A Loki Jul Carol
I do not own anything of the Marvel Universe.
Author's Notes:
Jul is an Old Norse winter festival, highlighted by the Wild Hunt. The dead are said to range the Earth, perfect for a re-telling of A Christmas Carol, right? The god Odin is the leader of this Wild Ride, charging across the sky on his eight-legged horse, Sleipnir.
I view Loki as a broken soul that needs saving, but does he want to be saved. I wrote a similar story about Sylar of "Heroes", another broken soul I fell in love with.
I hope you enjoy this Christmas tale.
Loki, pretender King to the throne of Asgard, was left alone in the throne room, having sent away all the guards in a fit of pique. It was Jul Festival, the highest of all festivals, but he didn't feel like sharing in the festivities going on around him. His adoptive mother was dead. His so-called brother wasn't even here. And old King Odin was locked away in the very same dungeon he had locked Loki away, before Thor had released him to help fight Maliketh.
He reclined on that object that was long his wish, since before he was old enough to truly understand what being a king meant. Hadn't Odin said both he and his...that is, Thor, were born to be kings?
So here he sat at last, and yet, he was sad. Loki was without the calming wisdom and compassion of Frigga, his mother. He missed her more than he would ever reveal to anyone. As for Odin, the citizens of Asgard were unaware that a pretender now sat on the throne. Even the Bifrost Gatekeeper, Heimdall, could not see the Alfather, what with the shield Loki had raised around the older man's cell.
And there was Thor, his dear "brother", living on Midgard with his mortal Jane Foster, and happy no doubt. Now that he had given up the throne of Asgard, he had no responsibilities except to the work he shared with, what had Stark called them, the Avengers? That band of arrogant misfits had thwarted Loki's scheme to rule Midgard as its benevolent king, and he would never forgive them for that. But his interests now lay elsewhere, in any case.
Rising, Loki headed off to his private chambers, where he could safely shift back to his normal visage. He heard music and laughter wafting through the windows from the streets below. By his order, there would be no celebrations in the palace.
Loki removed his outer tunic, which had been concealed beneath the illusion of Odin's robes. Placing the King's scepter on its stand, Loki lay down on his bed, arms tucked beneath his head. While staring up at the ornate ceiling of his bedroom, he fell asleep.
Awakened by a bright light, Loki lifted himself up on both elbows, squinting against the brightness that was at the foot of his bed.
"Loki, how do you fare?"
It was Frigga, dead, yet standing before him. She shone with such beauty that he was stunned at first, and unable to speak.
"Mother? How can this be?" He quickly rose from the bed, and went to her. He held out a hand, desperately wanting to feel her hand in his. But she was ethereal, such as when she had visited him in his cell during his imprisonment. "Mother, I…."
She spared him saying the words. "I know. And I miss you as well. But Loki, I have seen all that you have done, to your father, your brother, and all the damage you inflicted on Midgard. I see what you have become, and I worry for your soul. You must mend your ways, or suffer damnation."
"But Mother, I will make you proud of me. I'll make a good king to Asgard, I swear to you."
"No, Loki. What may have been given to you, had you been more patient, you instead stole away from your Father."
"He is not my Father," Loki uttered impatiently. Once he had found out the truth that Odin wasn't his biological father, he denied all relationship. He had denied her only once, but instantly regretted it, seeing the hurt in her eyes. Was it not Frigga who had cooled his forehead when he was sick? Was it not she who hugged him while he cried, after Thor had again defeated him at some game or other they played? Was it not she who had told him, with a look of pride on her face, that he was king for as long as Odin was in Odinsleep? "Mother, why are you here? Not that I haven't missed you."
"Do not show impatience with me, my son. I am here to save your soul."
Loki gave her a grin, one both sardonic and curious. "I would think that I was past all hope."
Ignoring his remark, Frigga went on. "You're wrong. This night, you will be visited by three spirits."
He sighed. "I have no time for this, Mother. I have many duties..."
"These spirits will show you things about yourself, things you do not perceive. Heed them well. It may mean your salvation." Frigga reached out to his face, as if to touch his cheek. But she did not touch him. "I love you, Loki…my son." With that, Frigga, former queen of Asgard, vanished.
"No!" Loki reached out to her as her shade disappeared. He wasn't even able to touch her. "This is just a dream. I am dreaming. If I lie down, I'll wake up." Loki went to the other side of his bed, and lay down once more. He closed his eyes, feeling such a sense of loss.
It wasn't long before he heard a familiar voice.
"Hello, Loki, prince of Asgard. Or should I call you King Loki now."
Loki raised his head to peer over at the voice. Yes, he knew this man, dressed in mortal raiment. It was that annoying agent from Midgard, who worked with the Avengers. The man he had personally had to kill with his own hands. It was not a satisfactory death, but necessary. And it did serve to show Thor how serious he was in his desire to take Midgard as his own kingsdom.
