Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Chappie 1 – Edward, tears, and suicide

It's been a year. A year without Edward. Twelve months since he told me he doesn't love me anymore, twelve months since he vanished among the trees. He wanted me to have a normal, human life. He told me

that human memories fade, that I would forget. But he was wrong. I can't forget. I don't want to forget. He's in every thought I have, in every single dream. Sometimes, when I can't sleep I gaze out the

window, wishing he was here with me. I can feel his cold arms wrapped around me, his lips at my ear. I can still remember his golden eyes, and his voice, ringing in my mind like distant bells. Then those

moments pass, and I'm alone again. The rain pours outside my window, the pain tears me up inside. I get up every morning, eat breakfast and go to school; I sit in the same desk every day, a desk we used to

share. I eat lunch at the same table I used to. I make dinner, and I do my homework, and I go to bed. But I'm not living anymore. I'm hollow. I can't feel anything but the pain that sometimes feels like it's ripping

my chest apart.

So here I am, in Forks, twelve months after my heart stopped beating. Nothing has changed, but the white house on the river. So full of joy and laughter not so long ago, now it stands abandoned and

forbidding. It hurts so much to be here I almost can't breathe. But I had to come here, just one more time. I got out of my truck and went up to the front door. I wasn't surprised to find it open. Everything was

just like I remembered. No white sheets, nothing out of place. I went up to Edward's piano. "The music slowed, transforming into something softer and to my surprise I detected the melody of his lullaby weaving

through the profusion of notes. "You inspired this one," he said softly."

The memory was so vivid it took my breath away. I stood there gasping, my fingers touching the keys. I turned to the stairs and started climbing them slowly. The big, wooden cross which belonged to Carlisle's

father was still hanging in the same place I had last seen it. I touched the silky wood, once again amazed by the beautiful simplicity of it. I looked into Carlisle's office and Alice's room on the way. They looked

exactly as those in my memory. Finally I arrived at the last door. I hesitated, and then pushed the handle. The door swung open. I braced myself for the ripping pain, but it never came. Instead, for the first time

in a year I started crying. Suddenly I felt furious. "Dammit Edward! You destroyed my life! How could I be so stupid? How could I believe you, when you said you loved me? I'm just a plain, ordinary girl, but you

told me I was special and beautiful so you could have fun in this stupid, boring little town!" I didn't even realize I was screaming. But who would hear me out here, in this big empty house? It's a relief to get it all

out, but now I felt completely hollow. There is nothing left in me. I'm completely mangled and bro..- I lost my train of thought. Edward was standing in the doorway, looking at me with an agonized expression. I

blinked. "Edward?" I called out to the empty house. There is nothing there, I told myself. I must be going crazy. Still, it looked so real, so different than Edward from my dreams. Stop thinking about it. I tell myself

that every time, but it never works. It's impossible to stop thinking about him. Already I could feel the ripping sensation tugging at my heart. I went to the couch and managed to sit down before the pain

swallowed me completely.

When I woke it was dark outside. Oh no, I realized with horror. I fell asleep. Charlie! Great. Now I'm going to have to explain where I was all those hours. I can't tell him I was here. That will just make him

angrier than he probably is right now. I slowly got up from the couch and took a last look around the room, memorizing the golden curtains, shelves full of CDs and the golden carpet. When I walked through the

door for the last time I felt I left everything what's left of me behind.

I made my way home, barely seeing through my tears, and narrowly avoiding hitting another car. I got home safely and thanked my lucky stars Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway. He must have been held

up at work. I quickly made spaghetti for Charlie, not even bothering to eat anything myself and quickly disappeared upstairs as Charlie's cruiser pulled in the driveway. Not looking at my feet, I stumbled over a

sticking out floorboard in my room. Weird. When I bent down to fix it, a strip of something white caught my eye. Digging my finger nails into the wood, I lifted it off. There was a small bundle in the little hole.

Curious, I took it out quickly untying the knot. A set of pictures, a CD, and plane tickets fell into my lap. "It will be as if I'd never existed" his words echoed in my head. He didn't take the stuff away after all! I put

the CD in my CD player, and pressed play. I cried out quietly when Esme`s favourite filled the room. I sat back down on my bed and took the pictures. I took a deep breath and looked at the first photo. Edward

was sitting at the kitchen table, laughing. A stab of pain pierced me where my heart used to be. He was so beautiful, more beautiful than Edward from my memory. I flipped the next picture. I was standing with

Edward in the living room, his eyes cold, but his perfection still shocking. Another wave of pain rolled through me. I squeezed my eyes shut and let the memories overwhelm me. Our kisses, Edward in the sunny

meadow, our dinner in Port Angeles, all those nights he spent in my room, the prom, and lastly my little pixie friend. The ripping in my chest was so strong, I was only vaguely aware that the song changed into

my lullaby.

