I patted my chest and smiled. I looked at myself in the full body mirror to make sure that my chest looked realistic in my uniform. Nodding in approval I pulled my stockings up and clipped them to my underwear so they would not fall down.
Next comes make-up. I looked at myself in the mirror by my vanity table and brushed through my short hair. The longest strands just came to my collar of the uniform. I clipped back my fringe and reached for another item. Lip gloss. Mascara. Lavender eye shadow. Eye liner on the top lid only. Powder face. Chest check.
I smiled and thanked my parents, whoever they are, that I was born with such a girlish face. It made me feel safer this way.
Grabbing a shoulder bag from my desk, I then reached into a chest that sat on my vanity. There was a small click as it opened and I pulled out a pair of pristine white gloves. I always kept them on me and had spares in all of my bags and purses. I tried to even out my breathing as I pulled them on, my eyes lingered on the cross mark embedded into the back of my left hand.
"This is punishment for lying! Foolish girl!"
I shook the memory from my head and ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. I had already eaten breakfast before I got dressed so I just grabbed a bag of chips from the pantry to stuff in my bag as a snack.
"Are you still stuck with this, Allen?" I glanced back at my master, who was standing next to the coffee maker with a tired look on his face. I watched as he sighed and rubbed the one eye that he had left. The other side of his face was damaged in a fire and all sight was lost in that eye.
I strode past him and towards the door, the grip on my bag tightened when I heard his sigh.
"You aren't like this, Allen. You were born a boy, so why do you keep dressing otherwise?" My jaw tightened in regret and anger. He knew why I did this, but he just didn't want me to dwell on the past. I was tired. We've had this conversation millions of times now and mostly it ends in disaster. I know he means well, but I feel safer like this.
He offered me a ride to school and I thanked him and said that I wanted to take the bus. The reluctance was clear on his face. What if I panicked or something happened?
"I will be fine master. I promise. I can handle myself in a fight, so don't worry okay?" I knew that he wasn't worried about someone attacking me, but someone questioning me or treating me in a certain way.
With my knee-high boots strapped on I strode out the door and to the bus. The wait was small and quiet and I ended up sitting alone. My bag was pressed in between my leg and the wall of the bus. It wasn't long before I felt eyes on me.
It was a man that had to be in his early twenties and he stood a few feet away from me, holding onto the railing above him. He was staring at my legs. Apparently when I sat down my skirt rode up and some of my thigh was showing. I angrily pulled it back down and left my hands there curled up in a fist. I glared at the man and he looked away, embarrassed.
The ride wasn't to long and the bus stopped a few blocks away from my new school. I had made sure to scout out the new land with Cross the past few days as we settled in. I'm not the best with directions.
While walking I had become immersed in my thoughts, causing me to bump into someone. I fell backwards, dropping my bag to catch the edge of my skirt before it flew up. Why are all the school's skirts so short?
"Oh! I'm sorry, are you okay?" I looked up and saw... a pirate? I must have been giving him a look because he chuckled, making me blush.
"I-I'm sorry," he shook his head and I took his hand to pull me up.
"That's alright. Are you knew? I haven't seen you around before," I nodded and dusted myself off. I pulled my bag back over my shoulder.
"Yes, I am. Do you also attend Black Order High?" he laughed again and I blushed, feeling like I asked a stupid question.
"Name's Lavi? And you name, Miss?" He stuck his hand out and I shook it, feeling pride swell inside me at the prefix used.
"I am Allen. Allen Walker. I just moved here last week and have been settling in. Shall we head to school?" I saw him raise an eyebrow as he dropped my hand. I bit my lip. Crap, what did I do? Lavi chuckled and performed a mock bow.
"We shall. After you, Miss Walker," I felt a smile pull onto my face as I giggled. I'm glad that Lavi is treating me like this, it makes me feel relaxed.
I tried to keep from screaming as I wandered helplessly around the school. The place was freaking huge! It seemed like they had everything except my AP Biology class that I would be in right now if it weren't for the confusing map they had given me in the office.
The school has three floors and two sub-levels, three cafeterias, and about a million classrooms of all sorts. I sighed heavily as I checked the numbers on the doors. G340, G341, G342... G345, wait. I backed up a bit and stared at the door.
G344. Finally.
