Legal: I own nothing but the idea.
WARNING! WARNING! THIS FIC CONTAINS TRIGGER WARNINGS!
Stuff to know before you read:
*Clare's family was never religious and she never worse an abstinence ring.
*Clare's parents divorced and her dad moved to Arizona.
*Jake and Glen never moved to Toronto, Helen never married Glen or even dated him.
*Helen works as a nurse at a hospital.
*The whole thing with Vince and Anson never happened so Drianca never broke up, Drew was never beat up and Adam never got shot.
*Owen and Anya never dated or anything else.
*Owen's family is wealthy, like they are in I Was at this Party if you've read that, if not like the Hollingsworth family in the show.
Ch. 1 Need You Much More than Ever
(CLARE)
"AAAGGHHHHH!" I scream out as my body is wracked by pain, it shoots from my abdomen through my entire body. It's the worst pain I've ever felt, I can feel the spasms in my stomach and I scream again. I've been feeling this terrible pain for the last fourteen hours. I take a deep breath and fall against the bed, the chains on my neck and wrists rattling as I sink into the mattress.
"Push Clare one more push," the doctor says to me and I hate how very calm he is. I hate him with all of my soul; I hate him with such a burning passion I wish I could burn my hate into him so that he dies.
"No I don't want to," I cry shaking my head. I don't want to be pregnant anymore but I don't want to push again either.
"Push Clare you're almost done, one more deep breath and a push and you're done," Mom coaches me and I cry harder, shaking my head.
"No, no you'll take my baby if it's over you'll take my baby," I wail.
"If she won't push can you pull the thing out?" Mom asks the doctor.
He doesn't even reply but I suddenly feel his fingers in me and then a tug and I scream out in agonizing pain. I feel empty suddenly and weak, so weak it's as if I'm feeling the life drain out of me. And then I hear it, the tiny cry of my child, their first life breath! I force my eyes to open and try to see my baby but the doctor and my mom are blocking my view.
"Clare's bleeding I need to sew her up take the baby and clean her in the washroom?" The doctor asks.
"No my baby I want to see my baby," I request weakly reaching out my arms the chains clatter and stop me from moving very far. My mother turns to look at me but she doesn't respond simply covers my child and leaves the room. "No my baby, please," I beg looking at the doctor but the room starts to go blurry, I'm weak and losing blood, "please wh…"
That's all I can get out as I lose consciousness, the last thing I hear before the blackness is my baby's cry.
I wake up to the smell of Christmas ham and sweet potatoes, it should be a happy smell, today being Christmas should be a day of joy and celebration. All I feel is heartbreak and such a searing pain in my soul that I almost wish for deaths sweet embrace. My child was taken from me, stolen by my very own mother and sold on the black market to a wealthy couple.
It all started with my parent's divorce, Dad moved to Arizona with his girlfriend and I get a birthday card with some cash but that's all I ever hear from my father anymore. After the divorce Mom went on a few dates but never more than one or two with the same guy. She started to become depressed and I tried to help but she pushed me away, and soon she began to take things out on me. She never got physical but she became mentally and emotionally abusive I just didn't see it at the time.
After all this and my breakup with Eli I started dating Owen. I was avoiding Eli over March break and ran into Owen at The Dot, or rather he saw me sitting sad and alone, came over and cheered me up. We hung out for all of March break became friends and he asked me out on DeGrassi movie night. Eli did his best to break us up but it didn't work and Owen and I stayed strong. For his birthday and our two month anniversary I gave Owen my virginity, we used protection but it didn't work or it broke. We made love a few more times before he left to spend the summer in Europe with his family. Adam and his family went to Boston to see his grandparents that same week; Alli was at science camp and Jenna in Tennessee with her brother. I thought my summer would be lonely and boring, now I wish that's all it had been.
