Supposed Illusions

Why am I with him? Why am I with this idiot? Even though I don't like him? I gripped the cold glass of my chocolate milkshake with my fingers so hard that my fingers felt numb. I waited for him at the café near my school, I'm such an idiot! How did I get myself into this mess?

2 day ago…

"Did you hear?" said my younger Hiyoshi Wakashi during lunchtime, the two of us sat underneath the usual oak tree on the usual patch of grass. Wakashi and I look identical even through we had a year age gap, we both had brown hair and brown eyes, we were often mistaken as identical twins, that was before Wakashi started his growth spurt; and before I grew my hair long; I'm only 168cm tall*sigh*." Ootori and Anita are dating now." Anita the only daughter of a chinaware industry, we've known each other since we were in dippers, Ootori's mother is a famous pianist while his father owns several hospitals with a cute baby face.

I nodded my head in acknowledgement, taking a bite of my favourite barbeque beef bun, as I did, I noticed my brother sighing, why? He noticed me staring and smiled apologetically.

"It's nothing, I just feel sorry for Atobe is all, his liked Anita since they were kids but she never felt the same about him, I wonder what he'd do if he found out." We both shivered at the thought.

Atobe Keigo, he was the only son of the head of the Atobe group and the successor of his father's company, he was smart, good looking, with brown hair and blue eyes but he had the worst personality, he wasn't exactly a jerk, just a narcissist, but if he were to find out about Anita and Ootori dating both of their families would be in trouble.

I had to help them, for once; I wanted to be the one to save the day.

1 day ago…

I ended going to Atobe's family manor, Wakashi liked to sleep in so if I left early he wouldn't find out what I did, I did feel guilty borrowing the new car and his chauffeur dad had given him for his birthday, but if I used the shared car my parents would probably notice. *Sigh* I was being too careful, why? I felt like I was committing a crime, was I? AHHHHHH! I don't know anymore!

The car stopped and I began to panic, what was I going to say? How was I going to say it? It was too much; luckily Atobe's house was huge so by the time I got there I had come up with a plan. The maid lead me to Atobe's room, he was sitting by the large window reading a book, what book? I looked at the cover 'Why are some parts of the panda white and others black?' …I don't get it.

"Do you need something?" Atobe asked barely looking up, I breathed in and held out the sketchpad I had written on not too long ago, I shut my eyes, it was too embarrassing. "I like you, please go out with me," he read, why did he have to read it out loud. There was an awkward pause. "Sure," he said. I opened my eyes, he was smiling, shit. "On one condition." How did I see thing coming? "Only if you win a game, it's a simple game. We go on a trial date, if at the end of the date you make me say 'It was fun', you win."

Now…

That…was how I ended up where I was… what was I thinking? If Atobe had a girlfriend then he wouldn't bother Anita and Ootori, was what I was thinking. It was cold, so I wore a white long sleeved jumper, a black skirt on top, stockings and boots, I tapped the ball of my feet against the cold tile floor, it was 10 past 11, and he was 10 minutes late!

"Sorry for making you wait my little kitten?" said a familiar voice, Atobe down sat opposite me and took off his designer sunglasses. He wore a collared shirt, a bottle green jumper, jeans, runners and a brown jacket, normally I'd mock someone's sense of style if they dressed like that but it suited him. "What's with that expression? I admit I'm late, but shouldn't you be happy that the man you loved is here at all?" It took me a while to realise I was frowning with one eyebrow up; I quickly rearranged my face and took out a pair of movie tickets from my bag.

"I don't feel like a movie," he said. I took out two tickets to the zoo it didn't matter if we used them or not, I'd just give them to my friends or go with Wakashi; he had a secret love of penguins. "No thanks, our school is practically a zoo." I took out two tickets to the aquarium. "Nah! I went to Fiji recently; apparently they had the best collection of fish." I took out two tickets to the amusement park; he just shook his head, it was getting harder and harder to smile at him. He noticed my struggling composure and smirked. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Maybe I should just go home." Uh-Oh! In the end we just went for a walk around the city.

