Alright, so back into the KH fandom with a fic that slightly shames me to look at! A friend, of course, encouraged me to beta and put it up. I, in a moment of either stupidity or laziness, decided to beta it myself. Nothing like doing this at four o clock in the morning, either!
Inspired by with_a_kay's J2 fic 'I MAKE GREAT CHOICES', which is a fic that uses texts from the site , which is actually kind of funny and stuff, and, well. I had to get some AkuRoku out of my system that wasn't totally serious because the fics I'm writing and really working on are just that. Serious stuff. So have some totally non-serious AkuRoku smushy fic! Enjoy and such.
Disclaimers are the usual, moslty: Most texts stolen from actual texts on textsfromlastnight, plot concept stolen from with_a_kay from livejournal, Axel and Roxas and all other characters from the Kingdom Hearts franchise are not mine, and anyone's bleeding retinas are hereby their own responsibility once they finish this horrible mistake of a fanfic.
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I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
---
Roxas is seventeen and in high school, and he's pretty sure he's picked up a drunk, high, and slightly codependent best-friend more times than anyone in the continent of North America.
And, ok, it's not like he minds. Really. It's just that, sometimes, Axel gets really cuddly and tries to stick his hands down Roxas' pants. This would be ok in and out of itself if it wasn't immediately followed by Axel almost throwing up, which is then followed by a run to the bathroom, leaving Roxas with half of a hard on and a full case of mortification.
This has happened five times to date so far. Which is actually pretty good, considering that Axel gets drunk eight days of the week.
It's not so hard being a best friend to an alcoholic and drug addict though, really- random calls at three am, texts that make no sense, and the rare ten dollars for gas money for driving Axel around are all part of the package. He's used to that, and finds it kind of hilarious when he's in the right mood.
It's just the fucking cuddling. It's really hard to cuddle with your best friend when you want to get into his pants. When he's sober. Which Axel never is.
So, yeah. It's just the cuddling that bothers him.
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This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
---
The parts that really suck, though, are when he has to pick up Axel and he doesn't know where he is.
Which makes for some pretty weird discussions. Some really weird ones. So weird he kind of wishes he didn't know Axel well enough to be his designated chauffeur. But only kind of.
He calls Axel six times- once even going so far as to press speakerphone and leaving it on while he brushes his teeth and washes his face- and on the seventh ring of the seventh phone call there's silence, some rustling, and then a garbled and rough "Yo?"
"So, how am I supposed to pick you up when, a, I don't know where you are, and b, you won't even pick up your phone to describe the place where you might actually be?" Roxas starts; he flips his key rings around his fingers and tries not to sigh when there is silence on the other end. "Axel?"
"Uh, yeah, yeah. I'm here." Axel says lamely; there's some more rustling. "And don't take this the wrong way, but I'm in a barn. I think."
Roxas takes a minute to process this.
"Roxy?"
"A barn, Axel? There is nothing close to a barn anywhere in this town."
"Yeah?" Axel coughs as more rustling goes on in the background. Roxas recognizes it as straw, even though he's pretty sure that's just his imagination substituting with the information he has. "There's chickens."
Roxas sighs, frustrated; smoothes his thumb and pointer finger over his eyebrows to try and straighten them out somehow. It's a bad habit of his, a tell that says he's stressed, mad, or frustrated as all fuck, and Axel makes fun of him constantly for it. Nonstop, which is bad considering that he's usually the one that puts it there in the first place.
"Go outside. Go knock on the door of whoever's barn you are currently occupying. Ask them for directions. Text me them. Go wait at the dirt road. Do. Not. Move."
"I can do that." Axel mumbles, and than burps into the receiver. "What's the chance they own a shotgun and like to kill random people?"
"Get the directions Axel." Roxas grinds out, getting up from the couch he's sitting on to go slip on his shoes. "And God help me if you die because I'm going to be angry that I wasn't the one who killed you."
"Love you too Roxy." Axel says, and than hangs up before he can say anything.
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-So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
-And why did you do that?
