's soul. Living without Tessa wasn't any easier now than it had been when he first lost her many years back.. Duncan stood and paced before the fire, the glow illuminating his handsome features, now hardened with a mixture of bitter anger and soul destroying grief.
"Tessa was an incredible woman Duncan. I only knew her briefly, but it wasn't difficult to see why you loved her so much. She was made for you , the perfect woman to deal with your life and all the crap that goes along with it! Sometimes I think that Tessa was born too late. She had that ethereal old world quality about her. It was the first thing I noticed about her when we met the night that Slan Quince found you. And another thing I noticed, she was pretty easy on the eyes too! Which just proves once again what I've always said about you."
Despite his dark mood, this comment drew a broad grin from Duncan . "Oh, and what's that Connor, as if I didn't know what you're going to say!"
"That you always get all the good women! Can't for the life of me understand why though. So you've got the face and body that makes women weak at the knees. I more than make up for that with my keen intelligence and wit!"
Duncan was laughing now, a brilliant smile on his face, his long muscular body, relaxing. "Connor, we had some good times together didn't we?" God, when I think of some of the things we got up to! A night in a certain pub in Ireland comes to mind. Seems to me you did pretty well for yourself with the women that night!."
" Ooooohh, How could I forget! I still remember that hangover! I think I recall begging you to take my head, just to stop it from aching!" said Connor, And wasn't it shortly after that, that you met the lovely Kate "
Duncan's smile suddenly faded at the mention of her name. "Kate" he said her name as though it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "One of my most regrettable mistakes and one I've spent centuries trying to forget ."
"Ah yes, the impetuousness of youth!" said Connor.
"The way I remember it, you had a lot to do with what happened on our wedding night. Your advice to me left the distinct impression that you didn't think it would be wrong to give Kate a little push into immortality." Duncan reminded him.
"I gave you something to think about, that's true." Connor replied " But the decision was ultimately yours Duncan. I told you how much Heather hated growing old while I stayed the same. You had the chance to spare Kate that pain, and let's face it, she had to know what you were. Do you think she was just going to think you had great genes? That's why you weren't aging?
"Well, it doesn't matter now does it Connor. I made a mistake that night. Kate, or Faith, that's what she calls herself now, spent lifetimes bitter and angry, blaming me for stealing her chance to have a normal life. You know how it played out, her involvement with Kell, her single-minded determination to destroy me."
"But you and she came to an understanding after you killed Kell, didn't you? Asked Connor.
"Yes. We did. Let's just say, there's a certain level of forgiveness there, but she and I will never reconcile. There's been too much pain, too much bitterness .She's not the same woman I fell in love with and that's down to me isn't it? She doesn't want to trust. She doesn't know how to trust anyone. I don't see her often, but we keep in touch from time to time."
And there was Anne Lindsay. You came close to finding happiness with a woman again, didn't you Duncan." Said Connor.
Duncan smiled softly at the mention of the dark-haired doctor with whom he had a brief relationship. "Yes, I thought maybe Anne was the woman who could fill the space that Tessa left so empty in my life." Again, I should have told her about my immortality. She's an intelligent woman, strong and independent and she knew that there was something important that I just wasn't sharing with her. She deserved to know, especially when it started to so directly affect her life when Kalas surfaced again. Then, before I really had a chance to tell her, I died right in front of her. That's just what Kalas wanted to happen ! I should have told her then, Richie begged me to and I wouldn't listen. I told him I couldn't take another Tessa. So off I went to Paris and I left Anne in pain, feeling guilty because the last time we were together, she'd given me an ultimatum. Either I come clean about myself, or that was it. I walked away from her, just like that, just walked away!"
"But Duncan, you did contact her, and you told her about everything" said Connor.
"Yes, it took Ceirdwyn to get through to this thick Highland skull of mine and make me realize that I should give Anne a chance if I loved her. That maybe she would understand. It wasn't easy for her. She didn't take it quite the way Tessa did. She wanted to know why and how this could be possible, the doctor in her I guess. I told her to accept it. Just don't try to understand why. It didn't work. She just couldn't handle it. It went against everything she stood for. She couldn't accept the killing, the wanting to kill. And then there was the baby. Connor, I came so close to being a father. She wanted me to raise her child with her, be a father to the child. Do you know what that meant to me, to have fatherhood within my reach?" It was a little girl, Connor." Said Duncan, with obvious pain and regret in his voice.
"I know". Said Connor. " I know it's something you've always longed for."
"You had Rachel. You know how it felt to raise her, be a father to her. I wanted that. I still do. But I know how risky it is to bring an innocent child so close to the dangers we live our lives with. I think that scared Anne. Her child was her priority and I can understand that. Maybe if things hadn't happened the way they did so soon after she arrived in Paris, thanks to that bastard Kristov, we might still be together. She got thrown right into the deep end before she even left the airport that day. Then shortly after that, Daimler showed up and Anne witnessed the fight and the quickening. My God, the son of a bitch nearly killed her and her baby. He would have if I hadn't got there when I did! It was too much for her and she made the decision to go back to America. It broke my heart, but I respected her wishes. I didn't try to change her mind. I let her go and with her went what might be the last chance for me to raise a child that would think of me as her father." Duncan's' pain was obvious.
