"Incoming message," the computer announced.
"From?" Zim prompted impatiently.
"Planet Earth," it replied.
"Planet Earth? That's this planet! Where on planet Earth?" Zim demanded.
"Location unknown," it replied.
Zim grumbled. "Well…put it through."
All he could see was a dark outline and a glowing pair of violet eyes. "Zim. You have equipment that I require. For this equipment I am willing to make a trade of equal value to you."
"Who are you mysterious eye-ball being?" Zim demanded.
"That is none of your concern. I am transmitting a list of the equipment I need as well as what I can offer in return," it informed.
"What makes you think need any of your filthy equipment? I am Zim!"
"Make your selections. I will contact you this time tomorrow."
"Transmission ended," the computer informed.
"Here's the list the creepy voice sent you!" Gir handed Zim a data pad with a rather long list on it. To his surprise, the equipment on the requests side was all things that he could easily part with while the other column listed items that he would greatly like to get his hands on.
"Gaz! I've been picking up some really weird energy signatures from the other side of town!" Dib exclaimed over lunch.
Gaz simply growled with contempt.
"I bet it has something to do with Zim's latest evil plan," he continued.
His sister grumbled dangerously.
"I'm gunna go there after school and see what he's up to!" Dib vowed and scampered off.
Gaz growled again but was glad he was gone.
After school, Dib rushed home to grab his own equipment and then over to the other side of town. He followed the energy signature until he couldn't any longer, which left him on the bottom floor of an abandoned warehouse.
"It must be underground," he assumed and started looking for a way downward. It took him quite a while but he did find it through a series of old ventilation ducts. Just when he thought he was getting close, the panel beneath him gave way and he came crashing to the ground.
The commotion he made in the process was loud but he still heard the shriek of surprise that it elicited.
"Ah-ha!" he pointed as he finally stood. "Another Irkin!" he accused.
"How did you get in here?" the alien demanded.
"I have my ways," he leered as he withdrew his latest incarnation of his alien handcuffs.
"Get away from me!" it screamed and scrambled away.
"I've already let one alien slip through my grasp too many times. I'm not letting you get away too!" he vowed as he chased the creature around the subterranean hideout.
"What are you doing here?" it screamed as it tried to get away.
Dib didn't answer because he was so close to catching his dream. A moment later, he tackled the creature to the ground and cuffed its hands behind its back. Since he had managed to bang its head on something he couldn't identify in the process, it was fairly easy to knock it down.
"How did you find me?" it questioned as its struggle began to fail.
"I regularly monitor the surrounding area for unusual energies and communications," he bragged.
"Why are you doing this? I haven't done anything to you!" it protested willfully.
When Dib realized that he wasn't going to be able to get the alien out of the sub-sub-sub-basement without a lot of trouble, he pulled out a tazer, and shocked it several times before it went limp beneath him. The shrieks of pain and terror that it gave made his skin crawl but at the same time, there was so much joy in him that he couldn't help appreciating the spectacle on a certain level. It made him feel accomplished, vindicated.
Once it was unconscious, Dib hefted the being over his shoulder and started to look for an easier way out. Unfortunately, the entrance that it had made wasn't much better than the one he took to get down there in the first place so it took quite a while.
Several hours later, in Dib's lab, he was just putting his examination gloves on when the entity on his table began to stir.
"Uuugh, where am I?" it grumbled.
"You are in my laboratory," Dib replied calmly, having long given up on the hope that the government or some other kind of organization would take him seriously.
"Wh-Who are you? What is the meaning of this?" it began to struggle again once it realized it was bound to the surface it was laying on.
"My name is Dib and I just captured my first alien," he bragged.
Suddenly, the creature started to panic. "What is the matter with you? Is this really how you greet other races?" it raved madly.
"Only the hostile races," he grumbled.
"But I haven't done anything to you! I've only just arrived on this planet and I'm trying to leave a soon as possible!" it argued.