-Tequila
---
The worst thing about Axel being an alcoholic is that he's a flirty alcoholic. On every single type of alcohol.
Beer:
"Roooooooxy. RoxyRoxyRoxy." Axel sings, slides his hand down Roxas' back and over the swell of his ass. "How you doin'?"
Vodka:
Axel giggling is a sight that is embarrassing enough that it has Roxas blushing. Axel taking off his shirt and offering his body for every Tom, Dick, and Harry to do body shots and coke lines off of, however, is an entirely different sight that has Roxas walking to the bathroom in quick, steady steps to take deep, steady breathes.
Tequila:
A text three in the morning is almost not worth opening his eyes for, but he does anyways because sometimes Axel's texts are so amusing they have him smiling for days after. He's even got a bunch saved into his phone.
'So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.'
This text, however, isn't all that funny.
'And why did you do that?' Roxas texts back, looking at his tiny glowing screen through slit eyes; he tries to calm his heart down, because he does want to sleep after this, thank you.
A beep a minute little, and he presses the 'ok' button to read the message.
'Tequila.'
Roxas shuts off his phone and doesn't sleep for the rest of the night.
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Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
----
Axel starts dating this girl named Xion and suddenly Alcoholic Axel turns into Social-Alcoholic Axel- he's friendly, but not trying to get his tongue on anything. He doesn't get as drunk as usual, which is also a god send because that means more sleep for Roxas and less time spent looking for his redheaded friend. This Axel, all in all, is a lot more bearable and nice and less time-consuming.
As it turns out, Roxas likes Alcoholic Axel a lot more.
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-If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
-Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
--
But then he and Axel have sex. Awesome, life-defying, acrobatic, probably near-impossible sex. That he doesn't remember because he was drunk.
The worst part of the whole thing is that Axel remembers the whole thing because he wasn't even drunk.
And, yeah, ok- he had sex with a sober Axel. Something was accomplished in his life. He just curses God that s/he had to be cruel enough to give it to Roxas when he wasn't even sure which hand was the right or the left.
A few days after the whole thing, in which Roxas freaks out, eats a tub of ice cream, and goes through two bottles of very expensive wine his parents had been saving for a more extravagant occasion, Roxas gets a text:
'If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...'
Roxas- well. Roxas is drunk. It's not his most proudest moment when he texts back.
'Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better'
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His own text: Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
---
Two weeks later, things are pretty much back to normal. But then Demyx calls him, laughing so hard two minutes are spend trying to convince him to calm down enough to ask him what the hell. When he finally gets the words out, Roxas understands why people take up drinking.
He texts Axel: 'Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.'
There is no response for two hours, in which Roxas contemplates going over to that party and strangling Axel over not going and not embarrassing himself. Either way, he thinks, but then his phone beeps.
When he reaches for the bottle of rum he has from Axel's last escapade at his house, he figures he's going to develop a drinking problem. And that he has a good reason.
'You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"'
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I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
----
Alcoholic Axel is back, and so is Drug User Axel, apparently, because Friday night Axel texts him that he and Xion broke up because she thought he was too immature and childish and going nowhere.
Roxas texts back, saying she wasn't worth it anyway. Disguises it as consoling a best friend instead of him being deliriously happy that they broke up.
Also, he doesn't care if Axel is immature and childish and self-destructive. It's one of the reasons he even likes Axel, how the boy can be so free with himself. How he can just be Axel without any expectations.
"I could treat him so much better." Roxas murmurs, and Olette, Hayner, and Pence nod around him.
"Word." Pence says, and then they break into a round of giggles that last half an hour because every time they look at each other they break into laughter.
Then, just when Roxas is hitting the peak of his high:
'I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.'
He feels such an overwhelming fondness for the boy- love, he thinks fuzzily- that he gets up and stumbles.
"Going for a walk," He whispers loudly, and does just that, wondering how you can love someone so much without even being with them.
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I want you here. Ugh.
---
Three hours later, he's still walking- almost home now, actually. Doesn't think his parents will be too impressed when he wakes them up at four in the morning to open the door. Actually, he's pretty sure his parents won't be impressed. So sure, in fact, that he thinks he might sleep on the steps until his dad has to go to work at six.