"She's doing well now though, living in the house you renovated for her. And the child, Mary is thriving isn't she." Said Connor.
"Yes, Anne is happier than she's ever been and Mary is an angel. I was there when she gave birth to her. Anne loves the house and it's a perfect place to raise a child. Lots of room to run and play. We see each other now and then. Mary is a beautiful child, the image of Anne. Anne is very much in love with a good man, a doctor as well, and they're planning to marry someday.
"Anne wasn't the only person who I should have told about my immortality but didn't. At least it didn't cost her her life." Said Duncan as he threw back his head and looked up into the stars.
"Charlie DeSalvo". Said Connor.
"Yeah, Charlie." Duncan's voice was tinged with regret and tears. "Charlie knew something was up with me. I thought that maybe if he didn't know about me, he'd be safe from any fallout, but it just doesn't always work that way. So much happened that he was witness to that I couldn't or wouldn't explain to him. He was always trying to get me to open up. He thought I was with some secret undercover government organization fighting international crime or something like that! God, the things that he saw! I died in front of him too! Took a bullet in the heart from Horton. Charlie was nearly killed during that confrontation as well. When he asked me to explain, I just told him I'd tell him someday. Well, I did that alright. After Andrew Cord took a knife to him. He died in my arms Connor, but I told him about Cord. I spared that bastard's life because he was Joe Dawson's friend and I told him to leave Charlie alone. Should have known not to trust the son of a bitch! It cost Charlie his life. If I had told him what Cord was, that he had no chance in hell of killing him, Charlie would still be here.
"You don't know that for sure Duncan. Maybe Charlie was bent on revenge and it wouldn't have made any difference to him. He lost the woman he loved. Maybe nothing would have stopped him from trying to kill Cord." Listen, we have to lighten the mood here Duncan. Tell me, What about that long, tall dark and gorgeous number with the penchant for thieving? Have you seen her lately?"
Duncan's smile returned with a vengeance. "Amanda" he said her name with obvious delight. "Oh yes. She slips in and out of my life like she always has!:
"And your bed as well, I've no doubt!" Connor laughed
"She's been know to warm my bed occasionally, when she drops in! We've always been very compatible that way Connor!" Duncan replied.
"I thought that maybe you two would settle down together. That maybe someday she'd make an honest man of you." Connor teased.
Duncan shook his head. "No. What Amanda and I have is special Connor. We love each other, we always have and that won't change. But settle down together? No. It wouldn't work. Amanda has to keep moving. She gets bored easily. She couldn't settle down for long. No. Our relationship is just fine the way it is, for both of us. We have always known that and I don't see it ever changing. There was a time when I was totally frustrated by her. I wanted more commitment from her but in time, I realized that it just wasn't going to happen and I accepted her as she is. Annoying, selfish, vain, inconsiderate, unreliable, beautiful, desirable and uniquely Amanda!"
"And immortal." Stated Connor. "I know how you feel about mortal love Duncan. That it's the only kind you truly desire. You're drawn to it in a way that you never could be to love with an immortal woman. I understand it, believe me."
Duncan smiled as he pictured Tessa's beautiful face. "I wish I could feel differently Connor, I honestly do. It's not ever going to happen though. Not for me. Maybe it would be easier for me that way, but then, I never do anything the easy way do I!"
Connor looked at Duncan for what seemed a long while, not speaking and then he smiled warmly. "You've done well with the challenges this life has thrown at you Duncan. I'm very proud of you."
"I've only done what I had to Connor. Same as you, same as countless others." Duncan replied.
"My times running out Duncan. I have to leave now, but I'm grateful for this time we've spent together. "
The two men stood. "Connor, will I.."
"I don't know Duncan."
Duncan's brown eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he took Connors' hand in a firm grasp. "I'm sorry." he said softly
"Sorry?" Connor questioned. "For what?" For doing what I asked of you? What I all but forced you into? No Duncan. I'm the one who's sorry. And you know, I'd do it again if I had to. Everything that ever passed between us was leading us to that moment in time. I believe it was meant to be that way. And now, a part of me is with you forever. With you Duncan, my one true brother.
And with those words, he was gone, leaving Duncan staring into the dark, empty night, his final words echoing through the cold, crisp air that surrounded him.
What the hell just happened? Duncan spoke the words aloud. Had he been dreaming? Was Connor just here speaking to him? Was he losing his mind now after more than 400 years? Did it matter? He felt good, relaxed and at peace. Whatever had just happened, it had been good for his soul. It had left him feeling like there was closure between himself and Connor. Like he had done what was necessary that night and with no doubt in his mind that it was what Connor wanted. Together, they had been victorious. Kell was defeated. Kate was free from his hold on her and hopefully she would shake off some of the bitterness and hate that had gripped her heart for such a long time.
He would always miss him. Connor was his oldest friend, his connection with the young warrior he had once been, his link to a life and world that was now nothing more than crumbling ruins in the majestic highlands of Scotland. Like Connor said himself, he would always be with Duncan now, part of all the complexities that made him the man he was. As his mother had called him so many long years ago, Duncan MacLeod of the clan MacLeod.