Disclaimer: Darkwing Duck and all associated stock characters from the TV show was, is and shall forever (more than likely) remain the intellectual property of Disney.

A/N: Yes, fellow science fiction/fantasy fans. Only a hack writer reuses such well worn ideas like this one. But who cares? Welcome to my world where every day is Hallowe'en.

Here is how my belated Hallowe'en cliché story starts.

Going Nowhere

The vampire woke up with a headache. What was odder than the pain in his head was that it wasn't making him hungry. Something was wrong with him but it hadn't affected his appetite? Yep, that was quite a mystery.

He got up and took a look around him. He was in a large room with lots and lots of shelves lined with bottles. Each of the bottles had different coloured contents and he shuddered to think what was in them. 'This must be a witch's lair.' He frowned, 'what the heck am I doing in a place like this?' He shivered at the idea that something worse than a headache could happen to him if he stuck around. On the thought he headed to the nearest window, his cape swishing behind him. He willed the Vespers in the air to open the window and, before the lair's unpleasant occupants returned, the vampire escaped by turning himself into a bat and flying out through the window.

'Now where do I think I'm going?' He chirped bitterly to himself, realising he was lost. 'Nowhere, that's-!'

"No, please ... Somebody help me!"

The feminine scream interrupted his thoughts, making his heart flutter with excitement. 'Aha! Now I know where I'm going!' He chirped in triumph and dived towards the location of the scream.

The vampire circled in low and reformed into duck shape. The screamer was a woman rat and she was struggling against a male pig nearly twice her size.

The urge to do something inspired the vampire into action. He stole silently towards them through the darkness of the night. 'Hmm ... decisions, decisions. The villain, the victim or both?' It only took him a moment as he reasoned out his options. 'Hmm, first off there's no real fun with a pre-caught meal. Second off I'm not hungry enough for the two of them.'

Decided, the vampire snatched the attacker into his grip. "Forgive me for interrupting," The vampire jumped in shock at hearing the sound of his own voice. 'Whoa!' "Uh, is this guy bothering you, ma'am?"
The crook squealed. "D-D-D-D-D-D ..." A wave of terror swept delightfully over the vampire's senses as his captive stuttered, lost for actual words.
'It's probably my dark voice that's scared him. Heh, it even startled me hearing it for the first time. I imagined it'd be higher.'

"Thank you ..." The woman gasped and collected her things from the ground. "Thank you so much!"
'Wow, what a nice person she is to say thank you to me ...' He felt a renewed appreciation for the woman in the darkness of the empty street and felt compelled to share the warm fuzzy feeling that he was having back. "Are you alright to get home, Miss.?"
"Yes, yes I-I'm alright ..." She turned and headed up the stairs and into the building beside them.

'Excellent!' The vampire grinned as the door shut behind her and he returned his focus on the varmint in his grasp. The crook shivered as he brought his beak closer to his ear. "On the other hand, you are not a nice person, are you?" The vampire crooned softly; soaking up the terror he was inspiring in his captive.
"You ... you're nothin'!" The criminal whimpered, trying to be courageous by getting angry, "you're just pretending to be a vampire! Th-that's what."
"Aw. Did baby-waby listen to mummy-wummy when she told you that there were no vampy-wampies?" The vampire teased him.

"Yeh ain't gonna do it!"
The vampire blinked in surprise. "I beg your pardon, Mr. 'tough guy'; do what exactly?"
"Bite me."

"Why, yes, of course!" The vampire's heart-rate jumped up and all at once he found himself very hungry. At the mention of blood his senses zeroed in on the criminal's heartbeats and he could smell the blood coursing through his arteries. "What a brilliant idea!" He licked his beak, leaned in and closed his beak over his captive's neck.

After a few mouthfuls he lost interest and let go, discovering the initial thrill had gone stale. He sighed in disappointment and loosened his hold. Unsupported, his victim buckled and slid down to the ground. The vampire blinked down, surveying the prone figure. "It appears that Mr. 'tough guy' has fainted." He sniggered and bent down over the bulky pig. He drew his fingers against the marks he'd made. 'I can't leave them there ...' He closed his eyes and willed the injury beneath his fingers to heal.

He straightened up and watched in curiosity as two people in matching uniforms approached from around the corner on foot.
"What happened? What did he do?"
The vampire looked up at the building the woman had gone inside. "Assault on ..." He stopped himself. 'What am I doing?' He grimaced at his mistake. 'Why am I answering questions like some obedient pet servant?' Thoroughly disapproving of his behaviour, the vampire promptly turned about on his heel and walked away. Once out of their sights, he changed into a bat and headed up into the sky.

In bat form the vampire flew high into the sky and took a wide pass over the city. He obviously lived somewhere in this city, so where?