"I don't believe you," he replied as he slowly walked over to the table. "I know your kind, a race of invaders hell bent on bringing doom and destruction to all other worlds."
"I am not an invader!" it screamed possibly the loudest scream yet.
Dib stopped arguing with his test subject in favor of taking several samples from different parts of its body.
"You! You are the invader now! I don't deserve this!" it continued to rave but it did no good.
"Your alien mind tricks won't work on me. I know all about the Irkin empire. I bet you were sent here because Zim is so incompetent," he laughed.
Its eyes grew wide with horror as he started attaching electrodes and monitors to various parts of its body.
"Shocking you earlier seemed to be a very efficient means of incapacitating you," he noted before adjusting a couple of dials on the computer connected to the wires now hanging from his captive's body.
It was nearly unconscious again when he decided to stop, having found the points most vulnerable to electric shock. "I know you've been in contact with him," he bragged.
"What?" it asked through a dizzy whimper.
"With Zim. God, are all Irkins this stupid? I detected the transmission from your energy source to his house. I couldn't decode it though," he grumbled. "I was hoping you'd help me out with that."
"It is none of your concern!" it argued fitfully. "Just let me go and you'll never see me again."
"Fine, don't tell me now. I've been wanting to develop methods of making aliens more…forthcoming," he admitted with an almost maniacal glint in his eyes.
"What are you going to do to me?" it asked fearfully.
"Ya know, you're not quite what I expected," he noted.
"Please, let me go…" it pleaded. "I am no threat to you."
"The way I understand it, Irkins are a threat to everyone," he scoffed.
"I am not here to invade you!" it insisted.
"Tell me," he circled around the table, adjusting the light above, "are you male, or female?"
It gasped and turned away.
Dib smirked and went around to face it again. "Well?" he prompted but it still wouldn't answer him so he brought out a bottle of barbeque sauce. He was surprised that the alien seemed more confused than frightened by the substance but shrugged it off because as soon as the thick liquid hit the creature's green skin, it gave a wild shriek and started to fight its bonds again.
"Female," she finally admitted. "The curly antenna," she tried to reason, though she didn't realize that because of his torment her antenna weren't holding their natural shape, "the longer eyelashes…and my skin is tougher," she continued and he stopped, letting the liquid sizzle on her chest until he took pity on her and wiped it away.
"I've met an Irkin female before. She was much more aggressive than you. She would never have ended up like this," he almost bragged.
"I'm not an invader," she insisted through gritted teeth. Although her skin was regenerating, she could still feel the sting of pain he caused her. "Please, don't do this to me…" she pleaded, shrinking away from him as best she could.
"I'm afraid that for the sake of the human race, you will have to endure my experiments," he sighed, though there wasn't a hint of regret in his voice.
"Are all earthlings so cruel?" she questioned sadly.
"Most humans don't believe aliens exist. That is why I am forced to do this myself," he bitterly replied. "So, does this thing come off?" he asked curiously as he started tapping on the shell on her back.
"It can…but it shouldn't," she replied carefully.
"It contains robot limbs. Are you born with it?" he continued.
"No. They are installed on each Irkin upon emergence from the larva chamber," she explained.
"Show them to me," he dared to ask because he wondered why she hadn't used them before. If she had, she might have been able to escape him.
Her features took on a look of shame as she diverted her gaze and extended what was left of her robot limbs. They were cut off just above the first joint, rendering them useless.
"Hn," he scoffed a little. "That's unfortunate," he grumbled, obviously disappointed that he wouldn't get experiment on that part of her as well.
Over the next several hours, Dib poked and prodded her in every way he could think of until there was only one thing left on his mind.
"Enough…please…" she begged when he retreated from her view.
"I'm nearly finished with you," he lied.
"Wh-What's left?" she was afraid to ask but choked the words out anyway.
"I've never seen the inside of an alien before," he told her in a dark voice as he started his return to her side, this time rolling a cart of surgical utensils by his side.