"So, what are we going to do?" he asked as we walked down the street. "You won't get off easily since it's my precious day off." Precious day off? I swallowed and we walked in silence. "Why don't you say something?" he asked, I looked at him confused. "You haven't said a word since the date started." He was right, what was I going to do? "Say something." I felt my eyebrows slant but I didn't say a thing. "You don't really like me do you?" Offcourse I didn't! But I merely shock my head. "Then say something, entertain me by talking. Beside, communicating by just using body language it's just weird." I looked down, it seemed that he really was about to leave, but I spoke quietly.

"My voice, I wanted to use it to sing, and I did." I said, he looked at me with a bewildered expression.

"Did?" he questioned, we had stopped walking, him in front, and he turned around to face me. "Did?" he repeated.

"When I was in the sixth grade I sang at a school ceremony, but when I asked my classmates how it was, they said it was horrible and when they heard me they felt sick. They also said me talking normally was annoying, when I asked my brother he didn't say a thing at first but after I persisted asking him again and again he said it was okay. I came to the conclusion that no one like my voice, when my parents told me I sang beautifully, it was just a illusion so I decided to speak only when I had to so no one had to hear my voice, I hate my voice, I despise it, because of it I lost all my friends in primary school, that's why I decided to attend a private high school, because no one there would know who I was." I told him I kept my eyes down at his feet. "Being in love, it isn't easy, is it?" I asked him. He didn't respond, there was another silent pause.

"Don't talk," he said finally as he walked away. Huh? He thought my voice was terrible as well didn't he? I slowly followed behind him staring at his face but I not talking was worse, I bored him, he'd never say he had fun at this rate; I needed to use this voice I despised to talk to him.

He stopped and looked at me.

"Hey, I'm hungry," he said. "Did you get up make me a cake or something for our first date?" Did people do that?

We stopped and sat in the park to eat, I had packed several pieces of cake I made the night before in a paper box, for me, some snacks, for me and a bottle of green and jasmine tea blend…for me.

"Did you pack all this for me?" he asked surprised, I lied and nodded. "Aren't these just the snacks you carry around?" I fought the urge to roll my eyes, what a jerk. We opened the box of cakes, oh no! My plan had failed; he'd realize the food wasn't meant for him and figure out my entire scheme! There was only one fork.

He didn't seem to realize and picked up the fork and took a bite from the mango cake I made. Surprise appeared across his face. "Eh!? You made this?!" The surprise was definitely an insult. "Not bad, not bad at all, aren't you going to have some?" He handed me the fork, he just ate from it, this would mean, indirect kiss! It'd be my first kiss, no! I didn't want my first kiss to be with him even if it was an indirect kiss.

I shock my head and pushed the fork away indicating for him to eat by himself and drank some of the tea I had prepared; he shrugged and ate a bit from each of the cakes. "This is good, so the first was chocolate, the second was sponge cake, the third was shortcake and this one," he pointed at the green one. "I have no idea but it's my favourite," it was my favourite as well. I took the bottle from my hands and drank some of its contents, urg, indirect kiss. It didn't seem to matter to him at all.

"What's this?" he exclaimed examining the liquid. "It tastes great, jasmine?" He asked, I shook my head. "Green tea?" he asked, I shock my head again but he was close on both accounts because it was both. He frowned in confusion. "I give up, if it taste nice who cares what it is."

What a despicable guy. We ate in silence; I barely paid any attention what I ate until he said. "Don't you diet?" I felt like holding a banner reading, 'WTF?!' He noticed my confused expression and said. "Don't girls always want to look pretty for guys?" I swallowed. "Have you been trying your hardest for the man you loved?" Endure! Endure! But I gave up and giggled. "What?" he asked confused, I didn't reply and kept laughing. "Weird person." He commented but joined me, why? Why did I feel so comfortable around him?

When we finished eating we returned to the streets where most of the shops were.

"What are we going to do now?" he asked patting his stomach. "I ate a lot, the food was good, if I date you I'm going to get fat."

"My brother's the type that puts on weight easily, so I measure all the calories in the cakes and pastries I make so you should be fine," I said quietly.

"Don't talk," he replied. Uh no!

"Um, what do you like to do on your days off school and helping your family? What's your favourite colour? How tall are you? What was England like?"

"Don't talk," he repeated but I continued.

