Disclaimer: I own neither the series nor the characters. Very inspired by Prince of Polpol by Innortal.

It was just another day at the Nakano residence.

It was the weekend and all of them had decided to stay in and watch the latest episode of a new drama, We Never Learn. The show was about a poor student who soon found himself to be an unsuspecting tutor of a bunch of cute girls.

Ichika knew one of the actresses who played the heroine. Nino enjoyed the romance and wondered exactly how these girls got their tutor so flustered. Miku could relate to the one girl who kept self-sabotaging her own chances. Yotsuba enjoyed the complex web of relationships the protagonist weaved, unaware of how this same web would suffocate him when he'd have to choose between different girls already cross-examining the episode with the political themes of Atlus Shrugged. She also enjoyed watching moving pictures and flashing colors.

Itsuki was eating.

It was then that there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it!" volunteered Yotsuba, not that the others had made a motion to move. On the screen, the tutor was about to confess to the unquestionably best girl of the show, a girl that Yotsuba had thought was a boy for the first half of the show with how flat her chest was.

Nino then wondered if it was perhaps her breasts that were getting in the way of her own romance.

All sisters, sans Yotsuba, leaned close to the television as the tutor embraced the washboard-chan. All of them wondered what it would feel like for their own tutor to do the same to them. They could almost see it, a certain dark-haired lad yelling for them to jump into his arms.

"Yotsuba, I need you!"

Yeah, like that! Wait.

"Uwah!" Yotsuba cried out as the moment she opened the door to hands were then pressed down on her shoulders, their grips like iron. In front of her, Uesugi Fuutarou gave her a stare that spoke of desperation and pure instinctual want.

Her Yotsubrain shorted out with how close his face was, only able to get a stock phrase out. "Woah! Uesugi-san?!"

Even though she could lift possibly triple him, she could do nothing as Fuutarou forced himself into the apartment, his hands still on her shoulders. He shut the door with a quick back kick, his gaze never leaving the ribbon wearing quint.

"From now on, I need you to stay by my side!"

"Eh?!"

"You need to stay close to me from now on."

"Ueehhh!?

"Yotsuba, I-Gah!"

Before the author could turn the fic into another Yotsuba fic, a bowl of fried chicken flew and hit the tutor at the head, separating him from the flustered quint.

"What was that for?!" yelled, not Fuutarou, but Itsuki as tears started to form in her eyes from the spilled food. She rushed over, ignoring the downed tutor, to try to salvage what was left of her snack.

"I'd like to ask you the same thing." mumbled Fuutarou as he rubbed his head. He got up with a little difficulty and by then the rest of the sisters had already made their way over to him.

"Just what were you saying to Yotsuba?" demanded Nino, arms crossed with a huff. Whether she threw the bowl or not was something she'd never answer, not even if Itsuki brought her to court for it. The food court was one of Itsuki's favorite places, after all.

"I need her."

"W-wha-"

"I need her idiotic strength to protect me!" Fuutarou announced with a raised fist of determination, destroying Yotsuba flags better than even Negi regularly does. "She's the only person that could keep that woman away from me!"

"Wait, Fuutarou. What are you talking about?" asked Miku while Ichika patted the head of the now deflated Yotsuba with a sympathetic smile.

"I-" Fuutarou froze when there was a sudden knocking from the door. "Tch, she's here! I'm leaving her to you five! Tell her I'm not here! I'll go hide in the bathroom!"

Before the girls could get any words in, their tutor had already shoved himself into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. With how frazzled he was, it was clear that he had no plans of getting out too.

The sisters exchanged confused looks. Even from the worst parts of their tutorship, they had never seen Fuutarou so desperate, haggard, and out of breath. Well, Miku had but that was only during particular nights where she'd wake up from certain dreams with her body slick with sweat.

There was another knock on the door, two this time.

They all turned to the door then to each other, their expressions turning serious. Without one word escaping from their mouths, the sisters got into position.

As she was known to, Ichika did things behind her back, a phone open behind her with the police's number ready to be called. Yotsuba and Miku positioned themselves in front of the bathroom, blocking an immediate path to Fuutarou.