I found out I was pregnant in late June after I didn't get my period, I was sure I couldn't be pregnant because we'd used protection. Still I went and bought a home pregnancy test and it was positive. I remember staring at the pink plus sign and my heart stopping, I wanted to call Owen and tell him but he was in Austria and his cell wasn't working. He called from a satellite phone once and we'd been in touch by e-mail otherwise. After I got over the shock I went to my laptop to write him an e-mail but I didn't. I decided I needed a second opinion and went to the clinic down the street to get a blood test. That came out positive too and I went home in shock, I spent the drive just terrified of being a teen mom and worried about what I was going to do and how Owen would react. Turns out the only thing I should have really been worried about was my mother.
When I got home Mom was there, sitting at the table and gripping the pregnancy test. I'd been in such shock when I first found out that I had just left the test on my washroom counter. She yelled at me, told me I had thrown my life away and some other stuff, we argued for a few minutes and then she struck me! For the last 31 weeks my life has been hell, I was kept as a prisoner and my mother was keeping me prisoner to sell my baby and profit. In the last 31 weeks the hate I've had for my mother and the doctor has grown to a black pit in my heart.
"Christmas dinner Clare, you should eat you lost quite a lot of blood and you've been asleep for the last nine hours. Sit up and eat," Mom says and to an outside ear she might sound caring but she just sounds cold to me.
"Mom how could you it was your grandchild," I spit at her. I want to throw the food in her face, to refuse to eat and scream at her to get out of my room. I'm too weak to scream and I'm hungry, also I need my strength if I have any hope of getting out of here.
We moved in July, as soon as my mom had the first payment, from whoever she sold the baby to, she bought us a new home in Woodbridge and thereby moving us 30 minutes away from Riverdale, from Owen, Adam and the rest of my friends. She must have told them something because by the start of school no one was looking for me, as far as I know anyway. I know she broke me up with Owen because she told me herself and was rather proud of the e-mail she'd written him from my account.
I have to get out of here and I need the strength to get away, I need to get back to Riverdale, to Owen and Adam. I need to tell Owen we have a child and I need to find our baby, if it's the last thing I ever do I will see my child and hold my baby.
"Clare no more talk of the child, it's over now and we're going to have a better life. We're set now just put the baby out of your mind. Come you need to eat, you'll have to recover in bed for a few of weeks, you had quite some extensive tearing and lost quite a lot of blood. You are lucky I was able to get blood and plasma for you," Mom says nodding to the IV in my arm.
I take my plate and start to eat, "Can you unchain me now?"
"In time Clare, eat up I have to go in for a shift tonight, I'll be back at six," Mom tells me and walks out of my room.
I itch at the chain around my neck and continue eating, I'm spending Christmas dinner chained to my bed and my baby, born on Christmas Day, is out there somewhere.
"I'll find you, I'll get out of here and I'll find you I promise," I declare aloud to my son or daughter. It's my Christmas wish and New Year's resolution all in one and I will see it to fruition.
(OWEN)
I pull into the school parking lot on this chilly Thursday morning and see Dallas and Luke, waving to them as I pull into a spot. Tris gets out of the car as soon as I'm parked and heads into school while I walk over to Dallas and Luke leaning on the side of school and watching the girls.
"Hey you ready for our first game tomorrow night?" Dallas asks.
"Yeah but I doubt I'll get to play," I shake my head.
"That's okay Milligan you get to keep the bench warm for us," Baker teases.
Back in October Simpson and Coach Armstrong told me we were getting a junior pro hockey league and advised me to tryout. There were six rounds of tryouts but I made the team, it was a great accolade and I was the only one in all of Toronto to make it but I was second string. Our captain was from Guelph and we had two other guys from Canada but everyone else was from all over the world, we even had twins from Sweden. We started practicing right after Christmas, in the last two weeks we'd had two hour practices every day to prepare for our first game tomorrow.
