Deal Me Revenge, a saiyuki fanfic

((I dont own Saiyuki. Nor any characters... Nor is it likely that I ever will... Just thought you ought to know...))

Chapter 1

A blink or two after opening his eyes Cho Hakkai realized the burning sunlight was an indicator of the late hour in which he had chosen to rise. He sighed and looked about the room. Four separate rooms this time. Gojyo was across the hall, Hakkai had heard him, plus female companions for the majority of the night. Goku was to his right, and across the hall from him was Sanzo.

Now it was time to decide. Go down to eat by himself? Or wake one of his companions? Oh how he wished that that question had a simple answer, but he could see it now... If he chose Gojyo he had a few choice words of unpleasant nature, and a pair (or perhaps two) of unfamiliar eyes, to look forward to. Goku? No, of course not Goku, at the mere mention of food the monkey would be awake, and despite himself Hakkai had always preferred that member of the group asleep… So his last choices were Sanzo or alone.

Yet again there was another conundrum. Would it be best to face the wrath of a newly awakened Sanzo? Or to let him sleep in and spend the rest of the day griping about the late start? "Oh my, isn't this a bit complicated?" He asked the ceiling, which had occupied his vision while he mentally untwisted the hopelessly confusing strands of his decision making. "Well I suppose one moment of an angry Sanzo is better than an entire day's ride with him characteristically infuriated."

So was the prelude to another episode in the life of the Sanzo pilgrimage. Hakkai dressed himself and hesitantly made his way to the priest's room. A knock on the door and a careful "Sanzo?" later Hakkai found himself in a moment of pure silence and the confused feeling that you get when your brain is telling you to move but your body refuses.

It seemed that it moved in slow motion, hurtling towards Hakkai with purpose. Its intent obviously was to harm him as much as it could. He just watched it come. What else could he do? It was just too unexpected. Bif! He staggered as the furiously flung feathered menace hit him square in the face and then slid to the floor with a light, pofft sound.

"Now give me my pillow back and leave me alone." Growled the priest.

"Shut up, you dirty cockroach!" Came the first shout in what seemed an amazingly long time to the Sanzo Priest. They had been in the jeep for at least an hour. He had come to think that it was impossible for the two to restrain themselves that long. "If you want a beer use your antennae to find one yourself!" Sanzo felt his normal shout of "Silence or death!" would not stem the tide. He could feel the pulse in his temple pounding from too much sleep.

"Why you shit for brains monkey!" Gojyo was about to launch into one of his foul, poorly put together tirades when the ominous clack of the banishing gun swung his attention to the "characteristically infuriated" man in front of him.

"Silence or death!"

"Isn't that getting a bit old for you Buddha?" Drawled the crimson haired cockroach staring into the barrel of his gun. Slide- clack! "Ah!" He flung his hands over his head. "Take it easy!"

Violet eyes focused on the other one, the monkey. "He star- Ah!" He cowered in the corner. "Point that thing somewhere else!"

Sanzo turned and sat back down. Ah glorious silence! Hakkai chuckled next to him and shook his head. "Your coping skills are improving Sanzo." He commented. "You only threatened death once."

"Verbally maybe Hakkai! You didn't see his face." Goku complained. "It was like rotten jer- Oi what was that for Pervy Kappa?" He complained rubbing an abused skull.

"Don't mention food before noon." Gojyo growled.

"Ah man! But I'm hungry." The other interjected.

"We all are you lousy monkey." Gojyo grumbled.

"Actually I found my appetite quite sated this morning at breakfast." Hakkai added. Sanzo was getting used to it. The menial chatter of the group of amoebas he called companions. He couldn't decide if that made it better or worse.

"Don't talk unless you're gonna help." Gojyo protested.

"He was helping. Just not you." Goku informed him.

"No one asked you ape!" Gojyo argued.

"You are riding on my patience." Sanzo growled again. "Try not to act on the base stupidity you function with."

"But Sanzo-"

"Hey-"

"SILENCE!" The shout of another wasted bullet rang in their ears. The Three Aspects credit card must rue the cost of ammo for the gun the priest kept tucked in his robe's sleeve.

Hakkai drove over dusty road, complimented by dusty countryside, joined by dry dusty river beds. Lovely scenery. He thought wryly. The road twisted on in front of them and then was swallowed by a wood. A very dark, rather ominous looking wood. He let out a sigh, more likely than not they would run into trouble in the woods.