That resparked the fear in her and she started to freak out. "No! Please! I've done nothing wrong! I'm not here to harm you! I'm not even supposed to be here! I only contacted Zim for supplies to fix my ship!" she pleaded desperately.
This time, her genuine fear and panic got to him and he faltered both because he enjoyed it and because it made him pity her.
"Please, I'm begging you…" she sobbed. "Don't kill me. I just want to leave… I never wanted to…Why can't you believe me?" she finally broke down and started crying uncontrollably.
Dib's hands started to shake. He was so close to his ultimate goal that he could taste it but the creature on his table wasn't Zim. In fact, the alien that he found was a very poor substitute for his rival. He gave a disappointed frown and pushed the cart aside.
In spite of his second-guessing himself, he still enjoyed how intensely she watched his every move. With a little glare, he suddenly stuck her with a needle.
"What's that? Stop it!"
"I'll be back in a little while," he said evenly as he exited the room.
The first thought on her mind was that now was her chance to get away from him but the combination of the special-made bindings and whatever he had injected her with made that an impossibility.
Time passed slowly for her as she lay on the cold, metal table with the bright, white light staring down at her but before long, she fell asleep. She awoke to find that Dib had already returned and was continuing to test her reflexes while her body was lax.
When she gave a small eep sound as he struck her knee, he realized that she had regained at least some of her consciousness. "Oh, you're awake," he sighed.
"What is this place? Why am I here? Who are you?" she suddenly started to babble.
"Don't you remember?" he asked curiously as he loomed over her.
When she got a good look at his face, the memories of the last several hours came rushing back to her. "I-I'm still alive…" she marveled and then looked down at her body to see if there had been any damage that she had yet to sense. "And in one piece…"
"For now," he shrugged. "What is your name?" he asked suddenly.
"My name is Zen," she replied carefully.
"Invader Zen," he repeated.
"No, just Zen," she asserted.
"So you keep insisting. What was in that transmission you sent Zim? I saw that there was a video feed as well as a data transfer," he prompted.
"Supplies. My ship is trashed, he has what I need," she confessed now that he seemed willing to listen, not realizing that her answers were coming a little more easily than they should have.
"So you crashed here?" he assumed.
"Yes. I meant to land but my gear in such bad shape that I barely had life support."
"So you were already in pretty bad shape when you got here then?" he continued.
"That's one way of putting it," she bitterly agreed. "He doesn't know who I am, only what I need and what I can offer him in return."
"And what is that?" he pressed hopefully.
Her eye twitched for a moment and then her antenna got all wiggly. "You think I'm trading weapons to him," she accused.
"It wouldn't surprise me. I'm pretty sure that's about the only thing he'd trade for," he reasoned.
"I have foodstuffs, snacks that weren't damaged. In the short time that I've been here I've realized how horrid Earth-food is," she hissed. "Possibly some computer systems he could use that I don't really need."
"It's gross because you don't belong here," he snapped but only elicited laughter from her.
"At least we can agree on something," she snickered bitterly. "Now, let me go," she tried since he seemed more reasonable now.
To both of their surprise, he actually thought about it instead of following his instinct, which was why he was already thinking of a good way to let her go without losing anything vital in the process. "No," he replied, but only to stall.
"H-He's expecting me to call him again tonight," she added hastily, hoping to strike some sort of deal.
"Oh yeah?" The twinkle in Dib's eye returned. "When?"
"Wh-What time is it?" she suddenly fretted.
"Three AM," he replied.
"Half an hour ago," she sighed.
"There is still time," he smiled hopefully and started to unbind her legs.
"What are you doing?" she suddenly argued without thinking.
"Isn't this what you wanted? What you were begging for?" he taunted.
"But why? I don't understand. Aren't you afraid that I'll attack you as soon as I can?" she fretted.
"No, because I've got this," he grinned as he pulled a metal collar from the pocket of his lab coat and snapped it around her neck.
"What is it?" she asked, a little panicked, as he started to free her arms.