"You're Agent Coulson." Mother, really? A mere mortal to teach a king and god a lesson?
"Actually, I'm not," the Coulson shade replied, smiling. "I think you were told I was coming to see you though."
"So why do you disturb me, dressed as this dead Midgardian?" Already, this was insufferable.
"Yes, that's correct, Loki of Asgard. You killed Phillip Coulson. I appear in his form as an easy reference for you. Come with me now. We'll visit some scenes from your past." The spirit placed his hands in his coat pockets, and turned to walk away.
Loki didn't move. He refused to go along with this charade. But before he even had a chance to move, he found himself walking along a walkway of the palace, with the Coulson shade beside him.
"You are a young boy at this time, with an older brother who adored you, but at times, outshone you."
Loki remembered the days he and his brother played together, and learned to fight together. Both were excellent fighters, but it was Thor who had accompanied Odin on the Jul Wild Hunt. During this time, great hunters, both alive and dead it was said, rode with Odin himself.
"But Father, I wish to go with you too," Loki protested.
"No, my son, you're too young. You're just not as ready as your brother. Stay here, and perhaps next year, you may come with us. We'll seek you out on our return." Odin swung an arm around the shoulders of his eldest son, while Loki watched as they left. He was always left behind, always rejected by the man he admired most. How can I ever prove to Father that I'm as good as Thor, if I'm never allowed to go with them on the Jul hunt, he thought. He always favors Thor over me.
"Your brother was your elder. It was only natural that he would be groomed to inherit over you."
"Father just didn't want a Frost Giant to sit on the throne of Asgard!" But Loki knew this wasn't wholly true. He knew that Odin didn't find him worthy of the throne for other reasons. And even though the king had banished Thor to Midgard for his disobedience, Odin still regarded Thor as the more suitable successor. Not once, but twice rejected. First, by Laufey for being unworthy to live. Then by Odin, as Loki found himself brushed aside to make room for his older brother. He observed himself as a boy, tears slipping down his cheeks, as he watched Odin and Thor leave for the Hunt, laughing together. "I was always in my brother's shadow." Loki grew impartient. I don't care to see any more!"
"But there's more to see. A later Yul Festival." Coulson waved a hand as another scene unfolded.
Loki found himself in a small room, lit by a warm fire. On a chair, he saw Frigga, sitting with Loki, who was now a bit older.
"Son, close your eyes and think hard." Frigga smiled as she waited, her hands clasped together.
The young boy did as he was told, and while his eyes remained shut, his form began to change. He was a colt, prancing in place, his head swinging up and down.
Frigga glowed with pride. Loki was an apt pupil, learning the arts of illusion easily. She smiled as her son morphed back into his normal form. She had taught him how to appear as different people. Becoming an animal was the next step, because it rquired greater concentration. Later, she would teach him to shroud others in illusion to change their appearance as well.
Frigga hugged her youngest son. "You are my jewel, Loki. No one in Asgard is as talented as you."
Loki's heart swelled. Of everyone, no one showed him the love and affection that Frigga had.
Pulling away from her son, Frigga went over to a table and pulled a small box from a drawer there. She gestured for Loki to come to her, and handed him the box. "I have a gift for you, in honor of the Jul festival."
Loki opened the box to find a pendant. It was a circle of gold, the outer ring filled with rainbow jewels, and encircling one large green jewel. "I thought you would like it, since you favor green so much. It will always provide focus for you, my son."
"Thank you, Mother," he said, impulsively hugging her.
Loki mournfully watched the scene, remembering the day his mother had given him the gift. One day long ago, he had tucked it away in a drawer, and had forgotten it. He would try to find it once this nightmare was over.
"So now what," he asked of the mortal Coulson.
"One more stop, then I'm done here." Coulson pointed at a scene where Loki was on his way to the Great Hall for the Jul banquet. "You, now as a young man."
"Brother! Wait!" It was Thor. "Loki, I've been looking all over for you."
"I was with Mother," the darker haired boy said.
"You need to learn warfare with us, brother. Not sitting at Mother's feet, learning how to perform illusions. They will suit you ill when in battle."
The boy scowled at his older, fair-haired brother. "What do you want?"
"I have a Jul gift for you. I saw a smithy crafting it, and decided I had to get it for you."
Loki looked at the small crudely wrapped gift. "I did not get you anything, brother."
"No matter. I want you to have something that will serve you well. I don't want my younger brother to turn into a girl." He laughed heartily, and slapped Loki on the back.
Loki grinned, and opened the package. It was a blade, worked all in one piece, with intricate carving in the metal. He swished the blade through the air several times. "It has nice balance, brother. Thank you."
Loki watched this interplay.