I had a nice Christmas with my family but I admit I'd thought a lot about Clare. Despite her scathing and brutal Dear John letter, or rather e-mail, I got as a breakup I still thought about Clare and I still loved her. When I first found out I made the Ice Hounds she was the first one I wanted to share the news with but I couldn't and as far as I knew she didn't want to see me or hear from me. For the last two weeks I've been too busy with parties, first New Year's Eve and then a party for the Ice Hounds at the Torres house on our first day back from break. Plus two or three hour practices each day and we'd been back at school for four days on top of practices and now our first game is tomorrow. I haven't thought about Clare since Christmas and therefore hadn't been heartbroken since Christmas.
"Dude shut up," I say to Baker as I shove him.
"Don't sweat it Milligan you'll get some ice time, I'll make sure of it. You're a good player you just need to get stronger in a couple of areas," Dallas tells me.
"Yeah I know speed a…"
"Owen," calls a familiar voice and I think I'm hearing things. Her voice is weak, strained and tense but it was Clare's voice I'm sure of it. I turn my head looking across the parking lot and there she is standing next to my car.
"Fuck is that…" Dallas starts.
"Clare," I exhale her name slowly almost afraid to say it like she might vanish.
Dallas is probably the only other one on the team that knows who Clare is, she hasn't been at school all year because she had gone to Africa to be with her sister, or so I thought. Dallas knows about her because he's billeted at the Torres house and Adam has pictures of Clare, Adam is also the only one that never stopped looking, Adam never believed that Clare went to Africa to be with her sister he was sure something was going on. I start to walk across to her and then I stop, her brutal breakup with me seems fresh and I freeze in my tracks, my shock at seeing her turns to anger as the bell rings.
"What are you doing here? You broke up with me, you left and said you hated me," I remind her and lace my tone with venom meaning to hurt her. I turn to walk into school, I see Luke already at the steps but Dallas has stopped and looks back at me.
"Owen please," Clare begs and I can hear her tears long before I look at her.
She grabs my arm and I stop, even after all this time, even after how much her breakup hurt and how many nights I spent awake and tortured by the hate I had for how she left me and how I loved her still, even after all that the lightest touch of her fingers, even through my thick jacket makes me stop. I'm fighting the urge to embrace her, I still love her, I've never loved anyone as much or in the same way that I loved her. Since she left me I haven't been on a date, I barely flirt with the puck bunnies because as badly as she hurt me all I wanted was Clare.
"It wasn't me," she beseeches and I nod to Dallas so he goes into class and isn't late. "My mom wrote the e-mail, she wanted you to think I was gone so you wouldn't come looking for me. She was holding me captive, I've been chained to my bed for over seven months," Clare says and now I look at her, she's pulled down her turtleneck and I see a red ring around her neck! She moves up her sleeves and I see cuts and bruises around her wrists from handcuffs!
My chest tightens, all the air in my body has left it, my heart sinks and my stomach has tied in knots. I look at her wrist and my eyes fill with tears as a sea of guilt washes over me. She was being held captive and I did nothing.
"Fuck," I exhale releasing a breath after a moment, "but why?"
"We have a child," Clare enlightens me and I stop breathing again.
"We…" I start but Clare is tearing up even more, she covers her wrist again and starts to shake.
"Owen please I can't be here she'll come looking for me, she'll find me and take me back, she'll keep me chained for the rest of my life. We have to go somewhere she can't find me, she'll…sh…" Clare stops, choking on her words as her sobbing becomes so aggressive she can longer speak.
"We'll go to my house," I tell her unlocking my car and putting my hand at her back so she'll walk but she doesn't budge.
"No she'll come looking for me there, if she finds me she'll take me back and make sure I can never get away again," Clare says somewhat hysterically shaking her head and trying to run but I hold her firm.
"Clare I will never let you mother near you again, we'll go to my house and tell my mom, she won't let your mom on the property. Your mom will never touch you again I swear to you I will protect you, come on," I urge her getting her to my car.
I get her in and drive home as fast as I can; I have so many questions I want to ask her but Clare sobs the entire way. She's in no condition to talk and I can't do much to comfort her while driving other than assure her that she's okay and rub her back with one hand. We get to my house and I take her in through the garage, I'm sure Mom is home because she said she didn't have anything until a luncheon today.
