She realized as she opened the door that she probably should've decided what she was going to say before coming to meet him.
He was sitting at the nearest desk, his back towards her as he leaned over the parchment he was scribbling on.
"Hey Evans, bout time you showed up."
She wondered for a moment how he knew it was her before recalling she'd been the one to set up this meeting to discuss next week's patrolling schedule. She rolled her eyes out of habit. She was two minutes late, and although that was very much not like her, it was typical for James to stroll in at least fifteen minutes late to any meeting. She'd been anticipating his usual tardiness this evening, hoping to use the time to determine the best way to broach the very delicate subject she hoped to speak with him about tonight. Lily stared at the back of his head trying to convince herself that this would be a completely normal interaction. She really didn't even have to bring it up now if she wasn't ready. What she had to say could wait.
She realized what she was thinking and quickly shook her head, determined to get this figured out tonight, no matter what the outcome.
"Did you really mean it all those times?" She asked.
When he didn't answer she cleared her throat.
"Hmm?" James said, glancing over his shoulder. "Sorry, I was just finishing the last paragraph of this Potions assignment. Did you finish yet?"
"Oh, yeah, I finished a few days ago."
"Guess I should've known that." She could hear the hint of a smile in his voice as he finished the last bit of his essay with a flourish of his quill. Rolling up the parchment, he turned in his chair to face her.
"What was that you asked before?"
Now was the time, she muttered under her breath as he stuffed his homework into his bag and began taking out the patrol schedule they needed to determine tonight. It'll be much easier when he's not making eye contact, she thought.
"All those times you asked me out, did you really mean it?" she asked.
James hardly paused in the midst of taking things out of his bag to sarcastically say "No it was all a joke and I really just enjoy being publicly rejected." He looked up at her to gauge her reaction, expecting to see another eye roll, but the look on her face told him she wasn't in a joking mood. In fact, she looked downright serious about it. He was just about to tell her he was kidding when her shoulders sagged.
"Yes, that's what I thought."
He was trying to decide if she sounded relieved or dejected and almost didn't catch the next words out of her mouth. If he wasn't so accustomed to Lily constantly muttering things to herself under her breath, and his nearly constant attempts to be close enough to overhear those muttering, he might not have heard her quietly mumble "Should've known he was messing with me."
James instantly took offense. "Not sure why you'd be upset about it when you never wanted me asking you out in the first place."
"No, it's not that," Lily said. "I was just talking to Sirius earlier and he said... Well, he basically said that you meant it, every time you asked me out. That you liked me. And it wasn't all a joke like I always assumed it was. And that's why he doesn't like me, because the things I said in response to your ridiculous attempts actually hurt you."
By this point James was gripping the stem of his quill a bit tighter than at the beginning of their conversation, but Lily didn't see any other changes in his demeanor. In reality, James was growing more irritated by the second.
"But he was obviously just playing yet another joke on me," Lily said brightly. "Now that that's out of the way, how about we get down to scheduling next week's patrols?"
James just started at her. He had no idea why she was bringing this up now. They'd been getting along so well recently. He'd stopped hexing other students (outside of Remus, Sirius, and Peter anyway) and he'd stopped asking her out in front of half the school after 5th year. Although there was the one incident where he'd cornered her in the Gryffindor common room after the final Quidditch match last year and asked her out. But no one else had been around and he still swore that for a moment she thought about possibly saying yes before shaking her head and running up to her dormitory. He could tell he'd made her uncomfortable, yet again, and was upset with himself for jeopardizing the unspoken truce they'd agreed upon, so he never brought it up again and neither had she. Until tonight.
James told himself to let it go, and he might have, if she hadn't dropped it so easily. It wasn't like her to end a conversation prematurely, especially not when she'd been the one to start it and he'd given such an unsatisfactorily sarcastic answer.
"Wait a second. You're saying all those years, I could've just asked Sirius convince you I wasn't joking?!"
