Forever Raining

By Crazy4Cocopuffs

AN: I am depressed and it's raining so this is my therapy. Review are appreciated and encouraged. Flames are stupid.

'It's raining. It's always raining. Even when the sun is shining brightly in the sky and there's not a single cloud in the heavens, it's still raining.' Ami ran a hand against the cold glass. Today, it was truely raining. Water streaked across the glass and blurred the city below her. Most people, with the exception of her mother, thought that Ami had had a normal happy childhood and was, in most ways, normal. Yeah, she was shy and smarter than most of her teachers, but she appeared normal. 'There's so much that they don't know, not even the girls,' she thought. 'About my family, about my past, about how I became the way I am, about everything.'

She ran a finger across her reflection. 'Only Mother knows about what Daddy did. How he'd beat me when he got drunk. He tried to do more, but he was always...interrupted by something. Thank God. I don't even want to think about it. But I remember the beatings. I could never forget them. They started when I was young, maybe eight years old. It was the December 2nd and my first report card had just been sent home...'

"Yea! My report card is here! Can I open it?" Eight year old Ami asked her mother, as she handed her the rest of the letters she had been sent to the mailbox to retrieve. When Ami's mother nodded yes, Ami tore the envelope open and pulled the report card out. She was hapy the her first report card ever contained 4 As and 1 B. The teacher had even written at the bottom what a good student Ami was and how she was a joy to have in class.

"I'm gonna go show Daddy!" Ami exclaimed and ran to where her father was sitting, on the couch in front of the television. "Daddy! Daddy look! I got good grades!" Ami shoved it into his vision and waved it back and forth.

Smiling, he grabbed it out of her hand and said "Well, let's see how well my little genius did this semester." He opened the paper and the smile on his face lessened. "You got a B in gym? How do you get a B in gym class?"

Ami's smile disappeared. "Well, it was okay in the beginning, we had swimming class. But then we started learning dodgeball and I didn't like it at all. Everyone threw the balls really hard and I would get hit in every class, so I stopped playing and-"

Ami's explination was halted by her father backhanding her roughly. She went flying back.

Her father looked at her and shouted, "You are NEVER to get anything less than an A into this house, do you understand me? In this family, anything less than perfect will be punished, understand? ANSWER ME!"

"Yes sir." Ami said quietly, one hand still resting over her bruised cheek. Tears were running down her face, but she didn't cry. Ami left the living room and walked silently back into the kitchen, where her mother sat at the table.

"I heard what happened. Are you okay, sweetie?" Her mother asked, placing a hand over Ami's, which still rested on her cheek. Ami just looked at her for a second, then ran into the safety of her mother's arms, a sob escaping, and she cried for a long time.

"Mommy, why did Daddy hit me?" Ami asked, looking up at her mother. She couldn't understand what was going on and why her Daddy was so mean all of a sudden.

"Well, sweetie, Daddy has the idea that because we're Andersons, we're better than everyone else. That's not true, but it's what he believes. He wants you to be the best just like his father did for him, but that also includes means that he gets a little violent just to make you try to be better. Do you understand that?" When Ami shook her head, she tried to simplify it. "Daddy is just doing what his father did to him to make him get better grades. Now, if you try really hard and get better grades, Daddy won't get mad at you, okay?"

Ami nodded, then went to her room to play with her princess dolls.

'I thought that if I got straight As, he wouldn't hit me anymore.' Ami thought, leaning her head against the water streaked glass. It was raining harder now. 'How wrong I was. If it wasn't about my grades, it was about my attitude, behavior, or even how I looked. He just wanted to hit me, I know it. He was crazy, but there was nothing Mom and I could do to stop him. I remember my 10th birthday, how drunk he was, what he did over the stupidest things...'

"Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!" Ami danced around the house singing. She was excited because it was her tenth birthday and her mother had told her that when she turns ten, she could walk to school all by herself (her school was only three blocks away). But Ami made this mistake of acting happy around her father. He heard her singing and gave her a hard smack on the back of her head, nearly knocking her over, and shouted "Shut the hell up, you idiot!". He took another swig from the bottle of whisky in his hand and told her to go.

Ami had woken up to a note from her mother. The note said that she had to work until noon and that she was to be good and 'keep out of your father's way'. It also wished her happy birthday and told her that they would have the celebration dinner and present-opening when her mother got home. And so far everything was going pretty well, according to Ami. The hit she had recieved for singing had been her first hit of the day. But that all changed about an hour later.

Ami had been pouring a glass of juice at the kitchen table when she sneezed. She accidently knocked the juice-filled cup off the table and it broke on the hard wood floor. Ami flinched at the sound and, praying that her father didn't hear the crash, grabbed a towel and began to mop up the mess.