He looked over to Sanzo who was looking out the windshield, the banishing gun lying in his lap. "Shouldn't we maybe take a road around this stand of trees?" Hakkai asked cheerfully.

"No." Grumbled the priest. "Waste of time." Hakkai was not willing to argue with Sanzo so he headed straight into the forest and hoped that today would prove to be different than so many others.

"This is kind of creepy." Goku said standing up in the back of the jeep and watching the dark trees pass them.

"If we had a yen for every time you stated the obvious we wouldn't need Sanzo's card." Gojyo pointed out.

"Wouldn't you be stating the obvious by saying that?" Hakkai chirped.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Idiots." Sanzo muttered. Everyone suddenly jerked violently forward as Hakkai hit the breaks. It wasn't as if he was in a habit of doing such, but with the racket the others began to make it seemed he did it far too often. "Quiet." Sanzo barked looking ahead of them to the figures ringing them in the trees. "What did you drive us into Hakkai?" He growled.

"Well I did try to warn you…" Hakkai looked at them. Thirty at most, all Youkai, all armed and looking at the group as if they were on the top of their hit parade.
"So… Do you suppose they are here for us?" Goku asked in the back, his voice echoing in the dangerous silence.

"No shit." Gojyo flipped a strand of hair out of his face. "There are only thirty. Let me and the monkey deal with 'em."

"Yeah Sanzo." Goku looked like a kid excited to go on a family outing. "Can we?"

"Make it quick. We're behind schedule." He glowered at Hakkai as if that was his fault particularly.

"Yeah!" Goku jumped out of the jeep. "What do you turkeys want?" He walked in front of the jeep his body silhouetted by the headlights.

Gojyo was balancing on the windshield, his weapon in hand. A Youkai jumped from the trees and pointed at Gojyo. "Our master bids that we give you a message, Sha Gojyo."

Gojyo's jaw dropped and he nearly fell off the windshield. "What the hell?"

"What's the message?" Sanzo asked tapping his gun against his shoulder.

"That is none of your concern Priest! Our master's business is with this one!" He pointed at Gojyo.

Gojyo was so shocked he nearly fell backwards again. Tottering on his perch he regained balance and looked at Hakkai.

"It seems, Gojyo, even the most charming people make enemies," was all he said.

"Thanks a lot." Gojyo turned back and pulled a cigarette out. He slowly raised it and lit it studying the Youkai the entire time. After a slow drag he gave a raspy chuckle. "What is it that your "master" wants with me?"

"Why don't we just kill them Gojyo?" Goku asked. "They ain't that tough looking."

"Shut up!" The Youkai called. "We have words with the half breed!"
"So have words and shove off." Gojyo said, taking another drag of his cigarette.

"Our master bids that you not forget the injustice you've done him." He said. "If you were to, it would be a great inconvenience for him to remind you."

"What's that 'sposed to mean?" Goku was scratching his head furthering the image of a confused ape.

"That is all." The Youkai said bowing low.

"Now we can kill 'em." Gojyo growled diving off the windshield. The shakujou's blade whipped free on its chain looping around to take the first Youkai's head off.

"Yahoo!" Goku charged straight up a tree into a nest of four Youkai. They could be seen tumbling to earth as he fought his way over a branch.

"Sanzo… Do you suppose we should be helping?" Hakkai asked gingerly.

"Not on your life." The priest was sitting on the back of his seat smoking a cigarette and watching as if it was a program on television.

Gojyo was standing surrounded by four, Goku was now on the ground, Hakkai had missed whether or not that was of his own will or not. "It does seem they have it under control." He said just as Gojyo was knocked halfway across the clearing. "Oh my." Hakkai stood.

"Sit down." Sanzo growled. "He got himself into this mess. Yer not his mother."

Hakkai promptly sat back down and twiddled his thumbs. Gojyo was up again and had dropped his staff. He barreled headlong into a Youkai sending them both into a tree. He pounded his fist into the creature's face and was rewarded with a splatter of blood across his own face. He turned as Goku was bashing his Nyoi-bo into the last Youkai's face. "See, piece of cake." Gojyo said. He threw his arm over Goku's shoulder.

Behind them a Youkai who had somehow survived their attack was sneaking up on their backs. "Gojyo behind yo-" Hakkai flinched as the banishing gun sounded and Goku and Gojyo turned to see a raised blade frozen in mid air. The Youkai toppled backwards and Gojyo stomped on its face.