I knocked on the door lightly. Someone from inside yelled that it was open and I slowly opened it. Thank god that no one looked up at me as I stepped in and walked up to the teacher. They were all working on a packet of some sort.
"Um, excuse me? Are you Mr. Reever?" The man at the front desk glanced up at me and set down his paper, smiling.
"Ah, you must be Miss Allen Walker. Did you get lost?" I nodded and he chuckled. "Thought so. Here, these are the worksheets we have gone through and this is the portfolio. Take the empty seat by Kanda over there and you can copy his notes."
"T-Thank you," he smiled as I fumbled to hold all the papers and books. He gestured to the empty seat on the left side of the room and I tried to shuffle over quietly. The boy next to me - Kanda I think - barely glanced up as I nearly dropped my things on the desk. I filed through them, putting the ones I have done off to the side and the ones that I had yet to learn about in another stack.
Halfway through class and with all of my papers organized in folders, I tapped the edge of Kanda's desk nervously.
"Excuse me? Kanda?" he glanced over at me and stopped working. "May I copy your notes? My name is Allen and I'm new here so-"
"Here," he threw a notebook down on my desk and returned to his work. I stared at him for a moment in shock. That was harsh. I thanked him softly and began to copy his notes down. I was surprised by Kanda's writing, it was really soft script that looped together. It looked almost like cursive but in a way it was, how do I put this, sadder.
I walked into the lunchroom rubbing the back of my neck. It was sore and I knew that the muscles would probably flare up later. It was quite easy to get my lunch from the line. The man working here was one of the agents Cross had to stay at the schools I attended. His name was Jerry and I swear that no one would love my eating habits more than him.
He already had a cart stacked with food on it for me. I thanked him and went over to an empty table, ignoring all of the glances and whispers. I sat at a lone table in the corner to eat. I glanced around and saw Kanda from my earlier class sitting at a table by Lavi from this morning. He was talking very animatedly with Kanda but the silent man seldom noticed. There was a tap on my shoulder and I turned.
"Hello, do you happen to be Allen?" I nodded slowly at the girl that stood before me and she smiled. "That's wonderful! Lavi has told me about you and I thought it would be good if you came to sit with us. You being new and all." She smiled and stuck out her hand, I took it cautiously. "I'm Lenalee, Lavi's girlfriend. Do you want me to help you bring your things over?" Lenalee let go of my hand and gestured to my food. I sheepishly grinned.
"That would be nice, thank you Lenalee." I now sat across from Lavi and Kanda eating. Lenalee was sitting next to me with a hand over her mouth. She snorted every now and then at the boys faces.
"The hell moyashi," I frowned at Kanda as I brought my noodles away from my mouth.
"It is not very nice to call someone a beansprout, Kanda."
"So you speak Japanese, huh Allen?" Lavi looked at me with curiosity. He was leaning in close; I could smell his cologne that I hadn't noticed before.
"Yes. I lived in Japan for a short while with my guardian. He wanted to get away from the n-the city," I bit the inside of my cheek and we returned back to a pleasant conversation that I didn't have to voice in.
I learned that all three of them were a year ahead of me, Juniors. Kanda was in kendo and even had a sword that he tried to bring with him everywhere. The teachers didn't let him bring it to school though, so he would be quite grumpy without it. Lenalee was the little sister of the principal at the school. Lavi's grandfather is the owner of the big library downtown and he works there part-time. Lenalee and Lavi have been together for two years and Kanda has never dated anyone before. Lavi said that Kanda was probably gay but was hit in the head with a text-book and could no longer be apart of the conversation.
I told them a little about myself. I was sixteen and didn't know who my parents were. I was adopted by a family but then the house burned down and I was taken in by my current guardian. I move around a lot because of my guardian's job, but I said that I didn't know what he did. I said that he used to be friends with my first adoptive family which was why he took custody over me.
It felt nice to talk to them so casually, it seemed like we all just clicked together. Kanda didn't comment much but Lenalee and Lavi would ask occasional questions. After my short explanation I started talking to Lenalee about make-up products because she said that she was curious as to how I kept my skin so smooth.
When she said that Lavi reached over and began to smoosh my face, saying that it was indeed smooth. Kanda had rolled his eyes and told him to stop being an idiot. I blushed and covered my face. He had rubbed off some of my make-up that helped me cover up the scar. Kanda noticed me covering my face and stared at me.