"You ended up using that knife on your brother in New York City," the Coulson shade remarked.
Loki shrugged. "I knew it wouldn't kill him. It's such a small blade. I just needed to distract him, so that I could get away."
"Much the same when you killed Agent Coulson."
"I didn't want to kill him, but he was an unwelcome deterrent." Loki looked back at the scene before him.
"Come, brother, let us get to the Great Hall. A feast awaits us. Would you let Volstagg eat it all?" Thor draped a muscular arm around his leaner brother, and together, the two boys headed down the hall, disappearing in a pale fog.
"You were always loved, Loki. You just refuse to hold on to that. But holding onto hatred isn't better. Your next visitor will be here soo….." Agent Coulson vanished mid-sentence.
In an instant, Loki found himself standing next to Heimdall in the great dome where travelers left Asgard to travel the nine realms. "Why am I here, Gatekeeper?"
"I am not the Guardian of the Bifrost, King Loki. I am here to show you the present day. Using your own device, I will show you the things you are missing, because of your resentment, greed, and desire for power."
"Stop right there!" Loki was indignant that Heimdall would speak to his king so. But wait, he had shrouded Odin from Heimdall's eyes, and yet he had called Loki king. This was not Heimdall.
"Watch, King Loki. See your brother in Midgard, enjoying the life you would have deprived him of."
Loki watched as Thor and his mortal Jane Foster were placing shiny objects onto a tree, a tree that had strangely been brought indoors. What idiocy was this?
As if reading his thoughts, the shade piped up, "It's called Christmas. Mortals do that during this time of year. They find an evergreen tree, and decorate it with ornaments to make it festive. Then they wrap gifts to place under these trees, to later distribute to friends and loved ones."
Loki smiled. "Very much like Jul then."
The shade of Heimdall nodded.
Loki watched his brother as he and Jane laughed together. Then they briefly kissed. Thor reached beneath the tree and handed Jane a small box. She opened it, and inside, found a necklace made of sparkling blue stones. Thor placed the necklace around her neck, then accepted the appreciative kisses of his woman.
Sarcasm dripping from his voice, Loki, observed, "Thor always did have a streak of sentimentality. Truly, Heimdall, you can do no better?" Loki felt a tightness in his chest, despite his derisive words. Thor had sworn his allegience to Jane Foster and Midgard, before his own world, and good riddance to him. But he was happy. Loki used to be happy, sometimes, before he had lost everything. During his ventures, how many times had he he heard Thor beg him to 'stop it', 'end this', or 'come home'.
No, he had lost nothing! He had gained the throne, as was his right. Wasn't that what he'd wanted all along?
"Go away, shade of Heimdall."
The large shade threw back his head as he laughed heartily.
"Shut up!" Loki cried, his hands on his ears, as the laughter grew louder and louder. Then there was silence.
A thick fog surrounded Loki, who was now alone again. Out of the fog, Odin appeared.
"You are not my father," Loki said, this time meaning it was just another shade, as Coulson and Heimdall had been.
"I am not, Loki of Asgard." The shade stretched out a hand, indicating to Loki to see what was ahead.
Lying on a funeral bier was the great King Odin. "Thus is the fate of all kings."
Loki was shocked. This was not his doing. He had not ordered the Alfather killed, yet there he was, dead. "How did this happen?"
"No one is immune to death. Even you, with all your greed and talents with illusion, will one day end up this way. But there may be a fate worse than that for you. Come."
Everything grew dark. When Loki's eyes had cleared, he found himself standing on hard ground, the surroundings dark and cold. It was a lifeless place. "Where have you brought me?"
"Do you not recognize your birthplace?"
"This is Jotunheim?" He did recognize the dank, coldness of this world. But his mind didn't want to accept that he was here. Or was it an illusion, one convincing enough that Loki felt the cold penetrate his flesh.
Looking around, he saw nothing move. No Frost Giants, no Jotunheim beasts, nothing. Nothing moved at all.
"This would be your fate, Loki, prince of Asgard. Your own kingdom, with no citizens save for yourself. You had a family who loved you, a position from which you could have done good works. Instead, you chose to waste your life on selfish ideals. You killed your father, and failed your mother. Your brother chooses to have nothing to do with you. You're lost and alone. Instead of being immortalized by those who would remember you well, you will be forgotten, a blotch in the history of Asgard.
Loki took several steps forward, and peered around the desolate place. This would have been his home, or rather the place of his death, had not Odin taken pity on him as a baby. Instead, he grew up in Asgard, a beautiful world of colour and light. To be king in Jotunheim, or a prince of Asgard. Which would he have preferred, given the choice?
He turned back to the shade of his father, but the image had left him. He spun around calling out Odin's name. He shouted out angrily, then more quietly, until at last, he had no strength to call out. He was alone. "You're not going to leave me here, are you?" He stomped and raged in the darkness, the darkness he wanted no part of. Loki decided he wanted his home, his family. He wanted to be remembered kindly, as a great leader and hero. "Come back. Please."
