Adapting to Circumstances.
Harry checked his bow tie in the mirror and adjusted his tray. He didn't mind playing a waiter, but the slightly drunk lady who kept reaching for his rear was becoming annoying. At a signal from Daniel, he headed over to the table.
The woman grabbed for him again and he turned to frown at her. She grinned and said, "You love it really."
His lip twitched in irritation, but he had work to do. He continued to Daniel's table.
The woman there was gazing into Daniel's eyes and idly playing with a ruby the size of a sugared almond which was strategically placed to lure the eye into a dangerous cleavage.
Daniel looked up, feigning irritation. "Yes?" he said.
"Your Excellency," said Harry, "There is a phone call for you. I'm afraid it's the Foreign Office. They did say it was urgent."
Daniel sighed theatrically. "Duty calls, love. I'll be back as soon as I can. Order anything you want."
As they went to the fictional phone, Harry said, "How's it going?"
Daniel smiled. "She's hinting at how much she would love to see my yacht on the Riviera."
"I take it I'm not expecting you back tonight?"
Daniel turned back to blow a kiss. "How did you do? Anything at all?"
"She spent seven years as the pampered mistress of a very wealthy Arab businessman."
"Did he get tired of the incessant giggling?"
"No, she ditched him when his money ran out."
"That's how I like them, cold-blooded and greedy." said Daniel. He turned back again and then whispered, "Oh dear!"
"What is it?" said Harry.
"That fellow who just walked in with the elegant wife, you see him?"
"Yes, distinguished looking gent. Should I know him?"
"That's the real American ambassador. Nice man. We've played bridge together.
Harry frowned. "We really should not let her find that out."
"Vultures everywhere." said Daniel and winked, falling to the ground.
"Someone help me!" said Harry, "I think he's been poisoned!"
The manager of the restaurant appeared as if from nowhere and shouted, "You are fired! Poisoned, by my food, never!"
"Come and work for me!" said the drunken lady, "I'd pay you well!"
"Help the ambassador!" shouted his erstwhile guest.
"What ambassador?" said the real ambassador.
She ran over to Daniel and crushed him under the weight of her ample bosom as she listened for a heartbeat. "He's still alive!" she said, "Your Excellency, can you hear me?" She turned to look at him and Harry could see his eyes were slightly open to admire the view. He gave him a brief nudge with his foot.
The ambassador knelt. "Just give him some air, Miss. We should loosen his collar."
Behind Harry, a breath heavy with brandy said huskily, "Do you need anything loosened?"
"Madam, a man is dying!" he said.
"Did anyone call an ambulance?" said the ambassador.
"He can't die! We're in love! We're going to the South of France together!" She clung to his chest like a limpet with a promise of a cruise.
Daniel gasped and sat up. "Please, don't worry. I've had these attacks before. I just need to sit quietly for a moment. Perhaps there is a room."
"Of course." said the manager. He turned to Harry, "Get out of here. You're fired!"
"Please sir, let him stay." said Daniel, "I may need help to get out of here."
"As you wish." said the manager.
"Reggie?" said the ambassador.
"Who's Reggie?" said the distraught limpet.
"I am." said Harry.
"Could we save the introductions?" said Daniel, "Your Excellency, if you could help me, I would be very grateful."
"He's one too?" she asked.
"Yes." said Daniel.
Harry helped her to her feet. "Miss, please, let me escort you back to your seat. You've had a shock. He's going to be fine, I'll check on him personally in a moment."
"But I can't leave him!" she said.
"Miss, take it from me, men like that hate to let the woman they love see them in a moment of weakness. And the last thing he said before he collapsed was that he loves you very much."
"Oh, the dear man!"
He escorted her firmly to her chair and then dodged the arms of his drunken admirer and went to rescue Daniel. He found the real and fake ambassador in a side room. The real ambassador was saying, "I thought you were an army man, Frobish."
"He is." said Harry.
"Then what is all this ambassador stuff? Because let me assure you, I know all the ambassadors and most of their staff."
"MI6." said Harry quickly.
"MI6?" said the ambassador.
"I hope we can count on your discretion." said Harry.
"Oh, of course, yes. Your lot covered us over the whole missing missile thing."
Harry was glad he couldn't ask about that, he really didn't think he wanted to know.
"Perhaps you could arrange a cab for Mr Frobish's friend." said Harry.
"I'll get my driver to take her home."
"Thanks." said Harry.
As soon as he left, Daniel said, "You sent her home with the driver of the man I'm impersonating?"
"Why not? She may not say anything that leads him to reveal you're not the ambassador."
"Those are long odds." said Daniel.
"My favourite kind." said Harry, "Besides, your Plan B failed spectacularly. I wasn't exactly playing with a great hand."
"I know, and you did very well. So what do we do now?"
"The Man With The Golden Gun is on down the road."
"Haven't you seen that twice already?"
"Two words: Maud Adams. If you need further persuading, Britt Ekland."
"Your argument is, as ever, compelling." said Daniel, "I'm sorry I messed this up." He stood.
Harry put an arm around his shoulder. "Wisest man I ever knew told me, 'Anyone can be unlucky, the genius is the one who can find a way out.'"
"That does sound like an extremely wise man. I hope you appreciate him."
Harry grinned. "If he's good, I'll even pay for his popcorn."
The End.