He's just walking up his driveway, dreading the stuff back he's going to inevitably obtain, when his phone beeps and he flips it open, expecting a text from Hayner asking where he had gone. Instead, it's from Axel.
'I want you here. Ugh.'
His heart skips a beat, and he takes a second to text back.
'Where.'
He sits on his steps and waits; swallows against his nervousness, wipes his hands against the denim of his jeans.
Three minutes go by, in which he's not sure if this is just Axel being stupid or him being stupid. The beep comes, finally, and he opens the message so fast he accidentally presses 'back' and has to open it again.
'My house. Dem&Larx passed out on my bed. Baaaaaaaad night.'
Roxas laughs and breathes a little easier.
'Be over soon. Better have diet coke there.'
He starts walking, even if Axel's house is ten blocks away and-
Well, the walk is kind of excruciating because Roxas is one of those potheads that get really horny after awhile, at the briefest mention of sex- he's been half hard all night, pictures of Axel flashing through his head, and it doesn't help that he's a romantic and gets turned on by sap, which Axel is apparently is dishing out in spades tonight.
At any rate, the walk is excruciating, and when he gets to Axel's it's only to find him standing on his doorstep of his apartment building, smoking a cigarette; when he sees Roxas, a grin splits his face in two and he drops the smoke, not even bothering to grind it out with his foot before he's taking strides towards him.
"Hey-" He smiles, hands in his pockets, but then Axel grabs his face in his cold hands and kisses him, hard and desperate like he's not sure how Roxas will react but doesn't care because he needs it. It's kind of hot, with a lot of tongue and spit, but Roxas opens his mouth to it because it's Axel.
Teeth and spit and tongue are all involved, and overall it's a sloppy kiss- but Roxas doesn't mind. Not at all, because yeah, it's a bit gross but it's really really nice and it's Axel and when they finally break apart he's sure he's smiling just as wide as Axel is.
"Missed you." Axel murmurs, places a kiss on his nose, his cheek, his eyebrow even. "And, like. Fuck. I think I only dated Xion because she reminded me of you and than, well, I got the real thing-"
"Less talking, more kissing." Roxas says, and Axel laughs and kisses him hard.
At one point in time they figure out they want to take it inside because it's cold and five in the morning, and it's almost impossible too because they can't stop kissing- don't want to stop kissing, and they finally give up on moving when they find that they have to go up the abandoned stairway, so Axel pins him to the wall which is incredibly hot and frustrating and he's so hard he thinks he might die.
"Axel." He gasps out, scratches his fingernails against the redhead's neck; Axel grins and presses his teeth to Roxas' shoulder and whispers in his ear:
"Want me to suck you off?"
Roxas jerks and comes in his pants like he's fourteen, making a whining noise in the back of his throat that he's sure isn't really sexy at all but just the fucking image of Axel, down on his knees with Roxas' cock in his mouth-
Axel laughs for a good full minute until Roxas sticks his own hand down Axel's pants and makes him come in eight seconds flat, licking at the juncture where Axel's neck meets his shoulder.
"Fuck." Axel says, gasping for breath, and Roxas laughs with a wicked smile on his face.
"We can do that later." He says, and laughs harder when Axel looks down at him with wide eyes.
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'Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.'
---
It's nine o' clock in the morning when Axel texts him and tells him he's in Tahiti, partying it up with five dollar hookers and the one kid who had been on Full House.
'Party's warming up, a tranny just got here.' Axel texts, and Roxas snorts and ducks under the counter when one of the manager's walk by, eyeing everything but their employees critically.
'I hate you and I hope you get an STD you lying liar.' He texts back, trying not to laugh out loud.
A minute doesn't even pass before his phone vibrates, on silent mode for the duration of his shift.
'Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.'
Roxas actually laughs out loud, a grin wide on his face as he thinks, yeah, ok.
'Loser,' He texts, 'At least I'm a better liar than you.'