"MOM," I holler into my house, my bellowing makes Clare jump and echoes in the large great room with vaulted ceilings.
"Owen what is it?" Mom asks in a panicked voice as she comes running down the stairs. I'm sure she thinks something happened to me or Tris and that's why I'm home but when she sees Clare Mom goes frozen just like I did. "Clare Sweetheart I thought you were in Africa," Mom comments walking slowly down the stairs and over to us while Clare shakes her head in response.
"Her mom's been holding her captive," I inform my mom.
"What?!" Mom exclaims not that I can blame her; the news is shocking and almost unbelievable. I reach out to pull Clare's turtle neck down so that I can show my mom but Clare flinches at my touch.
"It's just me, I'm just showing her," I say in a soothing voice to Clare as I pull the neck of her turtleneck down to show Mom the red mark and bruising.
"Oh my," Mom gasps at the sight. Clare pulls her sleeve up a little to show the one on her wrist. "We need to get her to the hospital," Mom says firmly.
"No if my mom finds me…" Clare starts but I put my arm around her.
"She won't get near you Clare," I assure her.
"Don't you worry honey your mom won't get away with this, come we'll take my car," Mom asserts and I turn Clare around to go outside again. "Clare why on earth would your mom keep you captive and why did you tell Owen you were in Africa?" Mom asks when we're in her car on our way to the hospital.
"I didn't my mom did," Clare says taking my hand; we're both sitting in the backseat so I can hold her. I squeeze her hand and kiss the top of her head. "She didn't want anyone to look for me; she wanted everyone to think I was gone. She found out I was pregnant and she was furious but then she found out she could sell the baby," Clare says tearing up a little and I explode.
"Your mom sold our baby!" I growl clenching my fist so hard my nails dig into my skin.
"She just wanted the money, she didn't care…she…" Clare starts bawling again curling into me and I force myself to relax enough that I can hold her but I'm beyond angry, I hate Clare's Mom and if I ever see her again I'll tear her head off.
I'm filled with anger and hate toward Clare's mom but I'm also filled with overwhelming guilt. I spent eight months thinking she just left me and ran away without even a thought to me and all that time Clare was being tortured as a prisoner in her own home. She was pregnant with our child and held captive by her mom who sold our baby. I should have done something, I should have protected her, I should have looked for her.
Mom parks at the hospital and we go in, thankfully the emergency room isn't very busy at this hour. Clare doesn't look very hurt but she's covered by clothes, she is however shaking and sobbing hysterically so the nurse takes us back to a room. When the nurse tries to take her vitals Clare shrinks away, I sit next to her with my arm around her and Clare calms a little. When we have to take her jacket off, so the nurse can take her blood pressure, Clare hisses a lot and I can see how stiff she is when she moves.
"You'll have to fill out these and get her into this gown so the doctor can examine her," the nurse tells me.
The nurse leaves the room and mom picks up the clipboard, I take the gown and look at Clare.
"I'll help you get the gown on," I tell her.
"I don't think…I've been chained and…You don't," Clare stumbles over hear words looking away from me.
"She's worried about you seeing her body," Mom says in this heart broken tone and Clare nods.
"Then I won't look," I tell Clare kneeling down to take off her shoes.
I do my best not to look but I do, Clare's skin used to be so milky white but now it's ashen. Her ribs are showing and I can see that she was pregnant, there's more fat around her stomach with stretch marks, yet her ribs are showing. She's bruised in places other than her wrists and neck and she looks so frail and sickly in a way.
Mom asks a few questions while filling out the forms and then takes it out to the nurse. Mom returns several minutes later with a female doctor, one that gives Clare a soft smile and she calms ever so slightly. The doctor talks in a calm voice starting with an external exam, she looks at every bruise and mark on Clare's body but doesn't ask how they happened; I'm guessing Mom said something to her. The doctor does however get a lot of pictures of all Clare's injuries. When the doctor tell Clare she's going to do a vaginal exam Clare starts to cry and grips my hand tighter than she has been. Clare lies down and the doctor raises the table, it takes some urging but Clare finally spreads her legs. Clare's very uncomfortable, she's breathing hard and I'm trying to calm her. Mom goes to Clare's other side gently stroking her hair and begins speaking in a soothing voice.
