Disclaimer - I do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.
A/N Brody's thoughts as he awaits execution. Apologies to my fellow C/B shipper LilMisfit, this isn't a fluffy/happy C/B fic...I plan on getting around to that at some point though.
He allowed himself to be deluded for a while into thinking there was hope of redemption. He had needed to believe it for her, because that's what she wanted for him, from him and, now he knew why, she's pregnant.
He should not have allowed her to manipulate him into doing this mission. The CIA had caused and would cause more damage than he was ever capable of, but he let her guilt him into it, as the need to make her proud took over. She had needed him to go through with this, to do "good", so once it was over he'd have redemption and her baby would have a father.
He didn't feel good as he smothered Akbari to death. He felt more lost than ever. This was not the answer and it never had been the answer. The fact she couldn't understand that hurt him deeper than he could say. She had once told him she hadn't found anything as important as her job. He thought maybe that had changed, but the reality of the situation is she had always been stuck between him and her job. She wanted both and couldn't choose, but now someone had chosen for her. The only time he knew for certain she hadn't been working whilst with him was the second time at the Cabin. The one good thing he had done since coming home, created life, instead of destroying it.
She asked him why he'd killed Akbari, if he didn't believe it was the right thing to do. He saw the look on her face as he gave her an answer she didn't want. He loved her, but he couldn't give her the comfort she wanted. She chose this, just as he did.
If he's going to cry for anyone, it will be for Jess, Dana and Chris, who will live with this for the rest of their lives, who never wanted him to be anything other than a husband and a father and who have lost him all over again.
He thought of Dana and Chris, and of those 82 children. The truth had one final blow to deliver, as he realised he had left his family for nothing. He had never felt more strongly than he did now, that putting his country and service of it, before his family and loved ones had been wrong. Jess and the kids had not chosen any of this, but they had lost and suffered the most. Fate was laughing at him. He had come home with a mission to expose a CIA cover up and now he would die in one. The truth would never come out about those kids. They were to be forgotten, swept under a rug at Langley with the rest of the nasty secrets and lies, because that's how they needed it to be. To hell with the truth, it was an inconvenience.
He heard them coming for him. He wasn't a marine or a dad anymore, just a pawn who had served his purpose. It was time to leave the game for good...and he was glad.
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