"Sneaky bastard." He turned walking towards Hakkai. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and looked at it. "They go out every time…" He muttered pulling a new one out. He started patting his pockets down for his lighter. He scowled and looked up at Hakkai who was holding the metal contraption up for him to see. He flicked it open and held the light out for Gojyo. Gojyo laughed and leaned in letting the cigarette light. "Thanks."

"Always happy to be of use." Hakkai said snapping the lighter closed and placing it in Gojyo's pocket.

"Hey guys… What's this?" Goku held up a scrap of paper. Sanzo snatched it out of his fingers and studied it. He started chuckling.

"Read this." He passed it to Hakkai.

"Four jolly men sat down to play,
And played all night till break of day.
They played for cash and not for fun,
With a separate score for every one.
When it came time to square accounts,
they all had made quite fair amounts.
Now, not one has lost and all have gained -
Tell me now, this can you explain?" Hakkai read it out and raised a brow at Sanzo. "Do you know what this means?"

Sanzo shrugged. "Hell if I know." He raised a brow and looked at the other two.

"Don't look at me." Gojyo said.

"It's a riddle." Goku said.

"No shit ape brains." Gojyo snorted.

"Hey you know what kappa, I know the answer! So shut your mouth before I do it for you!" Goku snarled.

"That's impressive monkey. Did you practice riddles up on that mountain then?"

"Would you two shut up?" Sanzo threw his paper fan at Gojyo's head. "What's the answer?" He asked Goku while Gojyo rubbed his head and Hakkai returned the fan.

"Why should I tell him?" Goku asked.

"Tell us all or I won't feed you." Sanzo said standing over him.

Gojyo snorted. "How do you like them apples?"

"Perhaps you should be nicer so that Goku feels inclined to help you with your little dilemma, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked.

"Yeah! Hakkai has the right idea!" Goku said glowering at Gojyo.

"Enough already! The answer monkey!" Sanzo raised his fan menacingly.

"It's an orchestra!" Goku ducked behind Hakkai.

"What?" Gojyo asked flicking his cigarette into the woods.

"You know that's a good way to start a fire, Gojyo." Hakkai interjected.

"What are you my mother? Get on with it Ape… What do you mean, "it's an orchestra"?"

"The four "players" are musicians. They each played at a dance and got paid, yeah?" Goku looked rather proud of himself.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gojyo looked at Hakkai.

"Who knows?" Sanzo growled. "But I'm tired. Hakkai lets go, I want to get to the next town before night fall."

"So Gojyo." Goku said lying on top of their supplies in the very back of the jeep. "What'd you do to piss this guy off?"

"Haven't the foggiest." Gojyo lit another cigarette. "Probably slept with his wife or something."

"Yeah right." Goku snorted. "You couldn't get someone to cheat." He had one eye closed and was entertaining himself by moving his thumb to cover the moon.

"What do you know about it monkey?" Gojyo asked. "They got lots of chicks where you come from?"

"Do you two ever get tired of being idiots?" Sanzo asked quietly.

"That doesn't seem likely." Hakkai added.

"You seriously don't know Gojyo?" Goku asked again.

"A guy like Gojyo makes enemies Goku. It isn't a surprise one wants revenge." Hakkai explained.

"A lazy ass like Gojyo couldn't make that many enemies!" Goku protested.

"Can it!"

"Shut up both of you or you'll be pissin' lead!"

"Oh my, perhaps you should try getting some sleep you two." Hakkai suggested.

"Why?" Goku asked.

"Because that's the only time your quiet, ape brain." Gojyo said.

"Hakkai…" Sanzo's voice was on the edge of explosion.

"I would hold on Sanzo."

"What?"

"Huh?"

The jeep stopped abruptly and Gojyo fell onto the floorboards and Goku toppled out the back. "What the hell just happened?" Gojyo yelled trying to get himself unstuck from between the seats.

"I just ate dirt!" Goku could be heard spitting behind the jeep.

"It would seem there was some sort of small animal in the road. I'm terribly sorry…" Hakkai replied.

"Bull- " The sound of Sanzo standing and straightening his robes forced Gojyo to close his mouth. In the position he was in he wouldn't be able to escape the priest's ire.

"You alive Goku?" Sanzo asked.

"Yeah…" The ape popped up wiping grit from his mouth.

"Get in the car." Sanzo sat again and as soon as Goku was back in the jeep they continued.

The next town was a quiet place. Gojyo didn't like the look of it, as the streets were dusty and there were mean looking thugs hanging around on corners, corners that weren't already displaying the slim pickings of the town's finest female…companions. He sighed lying down in the back seat of the jeep, Goku still on top of their things.

