Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.
A/N: I should totally do a YamHime fic at some point...or better yet, Harribel X Orihime! :P
There's also a Blue's Clues reference.
In the meeting room...
"Yammy,"
"Ulquiorra,"
"Aaroniero,"
"Szayel,"
"Zommari,"
"Harribel,"
"Starrk,"
"Barragan,"
"Grimmjow,"
"Nnoitra,"
Clasping his hands together as he finished addressing the ten Espada before him, a tiny smile graced Aizen Sosuke's lips. "So, then...I have called you all here today because it has come to my attention that each and every one of you seem to have recently grown SPECIAL feelings for our 'guest', Inoue Orihime..."
Where as Tousen remained silent like usual, Gin was fighting back an incredibly powerful urge to burst out laughing.
Looking almost ashamed of himself, Starrk nodded his head to confirm his master's statement. "It is true, Aizen-sama," he replied in a tone of voice that was rather unusual for his lackluster personality, "She is incredibly beautiful, even for a human girl...that is something that not even you can deny..."
"There is also the fact that she has such a...a generously-sized bust," Harribel pointed out, a light tint of red forming on her tanned cheeks.
Aizen's expression softened slightly. "Hmm...she is quite well-endowed. That is true. She is also very beautiful. However, I would like you all to remember that she is going to be properly disposed of once her usefulness in completing my plan are fulfilled..."
A harsh silence befell all ten of the Espada. Their darling little Hime-chan...she was going to be disposed of when all was said and done? The very thought shook the Arrancar to their very cores. For a moment, Szayel seemed to be fully prepared to burst into tears.
"No!!! Forgive me for speaking out against you, boss, but you cannot do that! I've been looking for a suitable woman to be my queen for many decades...and I think she just might be the one! Allow me to have her!!!" Barragan remarked in all seriousness. Aaroniero snickered loudly from behind his cylinder-shaped mask.
"You stupid old man," Aaroniero chuckled, his voice wrapping around each word like a knife, "I know for a fact that she would sooner cut open her own throat than go to bed with you...keh heh heh..."
"WHY, YOU LITTLE-!!!"
Harribel shook her head, disappointed by the childish behavior her two fellow Espada were presenting. "You are both wrong. What that girl needs is a woman's touch...a touch that only I can provide her!"
"Hmph...you BETTER keep those greedy little hands of yours off'a her, you filthy dyke!!" Nnoitra snarled.
Harribel flashed a deadly glare in the 5th Espada's direction. "I think you're the one who BETTER keep their greedy little hands off of her...you perverted, bisexual rapist!!! Tesla still comes to me every night, complaining about the nightmares!!! You should feel disgusted with yourself!!"
Nnoitra slammed his fist on the table, nearly snapping his wrist in the process. "THEM'S FIGHTING WORDS, BITCH!!! AND DON'T YOU DARE INVOLVE TESLA IN THIS! HE'S MY BITCH, AND NO ONE ELSE'S!!! WHY THE HELL IS HE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT IT, ANYWAY?!!"
"I bet she'd be surprised to see the size of my 'rod'...heh heh heh..." Yammy chuckled under his breath. He lightly brushed his hand over his bulging crotch.
"..." As usual, Ulquiorra said nothing. He was, however, contemplating on paying a 'special' visit to Orihime later today.
"If I persuade her with sexual favors, she might allow me to experiment on her...koo hoo hoo..." Szayel muttered as he scribbled down his ideas in his handy-dandy notebook. He was fighting back the desire to masturbate.
Grimmjow and Zommari were too busy staring lovingly into each other's eyes to have anything to say.
Starrk had already left to go to the bathroom.
Aizen heaved a deep sigh of regret as he watched Harribel furiously pounce upon Nnoitra, her blade drawn. '...I probably should not have said anything at all...they've gone totally off-topic...'
By this point, Gin had already given in, and he rolled around on the tiled floor as he laughed his head off...