Saturday 16th July

11:30.

Woken up sehr early by some fringe-flicking swotty knickers (Jas) on the blower. I had planned to sleep extra-late, to celebrate the first day of the summer holidays, but nooooooo. She told me Tom had invited her to come up London for a little while. Why would I be interested? Just because my ex, wait, two of my exes are there doesn't mean she has to invite me. I think I know the reason, though. She (as Bibbsy may say) 'laaaaaaaikes' me. I agreed to go with her after a half-hour of promising Midget Gems. We finally reached a deal -she has to be my slavey girl for three days! Muahahahaha. Sometimes I'm so evil I shock myself.

Ten seconds later

What normal person would hit me over the head with Lord Sandra and do a mad hegg hegg ho laugh?

Fifteen seconds later

Oh joy, in addition to that, Angus has just started clawing my feet in an irritating manner. I can hear little meows and yaps from Mr Next Doors Prat Poodles again. Dear lord. I hope Cross-Eyed Gordy is not curled up with them in the kennel again.

Ten minutes later

Better start buttering up my parents to go to London. I hesitantly head downstairs. Who knows what merciless act of elderly 'love' will I be subject to this time? Will Vati be wearing leather? It has been known in the past.

Thirty seconds later

Aaaaaaaah...phew. They are 'dressed', if 'dressed' means Mutti in a little see-through top and Vati in pathetic Union Jack underpants.

"Mutti...how remarkably toned you look today."

"Jas' father phoned." Vati said, slamming his cup of tea onto the table angrily, and spilling half of it over himself. God ol' Vati. Always gettin' straight to the point.

"I don't know how, but your mother has made me agree to let you go."

Oh huzzah! It's a miracle, praise the Lord! And Sandra! I do a little Scottish jig around the kitchen.

"Thank you Mutti, Vati, muchos buenos." I disappear (not literally -what I mean is a go ring Jas).

2:00pm

"Helloooo?" says Jas.

"Jas?! Jas?! It's me, Gia...Y'know....your bestie?"

"Oh, hello."

"I can come!"

"Come where?"

Oh, really, Jas can be such a twonk sometimes."To London, my best pally."

"Oooh cool. How many knickers shall I pack? I know there's no nature around but..."

"Jas...Jas...Listen. I have to go." Hahahahahaha. She'll never suspect I don't want to listen to her ramble on about herself. "I'm ringing Dave."

Mmm....Dave. Yummy Scrumboes.

Ten minutes later.

Brrrrrrrrrring bring. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

"Hello, Hornmeister speaking."

"Dave!!" I exclaim.

"Oooh, hello, SexKitty. What's up? Missing the ol' Vati already?"

"No...Well yes but that's not what I called for." I take a deep breath.

"What did you call for? C'mon sexieeeeeeeee, don't keep me in suspense."

"I'm going to London with Jas...to see the scene and so on and soforth."

"Oh." he didn't sound so pleased.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. Stupid question. I knew what was wrong. Dave trusted me 100%...but he had known I had red-bottomosity problems. The fact that Masimo and Robbie were going to be there...just put the icing on the cake (the Dave the tart cake...yum, with whipped cream....shut up brain).

"Oh, nothing. I have to run. Mum wants me for something. Byebye, Georgia."

Georgia....Georgia???? No SexKitty...Or KittyKat?

"I love you." I say. oooh. How weird. How sudden. How formal.

"Yeah, so do I. Who cannot love the Hornmeister?"

I chuckle. "Bye."

Monday 1st August

To London...and beyond!!!

2:00pm

Jas's parents are driving us to London, so I walked up to Jas' house all on my loney. Not for long, though, Dave popped out of a random bush.

"Well, hello there gorgeous." he said to me, and kissed me. Not a proper snog -just a little good-night kiss. Like you'd kiss a sick grandma in hospital. I beam back at him. His eyes are so gorgey -so round and shiny and marvy. But I feel comfortable around him. Like I don't have to pretend to be anything -not a young woman full of sophisticisty and glaciosity.

He walks beside me, his hand firmly around mine. Ahhhh...how sweet.

Ten minutes later.

Arrived at Jas' house. She looked all sly and sneaky. "What you up to, Jazzy?" I ask her. I am in a very good mood. Not even Libby farting like a steam train this morning could put me out of it. We were going to London- we were going to come back glamour chicks. And possibly I'll be a goosegog all by myself.

I turn to Dave the Laugh and give him a peck on the cheek. He snogs me properly. In front of Jas and her parents and everyone!!! Mmmm. Nip-libbling.

Embarrassed, I said to him: "I promise nothing will happen."

"I bet it won't." he looked mischeivious. What was he up to?

"Tatty bye," I said hesitantly, giving him one last kiss. Jas said very formally to Dave the Laugh: "Thank you for coming, Dave. Goodbye for a couple of weeks!" It was heavily emphasised. I almost started crying. Dave the Laugh gave me a hug and said: "Shh. I'm sure I'll see you sooner than you think."

"Two weeks? I don't think so." I sniff and Jas hands me a tissue.

Me and Jas got in the car. She seemed to have packed an extraordinary amount of stuff with her -probably her knickers taking up all the room. Jas' mum has a HUUUUUUUUGE car. she could probably fit about another five people in the boot, let alone the rest of the car.

"Off we go." I say.

"Not yet," said Jas. "I forgot my...uh....Midget Gems. I'll be right back."

twenty minutes later.

It sounds like Jas is shoving a whole rucksack's worth of Midget Gems in the boot. Dave the Laugh must be helping, because I can hear him grunt with effort -ooer. After a few moments, Jas gets back into the car. As I look back to wave at Dave, I feel a stab of regret. He didn't even stay long enough to wave goodbye.