A/N: My first HTGAWM fic ... If you follow me on Tumblr you'll know I adore Coliver! (Also if you've ever read any of my fics or you are one of my lecturers you'll know that I have an issue with structure and I detest commas, I have no idea how to use them so ignore the grammar please?!)

Enjoy!

Emm xx

To say that he couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love would be a complete lie.

Connor knows precisely when he started falling for Oliver; it was that shy, quirky half smile and "Ignore them I just don't talk to guys in bars that often" that had made Connor's head spin, his mind and heart splutter, before he was able to regain his composure.

He isn't above admitting to himself that Oliver is different to the other guys he's screwed around with, but talking about it with Oliver...Well, that's more difficult.

It's not as if he doesn't want to, he wants that more than anything else. Connor wants Oliver more than anything else that he's ever wanted and it scares the hell out of him. Not even Aiden could hold a candle to his feelings for this geeky adorable man who will never be his no matter how much Connor wishes that he was.

So he's a coward and it's easier to let Oliver kick him out of his apartment in the middle of the night. It's easier to let Oliver believe that he never cared about him, that he was just an easy fuck to Connor in order to get the information that he wanted out of him.

It's easier, but it doesn't mean that it hurts any less.

He could go to a bar and he could hook up with a nameless guy. He knows this, but he also knows that they will never be Oliver. They will never compare to the way that Oliver looked at him in their post coital glow, like Connor was his world, just the two of them and they could face anything that was thrown their way.

It's not as if it would classify as cheating, Oliver made it completely evident that they were over, and now here's the guy standing in Oliver's place, in Oliver's doorway and he's twisting the knife into Connor's chest even further.

He could do it, he could go right now, but he doesn't.

This is where they are now, and Connor just really wishes that they weren't. Never has there been a time where he has had the craving to just rewind everything, to go back to his past mistakes and regrets and wipe them off the map once and for all. Never, not until this moment right now where he is standing outside Apartment 303 clutching at the bouquet of flowers. As if flowers would ever make things right between them.

He fucked up and now he has to pay the price for his mistakes, oh God is he paying for them.

It's easier for his classmates, he knows this. Wes has Rebecca, Laurel has Kan, Michaela has Aiden and even Asher in his own douche baggy way has somebody. That's the difference between him and them. They have people that love them, and they love those people in return effortlessly.

And where Connor had Oliver for a while...He doesn't have him anymore.