"Clare sweetie it's okay we're right here and we're not leaving you," Mom assures her and Clare looks at my mom. "Talk to me, tell me what your favorite thing about Owen is," Mom encourages and Clare lets out a breath.
I chance a look at the doctor and she looks green, her expression slightly horrified, not a look you want to see on a doctor's face.
"I love that he's caring and knows how to cheer me up, and that he's strong but sensitive," Clare says and I smile at her looking away from the doctor again.
"Okay Clare I'm going to take you to imaging so we can get a CT," the doctor speaks and Clare grips my hand tightly again. "Owen can come with you don't worry, I'm just going to go grab an orderly and a wheelchair. Mrs. Milligan can I see you outside," the doctor requests and my mom leaves the room with her. This can't be good.
"I don't know what we had," Clare says and her voice cracks.
"What do you mean?" I query looking at her eyes again.
"Our baby I don't know if it was a boy or a girl. They never talked about a sex around me, they never let me see the sonograms and they took the baby as soon as…I never got to see Owen, I don't even know what we had," Clare says with tears pouring down her face.
I wipe them away and brush my fingers over the saltwater tracks on her cheeks. "Well I didn't even know we were going to have a baby so you're still a step ahead of me," I comment and she smiles with a silent laugh just as the door opens again.
"You always know how to make me smile," she whispers as she sits up to get in the wheelchair that the orderly brought in.
I walk with Clare, holding her hand as she's wheeled to imaging, I can't go in with her but I can watch her. I'm in a room with a tech, my mom and the doctor, the CT starts up and I watch Clare, from the corner of my eye I see an image come on screen but I don't look at it.
"Holy crap," the tech suddenly exclaims and now I look over.
"What? What is it? Is she going to be okay?" I question rapidly looking at the screen and the doctor, I know my eyes are filled with fear and my mom puts a hand on my shoulder.
"She'll live but we need to admit her and get her into surgery. She can be released tonight but she has massive tearing, some of it was stitched up but it's an amateur job. She has tearing inside that was never stitched up and frankly I'm surprised she didn't bleed to death or go septic. Whoever did it had to have at least a basic medical knowledge but it looks as if the baby was ripped from the birth canal, ripped by force. We can sew up the tears and keep her alive but Clare will never be able to have kids again the damage to her cervix and uterus is extensive. I'll have to see how soon we can get her into surgery and we need to call the cops, you say her mom did this?" The doctor questions in a voice somewhere between utter disbelief, outrage and anguished heartache.
"Yeah and her mom's a nurse at North York General Hospital," I inform the doctor, "but there was someone else too. Clare kept saying they, they wouldn't let her see the baby, they wouldn't tell her what we had."
"You can take Clare back to her room, I'll get her into surgery as soon as I can and hopefully we can release her by tonight. I'll have them notify the police as well," the doctor says.
I go into the CT room and help Clare back into her wheelchair taking her back to the room.
"What did the doctor say? Why are you wearing that face?" Clare asks me when we get back to her room.
"You have a lot of tearing, they have to admit you for surgery," I reply.
"He sewed me up but…" Clare pauses biting her lip with a trembling breath.
"But what Clare? Who's he?" I ask her.
"The doctor, the one my mom found to sell the baby, he and my mom are the only people I've seen in 33 weeks. He helped her, he delivered the baby but he was never gentle, not when he examined me and not when I gave birth. I didn't want to push, I didn't want to because I knew they'd take the baby so he just reached in and pulled it out," Clare tells me and starts to cry again.
I feel nauseas just hearing it, and full of rage, I want to kill them I want them to feel every ounce of pain Clare went through. I want them to feel all the pain I feel just hearing it, I want to kill them and torture them and make them pay with blood. They stole the girl I love and kept her caged for over seven months and then they stole our child! I hold Clare wishing I could take the hurt and the sorrow, and that I could make up for the seven months she was alone and scared.
