Welcome to the rewrite! You'll see the changes that I made very quickly as you start reading, but I hope these are changes you will enjoy. See you in the end!
Beta'd by CeleneTheAngel
A scrawny teen with a plain blue hoodless sweater and gray pants was walking his way home to relax for the weekend, probably watch videos, complain about that particularly terrible story that still managed to draw him in.
That teen's name was Jr. He didn't really have an extraordinary life. Jr. preferred to have a simpler existence, resorting to a more carefree style. He wasn't popular, smart, handsome, definitely not tough, he was just simple. He didn't mind, though. He was just a little bummed by how everyone had those little talents that made them their own selves. Jr. didn't have much on the plate that made him pop out. Just a small person in the crowd, a price that he was willing to pay for his lifestyle.
When he got home, he unceremoniously began to scour the internet for anything to keep his mind off of school for a bit.
"Maybe I should look at some art." Jr. then scrolled his mouse to an open tab of Deviantart, something that he soon regretted.
"Oh, damn. Look at those artists. They can actually draw." Jr. said, passing through each beautifully painted canvas', highly rendered 3D models and muse inspired drawings. The most he had ever done was draw a good eye. Just an eye. Jr. swiftly closed the tab and replaced it with a new site.
"Okay, so maybe not Deviantart today. Let's see if anyone has reviewed my Fanpress story instead." He soon regretted that as well when faced with spam and heavy critique. The nightmare of every writer. Jr. closed the tab right after reading a review that ended with a particular racial slur.
"Fairpoint, internet." He guessed that it was just going to be one of those days. The day when the world wants him to reevaluate all the life choices he's made even though he hadn't even been to college yet. Jr. glanced at the still docked Nintendo Switch to his side.
"How about a good ole' round of Mario Odyssey. That always gets me up from these little sad moments." Jr. began to undock the Switch, only then to turn back to the closed laptop.
"Or maybe…." He opened back up the laptop to open up Steam and soon a little indie game known as A Hat in Time. He downloaded the game earlier, but he never got the chance to play the game for whatever reason be. Sure, he may have spoiled half the game on Youtube, but Jr. was a man for the experience of the game instead of the surprise.
The teen was met with the menu of the game, filled with all the different characters of the game as they orbited around the nearby planet filled with color. He began to play the game. He knew what happened to a dime. Hat Kid woke up from her bed, Jr. got a feel on the gameplay, went on to see the space Mafia…. He still didn't understand the science in that.
Shortly after the Mafia goon broke down the window for refusing to pay 'the Mafia's toll.' Hat Kid flew out the ship, that sorry excuse of a safe opened up, no timepiece was safe from the vacuum of space as they flew out the spaceship and flew out to the planet. Hat Kid giving a resigned shrug of her shoulders was the last thing Jr. saw before he was met with an annoying notification of a dying battery.
"Great... Now I need to play on the floor." He was swift to grab the nearby charger, plugging the charger next to the Switch dock on the extension cord. Jr then followed the wire to the other end and plugged the laptop in. As soon as the wires made the connection, something unexplainable happened. The screen froze, then turned to a blinding white. It was easily seen that this shocked Jr. up to his core.
"No no no no no no no! Oh God please no!" No matter what he did, the screen remained white.
Jr. sighed heavily before saying "This means that I need to pay for this to be repaired. Great." The laptop suddenly began to spaz out in many different pixelated colors along with a continuous clicking sound. This terrified Jr. enough to set the laptop down and back away from it in fear that it would catch on fire. Then it stopped.
He hesitantly went to grab it again. "...So I'm just going to close this righ-" A grand flash of light overtook the small room. The teen had vanished without a trace. The only thing left was the laptop briefly showing the Switch logo before finally going dark.
I remembered opening my eyes after what felt was a long night's rest. Felt nice compared to most days. As I got up from the floor, I took a moment to remember everything that happened from before I passed out. There was school, walking home, Deviantart, and then the laptop. Oh God, the laptop. I turned to where I expected to see the probably blown-up laptop only to see a blue carpet. That doesn't sound like such a big deal, but I don't own a blue carpet. Too many possibilities of ruination.
The haziness in my eyes cleared up, and I really got a gander at where I was. I was in some kid's bedroom, judging by the bright yellow walls and how half the room was a mountain of pillows. It also looked a whole lot neater than what my room usually looked like. Even has a queen-sized bed with the cover on and everything. I feel that should be a whole lot more worried that I'm somewhere that I don't recognize.
Oh, wait. Here comes that anxiety, it was just morning grogginess delaying the inevitable.
I looked around to see if there were any clues to me being here. Maybe someone kidnapped me? If so, I'm flattered, but I don't think my family would be considered rich or powerful. Maybe this is a dream. I walk to the nearby chest next to the large bed and opened it up. The only thing I saw in the chest was the fact of how empty it was. There was a desk with tools, so maybe whoever lives here builds things?