He didn't feel like telling her so once she was standing, only leaning on the table with one hand, he reached into his pocket again and pressed a little red button.
As if the tight metal ring wasn't oppressive enough, she felt it suddenly shoot waves of pain throughout her body. Her ears started to ring and she fell to her knees. Only when it stopped could she look up at him again to see him showing her a little control panel with only one button.
"You are a cruel master," she grumbled as she regained her footing.
"I just want to make sure that you understand how serious I am," he deflected. "Come on, you have a call to make," he urged as he led her out of the lab.
"You can't expect me to go out there like this," she protested once she was dressed.
He rolled his eyes. Don't you have a disguise or something?" he dismissed.
"No, I don't," she asserted indignantly. "I wasn't exactly planning to mingle."
"Well…" he led her to his room and tossed her a hooded cloak from the closet, "here."
"Thanks," she grumbled and followed him out.
Once outside, he started to speak to her again, "So, if you're not an invader, then what are you?"
"A fugitive," she replied evenly.
"Does that mean whoever's chasing you is gunna come looking for you?" he pressed accusingly.
"No, well, of course I can't say for sure, but I was sure that I lost them before I risked landing someplace I might not be able to get away from," she defended.
"I hope you're right. Who are you running from?" he continued.
"I would rather not explain that whole ordeal," she dodged but when she caught the dangerous glint in his eyes and the way his hand was fidgeting in his pocket, she conceded, "but if you're going to push that button if I don't tell you, I'll save us both the effort."
"It can wait," he agreed because he was so pleased by her retraction.
They entered her hideaway a short while later and she had to fight with her equipment to make it function properly. "Okay, I'm ready. I had planned to set up a meeting with him to exchange our goods. Is that still what I should do?"
"Yeah, I guess that's okay," he agreed, only reluctant because he hadn't given the order.
"Okay, stand back," she ordered and started the call.
He complied and carefully watched the exchange.
"You're late!" Gir greeted on the other end.
"Yes, I was…delayed," she replied as evenly as possible. "Is Zim still around?"
"Ummmm….I don't know," the robot replied stupidly.
"Find him and bring him back here, please," she requested.
The little robot disappeared.
"You're probably going to be waiting a while. I thin that robot's natural state is malfunctioning," Dib scoffed quietly from his hiding spot off camera.
She shot him a disapproving look when he broke his silence but didn't argue otherwise. It was a good thing too because almost an hour later, Zim happened to walk by the communications module.
"Zim!" she suddenly cried.
"Huh?" the little green man turned rather spastically. "It's you!"
"Yes, sorry for the delay," she replied evenly.
"You're very, very late!" He pointed an accusing finger at the screen.
"Yes, I am but I assume that has given you sufficient time to consider my offer?" she carefully placated.
"Yes. I have considered your offer…" he began, attempting to force the glint of maniacal genius into his eyes.
"And?" she pressed, doing well not to show her impatience.
"I think we can works something out. Did you need everything on this list?" he quirked a curious eyebrow.
"The items I need are listed in order of importance," she informed. "From must have, to should have, to would like," she explained.
"I see…" he looked over the list again, this time taking in the careful formatting that he had overlooked before for the sake of contents. "I think I have what you need. This is what I can stand to give up," he sent a revised version of the list with certain items checked off.
"And what you want in return," she assumed as she looked over the document.
"Indeed," he rubbed his hands together as his voice quavered. "Where shall we meet?"
"I would prefer that you choose the location," she replied and then heard Dib growl in the background. "Since you know the area better than I do," she added, hoping that he would press the button that was now dancing on the corner of her vision.
"Fine, meet me at these coordinates in one hour," he ordered and then it appeared that he cut the transmission but really Gir changed the channel.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking about where. I had been planning to ask him to choose and didn't realize that you might want to pick the place until after I already spoke," she tried to dodge getting hit with the collar again.
Since she was still very compliant but because he knew that she was only apologizing to escape the pain, he gave the button a quick push and let it go.