Even though Miku was normally the doormat, Nino placed herself in front of the door, her expression harsh, with a glaring Itsuki holding a bowl of chicken behind her as support.

Whoever this woman was, she already made a huge mistake if she thought she could get between Nino and her Fuu or Itsuki and her food. The only difference being one wanted more D.

Two girls, one thirsty and one hungry, opened the door, ready to stray away any harlot bothering their tutor that wasn't a quintuplet.

"What do you want?" Nino put on her scariest bitch face yet. She hadn't had done it in a while, preferring to practice her rape face for Fuuture uses but the effect was still as strong as ever.

The woman in front of her barely reacted. In fact, her only reaction were sharp eyes slightly widening behind her glasses.

However, the one who was most surprised was Itsuki, her mouth hanging open and the piece of chicken she had bitten falling out. She knew this person. Even if she wasn't that smart, she definitely knew this person!

How could she forget anyone who had offered her such good cake? She'd never forget such deliciousness!

"Cake! I mean, Shimoda-san?"

The suited woman blinked, her face blank as her eyes went back and forth between the two girls in front of her. A manicured hand scratched the top of combed hair as she sighed.

"It looks like things got a bit complicated."

"Gahahaha! Quintuplets?! Only sensei could pull of something like that!" Shimoda laughed, banging a fist on the table. "Only someone like her would survive giving birth to that!"

Currently, everyone had entered the apartment and had sat themselves across the table. Shimoda on one side and all the quints on the other. There was still noticeable unease on their faces as they watched the woman with caution. It was only with Itsuki's word that they had given her the benefit of the doubt.

Of course, Fuutarou was still in the bathroom. Miku had whispered that they'd knock on the door thrice when the coast was clear although whether he heard it or not was up to question.

"So Shimoda-san, right?" Ichika decided to be the diplomatic one to ask what was on everyone else's minds. "We understand you know our mother but why is it you're after our tutor?"

"That's what I'm wondering as well," admitted Shimoda, the small curl of her lips revealing oddly sharp teeth. "To think that boy was teaching sensei's daughters. Was it chance perhaps or…?"

The way she trailed off didn't settle any of them one bit. Miku raised a hand shoulder level. "So, is it our fault, then? Was he dragged into something because of mom?"

"No, no." Shimoda waved her hand while shaking her head. "In fact, I only learned he existed yesterday which was why I needed to talk to him."

"And yet, he's running away from you," pointed out Nino to which Shimoda shrugged. "If you're some kind of shady person, we won't hesitate to call the police."

"C'mon, there's no need for that. On if I should tell you…" Shimoda rubbed her chin for a moment in contemplation before speaking once more. She dragged her gaze across each sister, her eyes narrowing in introspection. "Alright. Since you're all sensei's children, I guess I can tell you all. Besides, by the look in your eyes, I think you all would benefit from this."

"What do you mean?"

The suit wearing woman ignored Yotsuba as she began her explanation. "Now, since you're all willing to protect the boy, I'm sure you all know his current financial circumstances."

Five nods.

"Good. Now do you know why his family is so poor?"

No one seemed to know going by the five confused looks she got.

"You see, his father has racked up a huge debt." Shimoda held a hand up. "No, I'm not a debt collector but I am from the people his father owes a debt to, the Kuneida clan. They're very old money."

She handed Itsuki a pamphlet she had shown Fuutarou earlier before he ran away. Immediately, the other four crowded around the glutton.

"They own all those channels!? Ai-chan's manager must work there then."

"I've seen these clothes modeled in a runway in Paris?"

"They manage all those theme parks and museums!?"

"Ah! I've seen that team in the Olympics. They were the ones who sponsored them?!"

"I love that chain of restaurants…"

"So now you all know the kind of enemy the Uesugi's have made." Shimoda's words turned the atmosphere from wonder to unease. Even for the Nakanos who had briefly tasted wealth, this sort of thing was far beyond their scope.

"So, if you're claiming not to be a debt collector, what exactly do you people want with our tutor?" Itsuki asked, looking up from the pamphlet and the bag of chips in her hands. "If you're all this rich then what do you gain from getting money from Uesugi-kun who barely has any?"