It seemed that he had gotten himself into some deep trouble. The only problem was he couldn't begin to think of someone specific that he had made angry enough to send Youkai after him. In fact he didn't think he had any enemies that had affiliations with Youkai that weren't more concerned with Sanzo. So it continued, a circular stream of thought flowing about in his brain.

He had spent most of the night thinking about it, until they had reached the town. Now he was still just as confused as when they first had encountered the entourage of Youkai. His eyes had just closed as he felt the jeep slow to a stop. "What's goin' on?" Goku asked through a yawn.

"We're at an inn." Hakkai said quietly. "Wake Sanzo, Goku, and get your things."

"Why do I have to wake him up? He's less likely to kill you." Goku muttered through another yawn.

"Buddha, we're here!" Gojyo hollered. At least he would know who he was fighting now.

"I heard Hakkai the first time asshole." The priest said stretching and stepping out of the jeep. Once they had grabbed their things the jeep morphed back into the little white dragon.

Hakkai secured a couple rooms for them at the inn. His justification for the spending was that he figured separating Gojyo and Goku for several hours might improve everyone's temper. Sanzo had glowered at him a moment more and than grabbed Goku by the neck. "Get goin'." He growled. They had disappeared and Hakkai looked at Gojyo with a small smile.

"What?" Gojyo asked looking around and behind him to see what could amuse the peculiar man.

"It just seems that I'll be stuck in a room with someone who is being chased by Youkai." He said. "How I would enjoy maybe a straight four hours of sleep…" He sighed and walked into their room.

Gojyo followed scowling. "That's what I don't get. I don't know anyone who would be able to control that many Youkai." He flopped down on the bed that Hakkai was about to put his bags onto. Hakkai looked at him out of the corner of his eye and set his bags down onto the small table.

"That certainly is a mystery." He said pulling out some toiletries. "It would seem one we have to solve. Though I doubt Sanzo will be too pleased if it gets in the way of our travels."

"Buddha can gag himself for all I care." Gojyo muttered. "Toss me a beer."

"Oh my." Hakkai handed him the can. "Isn't it a little late Gojyo? Aren't you tired?"

"Ain't no way I'm sleepin' tonight anyways." Gojyo said. "Might as well enjoy myself."

Hakkai closed his eyes for a moment. If there is any supreme being watching this, I want a refund. He turned. "I'm going to shower... I beg you not to get into trouble until I get back."

"I can after you get back?" Gojyo asked smirking.

"Well, as long as there is someone to clean up the mess…." Hakkai said walking towards a washroom.

"That's what housekeepin's for."

"Meh." Hakkai shook his head and walked into the bathroom. "I suppose you are right… Just no blood alright?"

"Heh heh. No promises there."

Sanzo was sitting smoking a cigarette and reading the paper. Luckily the night had passed without incident, a surprise, but not an unpleasant one. Goku was still sleeping on the bed with one leg hooked over the footboard and the other stuck over the edge of the bed at an awkward angle. It took a moment for the Sanzo Priest to make out which limb belonged where. He raised a brow. That really can't be comfortable, He thought.

He turned back to the newspaper, a local affair, not worth much more than the slight entertainment it brought him. He read over the front page and flipped it over. His eye caught, and he couldn't think why, on an advert for a local gathering. He was about to move on when it clicked, why he had actually looked at it. "Famous quartet to be playing." He muttered.

Goku made a gurgling sound and Sanzo looked up for a moment to check that the ape was still breathing. He rolled his eyes and went back to the advert. The riddle came immediately to mind; he shook his head and told himself to drop it. "You really don't want to get involved." He said. Another snort from Goku led him to glare in his direction. "Can't even be quiet in his sleep!" A gurgling snore proved his point. The paper, as if of its own volition, began to roll into a tight tube.

"Aaaaya!" The horrendous scream echoed down the hall and Sanzo felt satisfied. Gojyo and Hakkai then burst into his room to witness him looming over Goku, who was now half way up the bedpost trying to escape.

"Foul play or foreplay?" Was the first thing that issued out of Gojyo's mouth. Sanzo froze and turned on him. "Ooh." Hakkai began pushing the shirtless Gojyo toward the door.

"Whaddiya do that for?" Goku grunted rubbing his abused skull. "I was sleeping!"

"Is that what you call it?" Gojyo snorted.

"Perhaps not this early Gojyo?" Hakkai squeaked watching Sanzo get closer and closer to boiling point.