The young prince-turned-king fell to his knees, the hard rock scraping them through the fabric of his leggings. "Come back. I don't want to be alone anymore. I will try to live up to the expectations of my mother. She believed in me more than anyone. I never wanted to fail her. Give me another chance. Please. I can change." He closed his eyes as tears slipped down his cheeks. Looking up at the swirling morass that was Jotunheim's sky, he shouted, "I will change!"
Voices filled the air. Make your father proud. We were raised together, we played together, we fought together, do you remember none of that? I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace... through you.
Loki jammed his hands over his ears, and squeezed his eyes shut against the voices. "Go away! Stop it!" he shouted. He felt a sudden rush of air. Then...silence.
He opened his eyes.
Loki found himself back in his bedroom. The sound of bells ringing in the air entered through his open windows, filling his ears with their melodic sound. I'm back home, and it's still Jul, he thought.
Rising up off his knees, Loki left his bedroom, and flung open the doors of his chambers. Gesturing to a guard, he walked quickly to the building where the dungeons were. Coming to Odin's cell, Loki ordered the guard to release him. Son stood before father, Loki went down on one knee and looked up at the aging king. "Forgive me, Father. I was wrong. I have shown no gratitude for all that you've done for me. I am an unworthy son. I give back to you what I have stolen."
Odin's heart was touched by Loki's apparent contrition. If he had wanted to, he could have assumed that Loki was up to his old tricks of deception. But something told him he had undergone some change of heart. Why or how, he didn't know. "Stand, my son. This is no deception of yours?"
"No, Father." He chuckled and shook his head lightly. " 'Father'. I can now say that without feeling deceived myself. I accept why you saved me, because I know you did it out of more than wanting peace with Jotunheim."
Odin nodded once. "There would have been other ways to achieve that. I brought you into my family to raise as a prince of Asgard, and brother to Thor. There was never any deception on my part except perhaps, keeping the truth from you. I felt that was the best way. Forgive me if I was wrong." He placed his hands on the younger man's shoulders. "If you have finally come to understand why I did what I had done, and forgiven me for my absence of faith in you, then we are father and son again.
Loki smiled wide, he eyes lit with the pure happiness he felt. It was an odd feeling for him. He placed a supporting arm around Odin, and helped him back to the palace. The guard followed behind them protectively, but did not offer his assistance. He had a feeling that the young prince would not want his help.
Once the three had reached the throne room, the guard took his place by the great doors, while Loki guided Odin to the steps that led to the throne. Once the older man had seated himself, Loki held out his hands, and summoning the King's Sceptre, offered it to Odin, and said, "I was wrong to take this from you, Father." He gave the sceptre to Odin, who took it quietly.
Feeling his strength returning even now, Odin said, "Loki, I never felt that you would not make a good king. I only felt that your brother would make a better one. But if, as you have told me, Thor has no desire to take the throne, I know that I will be leaving it in good hands." He held out the sceptre to a surprised Loki. "Once Jul has passed, I will make sure you get a proper coronation."
The younger man shook his head. "No, Father, I don't deserve it."
Odin pushed the golden staff he had held for some many ages into Loki's hands. "Being a good king means knowing your own failings, and changing them for the better. Always remember that." He smiled at his youngest son. "See? You're learning already. I'm sure you will make your mother proud. " Turning his head toward the music, Odin rose and placing an arm around his son's shoulder, he said, "Shall we join the Jul celebrations? My one regret is that I can no longer lead the Wild Hunt. I'm sure everyone will appreciate having a younger king who can join them."
Loki grinned warmly, and walked alongside the Alfather. Oh, he would do more than just lead the Hunt, he would surpass everyone in it. Asgard would come to know its new king as a great king. He would have to make amends with his brother Thor as well. Loki knew Thor would love to be part of the Hunt. And that would suit Loki well. Perhaps he would even invite Jane Foster to Asgard as well. Thor was in love with the Midgard mortal, so who knew, he may take her for his wife someday. That would make Jane his sister. He never had one of those before. Looking up into the Asgardian star-lit sky, Loki whispered, "Thank you, Mother. I will make you and Father proud. Until I see you in Valhalla..." He bowed his head slightly, imagining her smiling upon him.
The two men left the throne room to go join the celebrating crowds in the streets. The light that was Asgard would continue to shine for ages to come.
Author's final notes:
I don't know if Odin was killed by Loki in Thor 2 Dark World, or if he was just imprisoned. I prefer to think that Loki is incapable of patricide, at least the man who raised him since we know he killed Laufey, his real father. So for my purpose, Odin lives.
Thanks for reading! And have a happy Jul festival!