Author's Note: Well.. lol. I wrote a one shot, titled Airport & Awkward. Several people thought it should be more than a one shot, and upon request, I made it my new FF. Here's chapter one, hope it's not too confusing. Enjoy! As always, reviews, so goooood, so leave one? Please? :)
Missy
I realized it all came down to this, this moment. I don't recall where the courage came from, but it began pouring out of me, flowing freely. I sat patiently, awaiting her arrival. People around me, boarded planes, checked their luggage, read magazines. I secretly wondered if anyone could hear my heart pounding so loud. She stepped out of the terminal, glancing around. I recall now she's not familiar with this area. I stand up, nervous, and walk towards her. She smiles, and for a moment I think my heart stopped beating and my brain ceased function. I became a babbling mess, tripping over my own thoughts way too much to even form words. I opened my mouth, nothing. I smiled nervously, she sensed my awkward tension, and rambled something about, 'Don't be nervous, it's only me.' That's what she never understood, it was her alone that made me so nervous. Her voice that made me tremble. Her smile that made me fall apart at the seams. I was relatively well kept-together on the outside, considering inside I was screaming 'What the fuck were you thinking, bringing her here?' I sighed. Out loud. Oops. She glanced at me, confused, head tilted. – On that note, who actually tilts their head in confusion? Apparently, this girl. I began mentally kicking myself for how unprepared I was for this, considering we had been planning this for months. I realized now, preparation for the actual event, doesn't prepare you in the least for the emotions you're going to feel. She continued looking at me, confused. I smiled, hoping she'd let it go. She never does.
"What's wrong?" She questioned, her expression puzzled.
'You have no idea' I thought to myself. I wanted to tell her everything, but how would I even begin that? I couldn't. I had come too far with her to mess it all up now, by letting emotions get in the way. They were tricky like that; emotions. They like to sneak up and ruin everything. Yet they didn't ruin this at all. No matter how prominent my emotions were, they paled in comparison to her. Her existence in my life, was more important than anything. It all came down to this moment.. to these words.. to this time..
'What's wrong? Well I love you, but it's not so wrong.' What I really wanted to say.
"Nothing." Is what I actually said, topped off with the fakest smile I could muster.
She knew me better than that, but she let it go. So did I.
6 Months Earlier
xashleyxdaviesx: hey
densespence89: hi :)
I wasn't sure if I was for this whole online thing. However Stickam changed a lot for me. I remember when I first saw her in the chat, she made all the other girls look feeble in her beauty. I immediately PMed her and we must of talked all night. After about a week we exchanged AIM sn's and IMing each other became our nightly routine.
xashleyxdaviesx: how was school today?
densespence89: ugh, so boring! i fell asleep in class. not good :(
xashleyxdaviesx: spence you can't do that! you need your education! lol.
densespence89: yeah yeah yeaaaah. well seeing as how i totally dozed in class, i better do my essay. can i text you?
xashleyxdaviesx: as long as i'm not distracting you from your studies!
densespence89: ok ttys!
densespence89 has signed off at 8:43 PM
In retrospect, she and I would never be together. It didn't matter though, because something about her had my attention. I was captured from day one. We had been doing this texting/chatting online thing, for about four months. I had yet to have the nerve to call the girl. I heard her voice once, on cam, and well, I almost died.
I waited about twenty minutes to text her, not wanting to seem like I was super into her. I mean she knows I am, but we rarely talked about it. I think the day when light was first shed on the subject, was the same day we decided this wasn't something we wanted to ever really discuss again.
I hated online people, for that reason alone. I hated wanting someone I could never have, and wondering if the distance was the only reason for why I couldn't. Yet, here I sat. Texting a girl I met online, who I was completely falling for. Way beyond anything I could control.
I found this girl being the last thought before I fell asleep, and the first thought when I awoke. Insane, right? A girl, miles and miles away, being the only thing permanent in my mind. She sadly wouldn't agree she was worth the very thoughts. She believed she wasn't worthy of being anyone's thoughts, and that killed me. She rarely showed her insecurities, but there were a few times, when her emotions got ahead of her, and the truth came tumbling out. She was strong minded, and she was a smart girl, but she never believed in herself enough. I always wished I could change that, but I knew that being in her life for four months, wasn't going to change the eighteen years of insecurities she'd been acquiring.
We joked about meeting up, knowing it would never happen. The idea was fun to play with though, made this whole friendship feel less superficial and more concrete and excusable. Funny thing was, she wasn't too far. It wasn't even money that made us meeting impossible. We were from two different places in life, aside from our locations. We just didn't mesh in the real world, no matter how perfectly we clicked over the internet.
Isn't that weird, too? How two people can be so incredibly alike, and get each other on so many levels, yet in the world that's ever changing, never fit.