Her words had Shimoda's expression stiffen. The woman leaned forward, resting her chin on a bridge made with her hands.

"You see, this all began when Uesugi Fuutarou's father, Uesugi Kintarou, decided to steal something from the then heir of the clan, the single daughter of the Kuneida clan head."

"And that would be."

"Her heart." If this was earlier in the millennium, the five would have simultaneously face faulted but they all settled for various looks of shocks.

"Apparently, the madame had married the man after falling for him. Of course, her family were against it but eventually they all settled on an agreement." From her bag, Shimoda pulled out a thick red binder. "This here is the contract Uesugi Kintarou had signed with the Kuneida's when he married the madame.

The binder hit the center of the table with a thud.

"It defines the responsibilities of the man to the madame and the family. These responsibilities carry on even after the madame's unfortunate early death."

"And what responsibilities are those?" asked Miku as they let Ichika handle reading the contract. The actress was the only one to have any experience with such things, after all.

"Basically, what the Kuneida's wanted in the end was a new heir. As long as he couldn't offer one with Kuneida blood in it, the man would have to continuously pay a sort of dowry. However, that also meant that the Kuneida's couldn't intentionally interfere with the Uesugi family in any way."

Shimoda crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing.

"It was unusual that someone as important as the clan heir to give up her name so it was agreed upon that if one of their children was a male, he will be brought into the Kuneida clan. It was only recently that we found out thanks to him placing third on the national mock exam. While Kintarou had reported that he had two children, he did not report that one of them was male."

"And? What's so special about that?"

"For over multiple generations, the Kuneida's have been recorded to rarely have male children to the point of utter myth. For some reason, a female is born 99.99% of the time." revealed Shimoda, her face and tone showing utter seriousness. "Even now, people still question whether the few Kuneida males that had been born are real or not"

"So Uesugi-san…"

"That's right. An impossibility A miracle so to speak." Shimoda nodded. "In fact, it was the madame herself who had set upon the rules herself. While they'd never be rich due to having to continuously pay a dowry, she would have her freedom and could make her own choices. Pretty admirable, wouldn't you agree?"

"…yes. I think I do." Itsuki nodded, glancing around their current shoddy apartment. It was a far cry from where they used to live but she was sure she felt happier.

"Wait! This makes no sense!" Nino stood up, her palms slapping the table. "If what you're saying is true, why is he running away from you?"

"That's right," agreed Ichika, realizing Nino's point. "You're offering to stop his family's debt plus maybe bring him into a much richer lifestyle. There's no way that guy would say no."

"Yeah! Uesugi-san wouldn't turn down such a great proposal!"

"That's right, Shimoda-san." Miku turned to the glasses-wearing woman. "There's no way our tutor would ever run away from becoming your clan head."

Itsuki just nodded along with her sisters, her mouth full of food and her heart full of agreement.

Shimoda's face was blank for a moment before her grin turned predatory, startling all the sisters. "You really think that they'd want him as the clan head? What is this a cheap drama? Of course not! The clan head of the Kuneida family will always be women."

"Then..."

"What the Kuneida clan want is not Uesugi Fuutarou but rather his genes! According to the contract, his father is off limits but a son is very much on the table. Those old crones want him to create more Kuneida males."

"B-but why?"

"Simple." Shimoda adjusted her glasses, the light reflecting off the lenses concealing her eyes. "If they have more males, that means it will be easier to keep the business within the family. Instead of bringing people from outside to marry, they could keep the blood line purer. His mother having some of the purest Kuneida blood helps out too."

"Can't Uesugi-san just say no?"

Shimoda shook her head as she jabbed a thumb in the direction of the binder. "It's in the contract that he has to provide more heirs, whether male or female. If not, the Kuneida's could actually take this to court and sue them for the little they have. They may even force away custody from the father and separate the siblings."

Yotsuba looked horrified. "Raiha-chan…"

"Shimoda-san, isn't there something you can do?" Itsuki asked, not liking how helpless she felt and how empty her tub of ice cream became.

"I'm sorry but it was your friend's parents that signed away his life, unknowing he'd be born a man." Shimoda actually looked sympathetic, seeing all the sisters' grief-stricken faces. "Already, the elders are drawing up arranged marriages as we speak."

