'Know Your Stars' was a sketch from the hit Nickelodeon tv series, 'All That'. It involves an announcer making stuff up about the focused Stars (whether they are the casts, guest stars, or real celebrities). Just think of the announcer as the original troll.
Chapter 1: Steven Universe
Pearl
Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars.
Pearl sits delightfully on a chair, looking as proper as always.
"Pearl. Her room is covered in dirt."
"WHAT?!" Pearl rose from her chair. "My room is spotless. Amethysts on the other hand…"
"Pearl. She collects bunny skeletons and scare Steven with them."
"Why I never! How can you make up such horrible lies? I will never frighten Steven."
"Pearl. She hates Steven and Rose Quartz."
"I DO NOT!" Pearl drew out her spear from her gem. "Where are you!? I'll show you what a real gem is made of! You uncivilized scoundrel!"
"Now you know, Pearl."
"No they don't. You there, T.V. humans, don't believe his lies!"
Garnet
Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars
"I already know what you are going to say." Garnet said. "I can see into the future."
"No you can't."
Garnet remained silent.
"Garnet. She doesn't know I can see the future too."
"Wait a minute." Garnet looked up. "This wasn't what I saw. You were going to say that I smell like cheese."
"Garnet. She admitted that she smells like cheese."
Garnet kept herself calm on the outside, but felt dishonored that she'd fell for it.
"Garnet. She hates Steven."
Garnet folded her arms and looked away.
"She's not denying it."
Garnet held in her anger.
"Garnet. Is afraid of something that begins with an H. And also an L. and Also a G."
Garnet growled a little.
"Garnet. Is an anti-socialist."
Garnet finally had enough. "Where are you?!"
"Now you know, Garnet."
"You certainly don't know me, yet!"
Amethyst
Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars.
Amethyst laid on the chair, picking her eye.
"Amethyst. She loves cleaning up."
"Well I … hey!" She sat up straight. "Do you know who I am?"
"Amethyst. She was created to clean windows and make them sparkle."
"No I … I"
"Amethyst. Is a crybaby."
"I am not a crybaby!" Amethyst glared up to the ceiling.
"Amethyst. She uses soap."
"I will never in my life!" her irritated attitude turned to anger.
Amethyst. "Hates Steven."
"Me hating Steven? As if!" She looked away.
"Amethyst. Does not like Little Butler."
Amethyst jumped off her chair and drew her whip. "I do like that show! I'm gonna smash you to pieces!"
"Now you know, Amethyst."
"Oh no they don't! Come here so I don't have to hunt you down!"
Peridot
Peridot shat in a chair, checking some status charts.
"Peridot. Is stupid."
Peridot's eyes lit up. "What, how dare you call me stupid. Do you know who I am?"
"Peridot. She's the janitor of Chuck E. Cheese."
"I am no janitor! You're making me very angry."
"Peridot. She has less fans than one of the background characters."
"Why do I need fans for? I don't need to breath like those humans."
"Peridot. She wants to join the crystal gems."
"And betray homeworld?" Peridot jumped from her chair. "Gems of homeworld. The voice is lying!"
"Peridot. She can't fight on her own."
Peridot gasped. "I can fight. Just not as good … shut up!"
"Now you know, Peridot."
"I'm reporting this!"
Lapis Lazuli
Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars.
"Lapis Lazuli"
"Who said that?" Lapis looked around confused.
"She is going crazy."
"I am?" She held her legs together, frightened.
"Lapis Lazuli. She's too afraid of home."
"It's …. It's so different now."
"Lapis Lazuli. She has the power to control cats."
"Cats?" She looked up into the air. "I don't. I control water."
"Lapis Lazuli. Is a crazy cat lady."
"I'm not crazy, and I'm not a cat!"
"Lapis Lazuli. She hates Steven."
Lapis gasped. "No, he's my only friend."
"Lapis Lazuli. She has no friends."
"I do have friends, and that's Steven. But you're not!"
"Now you know, Lapis Lazuli."
"I know who I am already!"
Connie
Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars.
"Connie. She loves Steven."
Connie instantly turned red. "Wait, I-"
"Connie. She always daydreams about Steven."
"Now wait just a second! I don't think of him that way!" Connie started sweating.
"Connie. She looks up fan art of Steven and her kissing."
"Shut up, he might hear!"
"Connie. She's not good enough for Steven."
"What!?" Connie yelled to the top of her lungs. "I am good enough for him and he's good enough for me!" Connie then covered her mouth after realizing what she'd just said.
"Ha, you do love him! Connie and Steven, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
Connie frantically looked around and ran off, covering her face in shame.
"Now you know. Connie who loves Steven. And is a bed wetter."
"SHUT UP!"
Steven
Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars.
Steven grinned happily while he waved at the audience.
"Steven Universe. The other gems and Connie hate him."
"What?!" Steven said loudly. "No they don't. They're my friends and family."
"Or really, look at this video."
A T.V. was lowered from the ceiling. Then it showed Steven heavily edited clips of the Gems from earlier. "Steven. You uncivilized scoundrel." said Pearl. "Garnet is anti-Steven. She's not denying it." The announcer said about the silent Garnet. "Me Hating Steven? I do." said Amethyst. "Steven is not my friend." said Lapis. "I don't think he's good enough for me." said Connie. "I am a janitor." said Peridot.
Steven made the biggest puppy dog eyes and ran away crying.
"STEVEN!" Then everyone else came in, furious. "Steven, come back. He's lying!" Pearl shouted as everyone looked around. "Reveal yourself, monster!"
"Or we'll destroy every bit of this structure till we find you!" said Peridot.
"And we will." said Garnet.
"No you won't."
(Fifteen minutes later)
The Gems and Connie sat together, catching their breath after they destroyed the entire studio.
"The Crystal Gems. They can travel in space, fought monsters, and saved the world plenty of times; but they still can't find me."
"WHO ARE YOU!?"
Rose Quartz
Know your stars. Know your stars. Know your stars.
Rose Quartz stood in the middle of the studio's remains at night.
"Rose Quartz. She ships Steven and Connie!"
"I do." Rose then dragged a cannon into the scene. "And now I'll ship you to the moon."
"Wait, where are you aiming that and no no no Ahhhh!"
After a successful attack, Rose put on some shades and smiled.