"Okay Clare we're going to admit you and you have surgery in an hour, if all goes well you'll be done with surgery and out of here in four hours. We're going to use a local anesthetic and treat it as an outpatient surgery. We informed the police and told them she has to go into surgery, they'll want to speak to the two of you while she's in surgery," the doctor tells us.
"You'll stay right? Be here when I get out?" Clare asks in a pleading tone.
"I'm not going anywhere I'll be waiting for you right here when they wheel you back, I'd go in the room with you if I could," I assure her. An orderly comes in to get Clare in her wheelchair again and take her to surgery she starts to get wheeled out and I run over. "Wait, there's one thing I have yet to do," I tell her cupping her chin and taking her lips for a gentle kiss. "I love you and I'll be waiting for you when you're out," I tell her and she smiles.
"I love you too," she says and for the first time since I saw her in the parking lot at school she has a glimmer of hope and happiness in her eyes.
I kiss her cheek quickly and she gets wheeled away, I sink down on the exam table releasing a deep breath I think I've been holding since she first touched my arm at school this morning. Mom walks over and hugs me tightly, I put my head on her arm and just breathe, it's all so much process I don't think I've even begun.
"She's safe now Owen, we'll keep her safe and we'll do whatever it takes to find your child," Mom promises.
"I'm a dad," I say the word for the first time as it just hits me and sinks in. "I'm a dad, I didn't even know she was pregnant and I've got a baby out there somewhere."
Mom opens her mouth but my phone rings, the caller ID says it's Drew but I'm sure it's actually Adam calling from Drew's phone because Adam's never had a need for my number.
"Is it true?" Adam asks as soon as I've hit accept to answer.
"Yeah she's back, she was never in Africa and whatever you're imagining it's worse, so much worse," I tell him.
"Where are you? I want to see her," he says.
"She's in surgery, it's a long story that I haven't even heard yet but it should be an outpatient surgery and she'll be out this evening. If she's up for it I'll bring her to your place," I offer.
"Good I have to see her, I thought Dallas was joking. I knew she didn't just run off to Africa, I knew it. Tell her I want to see her, if she doesn't want to come here I'll meet her anywhere," Adam implores.
"I'll tell her, I'll call you when she's out," I tell him. He says thanks and then there's a knock on the door and the doctor comes back in.
"Clare's in surgery, it will take about three hours and there's some detectives here to speak with you. I put them in a private waiting room I'll show you where it is," the doctor says.
We follow her to the waiting room; it's small with a little sofa and two small tables as well as two armchairs.
"I'm Detective Constable Anderson and this is Detective Constable Dixon we're from the crimes against children division and we're investigating Clare's case. We know she's in surgery and we can speak with her tomorrow but we need some details from you."
"I DON'T HAVE ANY DETAILS," I scream at them and upend one of the tables as all the anger that's been building inside me explodes! "I didn't know anything, I went to Europe with my family and I come back and she's gone! I didn't even want to go, I wanted to stay and be with Clare but she told me to go, she said I needed to have the time with family and enjoy it. She told me go and we kept in touch as much as we could. She never told me she was pregnant, she just sends me a terrible break up e-mail! I never even tried to look for her when I got home and when I found out her mom had moved I didn't even think it was suspicious. I should have listened to Adam, I should have helped him look for her, I should have done something, anything. I didn't even try I just gave up and she was being held prisoner and chained to her bed, our baby stolen from her, literally ripped out of her and I didn't try and do anything," I lament as I sink down on the sofa. My elbows resting on my legs and my head falls into my hands as tears spill from my eyes, "I failed her."
Don't worry I'm not that mean, okay I am mean enough to end this chapter here but not the whole story. Chapter two will be out Friday October 3rd picking up from around here and including Clare and Adam's reunion as well as Clare telling them everything she went through and how she escaped. Also Owen and Clare being the search for their baby and this story may end up being 3 chapters.