"W-what," muttered Miku as she fell on her knees. To think her love would end like this (if it even started at all).

"So you're forcing him to get married!?" half asked half yelled Nino, her face scrunched up in clear anger. "To a woman he doesn't even know!"

"Hey now! It's not that bad." The woman then brought out from her bag a purple bottle. Even just looking at the design on the bottle told of how expensive it is. "This is the family drink of the Kuneida's specially made by the clan to be shared between marriages. All they need to do is to share a drink in the presence of a representative of the clan, such as myself and they're practically married."

"Is that even legal?" Ichika shook her head. "That's nothing like what a wedding ceremony is supposed to be."

"For Uesugi Fuutarou it is." Shimoda placed the bottle down on the table. "The Kuneida's pulled a lot of strings for this. Just so they can marry him off to as many of their single daughters as possible."

"But why?" asked Miku, desperation tinging in her voice. "I don't…understand."

"It's all to keep the blood pure." Shimoda shook her head. "The rest of ones who ranked in the top five of the mock exams? They were all affiliated with the Kuneida's. All, I'm sure, the heads would want Uesugi Fuutarou to put a baby in. The Kuneida line has been shown to have traits that gave high intelligence"

"No way..." Miku once again fell on her knees.

"They are also all incredibly beautiful raven-haired beauties with large shapely breasts."

"I can't believe this…" Ichika joined her sister.

"They're also clueless virgin girls who have rarely interacted with men outside their relatives never knew the meaning of love before!"

"How can this be…!" Nino followed suit.

"And he could marry up to five wives! All he needs to do is eat, sleep, and have sex for the purpose of recreation! Divorce is also only granted with the agreement of the husband and all the wives followed by the removal of the man's penis. He has no escape!"

"This can't be the end…" Itsuki, the most headstrong of them all, fell on her knees realizing she had eaten all of her snacks. Also, something about Fuutarou?

"Now that you know the truth, I hope all of you can cooperate." Shimoda spread her arms, as if inviting any of them to resist her. Seeing none, she stood up, her face satisfied as she looked down on the sisters.

"Well, I told you my reasons now it's your turn. Where is the boy?"

"He's right here!" Shimoda turned to see the last quintuplet holding Uesugi Fuutarou in place with one arm. The boy looked terrified.

"Y-Yotsuba! What are you doing!" The boy yelled at the girl, struggling in futility. "Didn't you hear her?! If she grabs a hold of me, I'll have to leave all of you and be turned into some sort of breeding stud!"

"But Uesugi-san, what about Raiha-chan! If you don't do what she says, they'll take her away!"

"I know!" Fuutarou actually looked hurt at just the thought. He seemed to be struggling not just with Yotsuba's hold but also with something within him. After a moment, it did seem like he reached a resolution.

"Even so…I…I still want to teach you guys."

His response got a warm smile from Yotsuba. Not the brightest smile he'd ever seen but one so warm that it had somehow transferred the heat to his own cheeks.

"Yes…that's the Uesugi-san, we know.

With those words, Yotsuba then lifted the arm not holding Fuutarou to reveal-

"Wait! When did you get that?!"

Like a campfire turning into the sun itself, Yotsuba's smile expanded wider as she lifted the purple bottle, she had snatched from Shimoda earlier. With surprising dexterity, Yotsuba removed the cork with her teeth, spit it out, then took a poured enough of the liquid to puff up her cheeks.

She then turned to Fuutarou and smashed her lips into his before he could response.

For a moment, Silence entered the apartment, not bothering to take off its shoes or to even knock on the door. Then just as soon as it arrived, Silence jumped out of the window as Sound reappeared.

It was almost mute, normally impossible to notice. But with how everyone else was possibly not even breathing, the faint sounds of Fuutarou gulping down something practically echoed through the place. Yotsuba's cheeks depressed as Fuutarou's Adam's apple bobbed lest he choke on the liquid she was pushing down his throat.

Finally, when they separated, Fuutarou fell on his back, not realizing his legs had stopped working when Yotsuba let him go. Yotsuba herself looked like she could barely stand, her mouth stained with liquid that had overflowed out of their liplock.