She gave a small shriek of surprise and nearly collapsed again but since she was sitting down at the time, she didn't have to fall to her knees. "
"Can you get everything ready in an hour?" he suddenly pressed.
"Yes, everything is one place…and rather close to where I crashed," she replied.
"Take me to the crash site," he ordered.
"Yes, of course," she bowed and led him back out, again grabbing his cloak.
She had managed to crash her ship into a small hill and the dislodged earth covered most of the alien machine, leaving it reasonably well hidden in the secluded forest.
"How did I miss this?" Dib scolded himself as she dug away some of the dirt to get to the back hatch.
"It's a small ship and I was out of power before I entered the atmosphere so unless you actually saw it happen, it was mostly undetectable," she reasoned as she started digging through her things. "Ugh, stupid piece of shit!" she suddenly yelled and then kicked a large metal disc that she had pulled from the floor. Until she pried it out, it appeared to simply be a floor panel.
"What's that?" Dib asked curiously because of her sudden outburst.
"Oh, apparently when you develop efficient hover-technology, wheels go by the wayside but when you don't have power, it's a pain," she complained. "This is supposed to be a hover-disc but even this doesn't work. I'm not sure how we're going to get everything there in time," she confessed.
"Let me take a look," he pushed her aside and started to play with it while she finished rounding up her things.
Just as she was finishing up, he exclaimed, "Ah-ha," and the disc was once again functional.
"How did you do that?" she pressed curiously as she rushed over to see what he had done.
"I'm not sure how long it'll last but I used the battery from my laptop. It was extremely easy," he bragged.
"Must be some laptop," she scoffed but didn't question it.
When she started loading equipment onto the disc, he stopped her. "That won't be necessary," he dismissed.
"Then why did you fix the disc?" she questioned incredulously.
"So that I could carry what Zim brought for you. If I can capture him, he won't need your stupid snacks," he continued to dismiss.
"Oh…I see," she sighed and helped him navigate the empty disc through the woods to the rendezvous coordinates.
"So," she asked as they walked, "what are you going to do?"
"What do you mean?" he asked defensively.
"I mean when we meet Zim. What's your plan?" she pressed.
He faltered a little. "My plan is none of your business," he dismissed because he was still thinking.
"Oh…I see. Then can I ask you something else?" she carefully queried.
"That depends on what you're asking but if you're too annoying, I know how to shut you up," he reasoned harshly.
"Why do you hate me?" she asked almost fearfully.
"I don't like you or hate you," Dib dismissed.
"Is it because I'm Irkin?" she pressed, a little more daring.
He glared at her and gave her a quick jolt, not enough to make her fall, just enough to make her falter.
"I just want to know…because if it's something I can't do anything about…then I'll just stop trying," she admitted, obviously hurt.
"Trying to do what?" he countered suspiciously.
"Trying to get you to free me," she sighed. "If that's how it is, I'll stop wasting my energy."
"I have a hard time believing that you'd give up that easily," he scoffed.
"I didn't say I was giving up entirely, just on you," she bitterly replied and received another great jolt of pain for it.
Her scream drew the attention of the approaching alien. "Hey! Is that you creepy-eyeball voice?" Zim called.
"You stay here," Dib ordered as he stepped out of the bushes.
"Zim…" Dib said accusingly as he leapt from the bushes.
"Dib! What are you doing here, filthy pig-boy?" Zim pointed fiercely.
"You walked right into my trap," the young man bragged.
"Trap? This is no trap! This is a trade. You must be confused. Why don't you run along home?" Zim taunted.
"You are so stupid. I found out about your little trade and decided to crash the party," Dib informed haughtily.
"Party!" Gir screamed and started dancing around.
"I don't have time for this. I'm supposed to meet somebody," Zim dismissed.
"They're already here," Dib informed darkly.
"I didn't mean you," the alien scoffed.
"You can come out now," Dib ordered.
A figure emerged, fully hidden in the human's long, hooded cloak.
