Rated T [For Arthur's mouth. Later editions might include a dash of smut and Romano/Spain]

Title: Advice Column; Parents Edition

[Series of 5 different Columns. Might do sequels of each… depending on Views and Reviews. Hetalia isn't mine, blah blah blah...]

It had been a long time since he had any kids to take care of, but Kirkland started an online advice column about parenting. What not to do, what to do, and how to do it, and also taking advice from other countries... Through the last few days it had been a bit quiet, with only a few minor questions coming in. However, when one particular country told another about Arthur's column… it started to get interesting. It was suggested that his idea would only dredge up bad memories about Alfred and he would just become depressed again… Though, it was technically half a blog, so his viewers didn't particularly care if he ranted or got down in the dumps and vented to them. Some might argue that Arthur isn't exactly the best country to be giving out parents' advice, but he's truly the only one who has raised a country relatively well, though… not exactly the best parenting the world has seen. It would take a while for his column to get going he knew that much at least.

It didn't take as long as he thought though… seemed a lot of the countries were getting interested in either knowing about children or taking care of them in general. Oddly enough, within the first week a job application for his advice column came in around the 9th of April, a month before he even started his first blog. Though, the country applying for the job didn't really seem like the type, Alfred had seen displays of her motherly tendencies towards Feliciano-kun and Holy Roman Empire. If anyone might know anything about parenting other than him… it was Elizabeta Héderváry.

May 13th, 2010

"Szia, főnök? We have a message."

Elizabeta yelled at Arthur from downstairs in the 'Lab'. This was likely the 3rd message in a day, if he counted correctly anyway. So much for napping… Arthur yawned a bit and got up from his couch in the office upstairs, making his way downstairs. He got a quick look at the kitchen clock and groaned to himself. 7:30 was much too late for any messages to come in. He would have to publish it in the morning on his blog. Before doing anything of relative importance, he poured himself a cup of coffee that Elizabeta made a few hours ago and walked into the 'Lab', looking over her shoulder half asleep.

"What's et say then? I haven't got all bloody night you know…"

Elizabeta just chuckled at this and leaned back from the screen, clicking the play button for the Video Message deftly, turning the volume up for Japan's quiet voice.

England-san, I hope it isn't too late at night…

He bows slightly at the camera, looking moderately uncomfortable and flustered.

Honda… What would he want?

I've been having an increasing number of probrems dearing with Harajuku… He seems to be going off the hinge and doing what he wants. Is there anything you can suggest that wourd help me deal with this rationally? I'm known for patience, but it's gone a bit too far this time… Thank you very much. I hope you review this soon.

He bowed again, and the camera turned off, followed by a silent click. England was a bit surprised, and the look on his face got another chuckle from Elizabeta. Arthur sighed a bit and took a sip of his warm coffee, staring at the blank screen thinking. Elizabeta got up from her seat quietly and walked off to the kitchen to get her own coffee. Both of them would need energy to deal with this. If it annoyed Kiku Honda, then it would be hell for someone like Arthur or Liz. He seated himself in his own office chair, setting the cup on the desk, getting ready to write up his reply. There were a few ideas, but he would need help for this one. He mostly specialized in infants, and he dealed with Alfred breaking off in a not-so-good way. Honestly, he dealt with that situation poorly, and he wished he understood at the time.

"Hey, don't you drift off or go into a reverie about Alfred! We gotta help Kiku-kun before we go to bed. Sounds bad igen?" Her glare was moderate, but she had a bit of sympathy in her eyes. Her voice firm, but still edged with a bit of worry for his mental health. She joined up with him for this exact reason…

"Yeah I know. It's hard not to drift off though. Anyway, let's just brainstorm some help for this Git so I can to bed."

Arthur quietly, replaying the message to think over the possibilities. There were certainly a lot that was for sure. However… if Kiku's problem was the same as Arthur's problem back in the late 1700's then he might be able to help more than he thought. Eliza had been through a little of the same thing with Feliciano-kun anyway, so two heads in this was better than just one. Arthur took another sip from his copy, setting his hands to type up the advice needed to send to Kiku. Elizabeta usually proof-read his advice, and occasionally chirped in additional advice whether he needed it or not. This time however, he both needed and wanted her experience on the subject.

"Alright… let's get started!"

How Elizabeta could possibly have this much energy when it was now 8 pm, he didn't know for sure. Honestly… it kind of always caught him dumbfounded. It would be nice if he had some energy, but he couldn't start sounding like an Elder just yet. She was though, a good 500 years older anyway. In human years that would only be perhaps two or three… so their appearances weren't particularly different from each other. Anyone who saw them working together would just assume they were the same age, even if only one of them complained of back pain and tiredness.

By the time it was 9:30pm Arthur was about ready to scream profanities at the computer screen and go back up to bed. It was much too late now, and he really just wanted to work on it in the morning. Elizabeta kept chiding him for being tired, so he had to keep working. The advice that he and Liz had come up with was bordering on old-fashioned beatings and a more modern-fashioned way Elizabeta had come up with, including giving Harajuku more freedom and space, because 'that's what teenagers need these days'. Regardless of how funny the advice might have been, it sounded quite helpful to both of them and they actually wondered why they hadn't done the same thing with their own 'kids'.

"Are we done yet? It's fucking 9:50 almost. I need my bloody sleep woman…"

He never really raised his voice around her, for fear he would get a boot up his ass or end up with no manhood in the morning. Elizabeta often kept her temper in check and found his raging fits amusing from time to time even. He wouldn't be publishing the document tonight anyway, so he minimized the window on the desktop and put the computer on sleep mode, getting up from his office chair with a squeak. Knowing she never really particularly minded, Arthur placed his coffee cup next to the sink and staggered away down the hall to the stairs, stifling a yawn.

"G'night Liz."

"Jó éjszakát, Arthur." She gave him a slight smile, washing the coffee cups in the sink leisurely.

Damn night owl...

He still didn't understand her language… but simply nodded and walked away up the stairs, a quiet laugh from Elizabeta following him. His last flicker of conscience as he slid into bed was making a note to learn Hungarian at some point. The black curtains of sleep that fell over his eyes as he put his head down were almost immediate, he barely having enough time to even finish his string of thought…

[Please give Ally reviews! I.e. Too short, useless detail, don't quit your day job etc.~]