Full Summary: Stephanie's mouth gets her into a world of trouble this time. After a fake declaration, she finds herself mixed into a string of lies that might just lead her to the altar. The bad part? Ranger's the supposed groom and she'll have to convince the man of mystery into playing along. Soon after, her life is turned upside down while she tries to keep up the charade, sort out her feelings for Joe Morelli and figure out why the thought of marrying Mr. Manoso isn't freaking her out.

Enjoy.

Prologue.

I've often wondered about my death and how it would come to be. It's inevitable of course because everyone dies sooner or later. When and how are the two very significant questions however. I don't picture my death real spectacular. Maybe a stray bullet to the skull, getting fire bombed, run down or pelted with stuffed animals. And, in my line of work, all of those things are possible.

At the moment I was contemplating suicide. I was wondering if a fork to the eye would be very painful.

"Stephanie, are you listening to me?"

I reluctantly glanced at my mother and smiled to show my acknowledgment and she continued on with her rant. It was something different every day; she hated my job, she worried about my health, she fussed over my love life. Different things everyday yet the same gist every week.

My love life was the subject for today which, now that I think about it, is down the pooper. I'm off with my on again, off again boyfriend, Joe Morelli and still treading water with my mentor Ranger. Yet that didn't make it justified for my mother to nag at me about it. I knew I was a loser when it came to love. I didn't need constant reminders from my friends and family as well. Hell, even the men in my life knew I was hopeless.

In a way, I hated them. Because, if not for their interference into my life, I wouldn't be enduring this. It was all their fault. But, as I thought back on it, I was the one who had slid my ass right into their lives.

A few years ago, when I took on the job of bond enforcement, my first case had been to bring in a Trenton cop accursed of murder. That cop was Joe. He was close to six feet, had all the hard muscles of an Italian and his eyes resembled melted chocolate. His butt was the greatest butt I have ever laid eyes on. I tried living with him once before and he threw away my peanut butter so I had to move on out. No one touched my PB&J.

While I tried to track down Morelli, I went to an ex-Special Forces Marine for help. That was Ranger. He's a few inches shorter than Morelli, has dark skin, dark hair that's cut short, a body of gold and a Dwayne Johnson smile. Our relationship was complicated. While I tried to get past his mysterious, dark exterior he tried to get into my interior. He was the Cuban-American Batman.

I glanced around the table; at my father who was shoveling food, my Grandmother Mazur who stayed with my parents who was trying her best to crane her neck to see the television in the other room and then at my mom. She was still speaking but I had droned it out until it was equivalent to nothing more than a bee buzzing.

The fork was beckoning me. Just a quick thrust Steph and the pain will be gone...

I brought it forward, thought better of it and then set it down with a sigh. If I stuck it through my eye, new pain would arise.

"Stephanie?" My mom was staring at me sternly. I waited for her to speak. "You aren't listening are you?"

"Uh...of course." Somewhat. "But I have to go now so..."

"Don't you want dessert?"

See here, this is my problem. I was a sugar fiend. And the question I had to ask myself was; is the pineapple cake worth it?

Ten minutes later I stood before the cake cutting a slice with my Grandmother and mother behind me. I turned to stuff it in my mouth and my mom went off again.

"Stephanie! Why if you lay off all the sweets then maybe a guy would propose to you."

I resented that. Hadn't she been the one to con me to stay by offering it? Besides, what did she mean 'maybe'? What, was it crazy if a man proposed to me? Morelli proposed once. I turned him down of course but it still happened. I would have told her so but my mouth was full of cake.

"Stephanie will be fine alone." Grandma Mazur said. "She's like me. We're both independent."

I would have been flattered by this comparison had it been anyone other than my Grandma. I didn't really want to be like an old woman who couldn't drive, spent most of her free time at funeral homes and was one screw lose from completely losing it. My father once joked that my Grandpa Mazur had intentionally gotten a heart attack to get away from her. I was pretty sure that wasn't true.

"Stephanie doesn't want to be alone."

"Well how do you know?"

"She needs a husband!"

"She'll be perfectly fine without one."

"But she'd get lonely."

"She'll always have me."

I nearly choked. This was getting out of hand. I watched my mother put her hands on hips and say, "I suppose that's the best she'll get."

That statement got my blood pumping and I finally felt the beginnings of anger seep into my skull. The best I'd get? The nerve! Why was that the best I'd get? I could pull a man damn it! I felt my eye twitch and my teeth clenched.

Then it happened. Something I'd come to regret later on. Fury and shock clouded my mind; I swallowed, frowned and exclaimed, "I'm engaged!"

It was out of my mouth before I could even think about it. The looks of disbelief on the two women's faces boosted my ego some. Hah! Showed them. I wouldn't be lonely or sad because I am engaged.

Oh shit, what!? Did I hear myself right? I'm ENGAGED?

"To who?" My mother croaked.

The next words out of my mouth were so insane that I suggest you send any children who are prone to repetitive behaviors out of the room at this moment. I wouldn't want them to repeat something so utterly foolish and unorthodox after all. I suppose I could blame my stupidity on the sugar and my mom. All she had to do was drop it and I would have went on with my day, unengaged. But no, she had to push me until I said something I deeply regretted. She had to pin me into a corner like an animal and, like any cornered mammal, I lashed out.

"To Ranger."

I'm engaged to RANGER!?

Haha. ^_^