But, unfortunately, Ami's father had heard the glass crash to the floor and went to investigate. He walked into the kitchen and saw Ami on the floor, towel in hand, trying to mop up the juice while avoiding getting cut by the glass pieces. "What the hell did you do?" He asked her loudly, grabbing her by the collar of her shirt with one hand and pulling her up.

"I'm sorry Daddy. I sneezed and the cup fell and I didn't mean to and-" He slapped her hard across the face, then lifted her up and threw her against the wall. He kicked her as she laid there and Ami heard the sound of a rib cracking before she felt the pain.

Ami cried and yelled for her father to stop, but he kicked her again and then began to hit her. After several blows to the head, Ami gladly passed out.

When she woke up, Ami was alone and in a lot of pain. She finished cleaning up the juice and glass, then cleaned up her blood from where she had woken up. Deciding to clean herself before her mother got home, Ami went to her bathroom and was shocked at what she saw. Her lip was split and bleeding, as was a cut in her forehead. Both of the eyes were blackened and there was a large bruise on her chin. Her clothes were splattered with blood and the collar on her shirt was ripped. Her head was throbbing painfully and Ami felt the bruises and bumps that were on her head. After taking off her ruined clothing, Ami saw that her chest, stomach, and legs were already beginning to turn black and blue. She knew that at least one of her ribs was broken. All she had to do was stay in her room until her mother came home. Then she could tell her what happened and they'd go to the hospital. All she had to to was wait...

'Mom came home a while later and after I told her what had happened, she rushed me to the emergency room. They asked Mom what happened and she told them I'd fallen down the stairs. It was obviously a lie. How could a fall down stairs give me a black eye and broken ribs? It took a while to fix me up and I had to miss school. I remember lying in bed wondering how my Dad, who I still loved with all my heart, could be so violent with me. He never even apologized, not once. Yet I could never hate him. I still don't. I can't, because I can remember the good times, before the hitting and yelling started...'

Five year old Ami sat in the center of the living room floor, playing with her stuffed lion, Leo, when her father came home from work. "Daddy, you're home!" Ami said excitedly as she ran to him.

Her father caught her in his arms and lifted her up, twirling her around before giving her a hug and setting her down. "How's my favorite princess doing? What did you do today?" He asked, a smile on his face as he sat down on the couch in the living room and placed Ami in his lap.

Ami leaned against her dad as she told him what had happened that day. "I had a lot of fun today! I woke up and I had breakfast with Mommy and then Kasey came over and Mommy went to work and I played with Kasey. We watched Star Wars when we had lunch and it was so cool and there was this giant hairy guy called Chewy and he looked funny! Then Mommy came home and Kasey said bye and Mommy went to take a tubby and then you came home! There, now you're all catched up."

He laughed at Ami's speech, putting an arm around the small girl's shoulders. They sat together, watching Bugs Bunny cartoons until Ami's mother walked out of the bathroom in a t-shirt and sweat pants. She went over and kissed her husband, then said, "I'm going to start dinner. What so you guy think, pasta or chicken?"

"BOTH!" Ami and her dad said in unison. Looking at each other, they started laughing and Ami was pulled into a hug that quicky turned into a tickle fight.

Ami's mother shook her head and went to make dinner, her family's echos following her.

Ami sat down hard on the wooden floor and pulled her knees to her chest. Her eyes remained on the streaking water against the glass window. 'When Mom left Daddy, it was the only time I ever felt so conflicted, so happy and sad at the same time. I just wanted it all to stop. The hitting, the crying, the yelling, the fear. It had to stop. And I guess it did...but I still remember everything. That's still all I want, for everything to stop, to just be a normal girl. But it wasn't meant to be, I guess. I still have to hide who I am from everyone else, but at least now I have the girls. Now I have someone to talk to who understands me, or at least the me that I show to everyone.

'I wonder what the girls would say if they knew my past. Would they care or feel sorry for me? Would they treat me differently? At least they'd know why I still study so hard to be the best and get the best grades. Oh well. I guess they'll never know because I'll never tell them. No one will ever truely know what I've been through.' Ami stood up and opened the window, letting the rain soak her in a matter of seconds. She slowly climbed out of the window and stood on the ledge, looking down at the thirteen story drop.

Suddenly from inside the apartment, the telephone began to ring. Ami ignored it until she heard the answering machine turn in and Serena's voice reached her ears. "Hey Ami. It's me. The rain is supposed to stop later and I wanted to take you shopping for Raye's birthday party next week. Call me back when you get this message and we'll get together. We can go to that shop where we saw that little blue dress. It made you look so hot! laugh Anyway, I've missed seeing you around so call me no matter what. Love ya, Ames! Call me! Bye."

Ami looked up to the sky, whispered, "Sorry Serena." then closed her eyes and stepped off of the ledge.

Written in the morning newspaper:

LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL GENIUS COMMITS SUICIDE