"Who are you?" Zim questioned seriously.
Dib didn't hear the question because he was too busy gloating.
"You! Take off that cloak!" Zim ordered but she scurried behind the human to take cover instead.
"I don't want him to see me," she confessed in a quiet voice.
"Take off the cloak or the deal's off!" Zim insisted.
"You really are stupid. The deal was off before you even got here. I got this alien and now I'm going to get you too," Dib vowed dangerously.
"What kind of weak, pathetic creature managed to fall into your grasp?" Zim scoffed.
"Just my luck, it was another Irkin," he bragged.
"Another Irkin?" he questioned, obviously a little disturbed. "Reveal yourself!" he demanded.
She continued silently to cower behind him.
Zim scoffed. "No Irkin would behave so pitifully. I think you covered it to cover your fffffilthy Earth lie!"
"Oh yeah?" Dib swiftly stepped aside and pulled the cloak off of his original captive.
"Eeeegh!" she squealed and tried to cover herself. When that didn't work, she attempted to slip back into the bushes.
"Not so fast!" Dib snapped and zapped her again, making her fall flat on her face. He continued pressing the button as he rolled her over with his foot.
If she had been able to speak, she would have been begging him to stop but with her windpipe so inflamed, that was impossible.
Zim's eyes grew wide with horror at not only the display but that she was, in fact, Irkin. Then, he realized that she looked slightly familiar and drew closer.
Dib's evil grin grew exponentially as he pulled a strange-looking gun from his backpack, shooting it at the approaching alien, encasing him in a large, sticky net.
"Aaah! Curse you, disgusting meat-child!" Zim raged.
"Try all you want, I'm sure you can't get out of that net!" Dib gloated.
"This is your fault!" Zim accused the other Irkin who was now no longer in agony. "Who are you?"
She shook her head no and turned away.
"I've seen you before!" the continued to accuse.
"Have you?" Dib pressed curiously as he went around his original captive and twisted one of her antenna until she looked at Zim again.
He took the opportunity to look a little closer. "Yes! Yes I have!" he affirmed angrily.
"Do you know her name?" the young man asked curiously.
Zim made a series of strange faces and sounds that indicated he was trying to remember before resorting to something else. "Gir! Run your facial recognition software on her!" he ordered.
"Yes sir!" Gir's eyes turned red for just long enough for him to retrieve the desire information. "Oh yeah…." he dawdled when his eyes turned green again.
"Well?" Zim prompted impatiently.
"Invader Zen," he reported in a silly voice.
"Tch, I knew you were lying," Dib scoffed.
"Invader Zen?" Zim repeated incredulously. "You mean former Invader Zen," he corrected. "When the Tallest hear about this, they'll finally come to Earth!" he celebrated.
"The Tallest are after you?" Dib questioned accusingly.
"She's only the best invader ever, next to me, of course," he retracted haughtily. "She's defective!"
"Not defective! A defector!" she corrected harshly.
"A defector, eh?" the young man scoffed. "Well, enough of this," he shrugged. "Put him on the disc," he ordered.
"Uuugh! Put me down! Stop this! You are Irkin! Why side with this horrible pig-worm?" the male alien raged. "Even a defector shouldn't be siding with a gigantic-headed monkey-boy like him!"
Only after complying with his request, did she turn to speak with him again. "You have what you really wanted now. Please, let me go," she pleaded.
He scoffed at her.
"You can easily push him back like this and I'll take his robot with me," she tried to bargain.
He gave her a critical look.
"This is ridiculous! Gir, unbind me!" Zim finally ordered. Unfortunately for him, the little droid was distracted by a couple of flirting squirrels. "You are absolutely worthless!"
Throughout this commotion, Dib continued to contemplate the fate of the female alien standing before him. He was torn. The scientist in him said that he should keep them both. However, the rest of his humanity told him that the right thing to do, especially since he now had Zim in his grasp, was to let her go and hope they never saw each other again.