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A few hard, quick knocks on Sara's door caused her to turn over and look at the clock. When she saw how early it was, she almost rolled back over, but then the knocks came again. Reluctantly, she rolled out of the bed and went to the door.
"Who is it?"
After a moment, she thought that maybe she had imagined them, but then she heard a voice on the other side of the door, "It's me, can I come in?"
She didn't even need a second to think of who the "me" could be. She knew that voice anywhere - but it sounded different this time.
She opened the door to find the man she had been expecting, but his demeanor wasn't what she was expecting.
He looked tired, but it was more than that - he looked drained, physically and emotionally. She was worried now. She had seen him tired before when they had worked on hard cases, but the fact that he had come to her at three in the morning made it unusual. "What's wrong Griss?"
Grissom opened his mouth to speak, but, unable to come up with anything, he closed it again. After a moment, he lowered his head and quietly asked if they could talk.
He had said it so quietly that, at first, Sara didn't hear. It was only after he looked at her with pleading eyes that she realized what he was asking.
"Of course, come in." She said quickly, opening the door wide and stepping aside. He walked in slowly, looking around. His eyes settled on the clock. It seemed that he realized how late it was for the first time that night.
"Sorry, it's kind of late." He looked at her with that sheepish grin that made it impossible to be mad at him. "Its ok, I wasn't sleeping anyways." she lied. She didn't want him to leave just because he felt guilty for waking her up.
Grissom nodded and walked over to the window. He seemed to be looking for a place to start. His outline was unusually thin. His black clothes stood out against the ever-shining Vegas lights and she could tell he hadn't been sleeping or eating well for a good while.
She wanted to help, but she had no clue where to start. "Grissom?" He turned to look at her after hearing his name. "What's been going on with you lately?"
He seemed to ponder this question for a moment before sighing and sitting down in an empty chair next to the window. "I've just been worried about all of you, with this whole virus thing." She sat down on the bed, finally understanding. "I don't think you have to be too worried, the doctor said that it was highly unlikely that any of us got it"
"I know, I just can't help but think that it won't be that easy. Ever since Nick got kidnapped I feel like I can't protect you guys anymore."
"None of us expect you to be able to save us every time." She looked at him, hoping to see that he understood this, but it didn't seem to matter what she said.
"I just feel like I should be able to though. I'm your boss; it's my responsibility to take care of you guys."
He looked away, out the window, focusing on something she couldn't see. Probably nothing, knowing Grissom: he just needed something else to occupy his mind after saying something as openly frank as that. His honest confession left Sara with no idea what to do. She wanted to make him understand that no one blamed for what had happened to Nick, or for what was happening now. But she didn't know how.
She heard him move and looked up to see that he was heading for the door. "Where are you going?" He stopped before slowly turning to face her. "I just needed to talk about it. This really helped, thanks." With a small smile, he turned and opened the door.
"Grissom I can't take much more of this," she stated with a hurt, but equally annoyed tone.
"Of what?" he asked, looking truly puzzled.
"We didn't talk. You come in here and vent, I barely say anything, and then you just leave. I get so lost. What do you want from me? I can't keep being the person that you use for comfort when you need it, and the person you walk on when you don't. I can't be in the middle of all of your trying to figure things out. I want to help you, but if you want me on the other side watching, fine. I won't be in between anymore."
"I'm sorry Sara; I don't mean to do that to you."
"Then why do you?"
At this, he walked over to her and sat down the bed next to her. He was really out of his element now. Sara herself was rather shocked by what he did.
"Whenever something like this happens, I always turn to you, I can't help it."
"Then why do you always walk away?" She wasn't trying to be mean, but she wasn't letting him off so easily either. If Grissom was going to be honest, so was she. He seemed uncomfortable because of what he wanted to say, but he spit it out anyways. "Because I'm scared I might hurt you. You can't understand how hard it has been for me during the last month. I come up with conversations in my head, but whenever I get near you, I forget it all. So that's why I've been avoiding you. I can't seem to do anything right around you and I don't want that to cause me to do something to hurt you."
"You hurt me every time you walk away - every time I think something is going happen, you leave." Tears welled up in her eyes as she finally told him what he was doing to her. She had held it all in so long, and now all the emotions bottled up inside threatened to cause her unshed tears to fall.
"I'm sorry I didn't know…" She interrupted his attempt at an apology with an outburst that ensured her tears would fall. "Well now you do!" Unable to keep them in anymore, the tears streamed down, blurring her vision and causing her to lose control of the sobs she had tried so desperately to keep from him.
The very man she was trying to break was the very person that was instead breaking her. She felt him put his arm around her shoulder, and against her will to try to be strong, she found herself gravitating to him. Laying her head on his shoulder, she allowed the tears to fall freely now.
Eventually, the tears slowed and stopped and she slowly lifted her head from his shoulder. As good as it had felt to finally tell him how she felt, a sense of awkwardness filled the room. Sensing that she was uncomfortable, Grissom stood up and turned to face her. "I never meant to hurt you Sara. You mean so much to me."
"I don't want you to feel weird." She blurted out suddenly, not wanting him to leave, again. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, threatening to break into a full-blown grin, as she realized how odd that sounded. His laugh pulled her attention from the floor, which she had been so captivated by since he had moved from the bed. That wasn't something you often heard from him.
She looked at him and smiled. "Thanks Sara." He said, flashing his rare smile. "I needed this." "Have you talked enough?" He added sarcastically, laughing again.
"Are you leaving?" The sadness in her voice caused him to sit back down next to her again.
"Do you want me to?" He asked tentatively. "Not really." She said slightly embarrassed at how forward she was being.
"Well I am sure you could use some sleep, you don't look very good." He sounded genuinely concerned, but she couldn't help replying sarcastically. "Thanks" she said dryly. "You're the one coming in here and waking me up in the middle of the night."
"Actually, its morning." He said in his matter-of-fact tone.
"Funny" she retorted, trying to sound annoyed, but coming out as a laugh instead. He went to sit in the chair directly across from the bed. "You need sleep just as much as I do because you don't look too hot either."
She motioned for him to lie on the bed, but she could tell he was uncomfortable with the idea. "Relax Grissom." He reluctantly sat down on the bed and then lay down, staying as far away as he could without being on the floor. "Typical" she thought as she smiled at his nervousness.
She fell asleep quickly, but Grissom couldn't fall asleep - not because he wasn't tired, but because something kept him from being able to drift off. His eyes shot open as he realized that Sara had rolled over and was now curling up next to him. He lifted up his arm, trying to get up, but she reached her arm over his body and cuddled even closer. His whole body went rigid, her closeness invading his walls of protection, her warmth melting the cold barriers away. He realized if he didn't move her, they would fall off the bed. He slowly and gently picked her up and then moved towards the center of the bed. Then, lying down next to her, he put his arm around her shoulder. He found himself able to relax and as he drifted off, he finally realized what he was truly missing.
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A/N: Well, basically my first fic, so tell me what you think.