That really doesn't help me at all. I should try to leave this room. Hope it isn't locked. It was apparent that all I had to do was walk in front of the doors for them to automatically open like a store entrance, just fancier.
"That's neat and expensive!" I said to myself as I walked through the dim purple hallway. Why is everything around here feel familiar?
My mind was blown away as I stopped dead in my tracks to see through one of several circular windows one of the last things that I would expect to see today: Space.
Now I understand why people say that some experiences can only be felt and not seen. There were stars littered about the dark canvas of the universe along with a planet floating nearby. I scratched the window, somewhat hoping that this was just some sort of poster like in the Simpson movie.
It wasn't. That was real. Why? How? This has to be a joke, please let it be a joke. Suddenly, I heard a loud crash come from the other side of the hall. Before I could go see what the sound was, the lights flickered before the hall turned dark. I felt my way to the other door only for it not to open as the other did. I guess I got to use my sheer strength to open this door now. Oh boy.
It took awhile, but I finally managed to budge the door open. It only took literally all of what I got in me…. I may have also popped something but besides that came out in one piece. I opened it and that's all that it matters.
I then went on the first phase on my new plan of action; go out and explore for more clues. I didn't say I was an expert on plans. It was hard to get around at all because of the blackout so I wasn't surprised that as getting out of the door I tripped on something.
I tried in vain to see what I tripped over, but so far, nothing. I began to walk again before once again tripping my way back to the floor. I soon heard something say the word "INTRUDER!" shortly after.
I looked once again what I tripped over, this time I was able to see the perpetrator. From what I could see through the darkness was a silhouette of a small cylinder with purple LED 'eyes'. Why would any machine need eyes, can't they just scan for stuff ahead of it? Probably overthinking that a tad bit.
"INTRUDER. INTRUDER!" is what the silhouette shouts in a light robotic voice while I pick myself back up. Maybe this thing can help me. "Hey,... little fella? Can you tell me where I'm at? Don't think I'm supposed to be here." I ask hoping to get anything out of this admittedly cute machine.
"INTRUDER!, INTRUDER!" It started to back up before it started to ram itself on my leg.
"Is that all that you can say?" I asked.
"INTRUDER, INTRUDER!" It still kept ramming to my leg. I actually think it began to go faster.
"If you don't stop, I wil- "
"INTRUDER, INTRUDER!" It just wouldn't let me speak!
"Okay. that's enough, little guy." I grabbed the disk, still shouting INTRUDER, and flipped it upside down since I couldn't find out a way to turn it off. It still continued to screech "INTRUDER!" but at least it's not making my ankle sore anymore. This got me some time to think…..well, the best I could think since I think the thing was actually getting louder.
"So let's retrace." My laptop fritzed out, I woke up somewhere I vaguely remember, I found out diddly squat on whoever may or may have not kidnapped me, and this person is rich enough to have automatic doors and whatever that thing that keeps shouting-" "INTRUDER, INTRUDER!" I heard the rumba shout, interrupting me. "...Oddly convenient timing. Where do I go from here?" The power came back abruptly, ruining my train of thought.
I caught a glimpse of the foot rammer, who was some sort of rumba from what I could tell. The rumba struggled to flip back right side up. I could now see what this room looked like, and with that, I could feel the blood from my face vanish.
The entire room was a marvel. It was very spacious, with a large purple rug on the ground and a ramp to my left. There were a series of machines with levers and a large screen against the back wall. The other wall was completely made of glass where a TV had blocked a portion of the cracked glass.
I didn't expect this, I knew what this place was! This was the spaceship from A Hat in Time! I wanted to see if this was just some sort of joke, it needed to be. I tried to open all the doors, but none of them would budge. Nononononono, this is definitely a dream, it just has to be! I'm just jumping to conclusions, I just got to. I ju- THUMP.
Something hit me hard on the back of the head, the force was enough to knock me to the floor. The last thing that I saw before I blacked out again was a glimpse of something short, purple and yellow. Guess that's one way to start off a weird day.
As you can see, I got rid of most of the bantering that kinda ruined the flow, but kept a little so that it didn't get annoying. And actual starting background info, unlike that trash start where Jr. just woke up in the ship.
Hope to include an actual cover for this story when I upload the next revised chapter(s)!
GaoGod: Yeah, that was a lesson that I had to learn the hard way, but I still enjoy reading any review! Still, the largest reason why I haven't given up this story in the summer and now in this rewrite!
nico2411: Still nice to know some people are sticking to this even after all the random crap I made you guys put up with. I vow to never make a mistake this huge again, and thanks.
Hope this is the start of something much better! Back to writing!