That night I dreamt of Edward again. This time was different though. Not the usual dream of Edward telling me he doesn't love me in the woods. Not the cold, hate-filled eyes. He was standing in the meadow,

smiling at me. He opened his arms and said "Come to me". When I stumbled across the grass, his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer "I love you," he whispered, his glorious face a few inches from

mine. His sweet breath fanned my face, and then our lips met.

"Bella?" Charlie was shaking me gently. I forced my eyes open. "Yes, dad?" I said groggily.

"You're going to be late for school if you don't get up now" his voice full of concern. Oh crap. School. "Are you alright? Do you wanna stay home today?" Charlie asked when I didn't respond immediately. "No I'm

fine, I just overslept. I'm getting up now," I lied to Charlie. I was not fine, but I don't want to stay at home. There is only a few days left till exams and if I want to go to college I need to pass them. I dressed in

a hurry, not even bothering to eat breakfast. I was out the door as soon as Charlie vanished behind a corner. The school went by like a blur. I couldn't concentrate on my lessons and what's worse Angela

wasn't here today, so I had to eat lunch alone. Angela is the only one out of all my friends who talks to me and seems to understand how I feel. No one stares at me anymore; everyone is used to seeing me

alone or with Angela. Today would be no different, if only my klutziness didn't get in the way. But no, of course I had to trip over my bag and fall straight on my face right in front of all my ex-friends. I picked

myself up, embarrassed, and blushed as I went to my solitary table. Of course everyone in such a small school saw my fall and now were staring and laughing at me. I couldn't take it anymore. I stormed out of

the cafeteria to my truck. I popped in a random CD and turned it to background noise. It took me a while to realize that it was my lullaby. I started crying. The pain was so excruciating, I clutched my chest,

holding it together. Not thinking I started the engine and made my way out of the parking lot. But I didn't go home, instead I took a road that led to a place where it all started. I don't know how long I was

wandering in the forest, but eventually I found myself in a perfectly round meadow. I sat there for hours, gazing at the sky. The sun shone through the clouds, lighting up the whole meadow. I made up my mind

the minute, the warm sun rays hit my skin. If Edward didn't keep his promise then why should I keep mine? I got up and started walking in a random direction, without looking where I was going. I was led by an

invisible force to a cliff. I remember this cliff. Edward took me here on one of those rare sunny days.

As I stood on the edge I saw the sea rushing below. I wasn't afraid although I was wrong when I thought I was completely empty. But then, what hadn't I been wrong about? The only thing that kept me alive

and the only thing left in me is my love for Edward. I loved him since that first time in biology, and I love him now. I don't regret any second of the time I spent with him, for those were the best times of my life. I

leaned over the edge and pulled the band out of my hair, letting it flow around my face. I could feel the wind hitting my face, and I think i heard Edward's distant voice yelling "Bella! Bella don't do this!" I must be

losing my mind. I looked at the sky, and saw a shooting star, lightning up the sky, setting it on fire. "I love you Edward," I whispered gazing at the meteor. "Forever". Then I jumped.

"BELLA, NO! PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME!" His voice seemed to wake me from some kind of trance. I realized I was still falling, but now it wasn't a feeling of exhilaration or freedom. I was terrified. Terrified of the

sea, terrified by what I had done to Charlie, Renee…Edward. I got another chance to get him back, and I wasted it. The moment my body hit the icy water I knew I can't win. I stopped struggling and let the

water take me. "BELLA KEEP FIGHTING! DON'T GIVE UP!" but how could I not? The current is too powerful, and I have no strength left in me. I looked up and saw a beautiful creature leap gracefully of the cliff.

Edward. My Edward. Because now I understood, what I hadn't been able to grasp before. Edward loved me. He never stopped loving me. He had to lie, there in the woods so I would let go and move on. He

was sacrificing so much to keep me safe. This thought mended my mangled heart, and for the first time in twelve months it was beating. But not for long. I couldn't win this fight. It's over. It was Edward I

thought of, when the waves engulfed my consciousness, and everything went black.

I'll try to post a second chapter later today