She raised the bottle with a shaky hand and locked eyes with the frozen Shimoda

"D-does that count?"

"What?"

"Are we officially married?"

The suit wearing woman opened her mouth then closed it then opened it once more then closed it once more. Again and again until, finally, she conceded with grit teeth.

"…by all accounts, under my power as a representative of the Kuneida clan. I pronounce the both of you…engaged to be wed."

Hearing her words, Yotsuba nodded before closing her eyes, a serene smile on her face.

"I leave it up to…" Whatever she was about to say remained unsaid, as her eyes rolled into the back of her head, her Yotsubrain unable to take the high percentage of alcohol along with the idea of kissing Fuutarou.

She fell backwards, unconscious, letting go of the bottle as she did so. The purple container should have been smashed on the floor thanks to gravity. Should have if it wasn't for two quick manicured hands.

Fuutarou had barely pieced back what was left of his brain when he suddenly felt a heavy weight on his stomach. He looked up to see Nino holding a purple bottle, a very dangerous smile on her face.

He'd been drugged by her twice but this was the first time he's felt actual fear.

"Nino? What-?"

"I'm really mad that Yotsuba got to you first so I'm not in the mood for struggling." A hand pushed down on Fuutaoru's chest with an impossible amount of strength.

"Bottoms up, Fuu-kun."

The girl then tipped the bottle to her lips before crashing them down on Fuutarou's own, harder than a train at full speed hitting a crossing school bus in the middle of the tracks.

As Fuutarou tried and failed to get out of Nino's grasp, Shimoda decided to sit back down in defeat. Meanwhile, the rest of the sisters were still on the floor, watching Fuutarou's limbs struggle before, slowly, their movements stopped and they went limp on the floor.

No one said anything until-

"Me next!"

Miku squawked as she sent a betrayed glare at Ichika who simply returned it with a shrug.

"Well then, I'd like to congratulate all five of you in your decision to marry Uesugi Fuutarou." Sighed a very tired and defeated Shimoda. "I'll be sure to ask you all about the wedding preparations."

"Ahahaha…yeah." Itsuki laughed awkwardly, waving the bread in her hand. Even she had joined in the heat of the moment. "Sorry about that, Shimoda-san but Uesugi-kun is important to us."

"It's my fault. When you've all decided on what you're going to do about the wedding ceremony, come and talk to me. Even though you've married him, he's still technically now part of the Kuneida family."

"Right."

"Also, Itsuki-san." Shimoda leaned forward, her eyes hollow. "Don't think the Kuneida's will take this without a fight."

Her warning gave Itsuki chills like eating a large parfait but Shimoda's expression soon morphed into a smile.

"Also, congratulations. I'm sure sensei would be happy to see her children married…though I have to wonder if it's to the same guy…"

It was with those last words that the woman finally left their apartment.

Closing the door and grabbing another bread she left nearby, Itsuki entered their apartment once more.

Her…husband(?) was currently unconscious, mostly from all the alcohol they all forcibly shoved down his throat. Next to him Yotsuba was knocked out as well.

Her other sisters seemed to have been able to hold their alcohol better. Ichika was on her phone although she was giggling way too much. Nino had extracted a wedding catalogue from…somewhere. Miku was moping in the corner for being the last person to get married to him.

Itsuki was eating.

It was just another day at the Nakano residence besides the five of them getting married to the same guy so he wouldn't have to be married to another bunch of girls.

Itsuki was eating so all was right in the world.

It was then that a horrifying thought entered Itsuki's mind.

"Hey!' Everyone else turned to her. "Who's going to tell dad?"

AN: I tried use a randomizer for the order of the brides and wrote around that. Now stop asking for a harem route. Here it is. Here's my fucking harem fic for QQ. You can totally tell how seriously I'm treating this.

People may be surprised but my favorite Quint is Itsuki due to the memes. She's this cute incompetent fatty who's a total dummy and klutz even though she tries her best. My fave to win is still Yotsuba but she's not as fun (to make fun of) as Itsuki. The only memes you get from her are the despair ones and the 4D chessmaster ones which aren't that fun to play around. Good for story stuff as I believe she has the most depth among the quints but not as fun.