"What's your favourite book? What foods do you like? Who-"

"Don't talk," he said under his breath.

"-is your role model? What's your favourite brand?"

"Don't talk!" he shouted, I gasped at his sudden ferocity and stopped. "Wait here," he said calmly and walked away. I stayed where I was, when he was out of sight I sat down on a nearby seat.

What should I do? Over 5 minutes had passed he doesn't seem to be coming back. Maybe he went home?

"Hey girly!" said a male waving at me, he wore baggy clothes and had bleached hair like his two friends. "What are you doing here all by yourself?" I didn't reply, merely looking away. "Awws don't be like that," he moaned grabbing my face. "Your so cute," his breath reeked of alcohol, I was about to push him away when suddenly he flung backwards and let go. I turned to see Atobe, he was the one who had punched him, he was sweating and panting, did he run?

"Don't touch my girlfriend!" he shouted at them, his eyes were so fierce and his voice full of anger, even if it was 3 to 1 they didn't want to take their chance and walked away. I knew it was Anita he liked; I knew he said it out of rage so why? Why was I so happy? "Here," he said holding out a plastic bag, on it was the logo of a toy store that was blocks away, it's had taken at least 20 minutes to get there, did he run there and back as fast as he could in 10 minutes? What did he buy?

I took the bag and found a toy inside it was one of those boards where you could draw something without ink then rub it out.

"You said you don't like your voice didn't you?" he said looking away. "Personally I think it's ridiculous but if you don't like there's nothing I can do or say to change you mind, but just so you know." What was he going to say? "I like your voice, and I was there, I just arrived from England and was scouting out the schools, I heard you sing and you sang beautifully. But until you learn to like your voice use that."

Why? Why was I so happy inside, he was suppose to be a mean, horrible, despicable guy, that's how I though of him for the past three years, yet, why is my heart fluttering so? Why am I so happy?

I quickly wrote 'Thank you' and showed it to him, strange enough, he smiled as if slightly embarrassed.

"Where to?" he asked. I though for a bit, when the perfect place appeared in my mind. 'Follow me' I wrote and grabbed his wrist.

I took him to the local park; the pond was filled with ducks and swans, the sky clear and the grass so green.

"A park?" he remarked unimpressed, I just smiled and pointed to a wooden bench beside the pond. "Okay…" he sat down and leaned against the back of the bench. "This actually quite nice," he noted.

My heart felt warm as I sat beside him. 'Fun?' I wrote and showed it to him.

"Not at all," he replied. "But it's very peaceful here and relaxing," he closed his eyes and rested his head against my shoulder. He looked tired, it must have been hard, balancing the tennis club and student council, there were subtly circles under his eyes and his hands had many scars and blisters. Even thought he had talent, it didn't mean he didn't train hard.

"You didn't need to do all this," he said quietly. "I know about Anita and Ootori dating, you didn't need to bother, I won't do anything to them…" He won't do anything to upset Anita…because he loves her. I felt my eyes water, it wasn't fair, why did Anita never notice this, his kinder side, his pure heart hidden under the charade.

I thought about writing about what I wanted to say, but there was only so much, words could say, I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks.

"Hey, are you crying?" asked Atobe sitting up. "Hey, why are you crying?" He chuckled as he gently wiped my tears with his fingers.

"Because you won't you idiot," I replied. "Baka! Baaaka! Baka! Baka!" I repeated over and over, his eyes widened in shook but he smiled and placed an arm around me.

"Thank you," he said, I couldn't see it, but I could feel it, he was crying, he was crying as well. "You talked without that resenting tone in your voice," he noted. I laughed lightly.

"Thanks to you," I replied. He smiled again, his smile, it was beautiful. He rested his head against my collar bone; I gently placed my arms around him. He really was…strange…

"Hey, could you sing me that song you sang?" he asked. "Please…" Since when did Atobe Keigo say please?

"Ave Maria
Gratia plena
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictus fructus ventris
Tui, Jesus
Sancta Maria
Mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Nunc et in hora mortis nostrae
Amen."

"Hey," he said looking me in the eye. "Although it wasn't fun, but this game… I admit defeat." What a despicable guy…