"Why the hell are you covering your face, Moyashi?" I peeked at him through my gloved fingers and saw cobalt eyes staring at me, unwavering. They didn't seem as cold as before, they looked curious and concerned. He seems like a very interesting person.
"Uh, well. I-It's kind of embarrassing," the 'L' couple looked over at me strangely.
"What is, Allen?"
"Yeah, we're all friends here. Come on!" Lavi reached over and pulled my hands away before I could protest. I felt my whole body tense, he let go. Only a part of the scar was showing, but I still felt scared. I never revealed my scars in public, never. I was in deep shit now.
"What is that, moyashi?" I stared into his dark, concerned eyes and tried to even my breathing. I shook it off and smiled, covering my cheek with a hand.
"Oh, it's nothing. Just smeared some of my make-up. Whoops. Excuse me for a minute," I went to stand up but Lenalee caught my arm. She didn't pull me but it felt like someone was strangling me. I fell back into the seat but kept the hand over my face.
"Allen? What is it? Are you alright? Did we do something wrong?" I wanted to scream at Lenalee. Her voice sounded fake and annoying, but I didn't. You never show bad emotions, that is what men do. Women are supposed to be the sweet, caring and gentle ones. Calm, calm, calm.
"I-I don't really want to talk about it, b-but it's not l-like I can avoid it forever. Right?" It was a rhetorical question. Lenalee's hand fell from my arm. I pulled out a small handkerchief with A.W. embroidered onto the edge. I carefully wiped the make-up off my scar without looking up at any of them. My hands shook slightly. "Pl-lease don't be upset."
"Upset abou-Moyashi? What-?" Kanda was the only one to say anything as the others stared at my face gaping like guppies. He stared at me intently for a moment before shrugging. "There is nothing wrong with having some scars. Stop worrying, moyashi," I wasn't sure what it was about him but I felt my muscles relax just slightly. I smiled at him half-heartedly.
"Thank you."
The rest of the school week flew by rather uneventfully. Me and the others were getting along quite well, at least I think so. After my first day Kanda didn't talk to me that much and he actually seemed kind of awkward about it. I asked Lavi and he said that he thinks Kanda may have a crush on me. I had blushed and called him an idiot.
Now i was standing by my front door with a bag over my shoulder. I was glaring at Cross.
"It is just a gym. We already checked out the place twice. So I don't see the point in you having to stay with me while I work out. Alright?"
"Nope. To bad Allen, no matter what you say I'm coming. So get your scrawny ass in my car," I shook my head and grumbled, but got in his car anyway. I just don't like the feeling of fear that comes over me when he is there. I just feel like something bad will happen to him and I won't be able to help.
"As long as you're safe," he gave me a small smile and a sigh. I held my gym bag in my lap. It had a change of clothes so I could shower and change. Right now I had sweat pants, a tank top, my gym shoes and a running jacket to keep my arms covered.
The gym was huge and one of the reasons I wanted to live here. It made me feel calm as well to work out. And why wouldn't it? Exercise is good for you.
We parted at the reception desk. Cross went towards the cardio center and I went towards the locker room. I locked my bad in the girls locker room and headed out to the boxing center. They had private rooms as well as open areas. I locked the door to a private room and peeled off my jacket so that I was only in a tank top. I pulled on the boxing gloves, thin ones, and relaxed into a defensive position. Feet spread out, fists up and elbows tucked in.
As my fists connected with the bag over and over again, I felt memories and anger flash through myself. For Mana. For Cross. For Neah. The ones who tried to protect me. The ones who truly loved me. Not those bastards. Not the ones that would hurt me. I hated them.
I hate them.
I hate them.
I hate them.
I hate-
"Ow!" I held my hand against my chest. I worked to hard. The glove had ripped and I split my knuckles open. "Damn it," I mumbled curses to myself and pulled my jacket over my left arm. It's not like I would go too far. I pushed open the door to the locker room and heard chatter, female chatter.
I tried to slip by. I went to my locker and pulled out some gauze. Sitting down I began to wrap up my left hand. I pulled it close to me so no one could see. I froze as the voices got closer.
"Oh yeah! Sarah told me about that! Poor darling."
"Yeah, I could only imagine what- hey, are you alright?" I looked over at the two middle-aged women. They were brunettes, one with hazel eyes the other with brown ones. They looked concerned. The brown eyed one spoke up.