"That's what I would tell them, but, yeah, whatever floats your boat man…" Sanzo began to reach into his robe and Hakkai and Gojyo took the opportunity to speed their progress slamming the door before a bullet hole appeared directly between their heads.

Gojyo sighed and began walking towards the room, a startled maid passing in the hall. Gojyo flicked a glance as Hakkai walked behind him. Hakkai was used to Gojyo showing appreciation of the opposite sex, and vice versa, but after the trouble Gojyo had just caused him he was in no mood to see the woman's approving eyes floating over the shirtless physique of Gojyo. Without thinking really he pulled Gojyo's wrist and pressed him into the wall. He leaned an elbow against the wall at Gojyo's head, the first wrist pinned there, and the second holding Gojyo's wrist at his side.

The look on Gojyo's face was delightful to say the least. The look on the maid's was even better. She scurried away in time for Gojyo to recover. "What the hell?" He burst out.

Hakkai chuckled and moved quickly, with his usual unflustered style. "We share a room Gojyo. Best you don't get any ideas." He said.

"About what?" Gojyo squawked.

"Oh… What were you thinking? You and me?" Hakkai smiled his strange little smile. "I think you might be reading too much into it! I meant the girl… Call it a preemptive strike."

Gojyo looked livid and Hakkai found himself feeling amused. It was so easy to push the man's buttons. He wondered why it delighted him to do so, as much as it did. "What is that supposed to mean?" Gojyo looked about ready to crack.

"Oh come now." Hakkai grinned. "Don't get so riled up about one girl. I'm sure there will be plenty more." He said.

"It isn't the girl…" Gojyo muttered rubbing the back of his neck. I'm just not too thrilled about being manhandled… Especially by Hakkai. He thought. Nor did he appreciate the initial thrill of the actions. He kicked their door open and growled. "I'm taking a shower." He disappeared into the bathroom.

Goku was the first to the breakfast table, which was a surprise to none of his companions. He sat cross legged on the chair and was stuffing his face with youthful abandon. Sanzo sat at the table eyeing the food distastefully and grunting his greeting. Hakkai and Gojyo came down the stairs together minus the usual friendly banter.

Goku stopped a moment. "What happened?" He asked. Both looked at him confused. The fact that his companions constantly underestimated him was a sore subject with Goku, but in truth he was quite observant of the others and what was happening. Right now he could tell something was wrong with Hakkai and Gojyo. And the fact that Gojyo had not immediately cussed at him and Hakkai had not made light of the situation was yet another warning.

"Don't worry about it Goku." Hakkai said, quiet smile taking its place on his features. Goku frowned and was about to press it when Sanzo looked at him. He was surprised to see the expression on Sanzo's face and quickly shut up.

"Look at this." Sanzo demanded of Hakkai and Gojyo producing a wrinkled newspaper. Hakkai and Gojyo recognized the weapon and there was quiet snicker from Gojyo before Hakkai's finger snapped to an advertisement. Gojyo read it and looked at Hakkai and Sanzo questioningly.

"I suppose this is useful in both of your minds?" Gojyo asked.

"Famous quartette…" Hakkai muttered. "Sanzo? Do you really think?" He frowned, monocle shining in early morning light.

"It's inconsequential." Sanzo said. "We aren't staying."

"Would one of you tell us what's going on!" Gojyo hollered.

"Yeah? Wassup?" Goku chimed in.

"You memorized that?" Gojyo asked.

"Well yes." Hakkai said. "But you see. Perhaps your nemesis was talking about this dance?"

"You think it was a clue to lure us to this dance?" Goku asked. "Seems kind of weird to me."

"No one asked you." Gojyo snapped. "What the hell is going on?" He looked at Sanzo. "Why did you point this out if we ain't stayin'?"

Sanzo shrugged. "Thought you might find it interesting." He said.

"What the hell?" Gojyo stood looking at him. "So you think that the guy who sent Youkai after us might be at this dance but you can't get off your holy ass in order to check it out?"

Sanzo just laughed and stood. Gojyo looked at Hakkai who looked thoughtful.

"I want to go to a dance." Said Goku.

Gojyo scowled at him. "What if it's a trap?" He asked.

"Well that's just a bonus." Goku said with a grin.

"Now you're speaking my language monkey." Gojyo looked at Hakkai. "You like dancin' Hakkai?"

"Well I suppose I'm not against a good dance." He smiled.

It seemed Sanzo has just been out voted without knowing it.