I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it. My faithful, loving husband. My husband who held my hand tightly when I bore his 2 sons and 2 daughters. My husband who provided our family a comfortable life despite the bitter winds that blew by. Life in Winterfell felt near perfect due to my husband but there he was holding a blushing infant with a tuff of dark brown hair. I could feel the anger and disappointment rise in me but all I could say was "What is this?" Ned could sense my distress and lowered his head when he replied with, "Jon Snow."
"Jon Snow? How dare you? How dare you bring this disgraceful bastard into my home!" "It's my home too!" Eddard roared. I took a step back. Ned was usually level-headed. "And he's part my blood! So he will stay here and live with us." I felt so lost. This home I once felt so confident and sure of myself made me feel estranged and cold all of a sudden. I felt woozy and had to sit down. Ned ran to my aid, as usual, and asked if I was okay. I shook my head and mouthed, "No." "What? What was that, I couldn't hear you?" "NO!" I screamed.
Now Ned was taken aback. "No!" I continued. "I will never be ok now that I know that my husband betrayed me! And worse than that, he feels comfortable enough to bring the result of his betrayal in our home! Treat it like I gave birth to it myself! No, I am not ok! I refuse to have our home tainted with his half-blood!" Ned slapped me to bring me out my hysteria. I felt my cheek, it was warm and still stung. I no longer protested for Ned up until now did what was best for me. "I'll be in my room," I whimpered. I wasn't sure sure of anything now. I lied down on our bed and inhaled the scent of the sheets. Ned's musk would never leave, even if he were gone a million years. Tears streamed down my face but I dared not cry out loud. No, I could never let Ned know how deep he truly hurt me. If I could have, I would have left him then and there. But I didn't, and I'm so glad for that.
Fast forward 21 years and Jon's now a strapping young man, dare I say it. He's blended in quite well with the Stark children though somehow I just know that he can feel my slight hatred for him. Perhaps when he's older, he will understand why I can never truly bond with him. He is a constant reminder of my husband's infidelity and for that I will never love him like I do my own children. I see him bond with Arya and Sansa and Robb...they are much more innocent and forgiving than I am. He speaks of joining the Night's Watch where we will never hear from him again. In that way, I am relieved. I do not have to worry about our communication gap or having little Snow bastards running around. It's kind of sad to carry a legacy of illegitimacy like Snow has but life, like Winterfell, is cold.