Lily finally sat down across the table from him and huffed "Not bloodily likely, seeing as I still think it was all a joke."
James was staring at the ceiling now, completely exasperated. Taking a deep breath, he decided honesty might be his best option to get out of this conversation and onto the task at hand.
He reached across the table and grabbed her hand, hoping the physical contact would help impart how he felt.
"Yes, I meant it. Every time. I know I didn't go about it in the right manner.." He couldn't help smirking as he recalled a few of his more outlandish attempts to get Lily to go out with him, "but it was never a joke to me."
After a moment, when she responded with nothing more than a slight tilt of her head, he added, "and yes, I asked because I had feelings for you and yes, it absolutely hurt every time you said no. Although I will say I eventually became accustomed to our ritual and looked forward to you matching my creativity in asking with an equally creative rejection."
He smiled and squeezed her hand in an attempt to lighten the mood. When she smiled back he quietly hoped that was the end of it and released her hand so he could focus his attention on the schedule in front of them.
"So, who'd you prefer to start rounds Monday evening? And don't say the Hufflepuff prefects because you know they spent last Monday patrols snogging in the 3rd floor broom closet." She chuckled at this and agreed to separate the new couple for rounds this week.
The rest of the meeting went as planned, and James was almost positive that things were back to normal. They had just made the final scheduling decisions, which James was writing down when Lily got up and began walking around the perimeter of the room, glancing at the occasional title as she ran her fingers over the spines of the many books lining the wall.
"So why'd you stop?" She asked suddenly. "I mean, if you asked me out incessantly for years because you liked me, I can assume that you stopped asking me out because your feelings changed. Right?"
She'd said it so quickly it took James a moment to process what she was asking. His gut instinct was to scream that it was impossible for his feelings to have changed. Not like her anymore?! He'd tried forcing that reality and it was simply not possible. Again, he was at a loss for words.
She watched him from a few paces behind as he ran his fingers through his hair. He was always doing that! She used to think it was a ploy to get girls to swoon, but lately she'd realized it was a nervous habit. She was making him nervous. This was it. Whatever he said next would determine exactly how this night panned out.
After several moments of careful thought, James realized there was no good answer here. Either he lied and said he'd gotten over her or he told the truth and said he'd never be able to get over her. He had a feeling neither would go over very well, but he had to say something.
"I guess you could say I decided that I'd rather be friends with you than be nothing to you. So I made an effort to stop doing the things that annoyed you, including acting like a complete idiot every time you walk in the room. Although I probably don't always succeed in that. But it's led to the friendship we have now. And even if I wanted more at one point, I'm happy we're at least friends now. And if that's all we ever are to each other then I -" James froze. He'd been hoping his rambling would distract her from the fact that he really hadn't answered her question. But now he was distracted by the fact that her hand was in his hair.
She was standing behind him, so he couldn't see her and it was entirely possible he was dreaming it, but he could've sworn she'd just interrupted him by running her fingers through his hair.
Lily couldn't believe what she was doing. One moment James was explaining how he'd prefer they just be friends and it hit her that this was it. He was over it and now she could move on from this silly infatuation that had been plaguing her for months. She could stop daydreaming about him and what his lips would feel like on hers. And how soft his hair must be. He was always touching it and it looked incredibly soft. And the next thing she knew she was suddenly very sad that she'd never get to know just how soft his hair was. It really wasn't fair. After all the turmoil he'd put her through over the years, she'd finally fallen for him and he'd gone and grown up and gotten over her and she'd never be able to touch his hair. Or kiss him. And that was just too much. So while one part of her brain was listening to him shatter all of the hopes she'd had for tonight, and was coming to realize just how much this sort of rejection would hurt if it was repeated over many years, the other part of her brain was telling her feet to move her forward and her hand to reach out and feel just how soft James Potter's hair was.
It's so soft. It's so bloody soft and it sticks up any way you push it and really, Lily doesn't blame him at all anymore for constantly running his hands through it because she'd do it all the time too if she was allowed. Which she wouldn't be, because James just wants to be friends.