"Sweetie? Is there something wrong?" I pulled the jacket over my hand completely as I ripped the gauze from the roll. I smiled at them.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just cut myself on the punching bags, its alright now," I pulled another, thicker pair of boxing gloves over my hands.
"As long as you are alright," the women walked off and continued their conversation. I sighed in relief and went back to the room as quickly as possible. I slipped in, not realizing that I had neglected to lock the door after I closed it behind me.
My hand stung at first as I began to force it towards the bag. It soon faded when my muscles began to go numb. I didn't hear the door open.
"-hope she is okay."
"Yeah and- oh!" I spun myself around and saw the two women from earlier. They both dropped their bags. One of them backed away while the other took a step forward.
"What happened to your arm, sweetie? Come on, it's alright," I could hear her voice shake and I knew my body was doing the exact same thing. I shook my head.
"P-please, go away. I'm alright. I promise, you can go away. It's okay, I'm okay," my smile wavered and the silent woman spoke up.
"Okay? That arm is anything from okay! What happened?" I knew she was concerned but her approach was anything but helpful. Her friend came closer to me with hands up.
"It's alright, we don't mean to hurt you. Could I just make sure that you are okay, then I will leave. I just don't want anyone to get hurt," we talked for a while after she checked my arm. She didn't asked me about how it happened but was truly concerned for what happened to me. I was told that her name was Claire and that the other woman was her sister Moa.
I told them my name and they didn't mind my scars, but I still pulled my jacket back over my arms. They were really nice and seemed genuinely concerned about me. We were just starting to get along when my phone rang. I excused myself and answered.
"Hello?"
"Who has been a bad boy ne?" The voice began singing and I listened, curious as to what this was about.
"Who has been a bad boy? You have been a bad boy! You are just a boy toy, isn't that right Allen?" I ended the call and fell to my knees. Moa and Claire called to me. I stood up and began to gather my things.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go," they looked sad but agreed and I began walking around trying to find Cross.
"Cross!" He wasn't by the cardio room and I frowned. I called his name again and continued walking around.
"What's wrong Allen?" I jumped and turned around to see Cross standing there with a middle aged man.
"Um, I think we need to go. I h-have to ask you something," he frowned and turned to the other man.
"We'll talk later, okay Taidoll? And tell your son about it too. Come on Allen."
"Okay," I followed him cautiously. I looked back at the man Taidoll and he smiled, waving at me. "Who was that Cross?"
"An old friend. He knows about everything," I felt sweat on my brow.
"Everything?"
"Everything," we climbed into the car and I told his what happened. I saw his grip on the wheel tighten in anger. "Damn Tyki. He was supposed to be in jail for those assault charges. God damn it! Allen, I'm getting you a new phone. Give me the old one so I can trace the number," I was grateful that Cross cares so much about me. Then again, I'm all he has.
When Mama and Neah died it was just the two of us. Cross mourned the hardest, yet he was still there to comfort me and make sure I was okay, that is until the Noah kidnapped me.
I was sitting on the couch upside-down, eating chips, and watching TV. Cross was in his office, yelling at someone on the phone. I had already finished my homework for the weekend and was absolutely bored. Cross had gotten me a new phone, his number and two others were the only ones in there. The other two were Jerry and Tim. Tim is a younger agent that is assigned as my bodyguard at full name is Tim Campy, and he has golden hair and eyes. At this school he is the new gym teacher.
There was a knock on the door and I stared at it, a chip in my hand on its way to my mouth. i popped it in and jumped up, checking in the mirror by the door that I looked presentable. I pulled the sleeves to my hoodie down and grabbed the handle.
"Hello, how may I help-"
"Allen~!" I was tackled by a Lavi and felt myself freeze as he hugged me around the waist.
"Oh, hello," I pried him off my waist and stood up. "What are you guys doing h-here?" I looked at the door and saw Lenalee and a reluctant Kanda. He had a sword strapped to his waist, must be the one Lenalee told me about, Mugen.
"Well, the others and I were worried that you would be alone," Lenalee smiled as I let them all in, closing the door behind them after checking to see if anyone else was outside.
"Thank you for that, but I do not remember telling you where I lived?" Lavi jumped up and did a dance.
