"I'll Make A Man Out Of You" lyrics (c) Mulan

Alihi (c) Me

Fire Emblem (c) Nintendo/Intelligent Systems

It was another pitiful, pitiful day for Alihi and her army with misses a-plenty and near-deaths too-many. The tactician sighed, sitting on the floor of her tent, staring at her papers. Her eyes drifted to a small wooden box.
"... I think it is time." Slowly and dramatically, she reached for the box.
"We need... some motivation."

-
"Now, you're probably wondering WHY I called you all here today..." The tactician spoke, reaching into her pocket, pulling out a black and green Zen V. The members of the army stared at the small gadget, confused.

Alihi stuck the headphones into her ears, then pressed a button, soon after striking a firm pose.
"Let's get down to business--to defeat the Huns." The army stared at her, puzzled as she paced around importantly. "Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons? You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet before we're through," She stopped moving and grinned, pointing at Lucius.
"Mister, I'll make a man out of you."

The pacing resumed as she took a deep breath and continued singing. "Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within." Alihi glanced at Heath once. "Once you find your center you are sure to win." Her gaze fell on the whole group as she paced backwards slowly, closer to a pile of conveniently-placed papers.
"You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue." She tsked, grabbing the papers and tossing them into the air.
"Somehow I'll make a man out of you!"

-
And so the tactician (currently labeled as "The Crazy Leader That Is Now Going To Called A Him") had them start running.
A lot.
A lot a lot a lot.

Heath sighed, panting heavily. "I'm never gonna catch my breath."

Lowen collasped on the ground as soon as he finished the running. "Say good-bye to those who knew me."

"Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym." Sain groaned.

"This guy's got 'em scared to death..." Merlinus said, since he was exempt from the running ("YOU DON'T NEED TO RUN! YOU'RE JUST A MERCHANT WHO SAYS STRANGE THINGS WHEN WE SAVE YOU THE FIRST TIME!").

"Hope he doesn't see right through me..." Matthew whispered, darting from tree to bush to tree to behind Alihi to tree again.

"Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!" Guy half-shrieked/half-shouted, tripping and falling into a lake.

Alihi tsked, appearing out of nowhere. "We must be swift as the coursing river! With all the force of a great typhoon! With all the strength of a raging fire! Mysterious as the dark side of the moon"
She snapped her fingers. All the army appeared, along with a chart and a pointer for Alihi to use.

"Time is racing toward us till the Huns arrive!" She half-shouted, whacking the chart where it said "BLACK FANG (rawr)".
"Heed my every order and you might survive!" Someone fainted. Alihi didn't bother to notice, walking up to Priscilla and staring her down.
"You're unsuited for the rage of war so pack up, go home, you're through!" She shook her head, sighing. "How could I make a man out of you?"

-
Gradually, the group got swifter, stronger, and more mysterious, thanks to Alihi's intense training.
The tactician grinned, satisfied.
"I think we can end this now." She turned to her army. "You guys know what to do!"

"Be a man!

"We must be swift as the coursing river,"

"Be a man!"

"With all the force of a great typhoon,"

"Be a man!"

"With all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon!"

"BE A MAN!"

"WE MUST BE SWIFT AS THE COURSING RIVER"

"BE A MAN!"

"WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON,"

"BE A MAN!"

"WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE, MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"