Right? Isn't that what he was just saying? But she'd basically been massaging his head for the last minute and he hadn't said a word to make her stop. In fact, he'd closed his eyes and was kind of leaning his head into her hand, like he didn't want her to stop.
A little moan escaped the back of her throat.
His eyes shot open as he suddenly realized what was happening and swiveled around in his chair. He was staring right into her eyes.
"What was that?!" He sounded on the verge of yelling but his voice was barely above a whisper.
Lily glanced away and stumbled for an excuse but realized 'oops I slipped' probably wouldn't work considering her hand had stayed there for quite some time.
"I just um, well I was listening to what you were saying and I just thought.. I'm not sure, um, I'm sorry and it won't happen again?" She managed.
"Was that a question?" James asked. She finally glanced over at him and immediately saw the knowing look in his eyes. He knew. He knew she liked him. She knew he knew. Well, might as well just go for it now.
"Ask me again" she whispered.
She watched as understanding dawned behind his spectacles and a slow grin spread across his face, but he didn't say anything.
"James. Ask me again?" She stated a little louder.
James leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees so his face was just a few inches below hers. "Will you, Lily Evans, go to Hogsmead with me this weekend?"
He was still smiling when she sighed "Yes" but his face fell when she added "but you have to do me a favor first."
Lily watched as his demeanor turned cold and he stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "Lily, I'm not interested in playing games. If this is some sort of cruel joke or part of some stupid bet you made, count me out."
James stared walking towards the door as Lily blurted out "No, you prat!"
He turned around, intending to tell her off, when he saw the defeated look on her face. It physically hurt him to know that he'd put that look on her face. But she was killing him. For a minute he thought she'd actually developed some sort of affection for him. Hell, she'd rubbed her fingers through his hair and practically asked him to ask her out. But he couldn't go out with Lily if there were strings attached. At one point, years ago, he would've jumped at any chance to be with her, but he realized now he wanted all of her. He'd waited years to get a yes out of her, and he didn't want her next words to be "but I need a favor first". He needed to get the hell out of this room before she realized just how much she'd hurt him, again.
"Just let me finish, will you!" She said angrily.
He didn't want to stay and argue so he turned and muttered "I can't do this right now."
He was almost at the door when he heard her say it.
"Kiss me."
He couldn't believe his ears. He froze, hand halfway to the door, and then slowly turned around to stare at her.
"Obviously not what you were expecting... but I.. the favor I wanted.. was for you to kiss me."
He stared numbly at her lips, hearing her words but not quite grasping that her lips were actually forming them. That she wanted his lips, on hers, as a favor for agreeing to go out with him.
"It's just, I've been daydreaming about it for weeks. That and running my fingers through your hair. Which I already did." She giggled as she said it. "And I, well I don't want to have to wait until Saturday night after our date for you to kiss me. So I thought we could just skip to that part now and..."
She didn't want to have to wait to kiss him. He was surely dreaming. In fact, he decided then that he'd stay right where he was, forever, not moving a muscle, for fear that any movement would wake him from this dream.
"Please" she whispered, "please kiss me?"
That snapped him out of it - not even in his wildest dreams did Lily beg to kiss him. Sure, they'd kissed and much more in his wildest dreams, but she'd never said "please" before. Hell, she'd never actually asked him for anything before tonight.
Lily watched as her words sank in and the look in James' eyes went from disbelief to clarity to something much more intimate. He was at her side in seconds, pulling her close and sliding his smiling lips over hers. For a moment the kiss was light and playful, until Lily darted her tongue out to taste his lips and James just about lost it. The next thing they knew, he'd pushed her back against the desk, had his hands in her hair and his tongue was tangling with hers. James pulled away after a few minutes and smiled when Lily whimpered at the loss of contact.
"So, just want to be friends then, huh?" Lily smiled.
James leaned in for another kiss and whispered, "Hell no."