"That was none other the the magnificent, Lavi!" I rolled my eyes and laughed. I offered them seats and fetched drinks for them all. I came back and Lavi was flipping through channels on my TV.
"Here you go, iced tea," they thanked me and we sat down in an awkward silence. I stared at the tea, hoping that one of them would say something. A commercial for lipton iced tea came on and we all stared at it while our tea. What a coincidence. Lavi sat up.
"Oh my gosh! This is their new jingle!" He started singing terribly off-key, we laughed, Kanda groaned and rolled his eyes.
"Please stop before I rip your vocal cords out," Lavi continued singing but louder.
"What the hell is going on here!" he stopped and we all turned to an annoyed Cross standing in the doorway. I stood up and turned off the TV.
"Sorry Cross, they came over unexpectedly. I couldn't of just kicked them out." He nodded and then glared at them.
"What are your names?"
"Lavi Bookman at your service!"
"Hello, I am Lenalee Lee," Kanda glared at Cross and it wasn't until I elbowed him that he responded.
"Kanda," Cross made a face, looking back at Kanda with a raised eyebrow.
"Taidoll's boy?"
"I am not that man's child," Cross chuckled.
"Thought so, Allen tell your friends to be quiet. Don't do anything stupid."
"Okay," he went into the kitchen and I turned back to everyone. Why can't I just sit down and have an uneventful weekend?
"So Allen," I tilted my head and looked at Lenalee, giving her my full attention. "What do you do for fun?" I was glad she asked, because then the tension subsided and I let words flow out of my mouth without worry.
"I play the piano, I sing, I do kick-boxing and boxing, cardio, tae kwon do, I draw sometimes, cook, clean, and I would say that I have some skills in makeup and fashion," I didn't want to sound like I was bragging so I got a little flustered at the end.
"Oh! You sing huh? Can you sing something for me?" Lavi smiled and leaned in close with anticipation. Chuckling nervously, I shook my head.
"I'm very sorry but i would have to decline. I do not feel comfortable singing around others. I don't want anyone to become annoyed with my voice so-"
"Moyashi can you stop being so modest for once?" Kanda sounded annoyed and I puffed out my cheeks, glaring at him.
"Well if you got a better attitude, maybe I would too," Lenalee looked shocked and I felt myself wince internally. That was wrong. I shouldn't have done that. I need to apologise. "Kanda I'm-" the television interrupted us with a loud banging noise, making me jump.
"Lavi!" Lenalee took the remote from him and turned the sound down. He had found the history channel and one guy was talking about a theory with aliens.
"That scared me," I chuckled and placed a hand on my chest, still feeling my heart racing wildly. Kanda snorted and made a face.
'Well of course a delicate moyashi like you would be scared by something as stupid as a sound."
"Kanda!" Lavi yelled this time. He looked angry as he stood up to tower over the sitting teen. "Allen invited us into her home when we just randomly showed up, and you have the audacity to say something as rude as that to our hostess? Who has been nothing but polite to us since we got here!"
I felt flattered but at the same time confused. The three of them were sharing a look, like they knew something I didn't, like they were trying to protect me? No. That couldn't be it.
Kanda brushed off the conversation with a grunt and took a sip of his tea. I had made sure not to put any sugar into his, since Lenalee said he did not really fancy sweet things.
We had little conversation after that, mostly just sitting around watching television and drinking tea. Lavi spoke the most, telling us how the theories they were talking about weren't true. It was quite humorous since he would butt in the middle of the monologues, using funny voices and more of his obscene gestures. I would often get up and refill the drinks, or get more snacks. When I got to get them this time, Lenalee followed me into the kitchen.
"Can I help you, Allen?" I smiled at her.
"Yes, thank you Lenalee," she poured out more glasses of tea as I searched the pantry for some shrimp chips that I had gotten. I had just found the bag when she spoke up.
"Allen, are you alright?" I was confused by the statement. Straightening up, I looked over at her. My face must have said a lot because she spoke again. "All of us are worried because, well, Kanda's father told us something… unsettling. His father's name is Taidoll."
Now I remember why that name seemed so familiar to me. It was the name of the man at the gym the other day. Cross said that he knew everything. He said to tell his son. Taidoll's son is Kanda. Kanda told the others. Now they know. Everything.
I have been exposed.
My life is over again.
They shouldn't have known.
I need to leave.
Run.