A/N: This is a companion piece to Jedi Don't Brood. The dialog (excepting the last two lines of it or so) is directly from one of the conversations you can have as a male Revan with Bastila. I just took the creative liberty of making my Revan female. As with the other story, I use Revan to show who is being referred to for the simple ease of it.
Once planet side, Revan took Zaalbar, due to him being, well, him, and Bastila along, and they began walking down the rather vertigo-inducing bridges that linked the platform. However, not long after they left the ship, a hundred credits lighter, Bloody Czerka, Bastila began to stare at the back of the blonde's head. It was quite distracting. So much so that the woman asked Zaalbar to wait and indicated that the two of them should step aside to speak.
"You look like you have something to say."
Bastila's face seemed to contort to look like she tasted something particularly awful, even as she spoke: "I do. I have been trying to come up with the best way to say this for some time, but I suppose I should just come out and say it. The truth is I have come to depend on you. Not just for the sake of the mission, but for my own sake as well. I am…I am glad you are with us."
The taller woman, for her credit, looked absolutely floored by the admission. But then, in true her style, she decided to play dumb. She cupped a hand behind her ear and leaned towards the other. "What was that? I think I'm going deaf. You better say it again."
"Now you're teasing. You know very well what I said." What Revan had deemed the trademarked Bastila Shan Tone and Expression of Successful Fluster appeared, much to the blonde's amusement. So, of course, she continued.
"I'm still reeling from the shock. Was that a compliment?"
Now instead of flustered, Bastila just looked annoyed. "Well, yes. Surely that is not so surprising."
"It's just that you sounded so pained saying it."
"Did I? I am trying to be sincere, here. It occurred to me that I may have been too critical of you. Too demanding, at times." The brunette relented, and if one were to stare at her expression intently, she may even have looked sheepish. Perhaps that was just Revan's imagination, however.
"Thank you. I appreciate the gesture." She said slowly, still in disbelief, though she tried to hide it. To her surprise, the other woman continued.
"I know my manner can be a bit taciturn. I know you must be getting sick of my lectures about the dark side and…and everything else. I spent all my years being hounded by my instructors. Being told so often how gifted and important I was until I was sick of it. I remember when I was younger I used to swear that I would never become as self-absorbed and stodgy as the Jedi Masters. It's ironic, really."
"Nonsense. You're not self-absorbed or stodgy." At least, not in comparison to Master Vrook.
"That's kind of you to say, but I know for myself that it's not really true. Being controlled has kept everyone around me at an arm's length; even those like yourself who are most in need of my understanding and compassion. But maybe it's time to change that. You deserve to know how much I respect and admire you. I had to tell you how much I care for you. As a friend, of course."
And before she could stop herself, before her brain caught up with the words that her mouth was forming and expelling out into the air where they couldn't be taken back, Revan replied.
"We could be more than friends, Bastila."
As soon as she said it, however, Revan regretted it. She saw, felt the subtle shift in attitude. The conversation was about to be over, the actual camaraderie they had been sharing was about to wink out of existence. Back to your corner to sulk and brood, big mouth.
"Please, it's…it's not allowed. I have to remain true to the Jedi ideal. If this is going to cause a problem maybe…maybe I shouldn't have said anything." To Revan's surprise, what was it with Bastila, the rigid and unbending Jedi Padawan surprising her, the reckless and spontaneous one lately, the brunette sounded like she was genuinely regretful. Though, it could have been the blonde's ever hopeful imagination. It, of course, took her a few minutes to remember that it was her turn to speak and with the subtle spike of unsettling upset shifting in her mind, their bonded mind, she remembered.
"No!" The outburst seemed to startle both of them with its intensity. "No, I'm glad you did. I care for you, too, Bastila. As a…friend."
Revan stared at Bastila, Bastila stared at Revan, seemingly caught in some sort of stasis which neither wanted to break. Until Bastila, ever responsible, broke eye contact and reminded her that they had a galaxy to save, a Sith Lord to fight, and a Star Map piece to find.
This will be resolved soon. It has to be. Otherwise I'm going to go insane. Then who will the Council send off on dangerous missions?
"Hurry up." Bastila called with all of her usual snide superiority. It was as if the previous conversation had never taken place.
"Yes, Master." She said sweetly, her voice dripping with facetious subservience. The brunette rolled her eyes and began to stomp off, while Zaalbar made a noise that Revan assumed was a chuckle as they trailed after her.